To feel like we are just existing now

[Ghostlyglow]

In a miserable, joyless world of queues and masks. A couple of friends have lost their jobs this week. Where are we going with this?When will it end?

At worst, a bit of boredom has never hurt anyone

That's understating it. I am worried that my 10 year old is depressed. He's not just bored.

@Homemadeandfromscratch

It's up to PARENTS how their children deal with the "lockdown" in the UK, so much projecting, no wonder the poor little mits are struggling with selfish and dementor parents.

At worst, a bit of boredom has never hurt anyone. Hysterical parents has unfortunately.

This is such a miserable thing to say. Has lockdown made you so miserable that you attack unhappy strangers on a public forum? Or, were you this miserable before and now are very angry other people are equally unhappy?

I'm sorry too that so many people are feeling down. I have been very lucky in that the virus has not impacted on me or my children in a drastically detrimental way (despite the fact I think we caught it in March, one has had to come home from uni and the other end school and A levels with no fanfare. I realise their time at university next term may be affected but I think social restrictions are easing and they will still have a chance to enjoy themselves). A few friends have had more serious problems with loss of work and I really feel for them.

My mood dipped a few weeks ago when I certainly felt like groundhog day but since the easing of restrictions I've felt a lot better. I enjoy being able to see friends for walks and chats, the fact that I can now visit my Dad in his garden and that my kids can meet up outdoors with their friends. I also think my mindset has been improved by not focusing on Covid-19 news and announcements and not spending lots of time complaining and criticising the government and other people. That's been a conscious decision and its really worked. Blaming the government to me is like a 'could've' or 'should've' frame of mind. I can't change what's happened so I've shifted my attention to things that I can. I try to focus instead on people I care about, gossip, reading good books and getting TV and movie recommendations, enjoying the outdoors, watching the birds, smelling flowers, connecting with friends and having a laugh with my kids etc. And despite the strangeness of it all I'm trying to keep working hard and be engaged in what I'm doing. I guess do miss quite a lot of things (including friends who live are further away), but I just don't dwell on it. I certainly don't miss my crowded commute into London!

I just re-read this and it sounds strangely Pollyanna-ish but I've not really thought much about my frame of mind recently.

Other epidemiologists criticised that and modelled to figures between 30,000 and 50,000. Based on where we are now, they were closer, but Boris had pinned his colours to Imperial College so he rubbished the advice of the many others. Turns out, they were closer. I'm not sure the 30-50k figure is accurate either. If you compare the number of deaths in April from 2019 to 2020 of all causes in England and Wales it's double (44k to 88k). For some perspective the highest rate of death in 2019 was 53k in January.

Even if we allow for some annual fluctuations which are not Covid related, it still suggests a larger than quoted number of deaths (41k is the official number in the whole of UK in total). Whereas the 44k excess deaths figure is just for April. Not counting May and June and only including England and Wales.

A similar discrepancy has occurred in Spain www.spainenglish.com/2020/05/29/spain-excess-mortality-coronavirus-pandemic/.

Back to the OP I really feel for you. It's shit if your mental health is struggling. It's much harder I think if you've got small children. I'm lucky as I've got teens and am self employed. I work as much as I want and I have plenty of time to do the things I'm interested in. I also like a lot of me-time. But it must be hell if you need a lot more social contact and activities to keep you sane.

my parents live in Dumfries and Galloway, where there was ONE new case last week. We live near there and it's absolutely fucking ridiculous that you can't see your parents. My DH is on his way to see me from England. I haven't seen him for months. I've got a BC operation next week and there is no way I can manage without him. Nicola's slow approach was OK at first and she is now overplaying it. What about the care homes Nicola and Jeane?

You're not unreasonable. It's been three months but I don't think it will go on for much longer so take heart. The gov wants everything back to 'normality' asap because the economy is so bad.

You wouldn't think so much could go downhill in three months, would you? It is really quite alarming.

@thecatsthecats

The only people I know who are currently thriving are introverted homebody’s who hated their jobs. Everyone else is slowly sinking into depression.

I'm introverted, and a bit of a homebody. As for hating my job, I won't go there!

