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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Horse rider and her 'request'

560 replies

Harmonyrays · 11/06/2020 19:34

I need to know if im being unreasonable here in thinking that this lady was being deliberately awkward or something if its else. For contex, we are non white, they were white.

So My children (2 + 6) and I were having a great time exploring the woods when a horse box pulled in and two women unloaded their horses. Kids were naturally excited by this and wanted to get closer to see. I made sure we were a good distance away, at least 10 metres and we were up on the slope. The kids were watching the horses being unloaded for a few minutes. My son had a stick in his hands as he was ramble around and likes to do this. I made sure they were quite. The horses were quickly taken around the other side of the box to saddle up.

After a few minutes we decided to head down to the path and walk around the other side so they could see the horses more cleary and continue our walk. Again they were quite. We found a little bridge that was going the opposite way to where the horses were and my son wanted to explore that so we headed that way. We dissapeared from the womens view for around 5 mins and then i went back to bridge to wait for my son. At this point one of the women, in her 60's, walked over and said 'we are about to take the horses up here (a path that was no where near me and my chldren) can you just move on somewhere else. I said to her im sorry but we are here well away from you and your horses. She then said 'well cant you just move on because the sticks are scaring the horses'. Bear in mind there were no sticks in view at this point at all. As this was the second time she had said 'just move on' with a dismissive hand wave i was getting annoyed and said well were not doing anything to you or the horses. She then said 'well what ARE you doing here'. I said to her 'i dont need to tell you what im doing here, we are in the woods and free to go where we please'. She then looked like she was getting exasperated and huffed saying 'yes i know that but im asking you nicely if you can just move on until we move the horses up the road'.

Given that we were over a bridge and a good 20 metres away from the horses i think it had nothing to do with sticks. I feel she had an entitled attitude and like there was something else bothering her.

The irony is we have been around horses for many years so are aware of how to behave which is exactly why we kept our distance.

If i were alone this wouldnt have bothered me but my son heard and was then saying oh lets just go mum. I feel like she made him feel he shouldnt be there and that upset me.

So i need to know your thoughts, yes i am being unreasonable the lady was right in asking us to move on. No im not being unreasonable and she was out of line telling us to move on.

Thank you

OP posts:
SleepOhHowIMissYou · 13/06/2020 14:15

How do my arguments lack credibility @RaceDayCrumbs ?

RaceDayCrumbs · 13/06/2020 14:44

*I'll quote Socrates again...

"When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser."*

Or was it Socrates? But either way you proved your own point. Wink

Unknown2020 · 13/06/2020 14:48

She’s was being a prick. You did nothing wrong

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 13/06/2020 14:54

@RaceDayCrumbs and I have slandered you how exactly?

maddy68 · 13/06/2020 14:57

Horses do get spooked by sticks , worse if they can't see you so from a riders perspective kids with sticks can actually be really dangerous. However her attitude was awful.

Eckhart · 13/06/2020 15:04

Horses that get spooked by sticks shouldn't be in woods where children play. It's dangerous.

It's really not complicated. If I said 'My dog gets spooked by children', nobody would be saying the children should change their behaviour. It would be 'The dog needs to be on a lead and preferably not near children at all.' Same for a horse. Potentially dangerous sensitivities in animals mean that the animals should be taken elsewhere, for their own wellbeing as well as everybody elses.

MsTSwift · 13/06/2020 15:05

Who does she think she is - the queen 🙄

RaceDayCrumbs · 13/06/2020 15:06

My “gang mate” helped you with that earlier. Perhaps you could familiarise yourself with own posts.

Malbecblooms · 13/06/2020 15:38

@GazeboParty you can't just assume that someone is asking you to move out the way of a horse because your not white 🤣

Of course not but if you're white it isn't an issue for you - so no assumption needed*

I'm sorry but that is well and truly making something about race when it really really isn't.

Christ

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 13/06/2020 15:42

@RaceDayCrumbs same advice to you. I answered that they were responses. Show me where I slandered you. You know, called you stupid, suggested you were making things up because you're determined to be a victim. Where are those posts?

Longtalljosie · 13/06/2020 15:43

The whole “why are you here” thing makes me think it probably was racism. Well done for standing your ground

Intelinside57 · 13/06/2020 15:48

"The whole “why are you here” thing makes me think it probably was racism."

The world's gone mad. It might just have easily have meant "Why are you here" as in - first of all you and your kids hung around while we unloaded dragging sticks about distracting the horses, then you followed us round to the other side of the box and did the same, now when I need to get on the horse that you've got completely rattled you're still here! Why don't you just give us a bit of space?

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/06/2020 15:50

Ahhh...

If it were a public bridle path, then she would not need a permit to ride there.

Therefore the land IS private, it may or may not have a public footpath across it, or it may simply by owned by someone who does not mind walkers, but it has a permit-only bridlepath, which these riders have paid to use.

And therefore they feel entitled to be snotty to other users, because they have paid to be there, you haven't.

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 13/06/2020 15:51

@Eckhart you realises that horses are sentient don't you? Like dogs. Would your dog sit there like a lump of jelly if approached by someone frightening, just waiting to be hurt.

Even highly schooled police and army horses react to fear. Look what happened to that poor police horse who had a bike thrown at it.

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/06/2020 15:52

And of course if she's paid to be there and if you are wrong and it ISN'T a public right of way or permissive footpath.. that makes total sense of her 'why are you here' question.

She is still rude and snotty. But it is entirely possible you weren't supposed to be there (and sorry, the fact you have seen other people there definitely does NOT mean you were entitled to be there, at all!).

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 13/06/2020 16:03

Are we suggesting the woman said "why ARE you here?" because the OP is not white? If the OP had have been white, this woman may have said "welcome, welcome, I've noticed you hanging about staring at me for 5 minutes, here bring your toddler and young son and stick closer and have a ride"?

@RaceDayCrumbs is suggesting that this would be similar to her own response (you know, because she's soooo NOT racist).

wttaf · 13/06/2020 16:11

@Intelinside57 @Malbecblooms
Finally some sense!

Eckhart · 13/06/2020 17:19

@SleepOhHowIMissYou Stop tagging me please.

GazeboParty · 14/06/2020 01:04

Maybe we should just let horses be - instead of pretending they want to be ridden!

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 14/06/2020 12:52

Because then there would be no horses except wild breeds that are capable of living in the wild @GazeboParty.

Is it better to exist or not to exist? A thoroughbred couldn't survive on Dartmoor (for example) so what you're suggesting is a kind of breed genocide.

Wild horses in the UK have very tough lives.

Intelinside57 · 14/06/2020 14:56

Some won't believe me, but my horse really enjoys outings. He runs up the ramp of the lorry, and bounces off looking around. He's never refused his tack being put on and spends every ride feeling completely happy underneath me, having a good look around as we go along. And yes, if we didn't ride them drive them etc you would have a lot less horses to enjoy on your trips to the countryside. (And stuff with treats in spite of signs asking you not to, but don't get me started...) Grin

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 14/06/2020 15:06

Brandishing sticks anywhere near a large animal obviously isn't a good idea, whether it's known to spook easily or not.

There are ways of approaching these things though, and this wasn't a good one. Being unnecessarily rude to people isn't likely to gain their cooperation in any circumstances. Your reaction was not unreasonable.

GazeboParty · 14/06/2020 15:32

@SleepOhHowIMissYou

Because then there would be no horses except wild breeds that are capable of living in the wild *@GazeboParty*.

Is it better to exist or not to exist? A thoroughbred couldn't survive on Dartmoor (for example) so what you're suggesting is a kind of breed genocide.

Wild horses in the UK have very tough lives.

Except genocide refers to people not horses.

Whether it is better to exist depends on quality of life imo.

GazeboParty · 14/06/2020 15:34

@Intelinside57

Some won't believe me, but my horse really enjoys outings. He runs up the ramp of the lorry, and bounces off looking around. He's never refused his tack being put on and spends every ride feeling completely happy underneath me, having a good look around as we go along. And yes, if we didn't ride them drive them etc you would have a lot less horses to enjoy on your trips to the countryside. (And stuff with treats in spite of signs asking you not to, but don't get me started...) Grin
Don't find people out on horses enjoyable - they're what I'd consider an inconvenience we have to put up with.
SleepOhHowIMissYou · 14/06/2020 16:50

@GazeboParty from 'genus' as in the taxonomic categorisation of a species...plus I did say "kind of".

Wild horses in the UK do not have comparable lives to horses kept in comfort for leisure and sport. The life of a wild horse is brutal (no shelter, scarce food) and geared towards survival of the fittest.

Trust me, you know when a horse doesn't want to be ridden. They are sentient animals and communicate in similar ways to dogs and cats. I still ride my elderly horse but pay very close attention to his body language. Any sign of discomfort, lameness or simply reluctance or lack of enjoyment and he will be retired. As it is, he brings himself in from the field when my car pulls up (he's stabled overnight and turned out daily) and enjoys our rambles, particularly if it's with a friend accompanying us. He's fed at set times by the owners of the livery yard, so his interest is not about food.

However, we're starting to see heavy horse breeds getting near to extinction due to the changes in agriculture. The Suffolk Punch and Clydesdale are both now endangered species.