To feel like we are just existing now

[Ghostlyglow]

In a miserable, joyless world of queues and masks. A couple of friends have lost their jobs this week. Where are we going with this?When will it end?

No sympathy for someone moaning that they’re sick of making crafts with their kids.*
The point is people are loosing motivation for life , at the beginning they probably enjoyed spending time with their children, stay home stay safe. After 11 weeks of the same thing nothing to look forward not really seeing family/ friends unless on zoom or in the garden isn't life and it isn't life for children either .
If you have no sympathy don't bother with this thread . Your clearly one of those that seam to think unless your dying of Covid you have nothing to complain about .

I am fed up of it all too now. My parents live in a different country and I’d really like to know when I’m actually going to be able to see them again!

HOWEVER, have I missed something? Some of the replies, in fact a lot of the replies on this thread have insinuated you’re not allowed to see anyone? That’s wrong and has been for a couple of weeks now? You’re allowed to see up to 6 people at the same time, in gardens or outdoor spaces.

We have 4 friends coming over for a BBQ tomorrow, haven’t seen them since before lockdown so am really looking forward to it. One person from each of the couples is driving so the other can drink and DH and I are hosting so we can drink. Can’t wait to get some music on, have a few drinks and just BE with people again. Okay they can’t come in the house except to use the toilet but luckily it’s meant to be really hot here tomorrow so that’s fine.

Last Monday we did the same with some family, BBQ, catch up etc. I also went for a bike ride and picnic with a friend last week, it was lovely. Okay we can’t go out to pubs/ bars/ restaurants yet but they’re now saying pubs are likely to open by July and zoos etc from 15th June so slowly life IS getting back to a more ‘normal.’

I’m just confused as to why a lot of people (unless they’re in Wales or Scotland) are saying they can’t see anyone. You’ve been able to meet up with up to 5 other people for 10 days or so now.

On another thread someone said we aren't protecting the vulnerable we are only protecting those vulnerable to Covid19 and that us so true. We have lost a family friend recently, he went into a care home with dementia last October and when he died his wife of over 60 years had not been able to visit for nearly 2 months causing great distress to both. He didn't die of covid.
A neighbour in his 80s lost his wife to a heart attack and is having to cope with his grief alone, his family live 2 hours away.
My 96yo aunt fell and broke her hip, her daughter who she lives with isn't allowed to visit her in hospital. She is confused, frightened and in pain.
My 93 yo dad has age related macular degeneration and needs regular treatment to prevent him losing what is left of his sight. His appointments have been cancelled as have his balance clinics. He broke a rib in a fall. Fractures often lead to death in the elderly.
My 82yo FIL has lost the sight in one eye due to delayed treatment of a hemorrhage.
My 82yo mum's dementia has deteriorated because she isn't getting out and about and socialising.
My severely disabled MIL has become depressed and often refuses to get up because of the isolation. They usually have at least 1 visitor or a trip out every day. Confined to a wheelchair and unable to talk, read or write these are the things that make her life tolerable.
And that's before you even think about the lifelong impact on vulnerable children.
But sure, keep telling yourselves we are doing this to protect the vulnerable.

I could go and hug my mum, but it would put her and her household at risk. I think perhaps people are losing sight of what this is for- no-one is going to know if your visitor hugged you on their way to the garden, crack on if you want, but the people you might potentially risk is them. If their risk is low, and you all agree, I would simply allow a bit of a hug if it's that or you all slide into a terrible depression.

I am allowed (single parent) to meet up with one other person/household, but I wouldn't put my friends at risk when we can chat on the phone, or my older family at risk.

If you don't think there's a risk, you can meet up quietly. I know one family who have been doing exactly as they please the entire lockdown, and having visitors to the new baby in the household.

We are choosing to kill people who die from domestic violence, cancer, heart attack, stroke, dementia, dehydration, hunger, despair so that we can protect the people vulnerable to this quite bad cold

Have you seen the 'if we did nothing at all' figures in terms of working aged people who would have needed an ITU bed? Hundreds of people for every available bed. Do you really think in that scenario, services for cancer, strokes, heart attacks etc. would have gone ahead? That people wouldn't have struggled with despair in those circumstances?

As for 'quite bad cold', that might be your experience of it, but the people who have been in ITU for weeks might not agree. And I do think you should look at the discrepancy between numbers who have the disease, the death toll and the total numbers recovered - it is a huge number - suggesting people are still very ill and a significant number are in hospital.

