Horse rider and her 'request'

[Harmonyrays]

I need to know if im being unreasonable here in thinking that this lady was being deliberately awkward or something if its else. For contex, we are non white, they were white.

So My children (2 + 6) and I were having a great time exploring the woods when a horse box pulled in and two women unloaded their horses. Kids were naturally excited by this and wanted to get closer to see. I made sure we were a good distance away, at least 10 metres and we were up on the slope. The kids were watching the horses being unloaded for a few minutes. My son had a stick in his hands as he was ramble around and likes to do this. I made sure they were quite. The horses were quickly taken around the other side of the box to saddle up.

After a few minutes we decided to head down to the path and walk around the other side so they could see the horses more cleary and continue our walk. Again they were quite. We found a little bridge that was going the opposite way to where the horses were and my son wanted to explore that so we headed that way. We dissapeared from the womens view for around 5 mins and then i went back to bridge to wait for my son. At this point one of the women, in her 60's, walked over and said 'we are about to take the horses up here (a path that was no where near me and my chldren) can you just move on somewhere else. I said to her im sorry but we are here well away from you and your horses. She then said 'well cant you just move on because the sticks are scaring the horses'. Bear in mind there were no sticks in view at this point at all. As this was the second time she had said 'just move on' with a dismissive hand wave i was getting annoyed and said well were not doing anything to you or the horses. She then said 'well what ARE you doing here'. I said to her 'i dont need to tell you what im doing here, we are in the woods and free to go where we please'. She then looked like she was getting exasperated and huffed saying 'yes i know that but im asking you nicely if you can just move on until we move the horses up the road'.

Given that we were over a bridge and a good 20 metres away from the horses i think it had nothing to do with sticks. I feel she had an entitled attitude and like there was something else bothering her.

The irony is we have been around horses for many years so are aware of how to behave which is exactly why we kept our distance.

If i were alone this wouldnt have bothered me but my son heard and was then saying oh lets just go mum. I feel like she made him feel he shouldnt be there and that upset me.

So i need to know your thoughts, yes i am being unreasonable the lady was right in asking us to move on. No im not being unreasonable and she was out of line telling us to move on.

Thank you

I stopped reading at we are non white they are white
Totally irrelevant

@Eckhart she did ask her to stop. She did ask her to move away. Read the OP, and as for the "stupid" remark, I'll quote Socrates again...

"When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser."

Well, if you're trying to say I'm a loser, that's slander, innit.

Eye opening the number of people determined to assert race had no role in this interaction.

It may or may not have been.

@CheerfuIPotato I’m horsey

@Floatyboat "It may or may not have been."

Something we can agree on. We don't know do we?

of course we don't know from the information provided. its a fair question to wonder about though.

She sounds like an officious twat..

However if there had been no issues SHE knew about that you didn't with the horses being worried about monsters lurking under bridges or possible waving sticks, I would have thought she'd have waited til she got on board to boss you around, it IS far easier to boss folk around from sat on a horse, than from on the ground.

So i suspect she is just a rude officious twat, who knew that one or both horses has an issue with sticks/scary things that might pop out from hidden places...

And lacked the skills to simply be polite, and jumped to the conclusion you wouldn't understand the potential issue (and as you say you have horse experience but didn't factor in either issue, she'd be not far wrong there).

Also, are you certain its public land, or could it be a permissive track that riders pay to access? I could think of at least ten routes by me that people assume are public access but actually are not!

Was it racism, or was it just rudeness, I don't think anyone but she knows!

There are so many threads about this kind of thing since the pandemic and it is because people who don't usually do so are venturing into the countryside. It is normal on a bridleway to give way to horses, to stand to one side, stay still, bringing dogs and DCS to your side and let them pass. Horses freak, sometimes at little or nothing and the rider can be badly hurt.

You admit that you were following the horses around and that your DS was waving a stick and he seems to have wandered off on his own for a while whilst you waited for him. This according to the woman was freaking the horses so she asked you to stay away and not follow them anymore. She wouldn't go the trouble of dismounting, walking over and asking you to stop following the horses unless you were actually upsetting them so we have to accept that you were.

Probably she was rude, I have lots of horsey people in my family and they are all rude and so are a lot of the riders I meet on bridleways. But I have been walking on bridleways all of my life so this rudeness bounces off of me, I'm more surprised when a rider is polite. You are taking it very personally because it's the first time that you have been harassed by a horse rider. Go again, forget the kids and borrow a poorly trained spaniel (any spaniel), walk up and down all day and you will be shouted at so much you'll become immune. The countryside is for everyone to enjoy so do not allow this encounter to put you off.

My kids like looking at the bin lorry very intently. The bin men don't come over and tell them to go away. They smile and wave.

Ffs! Bit the bin lorry is highly unlikely to spook and run away uncontrollably! Even a very innocent doing nothing wrong cyclist freaked the shit out of my horse the other day. He was doing nothing wrong, but was struggling to get through the overgrown public footpath and my horse continued to pretend to be a dragon until he’d made his way past the brambles. My horse weighs roughly 650kg. Fortunately, he trusts me, so managed to calm down and walk up the lane quietly. Can you imagine a nervy horse deciding the stick was for him and just tanking off?

The OP is unreasonable. Horses are not public property, she should have been able to see that the rider wasn’t keen to let her little darlings come and meet the horse, just let her get on rather than slinking round to the other side.

Fortunately, he trusts me

It's not fortunate, it's an absolute necessity if the innocent public around your horse want to be safe.

Just like I wouldn't say 'Some kids were playing around my dog, but fortunately she doesn't bite.' It's the law to ensure that our animals are not posing a threat to others, not a stroke of luck when the public get away unharmed.