There are some positives to lockdown for me yes - without it, I think I'd be struggling, backsliding in health, and struggling to keep on top of my life (work and home combined).

But introverted isn't a synonym for 'people-hater' - my work colleagues drained me, leaving me too exhausted to socialise.

Today, I was supposed to see Queen. Yesterday, I woke up having cried in my sleep because I miss my parents. I've missed a holiday and another big concert.

I don't miss going into work, and I don't miss having to fit in to social obligations (I'm looking at you, extended in law get togethers...).

I desperately miss normal socialising, writing in cafes, eating in restaurants, seeing my parents, travelling and going to gigs.

I'm also interested in this 'slower pace of life' thing. What do people mean? Why were they doing so much they didn't want to do before?

I do kind of agree with you because I'm great at boundaries, but it's hard not to think you're really unable to imagine why the pace of life is slower. Nevertheless, here's an illustration of my life pre-lockdown:

Typical working week: 1h commute daily. Half hour lunch. 37.5h week normal, but often more. One day a week out conducting training, leaving at 6am, working 7.30-5, home by 6pm, exhausted.
Typical monthly activities: Life admin, house management - laundry, cooking, shopping etc. A weekend trip to see friends, or them visiting me. Seeing family. Usually a gig, event.

I've lost six stone in 2 years, requiring constant dieting and exercise -both of which take time, require mental space, and usually involve me being in some form of pain - hunger or exercise. I have a hobby of writing that I enjoy a lot, and requires time and dedication.

Do you really lack the imagination to see how sitting home all day and every day might constitute a slower pace of life?

I don't mean to quote your entire post but for some reason I can't highlight just the bit I wanted to respond to. No I can imagine why the pace of life is slower. My point was more, if you prefer the slower pace, why don't you work to eliminate the things you don't want to do. Not you specifically, people in general who have commented on enjoying the slower pace. In your post some of the things like exercise I assume you want to continue to do and enjoy doing. Life admin, housework, cooking, shopping, laundry.... that's all the same if not worse at the moment. I was wondering if people will continue with the slower pace if they are enjoying it. Maybe people will drop a few activities, maybe they'll ask to WFH a few days of the week to reduce commute. I think I am just wondering if people have busy busy lives that they resent, why they didn't take steps to reduce some of the pressure on themselves before this? I know it's not that simple, its just an interesting topic to discuss. And I'd like to be able to discuss topics of interest without you rudely suggesting I lack imagination. There's no need for that.

My work has always been - work, home, watch a bit of tv, sleep, work, home and repeat and so in that respect not much has changed.
It is having my freedom of choice taken away that is the worst. Now I cannot pop in and see a friend when I am in the mood, cannot pop to the shops. My world was always quite small but I now feel as if I am in prison.

I am early retired secondary teacher and now have just had to spend last 3 months teaching foster child because his school sends very little work home. 3 lots of Maths in 3 months and not even differentiated. I just got Science and Maths text books and we have been working through them along with York Notes on 'Of Mice and Men'. We got DVD of that too which helped DC to understand plot. I feel sorry for his classmates who have parents trying to work from home. I have been asked to send school work by child's friends parents as class teachers put do little on class dojo. No virtual lessons. No staying open to teach key workers or vulnerable children. There should be an inquiry into how badly some schools are failing their pupils.

I'm worried so many things - but mainly about the impact on our children's futures.

Also starting to feel very depressed about the impact on the millions of small businesses that are people's livelihoods and are now going under. Many of the little shops and businesses which helped to make my bit of London a lovely place to live are folding, and the chains are pulling out as fast as they can.

More personally I have a chronic health condition and have had an 'urgent' hospital appointment repeatedly cancelled - if the new date actually happens it will be 6 months beyond the original.

I really don't care about the opinions of idiots who think it's morally wrong to be affected when normal life shuts down long-term, especially when kids are involved.