Domestic violence is a different issue, I agree.

Go into a covid ward where 40% of people don't come back out and instead drown slowly in their own fluid and tell them it's 'just a bad cold'.

Did you just put that in so you could get a little buzz from describing someone dying?

People get pneumonia and die from bad colds fairly regularly, particularly if they are very old.

My own Granny died of a cold so mild nobody knew she had it. But she was 95 and a rising temperature was too much for her heart.

Should I describe in lurid detail what it's like to die of bowel cancer?

Would would you like to go to the homes of people no longer receiving chemo and explain to them why the last month's of their (now shortened) lives had to be lonely and shit because one mild virus was used to justify shutting down society?

Also- the idea cancer services would have just run as normal with Covid-19 running rampant through hospitals is absolute nonsense.

It takes time and resources, many of which were not available PPE, to get clean wards and section Covid-19 off.

If people had been going into hospital and getting corona, which many did, in even bigger numbers, there would have been a huge outcry. Rightly so.

What's the point though of saying X should have happened in February, or Y should have been done in March. Decisions were taken, some right and some probably wrong, and we can't go back and change that.

All that can be done is to deal with the situation NOW. And the numbers don't justify an everlasting lockdown, part time schooling and all the other nonsense.

What’s the point of carrying on lockdown now, when protests are still going on, there are many planned for this weekend. Thousands can gather in London but schools can’t open? What is the point, NHS will get overwhelmed, all the people that were saved in the first lockdown are now at risk again. We’ve let out economy tank for nothing.

I’m feeling better then I have in weeks. My DD went back to school for 2 days and in those 6 hours I managed to get a take away costa (my first in 3 months). I did 2 hours exercise by myself with no interruptions and I managed to bundle up and sell some clothes that were waiting for the charity shops to re-open.
Yes I’ve had to close my business and I’m back at home with no income of my own but for the first time in months I got a taste of normality and that feeling of accomplishment and tbh it felt great.
Don’t give up OP. Small steps.

All the things I use to busy my life up and make it purposeful are stripped away indefinitely, supporting in school, youth groups, supporting park runs. No goals to look forwards to (and nothing like that will be happening before September at least so I'm not even halfway). I need external goals to thrive, I'm not a fake it person, my brain does not buy into lying to itself.

My children are bored and lonely. They need their peers to learn effectively and are not educationally mature enough to learn remotely, or socially mature enough to communicate by phones or video calls.

Meeting people in the garden assumes that they live locally enough to risk being rained off, have the time to spare between clinging on to jobs at home/ childcare etc and haven't been terrified into believing that a social invitation is akin to conspiracy to commit murder. That narrows down the opportunites quite substantially.

I went to a funeral a few weeks back (in support rather than personal bereavement) and the family are struggling with their grief because they can't escape it by busying themselves into any normality and social isolation is magnifying their grief.
But hey, it's not a Covid death so it's not like it matters

Your clearly one of those that seam to think unless your dying of Covid you have nothing to complain about

I don’t understand how you can read from my post, and quote from it, and come to that conclusion.

@OoohTheStatsDontLie absolutely has nailed it - their post on page 4.

I think some people need a bit of perspective, and to remember the number of people who have lost their lives. It’s temporary. It’s not forever.

Yep! I'm shielding since March. Everything in our lives is on hold because of it. Lost my new job, dp cant get his driving test so we can get a car , we were supposed to move and try for a baby. I'm Irish and I want to go home and see my family. Everything has gone tits up and I'm sick of it. Dp goes back to work monday and I'll be stuck in the house alone all day. But what can I do ? The virus would probably either kill me or do very bad damage to my body. So I just have to sit here and wait until its safer, while slowly going mad from frustration

I could go and hug my mum, but it would put her and her household at risk

But would it? You'd have to firstly be one of the small number of people who have Covid, then hug her for a prolonged period. A quick hug then step back is zero risk.

People's perception of risk is so weird.

I’m nearly 60 and have lived through some incredibly shit times personally as well as through frightening world events. I’m resilient, optimistic and pretty strong. This current situation is really getting to me though. I feel frightened, angry and dismal. My fear comes from needing a government who is in control of this, who acts at the right time and listens to other countries who have been through the same situation. Our government at every single stage of trying to get this into a containment situation, has buggered every single thing up. I think I’d put up with restrictions and the ‘new normal’ if I felt there was a plan which was effectively being implemented but there’s just chaos at every turn.

