Horse rider and her 'request'

[Harmonyrays]

I need to know if im being unreasonable here in thinking that this lady was being deliberately awkward or something if its else. For contex, we are non white, they were white.

So My children (2 + 6) and I were having a great time exploring the woods when a horse box pulled in and two women unloaded their horses. Kids were naturally excited by this and wanted to get closer to see. I made sure we were a good distance away, at least 10 metres and we were up on the slope. The kids were watching the horses being unloaded for a few minutes. My son had a stick in his hands as he was ramble around and likes to do this. I made sure they were quite. The horses were quickly taken around the other side of the box to saddle up.

After a few minutes we decided to head down to the path and walk around the other side so they could see the horses more cleary and continue our walk. Again they were quite. We found a little bridge that was going the opposite way to where the horses were and my son wanted to explore that so we headed that way. We dissapeared from the womens view for around 5 mins and then i went back to bridge to wait for my son. At this point one of the women, in her 60's, walked over and said 'we are about to take the horses up here (a path that was no where near me and my chldren) can you just move on somewhere else. I said to her im sorry but we are here well away from you and your horses. She then said 'well cant you just move on because the sticks are scaring the horses'. Bear in mind there were no sticks in view at this point at all. As this was the second time she had said 'just move on' with a dismissive hand wave i was getting annoyed and said well were not doing anything to you or the horses. She then said 'well what ARE you doing here'. I said to her 'i dont need to tell you what im doing here, we are in the woods and free to go where we please'. She then looked like she was getting exasperated and huffed saying 'yes i know that but im asking you nicely if you can just move on until we move the horses up the road'.

Given that we were over a bridge and a good 20 metres away from the horses i think it had nothing to do with sticks. I feel she had an entitled attitude and like there was something else bothering her.

The irony is we have been around horses for many years so are aware of how to behave which is exactly why we kept our distance.

If i were alone this wouldnt have bothered me but my son heard and was then saying oh lets just go mum. I feel like she made him feel he shouldnt be there and that upset me.

So i need to know your thoughts, yes i am being unreasonable the lady was right in asking us to move on. No im not being unreasonable and she was out of line telling us to move on.

Thank you

[P0lka]

She was rude, and didn't come across well. BUT: if I'm riding and see a 6 year old playing with a stick, im concerned about my (young, previously abused) horse spooking. If he spooks on a narrow path, you're potentially in a dangerous situation - so I've either turned round and gone a totally different route, or politely asked that children stand still as we pass. So she may have had a valid concern, but she didn't raise it the right way

[CharmerLlama]

Why did you mention your skin colour? Are you expecting us to say they were racists? More likely they had seen your son playing with a stick before you moved and maybe they were nervous your 2yo could have broken free from you and got injured. Regardless, the horse riders sounded rude in their manner and should have been more polite and said please.

[HeckyPeck]

However I would tell your son to not hold sticks around horses. Most won't be bothered, but mine was beaten with whips before I got him. He does get nervous about a whip being held around him if it's not me or someone he knows with it, and to him, a stick is a whip. But I would have asked you politely to put it down and explained why, l don't expect people to realise. They don't know his history.

Yes my old horse was the same when I first got him.

I think YABU for not agreeing to move on when she said the horses were scared of the sticks. If they’re spooky it could easily cause an accident.

They were probably waiting for you to move on and then realised you were hanging round watching (nothing wrong with that by the way) so would have to say something. Then got annoyed when you said you wouldn’t move even though their horses were scared.

My horse was so scared he’d spot someone holding a stick 20m away easily. Particulary if they were moving it around.

That being said I did work with my horse re sticks (he got over it with lots of positive reinforcement) and I didn’t take him out where we might run in to other people until he was ok. You can’t expect other people to never have sticks/care if your horse is scared by them/understand how easily accidents can happen with horses & if her horse was that spooky then she really had no business taking him out. Assuming your child wasn’t running about waving his stick of course!

[Harmonyrays]

Thank you all for your comments

I only mentioned the age in terms of giving the details of the situation. It was not private land, fully open to the public.

I hadnt made the link with the sticks and the horse maybe having had a bad experience with whipping. Its odd though as there were no sticks
visable when she came over.

As my son wanted to head off i agreed and followed and we had nice time the rest of the walk. It riled me up but i tried not shiw it but it really didnt sit right with me
Reading these comments though it doesnt sound uncommon and that maybe its more if a reflectuon on her and how she was feeling (e.g. nervous horse etc)

[CheerfuIPotato]

I’m horsey. If I had a young/nervous horse and I thought it might be a dickhead I might have called across something like “Hiya! Sorry to be a pain but can I just ask you to stand still while I just get on/go past you/whatever? It’s just he’s a bit silly about sticks and he’ll think you’re going to attack him haha! Thank you so much! Really appreciate that....” etc.

She was rude.

[Bertucci]

What has her age got to do with anything?

Horses get spooked by silly things. You should've respected this and let her pass.

[MingeofDeath]

Why did you mention that you are not white and that the woman was? I can't see why that is relevant.

[AllWashedOut]

I live rurally and often cross by horse riders. If one had spoken like that to me I would have been mega upset. I don't think you're over reacting, not in the least. As to why these people are like that....no answer. I had this treatment when I was younger, these people who are higher and mightier than the plebs. I always thought it was because I wasn't dressed right (grew up in the city). Now I think there simply is no answer. They believe they own the countryside. That's it. Absolute turds.

