I need to dump him (Offensive word warning)

[OntheWaves40]

Been seeing someone 12 months. Nice, down to earth, guy or so I thought.
Today, in reply to “what have you been up to” (I don’t even want to repeat it it’s that bad) he said “nothing much, just been monging out in front of the telly”.
I’m so mad at myself, I didn’t react, I just thought wtf did he just say that, is there a different meaning that I’ve totally never heard of etc. I’ve got home and realising there is no excuse, I know what I have to do I’m just bloody gutted that he turned out to be so vile.

[mouse70]

I have never heard this word before.

[PopsicleHustler]

I've heard this in a film, where a man referred to a lady's brother as a Mong. She was very upset as her brother was a sweet little chap who just had downes syndrome.


It's an offensive term.

[CareBear50]

Did not know this word had negative connotations.

OP sorry but I think your reaction is totally over the top. Have a discussion with your bf. Explain to him why you find it so offensive and gauge his reaction.

[Butchyrestingface]

Is he not pissed off that you went on a first date with someone else ten days ago?

Surely that’s a better reason to break up.



Predicting OP will not be back to this thread.

Look out for the latest installment of the boyf saga on another thread.

[ItsLateHumpty]

[quote R1R2]The plot thickens...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a3906927-Dating-Thread-189-The-One-Where-We-Date-Without-Meeting-or-Leaving-Home?msgid=97090304#97090304[/quote]
Blimey - OP is certainly keeping her options open. More stamina than I had in my dating life!

1st date with Mr Park-man 1st June, and from this thread looks like there’s a Mr Indian, and possibly one other 🤷‍♀️ but to be fair she does make it clear that all dates know about each other, so I’m sure dumping Mr Bad-word is no bad thing.

From OPs other posts “I’m surprised you haven’t actively told any guys you are dating others. I always make it clear I am so they know where they stand. I think it’s always good to be clear on expectations. I don’t want them getting carried away any more than I want to.“

[Butchyrestingface]

Whatnext2018
Wait..what’s wrong with saying ‘Can’t be arsed?’ 🤷‍♀️
Still watching this thread because of this. Want to know too.

She wasn’t saying anything was wrong with it per se, in the sense of being an offensive descriptor of a particular group.

Just that it was rude. Ie, not a phrase you’d likely use with your boss, policeman, high court judge or small child.

[pigeon999]

You are overreacting over one word, he almost certainly does not understand the meaning of the word. For years I used to hear that word describing someone lazy or zoned out. I don't think many people at the time thought much about the actual definitive meaning.

PC gone mad when we are over analysing the meaning, content and history of every word we use. I would find that very tiring personally.

[Porridgeoat]

I would assume he doesn’t know where the word originates. Talk to him and ask him about it.

[Casino218]

If you want to dump him and are looking for an excuse then go for it. Otherwise it's an over reaction really. If you had told him how offended you were and then he used it well that's different.

[Whenwillthisbeover]

I think you’re over reacting too, DD and her student Friends (all student HCPs) always used this term the morning after a night out, until I told her the history of it. She didn’t know, their generation never grew up with the word mongel.

She’s not used it since.

[mamasiz]

Talk about an overreaction! If you’re thinking of ending your relationship over this, he can’t be all that anyway. Can’t you just say ‘hey, I really don’t like the use of that word?’ and see his reaction before making your decision? He most likely wasn’t even thinking about causing offence - it was just a stupid thing to say.

[Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel]

You're young right?

[Ugzbugz]

Well you learn something new every day, monging out to me, is same as some others just chilling out, but will refrain from saying and educate anyone I hear saying it.

[BatShite]

I cant imagine breaking up with someone for this. Unless they were informed how hurtful the word is and insisted on keep saying it, then it would be quite different.

[SpillTheTeaa]

Blimey, you over reacted.

[rwalker]

WOW

[YeahWhatevver]

Do him a favour and leave him. You sound like a lot of hard work

[copycopypaste]

It was a common phrase when I was growing up, maybe talk to him about it rather than reacting

[JinglingHellsBells]

I have never heard that phrase used, ever and consider myself 'educated' having spent my life in education. I know the word Mongol used to be used for Downs Syndrome (it was when I was first working, believe it or not and commonplace in the 60s and 70s) BUT when did it become a verb (something someone does)?

@Samtsirch
It didn't become a derogatory term it WAS an accepted term. I was born in the 1950s and it was used totally unoffensively right up to the 70s and beyond. Around that time it was phased out and replaced with Downs as people understood the genetics behind the condition. It was never meant to be offensive, and was used by everyone who described people with Downs.

[ravensoaponarope]

To the person who asked - no, there is not an association between Downs syndrome and being relaxed.
When people with Downs were referred to as mongoloid, it was because their facial features were thought to resemble those of people from Mongolia.
"Monging out" in its current slang usage came about because of the implication that there is nothing much going on in people with Downs Syndrome's brains...
I am old enough to have been called spaz and mong as insults at school, primarily because of dyspraxia and autism.

[EnterFunnyNameHere]

I had no idea that phrase was offensive, although thankfully I don't use it often at all anyway... at a push, I'd have thought it was a variant of being minging...

Word use does change, which doesn't necessarily make it ok, but does mean there are people who only know the modern usage not the (offensive) origins. I think "having a paddy" originated from being derogatory to Irish people, but I had no idea of those connotations when I was using it back in my twenties!! Once I knew I stopped, but if you don't know you don't know...

[JinglingHellsBells]

OP I'd dump him for being boring.

Watching TV all day?

Nah.....boring person.

[ravensoaponarope]

I certainly wouldn't dump him though, for using a term of which he probably doesn't realise the origin. The poor guy. Why did you rush straight to that conclusion? It doesn't sound like you are very close.

[SallyWD]

Does he know you've been going on dates with other men recently? If not he might want to dump you when he finds out!

[2007Millie]

So long and farewell OP.