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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just give up!

146 replies

Whatelsecanipossiblydo · 13/06/2020 13:48

I’ve name changed.

I’ve hit the point of feeling totally overwhelmed/frustrated/sad/angry and need to vent.

I’ve made the mistake of reading too much news, too many teacher bashing threads on here and now a message from a parent has tipped me over the edge.

During lockdown I’ve worked from home to teach. I have literally done the best I can. I have prepared online lessons of English, maths and one foundation subject every day. I have uploaded in various formats, organised paper work for students who can’t do it electronically. I have differentiated each task I have set. I have uploaded video tutorials and me modelling the work. I have marked every single piece of work that hasn’t been self marking. I upload a personal video message to the page to greet the children each morning and once a week I upload a video of me reading a story/poem or piece of non-fiction that I think they’d enjoy. I give them credits for their work and have tried to celebrate even the smallest of achievements that I know are big to some families. Each child in the class has received some sort of recognition for their work. I have called each family to offer support at 3 times now with extra calls to those who requested I called back . I have sent achievement certificates in the post. I give separate work to my SEN students. I have organised class games and competitions for fun.

This morning I got up and went to do some work and found a message from a parent basically saying that she and some of the other parents feel like I’ve really let their children down. She said they feel I have shown favouritism to one of the SEN children by setting personalised work (the only way they could know about this is to have talked to that parent) and not doing it for their children. She also said that I’d taken the lazy option of uploading work rather than zoom lessons (my school as a whole were not doing these). She said that they were upset that some of the marking comments weren’t personalised with their names which means I’ve copied and pasted. She also complained that I didn’t reply to a message she’d left asking for her child’s log in details for an online learning platform when she sent the message just before 5pm and I didn’t reply until after 8pm (I’d stopped working to have food and see to my children and put them to bed). She went on to call me unprofessional, lazy, unaware of the struggles of families and that as a group off parents they feel I should answer for the damage to their children’s education over lockdown.

I have cried. I feel so hurt and upset. I’ve tried to teach what I would teach in school as closely as I could... I literally don’t know what else I could have done.

I feel like giving up. I feel like just uploading some generic planning from a website and letting them get on with it.
I know I don’t do my job for thanks and recognition but I also don’t feel I deserve that. I feel like I’ve wasted my time...and if they weren’t happy then why the hell haven’t they said before now. I’ve spoken to them on the phone... they’ve had a questionnaire sent from school...

I know it won’t be all parents but I don’t know how many parents she’s talking about...
Would I seriously be unreasonable to step back and reduce my provision...or am I just spirting my dummy out...

OP posts:
ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 13/06/2020 14:44

I’m sorry OP. From what I’ve read on here / seen in real life, it seems you have really gone above and beyond. Some of the complaints aren’t even down to you. If your school has decided against zoom lessons, then you couldn’t have provided them. I hope your SMT back you up. Flowers and Gin

NicAndNick · 13/06/2020 14:56

Just want to say you are doing an amazing job, in difficult times. As well as sorting out your family. You should be proud of the effort you have put in to teaching your class. So much more than our (Y2) teacher has been doing and looking at the school website she has been doing more than most of the other teachers at the school. We get 1 maths sheet from white rose a link to oak academy for english and something else e.g. art or make a recipe. I'm grateful to her for setting the work, and would never moan to her face, especially as she is now teaching half the Y1 class FT. She, and you, are great teachers I'm sorry this has upset you so much. Remember all the parents that don't moan are likely to be very happy with your work, it's just moaners are more likely to email you than people that are happy.

She sounds horrible and as PP said is likely to never say these things to your face, she wouldn't have the guts!

Try to put it out of your mind this weekend (easier said than done!) and enjoy the sun

iklboo · 13/06/2020 15:01

This morning I got up and went to do some work and found a message from a parent basically saying that she and some of the other parents feel like I’ve really let their children down.

Gobshite nasty piece of work and her probably badgered into agreeing mealy mouthed minions. You've done a lot more than many. I'd like to see her do your job. Shame you can't ban her child from classes and let her try teaching for a while. I hope your Head has your back and she gets the response she deserves. She owes you an apology.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 13/06/2020 15:09

Is your school going to open this term for yrs 2-5?