My family are either overseas or at the other end of the country. I live alone. Bit by bit I’m doing less ok despite really trying hard to eat healthily, learn a new skill etc. I’m scared of getting COVID but I’m too scared be out and about much as I am supposed to be shielding.

If someone who is usually really good at dealing with crap, hard situations isn’t doing very well, I fear for those who are far more vulnerable.

I get really sick of people saying that lockdown is just a bit boring and inconvenient so folk should just crack on with it.
Some people are suffering so much.
A friend’s partner died this week of cancer. It was to be expected and not caused by Covid or lockdown in any way.

But she and her family have suffered far more because of lockdown. She did not get a good death. And she will not get a good send off.

Spot on @DoingMyOwnThing

I could go and hug my mum, but it would put her and her household at risk

I actually agree with you, the risk is very very low, that's why I'm saying to people moaning that they can't see their mum or aunties and hug them to crack on!

I won't thanks, because in my mum's household are three vulnerable people and I would never ever forgive myself if I were the one to bring corona into the house. The risk is low, but still there, and whilst I know my own risk of dying is infinitesimal, theirs is not. So, having discussed it with them, we are all happy with the current state of affairs of continuing to shield that household, and my household being more open as I have two teens who go out with friends to parks/walks/take their dogs out.

Also, although my risk of dying is very very low, as a middle-aged single parent, I really don't want to get corona. I might be asymptomatic, or I could end up with a long-term chronic illness or damage to my lungs/heart. I don't fancy that as I am the sole earner in my family. So, I am more risk averse than perhaps others might be.

I think you have misunderstood my post- I'm suggesting that people assess their own risks, including their mental health, and act accordingly. Some people on here are acting as if they have no agency whatsoever, and actually, they could risk assess and do things differently, because I know several people who have done things on the boundaries/broken the rules/interpreted them liberally to keep themselves sane, and to me, that fine.

It is joyless I agree..having to plan a supermarket shopping trip around queues. Feels groundhog day like..even the weekends not much fun as not that different from the week!

Why are people complaining they aren’t allowed to see their families? Just go and see them, there’s massive riots in London, the police aren’t going to knock at your parents door and arrest you all for having a chat and coffee.

I agree OP. I’ve felt so down this week, I’ve had enough.

Dh is an economist and this is going to be bad, very bad. We’ve only just properly recovered from the last recession. I think a lot of people just don’t realise and are in blissful ignorance. Job losses will filter down through society like a house of cards, I doubt many people will be entirely safe. We’re in an industry which should be ok but we just don’t know. The thought of going back to how things were for us a few years back is utterly depressing and that may have been a mere bump compared to what this one is going to be.

Also little things are really worrying me like my dd’s teeth. She’s already been waiting years to get them sorted, she very self conscious about them. I’m thinking things like nhs braces will just be scrapped and we’ll have to go private. But will we have the money? The kids really need a check up, when is that going to happen?

I have a smear test well overdue - god knows when that’ll happen now. My dsis had abnormal cells taken out at my age - Its really playing on my mind.

Youngest is doing no school work now. It’s too exhausting trying to get her to do it when I’m feeling this way. Getting out for a walk feels like an achievement. Were in the middle of a house renovation and I just feel like ”what’s the point”?now.

Supposed to be going on a uk holiday at the end of July but don’t want to go. It’s horrendous trying to get into restaurants or queue for takeouts etc at the best of times, what’s it going to be like this summer? Looks like il be queueing at supermarkets/cooking every day of our “holiday”. Great.

there’s massive riots in London

Um, no there aren't.

I think some people need a bit of perspective, and to remember the number of people who have lost their lives. It’s temporary. It’s not forever.*

Of course but you do understand people are struggling. Temporary to me I thought a month or so but 3 months in and it could be another 3 months longer .
I'm a optimist and I've exercised every day and I've said the same it's temporary it's not forever but even I'm struggling some days and i completely understand those that are really struggling.
You need to understand that people are suffering it's not just Covid and you shouldn't dismiss that .
If you feel that way like I said this isn't the thread for you .

People saying this is temporary - yes it is but life after this is going to be very difficult for years to come. There will be a recession, mass unemployment. Inflation. Tax hikes, pay freezes. The rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer.