Horse rider and her 'request'

[Harmonyrays]

I need to know if im being unreasonable here in thinking that this lady was being deliberately awkward or something if its else. For contex, we are non white, they were white.

So My children (2 + 6) and I were having a great time exploring the woods when a horse box pulled in and two women unloaded their horses. Kids were naturally excited by this and wanted to get closer to see. I made sure we were a good distance away, at least 10 metres and we were up on the slope. The kids were watching the horses being unloaded for a few minutes. My son had a stick in his hands as he was ramble around and likes to do this. I made sure they were quite. The horses were quickly taken around the other side of the box to saddle up.

After a few minutes we decided to head down to the path and walk around the other side so they could see the horses more cleary and continue our walk. Again they were quite. We found a little bridge that was going the opposite way to where the horses were and my son wanted to explore that so we headed that way. We dissapeared from the womens view for around 5 mins and then i went back to bridge to wait for my son. At this point one of the women, in her 60's, walked over and said 'we are about to take the horses up here (a path that was no where near me and my chldren) can you just move on somewhere else. I said to her im sorry but we are here well away from you and your horses. She then said 'well cant you just move on because the sticks are scaring the horses'. Bear in mind there were no sticks in view at this point at all. As this was the second time she had said 'just move on' with a dismissive hand wave i was getting annoyed and said well were not doing anything to you or the horses. She then said 'well what ARE you doing here'. I said to her 'i dont need to tell you what im doing here, we are in the woods and free to go where we please'. She then looked like she was getting exasperated and huffed saying 'yes i know that but im asking you nicely if you can just move on until we move the horses up the road'.

Given that we were over a bridge and a good 20 metres away from the horses i think it had nothing to do with sticks. I feel she had an entitled attitude and like there was something else bothering her.

The irony is we have been around horses for many years so are aware of how to behave which is exactly why we kept our distance.

If i were alone this wouldnt have bothered me but my son heard and was then saying oh lets just go mum. I feel like she made him feel he shouldnt be there and that upset me.

So i need to know your thoughts, yes i am being unreasonable the lady was right in asking us to move on. No im not being unreasonable and she was out of line telling us to move on.

Thank you

Can people really not see that a non-white person being told by a white person to “move on” would wonder if their skin color had anything to do with it?

If you, as a woman were told by a man to “move on” from a public space would you wonder if he would have said that to another man?

If someone told me to “move on” I’d definitely be trying to figure out wth they thought gave them the right to order me around like that.

@ConstanceSalinger yes, of COURSE I meant to run up to the horses and scare them. I obviously meant from a distance, doughnut.

YANBU. I'm also surprised at the number of people who are questioning why race is relevant. Have you not heard of unconscious bias? It's entirely possible - although not definite - that it was relevant.

'
I don’t think she was being rude.

She only asked “ what ARE you doing here” in reply to the “we’re not doing anything to you or your horses” when she asked you to move because of the sticks.
Which you had just refused to do.
As she said she was asking nicely and only until the horses had moved up the road.
Why make moving out of sight of the horses for 2 minutes all about you?'

Well said @Leflic 👍

Horse riders are so entitled. It's a public woodland - you could have waved sticks at them all day if you wanted. Don't give it a second thought.

Don't do this. It really hurts to get kicked or trampled by a horse.
They are very heavy and many aren't honestly that bright.

I also always suspect perceived socio-economic status differences when someone is rude. “I’m rich and you’re not and you’re inconveniencing me so go away.”

@XingMing the op mentioned race, presumably because she thought it might have influenced the type of interaction they had. It was the interaction that race is relevant to not horse safety.

I’m not sure what you mean by ‘race politics’ but clearly racism is an issue that affects almost every part of society, it’s not unreasonable for someone to question if race might be relevant to the interaction they have with someone.

The OPs race seems relevant to me....it's pretty unusual for someone to say 'well what ARE you doing here' to someone in a public wood.

@ConstanceSalinger yes, of COURSE I meant to run up to the horses and scare them. I obviously meant from a distance, doughnut

Hahahaha, how fast can you run? Would you feel safe spooking a horse from 10/20/30 yards? You could eat less doughnuts yourself but you'd still not outrun a pissed off pony.

It is impossible to tell if the woman was being entitled or anxious.
The horse would have been aware of you and she may well have breathed a sigh of relief when you and stick holding dc moved on.
Only to get stressed when you reappeared and hovered around.
She could just have been an entitled arse however.

The woman does sound rude but you don't really know the circumstances surrounding why she was uptight.

To add, my horse hates black people. It can get very awkward, my big TB mare has an mean spin and will take chunks out of a person. She doesnt understand race just colour. She is rather quirky and a dark skinned, sonetimes a darkly dressed person sends her into meltdown.

I think it sounds like the fact you were hanging around watching them, moving to watch them from different positions, holding sticks you may have been worrying the horses and hence the women more than you think you were. Children's unpredictable movements and voices can unnerve horses and although you may have been around horses a lot yourself you may not have noticed if you were worrying these horses. There are plenty of people who claim to know a lot about horses and are actually quite clueless...

Also perhaps the women just wanted to be left in peace and not be watched......

The other options is that because of your colour you think they thought you were going to break into the vehicle.......

Given that we were over a bridge and a good 20 metres away from the horses i think it had nothing to do with sticks. I feel she had an entitled attitude and like there was something else bothering her

The irony is we have been around horses for many years so are aware of how to behave which is exactly why we kept our distance

Considering you have been around horses for many years, it seems ironic that you don't appear to understand that a prey animal who is likely to be already anxious about people/animals/a leaf blowing in an intimidating manner could be freaked out by figures they can see or have appeared 60 foot away from them.

If she knew her horse was flighty she should have left him in the box until you’d moved on.

Well they moved the horses out of sight and the Op made it her business to go round the other side and to get a better look with kids and sticks
I guess it’s at this point that the woman needed to point out the Op is being a pain. Had the Op just carried on walking I’m sure the flighty horse wouldn’t have been an issue,
The woman explained the issue was the sticks, Op argued back, woman said it’s only until the horse was out the way and Op still feels hard done by.
Also if you were close enough to talk to her then potentially you were too close.

As a rider myself, I think she sounds totally out of order. If you were close to the horses waving sticks around, that would be different. I know I'm generalising, but a lot (or maybe I should say some) of the 'horsey' community are so up their own arses. Sorry you had to put up with them.

We meet horses a lot - I find them a pain in the ass, they always come across as snotty and entitled - leaving big loads of horse shit behind everywhere they go.

@Harmonyrays were her horses visibly scared? My horses have been absolute nobs in the last and have been scared by a leaf!

A loose crisp packet can send them demented, as for a plastic bag or a manhole cover!

Toffs toffing.

StormzyInADCup

Actual Stormzy: www.theguardian.com/music/2020/jun/11/stormzy-to-donate-10m-to-black-british-causes-over-ten-years

So sorry that the idea that racism exists is so very tiring for you.

One other point is that horses are prohibited from 80% of the rights of way network, so when walkers who have access to 100% choose to wave sticks in the few places we’re allowed to go, you do wonder what they’re up to.

If your horse is fucking dangerous dont take it near people perhaps?

You could eat less doughnuts yourself but you'd still not outrun a pissed off pony.

Ponies don’t chase the things that scare them. Silly.

@YinMnBlue so sorry you assume I'm white!

The woman explained the issue was the sticks

And yet at no point asked them just to drop the sticks. No. She insisted OP and her children must leave.