[HeckyPeck]

I’ve also had horsey people be very rude to me like

“Take your hat off when you are near Princess’s stable! She’s scared of them”

They were rude, but if it would scare the horse then I would still do it as it’s not the horse’s fault that their owner is an arse.

[Cadent]

Why did you mention that you are not white and that the woman was? I can't see why that is relevant.

In your world maybe.

[Harmonyrays]

I wouldnt have had a problem with moving on at all if she had asked politely without the dismissive hand waving. We did move on anyway as i say my son wanted to head off.

Ive meet a few really nice riders in the past and im the first to make sure we give them a wide berth are quiet etc as i know they can spook easily and would hate to be in that situation especially with 2 kids. It was just the way she spoke to me.

[GoatyGoatyMingeMinge]

Sounds like a rude bitch. Well done for standing your ground.

[Hatscats]

No need for her to be rude but as a horse rider a few things which non horsey people do (trying to be nice) actually make things worse -
Being too quiet (horse can’t see you well/ can’t hear either, issue usually with cyclists appearing out of nowhere).
People “hiding” so standing back behind an object/stepping into hedge etc. You are now a scary monster hiding in a hedge. Make yourself visible.
Kids holding sticks up, weird objects etc. Horses look at them and think they are a monster. Kids can be strange to horses anyway!

You have every right to hang around, but this might have been upsetting/distracting the horses, it’s easy not to notice if you aren’t horsey.

Shame she was rude. Hope the above helps!

[Goosefoot]

She might have had a legitimate worry, some kids can be unpredictable around a horse because they get excited and don't realise that totally innocuous things can scare them. Perhaps she's had an incident like that in the past where a kid pooped into view and spooked her horse.

But she sure didn't explain it in a way that made any sense.

[GreytExpectations]

Why did you mention that you are not white and that the woman was? I can't see why that is relevant.

It may not be relevant in your world but unfortunately for those us that are not white, it's very relevant.

OP, you were not doing anything wrong. She sounds like a rude cow.

[Devlesko]

Some horsey people can be stuck up, they think they have a right and just look knobs.

But you do sound like you were in a mood to argue, rather than just move on a bit.
Do you know anything about horses and whether you would have been too close?

[ASundayWellSpent]

It sounds like she was rude, impatient and entitled.

However. I have a rescue dog, and he's huge, around 12 stone. He is very psychologically traumatised and gets seriously wound up when he sees sticks (can be walking sticks, fishing rods, broom handles). If there are people around I just move off somewhere else, but if you were over one side, then the other, then seemed to circle back, I might have asked you to please give me space for the thirty seconds it took to get him out of the way as I wouldn't be sure how to best avoid you.

[ImFree2doasiwant]

As a lifelong horseowner, Yanbu. She's a chump. Yes, a nervous, or previously beaten, horse could react to the sticks. In which case, don't take it to the woods, where there will be children with sticks. Or say politely, "My horse is nervoys/I am nervous would you mind moving away a little please, sorry to be a pain etc"

[Laiste]

Leaving out who's black, who's white and who's old ....

Owning a horse doesn't make you rude, but horses give rude people lots of opportunities to interact rudely.

Having been around horses yourself OP you'll know that a lot of people are either clueless about how to behave around animals (particularly large strong highly strung ones) or willfully cruel and keen to 'teach horsey types a lesson'.

We live ruraly and i know a little bit about horses and riding and would have clocked anyone waving a stick about and been worried they'd pop up again nearby. It's quite common for horses to have stick fright having been mistreated in the past.

[Alex50]

@HeckyPeck i’ve known a horse to pick a 6’4 man up by his arm and chuck him across the yard because he was wearing a hat and didn’t listen to the owner not go near him. 😊

[AgeLikeWine]

Allowing your children to wave sticks about around horses was probably a bad idea, because you don’t know how nervous / spooky her horses are. It does, however, sound like she was unnecessarily rude to you. If she was worried about her horses reaction she could and should have explained this more politely.

[DewDropsonKittens]

What has it got to do with race???

[Ravenesque]

Who are the 25% of posters who think that @Harmonyrays was being unreasonable?!

Also:
Why did you mention that you are not white and that the woman was? I can't see why that is relevant.
and
Why did you mention your skin colour? Are you expecting us to say they were racists?

Given the whole "Well what ARE you doing here." I think we can safely say that it's at the very least a strong possibility. At the very least.

[alittlehelp]

There might be all sorts of legitimate reasons for a polite request for you to move away to avoid scaring the horses, but absolutely no reason for her to ask you why you are in the woods. I can completely understand why you would wonder if that was due to skin colour.

[StaffiesAndPonies]

I don’t know about the psychology of this particular person, but if you ride horses you have to live with the fact that some of the general public automatically hate you. So if I’m riding along and I see someone on foot or in a car, I have to be hypervigilant to the possibility that they will be verbally abusive or try to frighten the horse/drive aggressively close. Obviously most people are perfectly fine, but there’s always that anxiety and I guess for some riders the fear comes out as rudeness and contributes to the stereotypes against us.