**Horse rider and her 'request'436
Yesterday 19:34Harmonyrays

"I need to know if im being unreasonable here in thinking that this lady was being deliberately awkward or something if its else. For contex, we are non white, they were white."

She sounds rather rude, but I am left wondering why you mentioned the colour of your skin and hers?? You say for contex but to me it seems totally irrelevant. Perhaps you can explain?

Is it not the owner's responsibility to train their horse better so it isn't a danger when out in public?

Or ride it on private land.

ha thats not Socrates

It is, @user1471565182.

Donald Trump says.

I've revised my opinion. You weren't lurking, she wasn't curt. You were actually behaving very creepily; staring, following them round the other side of the horse box, disappearing off for five minutes then wandering back to the bridge, this time it appears without your son visible, i went back to the bridge to wait for my son (sic)
Yes, I'd have come over and asked you to move until we'd got the horses away because I'd be thinking, "where's the rugrat with the stick gone?"
You were being creepy and rude, didn't anyone ever teach you it's rude to stare? YAB totally U to complain of her rudeness when you were exhibiting such an appalling lack of manners yourself.
Also not surprised she asked what ARE you doing here because she'd seen you doing nothing other than staring and creeping about them and their horses, disappearing then returning to stare some more.

What a horrendous old bat! How dare she act in such a shitty way! Not BU in any way.

Most people are ok, but I have met some horsey people from where you can easily see the phrase "to get on your high horse" about something came.

Thank you all for your replies and comments

Ill repeat something i previously said. I would have had no objection to moving away if thats what the rider needed for her and her horse to safely leave the area, if she had asked polietly. The demand 'just move on' with the hand shake, followed quickly by the question about 'what are you doing here' is what concerned me.

Race i think is relevant. Its the subtle undertones that came with her demand and dismissive hand gesture. I stated the details for context at the start so as to not drip feed.

The play on words is interesting... kids staring, brandishing sticks etc! The kids were looking at a distance and beautiful creatures that you dont see all the time. Lock down, being home most the time, is pretty dull for young children who are used to being out and about at school sèeing friends, attractions and what not. So yes they were keen to look. I fully respect though that the riders are not there for our entertainment and have the right to go about their day without being stared at.
But they are kids! ive seen many horses and they are magnificent but i as im aware of social norms i was actually trying to avoid looking directly at them and i was trying to direct my son else where.
so he was probably looking at them for no more than a few minutes. literally. Its not like we pitched up and set up a viewing station. In all it was probably 2-3 mins on the slope, then 1-2 as we walked around before we went off by the bridge.

The land is 100% not private. They need a permit to ride there. The woods and that part are fully open to the public. There were several other walkers that we passed that morning.

I can only present my side of the story which may unintentially be biased. The very action of me posting initially is testamount to the fact i felt something was wrong in the interaction. But i cant speak for the rider. Only present what she said.

To all the riders, youre all really lovely normally so im not letting this woman change my view. Just trying to make sense of why she behaved that way.

Could this have a case of social supremacy rather than white?

OP, you did nothing wrong. If ever our paths cross when I’m riding I hope I’m on something sensible enough that I can let your son give them a pat. As someone said re supremacy I think it’s really important to remember horses are a privilege enjoyed by few!

Weird but actually I suspect that it was nothing to do with the sticks - otherwise this woman would surely have just asked that you put sticks down as horses nervous around them? This would've solved problem. Very rude of her just to tell you to move on.
I'm thinking maybe this woman spends too much time with horses & thinks everyone should be treated & herded like animals!!

OP - of course your side of the story is biased, the riders would probably post a thread about another bloody townie letting their kids rage riot around their horses and their version would also be biased. Ever since lockdown there has been thread after thread about disputes on pathways with new walkers (usually a mother with kids) on one side and dog walkers, joggers, cyclists, scooters and horse riders on the other.

You have taken this very personally because for you it is unusual to be spoken to so rudely by a stranger whereas what you see as rudeness from horse riders is an everyday event for those of us regularly walking on bridleways with dogs.

@Harmonyrays next time just say hello, make eye-contact, just some sort of interaction, anything.

Kids with sticks and horses, not great, even with my fossil, he'd worry about that. Horses are unpredictable and so are children. You can't tell a horse what to think and how to react, same as you can't tell a child not to squeal with excitement.

Most people (in all walks of life) are decent. Interact next time and you'll get the measure of them fairly quickly.

There may be bias on both sides, you assuming she's a stuck-up racist due to her age, skin colour and horse-ownership and she assuming you're not from the country and won't behave safely around her horse according to your skin colour and children. Everyone has unconscious bias, everyone.

Firstly, regardless of being in a public place with a horse, she has no duty to entertain anyone. Secondly, as an experiment, get another adult to stare at you for a minute (not even a few minutes, just 1 minute) without saying anything and see how comfortable you feel about it (even with someone you know).

For the record, if you ever met me on a ride and wanted to look at and pat my horse, that would be fine as long as you asked first. If you circled me silently and kept reappearing while I was trying to get ready, then I would feel anxious and irritated and would not be polite.

When she asked you to move on the first time, why didn't you get the message that it either wasn't safe to interact with them or simply she didn't want to interact with you (she doesn't have to). Whatever her reasons, she gave you the answer to your silent question right there. No, she had no more right to be in that space than you and your kids but she does have the right not to be followed and to express that your behaviour is upsetting her, which she did.

@RaceDayCrumbs for travellers, horses are not a privilege, as I've mentioned before. They are a way of life, a currency. Your words are extremely biased.