Horse rider and her 'request'

[Harmonyrays]

I need to know if im being unreasonable here in thinking that this lady was being deliberately awkward or something if its else. For contex, we are non white, they were white.

So My children (2 + 6) and I were having a great time exploring the woods when a horse box pulled in and two women unloaded their horses. Kids were naturally excited by this and wanted to get closer to see. I made sure we were a good distance away, at least 10 metres and we were up on the slope. The kids were watching the horses being unloaded for a few minutes. My son had a stick in his hands as he was ramble around and likes to do this. I made sure they were quite. The horses were quickly taken around the other side of the box to saddle up.

After a few minutes we decided to head down to the path and walk around the other side so they could see the horses more cleary and continue our walk. Again they were quite. We found a little bridge that was going the opposite way to where the horses were and my son wanted to explore that so we headed that way. We dissapeared from the womens view for around 5 mins and then i went back to bridge to wait for my son. At this point one of the women, in her 60's, walked over and said 'we are about to take the horses up here (a path that was no where near me and my chldren) can you just move on somewhere else. I said to her im sorry but we are here well away from you and your horses. She then said 'well cant you just move on because the sticks are scaring the horses'. Bear in mind there were no sticks in view at this point at all. As this was the second time she had said 'just move on' with a dismissive hand wave i was getting annoyed and said well were not doing anything to you or the horses. She then said 'well what ARE you doing here'. I said to her 'i dont need to tell you what im doing here, we are in the woods and free to go where we please'. She then looked like she was getting exasperated and huffed saying 'yes i know that but im asking you nicely if you can just move on until we move the horses up the road'.

Given that we were over a bridge and a good 20 metres away from the horses i think it had nothing to do with sticks. I feel she had an entitled attitude and like there was something else bothering her.

The irony is we have been around horses for many years so are aware of how to behave which is exactly why we kept our distance.

If i were alone this wouldnt have bothered me but my son heard and was then saying oh lets just go mum. I feel like she made him feel he shouldnt be there and that upset me.

So i need to know your thoughts, yes i am being unreasonable the lady was right in asking us to move on. No im not being unreasonable and she was out of line telling us to move on.

Thank you

YABVU to try and make it a race issue. There are absolutely no indicators to say that this was the case.

How rude and unnecessary the horse woman was.

I don't think colour of skin is really relevant on this thread, even with the furore over George Floyd and BLM. It is a safety issue. Either make sure your children understand that waving sticks around near horses is not a good idea, or stick to walking in your local park. Skin colour has fuck all relevance, I don't ride, but it's sensible to stay a respectful distance from an unknown animal that weighs several times your body weight and has kicking feet and very hard hooves.

Seriously. All you people with your fuck tonne of unstable horse that you clearly have no control over. If you ever did get involved in an accident caused because both you and your horse cannot cope with people going along minding their own business, including, according to your own accounts:

playing in their own gardens
walking in a public place
standing still in a public place,
observing other people in a public place
holding a stick in a wood
wearing a hat
being black
wearing black,
chopping a hedge
being a child,

then you should really think about whether you are an animal lover. You are putting that poor animal through unwarranted levels of anxiety and putting them and others in massive amounts of danger by your own accounts. Anyone who has ever done a risk assessment, listening to what will set off your horse, would recommend they never be rode in a public place. If any of you did cause an accident resulting from your over anxious horse being spooked by normal behaviour, you'd deserve to get your arses kicked through the courts.

YABVU to try and make it a race issue. There are absolutely no indicators to say that this was the case.

This. And also are people missing the bit where the OP has a 2 year old with a stick in his/her hand? Ten metres away is not that far unless you were holding onto the kid. I wouldn't want a toddler around when I was riding, and they probably wished you'd just bugger off. I also think it's a bit weird that you came over to watch them. Yes horses are nice/interesting but I'd not really enjoy being watched by spectators.

I did smile at the poster who says she rides herself but recognises that some older horsey women do fall into addressing people in the same tone they use with their horses.
This is so true of the wonderful instructor who teaches my youngest who has cerebral palsy. Sometimes my daughter is integrated into a group lesson of novices and it makes me smile to see all the mums, dads and grandparents holding lead reins jump to follow her every command, often delivered via a megaphone. It’s particularly funny seeing my DH who is a big, slightly intimidating looking bloke who isn’t used to being bossed about. He scampers around to order like lamb, even running on sand in the arena with a bad hip during a trot rather than interrupt her to tell her he was in agony.
She is very Barbara Woodhouse but really very nice, just very definite. She tells everybody off for any aberrations and we all accept it meekly. There is no malice behind it, it’s barked out in the same tone she barks out her praise.
Ah! I miss taking Dd riding, she loves it and does so well. We are currently shielding her.

Out of oure principle I feel like OP done the right thing by staying, why in earth should you move? Lol it's her problem, therefore she should just go another direction as you weren't doing anything wrong, or ask very nicely and explain why she needs you to move i.e nervous horse or whatever.

I'm very sorry if I misunderstood this, but what was the relevance of bringing up the "they're white and we're not" part?

*lightdrizzle totally. I've forgotten how many times I've been in the supermarket and inadvertently said in an authoritative voice 'over', 'walk on' or 'back'

There have been a lot of reports about people behaving inconsiderately and dangerously near horses during lockdown

Yeah?

And there have been a lot of reports of old white people behaving inappropriately towards black people....FOR CENTURIES.

This place.

I'm out.

