I need to dump him (Offensive word warning)

[OntheWaves40]

Been seeing someone 12 months. Nice, down to earth, guy or so I thought.
Today, in reply to “what have you been up to” (I don’t even want to repeat it it’s that bad) he said “nothing much, just been monging out in front of the telly”.
I’m so mad at myself, I didn’t react, I just thought wtf did he just say that, is there a different meaning that I’ve totally never heard of etc. I’ve got home and realising there is no excuse, I know what I have to do I’m just bloody gutted that he turned out to be so vile.

I've heard of that phrase, never personaly used it myself but I had no idea that it was a derogatory phrase.

Sounds like a massive over reaction on your part however!

YAB ludicrous 😆

Oh haha! Well you've been dating other people in the last few weeks so seems pointless to flog the dead horse that is the one mentioned in your original post on this thread if you're dating other people anyway? Just see the others and let this one go?

Wasn't aware of this phrase although I wouldn't like to say definitively that I've never heard anyone say it. When I looked it up in urban dictionary, the primary meaning was relatively inoffensive - zoning out. Sounds to me like that was the meaning your partner intended. Yes, the alternative meaning is offensive but dumping him over this seems excessive. Unless, of course, you are looking for an excuse to dump him given that you seem to have had a first date with someone else ten days ago according to your post on another thread.

My first thought would be he doesn't know what it means.
I am early 30s and only heard the word in my 20s when I used it in front of my aunt, who educated me on what it originally meant. It's a fairly old fashioned word that most younger people would not know the history of and why it's so offensive.

Talk to him, explain why you found it offensive and plan your next move based on his response.

If your relationship is so weak that you could end it over something so potentially innocent, then, yes, he deserves someone a bit more committed. I didn't realise this phrase had negative connotations. Haven't said it or heard it used for about 20 years so I just assumed it had gone out of fashion. Perhaps he thought the same.

You're overreacting massively! Tell him it's a bit of an inappropriate and outdated word and you'd prefer he didn't use it in conversation with you, chances are he doesn't realise. As a teenager/young adult I used it all the time as I didn't realise the negative connotations. There's definitely no need for all of the dramatics here

"Monging out" in my neck of the woods means chilling out, particularly if you've smoked weed. Obviously there's another meaning that I've never heard of and I consider myself to be educated.

This is such a strange post

I don't say it but know of it. But I always thought it meant lazing about till this thread!! Such a strange post

I’ve never heard of this term so maybe he doesn’t know the meaning behind it

It's a term used where I live meaning 'lazing about', not a word I use but the only person reacting to it is you op.

You've made several threads which sound like you really want to end your relationship over things related to your bf doing or thinking. You do realise you can dump him just because you want to?

Weird thread.

Talk about it like adults maybe?

Not sure why you need to run it past Mumsnet?

You mention your boyfriend is Indian (in the thread where you're upset that your boyfriend of less than a year would like to be buried in India if he died, where all his family are, rather than in the UK near his casual girlfriend). Just wondering if there might be a language barrier issue here and he doesn't understand the origin of the word?

This would also be a deal breaker for me and give me that ick factor. The reason it’s used to mean spaced out or relaxed is linked to how people with Down’s Syndrome can be perceived as not being ‘completely with it’. Sorry for my use of language to try and explain the link to people saying they don’t understand why it’s offensive. My son had a disability and I just have a very low threshold - he was perfectly intelligent but his physical disability meant most people thought he couldn’t understand.

OP I would be offended (I also work with people with learning disabilities) but I would explain why not just dump him. If after you explain he is still offensive then time to think about whether you want to be with him. Lots of people use words like that and they just don't know. The amount of people who still say the R word (retarded or retard for those who don't know what I'm talking about) is just shocking. It's so offensive

What a fuss. Just tell him to please not use that word as it’s offensive. And if he doesn’t get it then explain why.

Op you’ve got confused the word you think he’s used isn’t what he said or meant he monging which is another way of saying vegging out of lazing in front of the tv not the offensive word for Down’s syndrome people.

monging n. being under the influence of depressants or other drugs (especially for recreational use); idling, relaxing, or vegetating (especially due to drugs or alcohol or their after-effects); vegging out, chilling out, or chillaxing. Also,

Luna yes but why do you think that is? Why do you think it became a word that described vegging out? Use your imagination. The two are linked.

I think maybe he doesn't realise the meaning I don't think my older teenagers would as they haven't heard this word used to describe people as it's not a word used much now , so I guess if someone else used This phrase they could repeat it having no idea what the alternative meaning was

Monging out is related to freaking out, not chilling out.
In relation to the old word for disabled people with mental impairments, they were known as mongoloids in my grans generation.

So it is very much offensive.

It's in the same vein as spazzing out.

I have many american friends who no longer use the word "spaz" because instead of cutting them dead, I spoke to them.

My son is a "spaz", he has cerebal palsy and that is where the word originally came from. He actually has Spastic CP. When I tell my US friends that I dont like it when they use phrases like "Spaz attack" to describe someone going off on one for example, they have all been surprised and embarrassed to learn its origins and have never used it again.

Dump him if you like but personally I think you should have a conversation about the hows and whats and whys and see what his reaction is. If he still uses it or brushes you off then dump him as you clearly have different values. If he is open to discussion and understands where you are coming from then it would be ok.

I think your being way too melodramatic.

What a load of me, me, me drama. Calling someone vile and actually talking to him about why the word upset you would surely have been the thing to do. If you can't even do that after a year together then the relationship doesn't sound great anyway.