He told me he was infertile

[hetoldmewhat]

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months. 6 weeks ago we got tested and stopped using condoms when the all clear came

The reason I felt comfortable doing this is he and his ex had to have fertility treatment in the past, as he was '99.9% infertile'.

Today after talking more it turns out he meant he was' 99.9% the infertile one'. He was told that 50% of his sperm get lost, and so he was 99.9% sure it was 'all his fault'.

What the actual fuck. He said sorry for the misunderstanding, but we've essentially been having unprotected sex for 6 weeks and he - knowing all the facts - didn't question my being ok with this?!

Aibu to think he should have been a lot clearer?!

50% of everyone's sperm gets lost, OP. There are two tubes, sperm roughly split 50-50 down each. Thus, half of them go the wrong way.

He's either an idiot or a liar. Neither are attractive qualities IMO.

Get thee a morning after pill if you've had sex recently.

Whether or not he thought you knew, he certainly knew himself that only 50% of his sperm "get lost". Which means he has been having unprotected sex with you for six weeks knowing that you could well get pregnant. Have you discussed having a baby with him? Is this something you have agreed on wanting to do together? Because if not, then he has been trying to get you pregnant without discussing it with you, and you should think over why he might want to do that...

Yes thank you, this is the bit that hits me more than anything

He doesn't want to wear a condom so he'll spin you any old line so that he doesn't have to.
You've had to come off the pill because of migraines so to ensure you don't get pregnant your partner needs to wear a condom unless you want to start using other methods of contraception yourself.
If someone told me they were 99.9% infertile I still would not have unprotected sex with them and if they did not want to wear a condom they'd be out the door.

Dump him and move on.

I'd only believe someone was infertile if they were my partner, who I'd been trying to get pregnant with, and I was involved in the testing process.

So are you ready for a baby?

Could you not be a dick about it? I'm clearly upset.

And have learned my lesson from this but not everyone lives in a world where this happens!

You all seem so unsurprised but I wouldn't have even thought of this? Let alone watched out for it or heard it happen to others!

Well you're defending him and saying he's not untrustworthy - so I kinda thought being a dick is acceptable to you.

Never fucking believe a man especially when it comes to this stuff

Ever? If your husband told you, or best friend would you doubt them?

I kept using a cervical cap until my spouse got documentation of multiple all-clear samples. Neither of us would have found it acceptable otherwise after I was very clear I do not find the risks of another pregnancy acceptable. He would support me if the worst happened and I needed to get an abortion.

I would be very confused if my best friend told me they were infertile/getting surgeries to be so, and then was part of a pregnancy, but it doesn't entirely involve me. I'd assumed I'd get an explanation if they so wanted to tell me.

Someone who wasn't absolutely clear on something that could put my life at risk would be so long gone.

You all seem so unsurprised but I wouldn't have even thought of this? Let alone watched out for it or heard it happen to others!

I think you might be a lot younger than me. Sorry, if I come across as patronizing - I'm not, I promise.
Please do not take everything people (especially boyfriends) say at face value.
There are some horrible shitbags out there and if you seem a bit innocent (for want of a better word) or lacking in self-esteem (not saying that applies to you) these shitbags chance their arm. I've been a magnet for such types and I'm now staying single for a good long while!
Get rid of this liar, do a bit of work on yourself and then find someone who doesn't tell lies.

@hetoldmewhat

Is he a bit simple? Did he think you were on the pill?

Cheer you up it could be worse, you could be pregnant!

In fairness I had unexplained infertility with 2 partners over 5 years of ttc. Failed IVF and failed IUI and then fell pregnant naturally (still with partner number 2).
I believed I was infertile as neither male had any fertility issues.

That said, I wouldn’t have had unprotected intercourse unless I was actively TTC and now have a coil fitted as I don’t want anymore children.

I guess the crux of it is whether you feel deceived by him or believe it was a genuine misunderstanding?

If he has unprotected sex with someone knowing that both do not want to have a baby and knowing that he's not infertile then I would really discourage you from continuing the relationship.

I could be wrong but in America women have sued for similar.

So when is your period due??

OP I'd tell you what I'd tell a man in these circumstances. You don't want kids, you take responsibility for your own fertility.
I'd reconsider the relationship in your shoes.

Unfortunately lately this site seems to have become overrun by people with breeding fetishes. Careful what you share, people.

Infertility is not always an absolute.

I know two women who were told they would never have children.

One conceived naturally in her thirties unexpectedly, after not using contraceptive with her husband ever since they met (due to her issues) 8 years earlier.

One went through ivf and managed to have a baby, and conceived naturally when her baby was still under a year old.

So even if he was potentially infertile, you shouldn't leave these things to chance.

You got STD tested in the middle of a pandemic to someone you've been with for 5 months just so you could ditch condoms? Do you live together?

How convincing was he when you discussed it? Why was his fertility tested, what were his options?

Unfortunately lately this site seems to have become overrun by people with breeding fetishes. Careful what you share, people.

What on earth is a breeding fetishist?

Ever? If your husband told you, or best friend would you doubt them?

Yes, I’ll admit I’d believe them.
But my DH is kinda different to someone I’d been seeing for 5 months!

Please do not take everything people (especially boyfriends) say at face value.
There are some horrible shitbags out there and if you seem a bit innocent (for want of a better word) or lacking in self-esteem (not saying that applies to you) these shitbags chance their arm

I agree there are and mumsnet has definitely showed me that. I've never had a bad relationship before or experienced red flags so I probably am more trusting than most. I'm 29 though so too old to be this foolish.

Unfortunately lately this site seems to have become overrun by people with breeding fetishes. Careful what you share, people.

There are some weird trolls on here, but not as many as all the warning/troll hunting posts would suggest!

I'm all over the boards - bootcamp for example. Just name changed

I'd believe a friend of they told me they were infertile of course. I wouldn't have unprotected sex with them on the basis of that conversation though.
If you feel he's embarrassed that's no excuse as he has put some awkward feelings above your health and safety and wish not to have a baby. I don't think I could forgive someone for this.

I've known quite a few "infertile" people have children. Sometimes people hear "infertile" when they are told "sub-fertile" or "very unlikely to conceive naturally".

Question the scenario given by OP is a common one, as are the ones where OPs have been saying they've just met their OH and they already want a baby with them. It's where people get off on conceiving basically and make up risky situations surrounding the possibility of it.

I was seeing a guy in my teens used condoms sometimes not all the time I was young and stupid he was alot older.He said he was infertile I ended up having a ectopic nearly died now I'm the infertile one .IV been blessed with three kids through Ivf
He may have tried to mislead you maybe not is hard to say, I'd be peed off with him though