I think you shouldn't have hung around watching the horses or kept moving around to go and see them after they moved. People don't like to be watched - it's not the same as looking at horses grazing in a field. It does sound like the woman was rude but I can see why she was a bit annoyed. She just wanted to not be stared at or have kids waving sticks around her horse.
She probably should have phrased it differently.
Agree though I have little sympathy for people who ride horses that can't deal with every day things such as prams.or cyclists. These horses are not safe to be ridden in public places.
As for race it's one of those situations where you will never know if skin colour was relevant.

@OliveKitteridgeAgain that’s what public liability insurance is for.

Horses can be challenging. Mine doesn’t scare me in the slightest but she is a bit of a knob. Not anxious, just a bit of a handful and she looks demented to other people when she has a tantrum. She’s technically semi retired but refuses to accept getting old. She’s just typically Welsh (not an insult about Welsh people but she’s a very hot Welsh cob, it’s a breed trait).
I choose where I take her carefully but the pandemic had brought all sorts of idiots out to the countryside- the bridleways have never been so busy. Mainly with out of control dogs and kids.

@BayandBlonde

*lightdrizzle totally. I've forgotten how many times I've been in the supermarket and inadvertently said in an authoritative voice 'over', 'walk on' or 'back'

I’ve clicked at people before the kids are used to it but strangers seem to mind it.

It is possible to be white, rude and not racist...

And there have been a lot of reports of old white people behaving inappropriately towards black people....FOR CENTURIES.

That may well be the case, but this is not one of those times. Trying to make things out to be racist when they're not just undermines actual acts of racism.

We can’t know whether the horse rider was racist or not without actually being there and hearing the words that were used. The op says in one of her posts she thought about it and thinks it’s relevant because of the words and hand gestures that were used. Well the op is entitled to think that however as the op hasn’t share what those words were then no one else on this thread can think she was racist or not. If a man told me to move I wouldn’t automatically think “would he say that to a man”. I would just think he was a twat.

OP as I said in an earlier post she was rude, she had no right to tell you to move, I hope you didn’t and told her fuck off.

It's comments on threads like this that make me realise just how much work we still have to do to educate people on racism in this country.

Instead of asking why race is important to a non white person it's time to listen and find out why it is.

Pfft, horsey woman probably felt uncomfortable with your kids watching them so closely, and was concerned about unpredictable toddler waving stick around nervy horse.
She should have asked you politely and nicely if the kids could put their sticks down until the horses were out of sight, explaining that one of the horses was nervous around sticks.
She maybe just lacked social graces, knowing what she meant but not how she was coming over.

A lot of horse riders do seem to have an entitled attitude

It's not hard to see why the saying goes "get down off your high horse"

I find the majority of horse riders extremely selfish. I've lost count of the number of times I've seen riders on horses that are clearly scared of cars and being on the road and yet the rider still takes the horse on the road. Very selfish and cruel

As a horse owner, if one of ours was a nervy horse that was likely to spook at something in the distance it would certainly not be going into an open wooded area. That horse either needs further training within a confined (fenced) area or a more-skilled rider to be able to bring it around and cope.

My guess if the horse is nervy though, the person who chose to take it out isn't all that confident and should probably not be handling the horse at its current level of education and experience.

Some horse owners do have a huge sense of self-importance and an inflated view of their abilities. Not much you nor I can do about it.

Best left to their own devices.

As I'm sure is obvious, I'm not a horse person but I honestly don't understand why a horse that you really think might kill a child carrying a stick isn't put down. Someone mentioned a horse 'spooked by prams' upthread - again, I don't understand why they're allowed in any place where they could encounter the public - ie. anywhere that isn't their owners private land with no right of way across it - if you really think that the sight of a pram could cause them to behave dangerously and outside your control. Is riding around on your pet really worth the death of a baby?

@sadandlonely2020

It's comments on threads like this that make me realise just how much work we still have to do to educate people on racism in this country.

Instead of asking why race is important to a non white person it's time to listen and find out why it is.

I also couldn't agree more with this. The refusal to believe that race could be relevant or that a PoC can judge for themselves when they're encountering racism on this thread is really appalling.

The age is definitely relevant. I'm in my 30s and have absolutely been spoken to by people 30ish years older than me as if I'm one of their adult children being exasperating.

If anyone has seen Carolyn in Killing Eve - like that!

@XingMing

I don't think colour of skin is really relevant on this thread, even with the furore over George Floyd and BLM. It is a safety issue. Either make sure your children understand that waving sticks around near horses is not a good idea, or stick to walking in your local park. Skin colour has fuck all relevance, I don't ride, but it's sensible to stay a respectful distance from an unknown animal that weighs several times your body weight and has kicking feet and very hard hooves.

Well we'll never know whether skin colour was relevant but the op thought it was, you weren't there why do you think you know better? Keep your horses under control, keep your dogs under control or don't allow them in public areas. I don't understand why people think an out of control nervous horse that can can lethal harm is ok to take out in public land. Animals should be under control on public land - especially large one with kicking feet and very hard hooves!

That being said I did work with my horse re sticks (he got over it with lots of positive reinforcement) and I didn’t take him out where we might run in to other people until he was ok.

Yeah I've worked with mine too but it took almost 3 years before he reacted normally to a lunge whip most of the time, and even now he can be funny. First time I was in him and someone tried to hand me a shirt whip, he bolted. Took me ages to be able to hold one on him. He's better now, but anyome waving something around would make him nervous as he doesn't know them. Although give him food and he's your friend for life.