You are doing a great job. But some parents are getting increasingly panicked by some schools appearing reluctant to reopen to more year groups this term, meaning their children will have had no time in school for almost 6 months.

This is no excuse for how this parent has approached you however.

I am perplexed tho, why were you setting personalised work for a SEN child? Every child has equal right to the teachers attention, SEN or otherwise, and this alone will have been an epic red flag for some parents.

rosesinmygarden · 13/06/2020 15:15

It's normal to set personalised work for SEN children when they can't access the differentiated work set for the rest of the class. It's not special treatment. It's the OP's job.

Sarahandco · 13/06/2020 15:16

I would assume the SEN child needed different work?

I think parents like this are the reason many schools don't allow parents to contact teachers directly. You know you are doing a good job and should just let the school handle this. Some people are not coping very well with what is going on and are taking it out on others. This sounds like such a case. Please don't let this make you cynical!

sarahC40 · 13/06/2020 15:18

Personalised work isn’t a red flag; It’s called differentiation and it’s why the op and many other teachers are so good at their jobs. I’ve had a similar email from a parent (secondary) slating me for correcting (I.e. marking) her son’s writing and saying that I should have known that the task would have made him unhappy and that he had fallen apart over it. At no point had she warned us he was struggling; it was considerably better than his usual work; and I can’t make that part of the gcse vanish so he’s going to have to practise that skill.

I think her message was a massive cry of rage at the situation, but it didn’t make me feel any better, coming in a week where two people I loved died....but I didn’t tell her that. I had to get the head to reply too.

Op get your head up. The offer you’ve provided for kids is awesome. Be proud. You’re doing a fab job in these horrible circumstances.

Poetryinaction · 13/06/2020 15:18

People have no idea what teachers are doing. So many emails, so many demands, so many new ways of working.
Do not reply. Leave it to your headteacher. There is no way you should have to defend yourself. The head should, and then the silly woman might realise what a nob she is.

Ang3113 · 13/06/2020 15:18

It sounds to me like you are doing an amazing job!

MagisCapulus · 13/06/2020 15:22

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Is your school going to open this term for yrs 2-5?

You are doing a great job. But some parents are getting increasingly panicked by some schools appearing reluctant to reopen to more year groups this term, meaning their children will have had no time in school for almost 6 months.

This is no excuse for how this parent has approached you however.

I am perplexed tho, why were you setting personalised work for a SEN child? Every child has equal right to the teachers attention, SEN or otherwise, and this alone will have been an epic red flag for some parents.

Because the SEN child needs it?! Differentiated work is probably set for the rest of the class too!

OP, glad.you have forwarded to the head. Hopefully they will have your back and tell the cheeky cow to do one.

Cam2020 · 13/06/2020 15:24

The parent sounds like an absolute arse. Of course you need to tailor things more for a SEN puilpil.

YANBU, try not to take it heart. This entitled twat probably has a problem with everything. Flowers

Original poster
Whatelsecanipossiblydo · 13/06/2020 15:30

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

We haven’t finalised plans for the rest of the year groups yet. We are working on trying to give all children the opportunity to have done time in school before the end of term but the practicalities of that are a nightmare. We physically won’t fit them in if we keep the children we currently have so we probably can’t have all students in full time. The SLT are doing their best.

Also SEN stands for special educational needs - the child has extra needs and in the case of this child, it means they can’t access the work I set for the other children. This week in maths we have been working on finding fractions of amounts. This child can’t double and half numbers to 20. There’s no way I could ask her to attempt even the easiest of tasks I set for the rest. She has separate spellings as asking her to spell words with an ‘ous’ ending when she can’t spell basic words such as ‘said’ and ‘who’ would be cruel. I can’t set her the same reading task as she can’t read the text. I would be seriously letting this child down if I didn’t provide for her needs.
The other children are perfectly able to access the other work I set which is more broadly differentiated - there’s is still an ‘easy’ ‘medium’ and ‘ hard’ Option for each task (though I don’t call them that).
Also the students can’t see the work that has been set for each other. If they choose to share it on the class stream that’s up to them but otherwise it’s all very discrete.

OP posts:
bostik · 13/06/2020 15:34

I'm so sorry you have been treated in this way. It sounds like you have done a really fantastic job in teaching and supporting all those children. I doubt that this woman really has anyone that agrees with her. Try to remember that the vast majority of the parents will be delighted with your efforts and don't let the one nut job get to you! Please take care of yourself.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 13/06/2020 15:35

the lazy mare is probably feeling guilty because she can't be bothered to contribute to her own child's learning or well being.

BestOption · 13/06/2020 15:40

@mbosnz

Who the hell does that woman think she is? How dare she?

You are doing an incredible job, under ridiculously hard conditions, and that ignorant twat can just wind her bloody neck in.

I don't know if it's the Kiwi connection or what, but so often you say what I'm thinking!!
Intelinside57 · 13/06/2020 15:44

Chair of Governors here - glad you've forward the message to your HT maybe ask if you can have a chat on Monday. First stage of complaint would normally be for you to deal with it, but when you've been subjected to abuse that wouldn't be reasonable. Then try to put this out of your mind and enjoy the weekend. Some parents have no idea of the work and dedication teachers like you are putting in to help their children. They don't know how lucky they are.

mbosnz · 13/06/2020 15:44

@BestOption

LOL, could be, we do tend to have a slightly different way with words, don't we?!

(It does have the potential to land me in a bit of a pickle sometimes, I can be a tad, erm, straightforward, at times.)

AmelieTaylor · 13/06/2020 15:48

Jesus wept, I'll slap the horrible cow for you!!!

I'd still be sitting on my hands not to reply to her directly!

It sounds like you've done an amazing job and a lot more than many people are saying they're had done for their kids

Our school has been amazing, but it's Fee paying, so a different animal, but even considering that, I have been very impressed.

If you were our teacher I'd be sending you flowers, not shitty emails!!

Just because she SAID 'other parents too' doesn't mean it's true, please try not to assume that the other parents don't appreciate what you've been doing!

I hope your Head is a good one & puts her in her place!! FlowersCakeBrew

Whataroyalannoyance · 13/06/2020 15:51

What a cow. Its very easy to be nasty when you don't have to face someone.

101jobs · 13/06/2020 15:58

I’m so sorry you’ve been attacked in that manner OP

Unfortunately there are always badly behaved people who feel it’s ok to be nasty and rude. Even more unfortunate, there are people who agree with them. That was totally unacceptable behaviour from the mother!

I can’t praise my sons teachers enough, and have emailed praise to them too, as I am sure there are the usual nasties who are complaining and I’d hate the teachers to feel that all the parents think the same as them! My point is OP that whilst she’s been brutal and says there are others who feel the same way; I’m sure there are others (probably more) who totally recognise and appreciate your hard work and would feel awful to hear she‘d made these comments to you.

Move on and give her no more of your personal time. Your own children need their mummy to be happy. SHE’S NOT WORTH IT
😊

101jobs · 13/06/2020 16:00

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

the lazy mare is probably feeling guilty because she can't be bothered to contribute to her own child's learning or well being.
I agree
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 13/06/2020 16:02

OP.

Ok. I assumed any SEN child with such difficulty accessing any of the normal curriculum had an ECHP with a one to one providing a huge amount of extra help. I suppose the practicalities of that become harder in lockdown. Practically speaking if you have to set a whole separate curriculum for one child how on earth do you do that without it disproportionately reducing the time you have available for the other children?

I hope your SMT team can back you and perhaps provide some help with extra resource for SEN.

JustC · 13/06/2020 16:02

Just another pist to say you are doing a great job. Honestly, reading your post you have been doing pretty much our school/our teacher has been doing, and I am happy with it. Seriously, it sounds like they want you to be each child's personal tutor! People are losing the plot. I'm fed up with schooling my kid too, I suck at it, but these are unchartered territories for all of us. Again, you are doing great! Hugs

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 13/06/2020 16:06

Ps to be clear you are doing far more than any of the teachers at the schools around me so ignore the whingy parents

Macaroni46 · 13/06/2020 16:19

I am a head. If a parent wrote to one of my teachers like that I would call them in for a meeting.
I don't think people realise just how much it huts us (and I say 'us' because even as a had I still get upset at nasty emails) and can affect our evening or weekend.
Try to be strong OP. ThanksWine