I wonder if you would feel differently if you had lost someone close during this pandemic

I lost my mum at the end of March through Covid. Because of this lockdown, I have been unable to comfort my DD who lives a 3 hour drive away. She adored her Nan and to watch her sob uncontrollably over facetime and not be able to hold her is torture. I have witnessed my elderly NDN weeping because she is lonely and missing her GC and GGC, at least she will now be able to see one set...although she is riddled with guilt as to which of her extended family she will have to say no to.
That is what lock down has achieved (among other things), for me. Did it stop my mum dying? No, did it cause misery to other people? yes. A lot of people are suffering in a number of ways why should my feelings be more important than theirs?

I do feel like I'm just existing right now and the sooner we can all go back to "living" the better.

Wishforanishwishdiash

you are the one who is angry. You cannot honestly pretend the attitude of the parents has no impact on the children!

It's not ideal, we have all cancelled our normal lives, projects and holidays. It doesn't mean we should make our kids as miserable as possible and pretend they need to be.

I am shocked by some of the posts about the kids. It's embarrassing. My kids are not miserable, why should they? They havent' got much time to be bored either. How can any child ever find the time to be bored is beyond me.

Parent are NOT bored with their children. Parents are WORKING!!! They therefore do not have time to school them in the way the children deserve. If you are not working then it is probably different. But I am working full days in meetings. How can I possibly school my kids (let alone be bored with them!!!!!!)

You know what, my MH has really sunk this week. I felt normal/indifferent up until this point but now I just feel so down??

It doesn’t help that all my socials are popping up notifications of memories from last year. My life was so different a year ago. I don’t even feel like the same person anymore.

How can any child ever find the time to be bored is beyond me.

I'm sure a lot of things are.

I am shocked by some of the posts about the kids. It's embarrassing. My kids are not miserable, why should they? They havent' got much time to be bored either. How can any child ever find the time to be bored is beyond me

Well bully for you. I can, and do, occupy my child all day. He is not bored. He is lonely. He is an only child (well he's not but his step brother doesn't live here and is a teen) and he needs the company of other children. No matter how hard I might try, I cannot replicate being with other children for him. I am one woman.

How can any child ever find the time to be bored is beyond me

So is empathy it would seem.

Its shit, I live alone and if it hadn't been for my ancient cat I'd have gone mad by now.
I do work in a hospital but of course it's now alone in my clinic with full PPE on so very little inter-reaction with everyone else.
I think I am turning into a weird anti social hermit.
My house is very rural so there is nobody else to shout at over the fence, just me and the birds!!!

@trappedsincesundaymorn

How can any child ever find the time to be bored is beyond me

So is empathy it would seem.

The Jolly Dementor mask never takes long to slip and reveal Smug Dementor.

Yes life is shit right now. I lost my job. My neighbours have lost their jobs.
And it's only starting. Don't forget we're leaving the transition period with the EU in December WITHOUT A DEAL. That will finish off whatever will be left of our sorry economy at the end of the year.
Then the NHS will be well and truly dead. Prepare yourselves for a US style private insurance system.

derxa, it is a bit ridiculous. I have a friend who lives in N Wales and has two adult children, both with children, who live just over the border. They could drive to see each other for a garden meet up in no time but are not allowed to.

I'm glad your husband is on his way and wish you all the best for your op.

And also stop trying to police who is and isn’t allowed to post on a thread. Perhaps this thread isn’t for you if you can’t consider someone else’s point of view - a view that extends further than some trivial complaints - without advising them to post elsewhere.
This is a thread regarding people that are struggling that is the op post .
People can post to say they are struggling and others can say opposite, but to me if it's not something you can relate to or empathise with why post . There are 100s of threads I don't even look at never mind post because I'm either not interested or have nothing to add on that subject .
There are people that have said it's no different to me as I've always worked or I'm retired well that's lovely for you but so many have huge life changes .

@Homemadeandfromscratch

It's up to PARENTS how their children deal with the "lockdown" in the UK, so much projecting, no wonder the poor little mits are struggling with selfish and dementor parents.

At worst, a bit of boredom has never hurt anyone. Hysterical parents has unfortunately.

What is a dementor parent? On other threads "dementor" has been used to describe people who are a little over zealous about sticking to lockdown rules (some of which are made up). Is that what you mean?

Most people have come on this thread to support one another, not to put the bloody boot in.

I'm not sure existing is better than dying.

I want to live, not exist, and will take risks to do so. As most people do every day.