Horse rider and her 'request'

[Harmonyrays]

I need to know if im being unreasonable here in thinking that this lady was being deliberately awkward or something if its else. For contex, we are non white, they were white.

So My children (2 + 6) and I were having a great time exploring the woods when a horse box pulled in and two women unloaded their horses. Kids were naturally excited by this and wanted to get closer to see. I made sure we were a good distance away, at least 10 metres and we were up on the slope. The kids were watching the horses being unloaded for a few minutes. My son had a stick in his hands as he was ramble around and likes to do this. I made sure they were quite. The horses were quickly taken around the other side of the box to saddle up.

After a few minutes we decided to head down to the path and walk around the other side so they could see the horses more cleary and continue our walk. Again they were quite. We found a little bridge that was going the opposite way to where the horses were and my son wanted to explore that so we headed that way. We dissapeared from the womens view for around 5 mins and then i went back to bridge to wait for my son. At this point one of the women, in her 60's, walked over and said 'we are about to take the horses up here (a path that was no where near me and my chldren) can you just move on somewhere else. I said to her im sorry but we are here well away from you and your horses. She then said 'well cant you just move on because the sticks are scaring the horses'. Bear in mind there were no sticks in view at this point at all. As this was the second time she had said 'just move on' with a dismissive hand wave i was getting annoyed and said well were not doing anything to you or the horses. She then said 'well what ARE you doing here'. I said to her 'i dont need to tell you what im doing here, we are in the woods and free to go where we please'. She then looked like she was getting exasperated and huffed saying 'yes i know that but im asking you nicely if you can just move on until we move the horses up the road'.

Given that we were over a bridge and a good 20 metres away from the horses i think it had nothing to do with sticks. I feel she had an entitled attitude and like there was something else bothering her.

The irony is we have been around horses for many years so are aware of how to behave which is exactly why we kept our distance.

If i were alone this wouldnt have bothered me but my son heard and was then saying oh lets just go mum. I feel like she made him feel he shouldnt be there and that upset me.

So i need to know your thoughts, yes i am being unreasonable the lady was right in asking us to move on. No im not being unreasonable and she was out of line telling us to move on.

Thank you

I’ve ridden, on and off, all of my life. I have always greeted walkers and co courteously. If she was on a nervous horse, she should have said and asked politely if you could step away while she went past. No excuse for her rudeness. Unfortunately, horse world can attract some right old types. They’re rude to me, too!

She was rude. If there was a reason for her to ask you to move then she needed to use her words and explain.
I had a hyper pony who basically hated most people, often me 🤣🤣 however I kept out the way of people. The only time I got stroppy was when at my own house I asked people to keep a distance, politely, and they didn't whilst flapping bags etc. I got hurt and they got told to do one. (context I was 12) and it was my home they were uninvited having a wee stroll in the countryside, which was basically my back garden.
So no op, she was an arse, regardless of stress etc, if it happened as you said. Some people are unfortunately rude asses. Hope your son gets to watch more horses soon. My 4 year old is horse daft 🐎😍

@RaceDayCrumbs "I think you might be underestimating yourself. You sound a lot like a side show."

When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates.

@SleepOhHowIMissYou

You are talking nonsense and distorting everything. You aren't engaging with what people are saying to you.

Tomas - Thank you. I love to see horses when I am out BUT don't move sharply or do anything which would spook them. Having said that, if the horses are near I always ask the rider if I am allowed to stroke the horse/pony.

I voted yabu, because you pointed out skin colour. I was waiting for it to become relevant and it didn't. Why mention it.

@Harmonyrays

White privilege attitude. Asking nicely....does she understand the definition.

Never be scared to hold your ground. Does she own these forests? I would have just said, if you can’t control your horses and your afraid of something happen to us if you ride too close. Then you shouldn’t be riding them in the open and suggest she go to a paddock.

I don’t like confrontation but my daughter needs to know that just because your white, doesn’t mean you can speak to non-white people this way. Only way she’ll learn is “monkey see, monkey do”.

Trust me, if it was an upper white middle class family doing the same thing, she would have been soooooo much more polite.

Dangerous game this lady is play, especially with everything happening now. I would have told her to move on, children trump pets!

@Floatyboat what part did you want me to acknowledge? Your emphasis on non-white, cos I'm a racist yeah? Like that woman is obviously a racist coz the old hag, bitch, cow is guilty of being a white woman in her sixties. Seriously how DARE she question the OP's right to stand 10 metres away with two kids with sticks while she unloads and tacks up her horse. What a boomer!

Ask yourself if this was you wanting to look at, perhaps pat a horse. Would you perhaps make eye contact with the owner, give a smile, a wave if you're too shy to say hello. Or would you stand and stare? Then when they move the horses out of sight, change sides to stand and stare again. At 10 metres, you wouldn't have to shout hello, you could read face expressions, see if your smile is returned and, if it's not, then get the message and leave the people you're staring at alone.

Mmm are you telling the full story though because it’s very odd.

@SleepOhHowIMissYou

how DARE she question the OP's right to stand 10 metres away with two kids with sticks while she unloads and tacks up her horse. Seriously

But the op did have the right.

I suspect the horse woman (white, rich) thought she had an implicit power imbalance in her favour where she could direct the other woman (not white). When the op didn't immediately conceed the power imbalance she got uppity. Race might not have been relevant but I'm sure social class is (and some people assume race as a proxy for class).

Experienced horse owner here.

If I was unloading and saw 2 dcs stood watching I would invite them over to say hello to the ponies.

Skin colour is not relevant neither is age.

The only other thing I can think of is one of the dcs was wanging a big stick around which is what my ds would do given the opportunity. In which case I would invite over for a stroke and ask that he wait to play with his stick until we have been outof sight a few seconds and explained sticks scare ponies sometimes.

All the negative comments on here against the woman with the horse. OP is the only one who knows what actually happened so we only have her version of events. No-one commenting was there.

@Floatyboat did you read the OP's initial post? The OP got annoyed first and the 'hag' got exasperated.

You didn't answer my question. Would you stand there, 10 Metres away and not interact. It's a bit odd, don't you agree? When the horses were moved to get away from you. Would you follow or would you get the message?

There are two sides to every story and what I see is a parent's insistence of her child's right to see the horses above the owner's right to privacy.

I agree there's a lot of class associated with horse ownership but in travelling cultures, horse ownership is also the norm. It's not all Pony Club, Gymkhanas and Hickstead you know.

You're all just as guilty for labelling this older woman without knowing anything about her except her age and skin colour.

They didn't violate any right to privacy FFS.

If I was doing something that would inevitably interest a child I would not mind the child watching me do it.

Why do you think this person had the right to privacy, on public land?

YANBU. She was being an entitled, controlling, (and quite possibly also racist) Arsehole. I'm sorry you experienced that & well done for standing up to her

The guy behind Black Farmer sausage company was always having police turn up because passers by had seen him "acting suspiciously" - farming on his own farm. So yeah, the OP had good reason to suspect the horse rider's motives.

@Eckhart @Floatyboat everyone has a right to go about their business without an audience.

As I mentioned earlier, If I love kids, do I have the right to stand 10 metres away from them and stare? Is it creepy if I find a way to follow when they're moved away from me by their parents so I can continue staring because they're just so cute? Or is that rude and weird of me?

Everyone has the right to go about their business. Everyone has the right to look at whatever they want. If you want to do something and not be looked at, you have to go onto private land.

This is very basic. Your examples are irrelevant. Adults watching children is not the same as children watching horses.

I’m confused why race has been brought into it.

A person can be rude to another person without it being anything to do with race.

@Eckhart do you deny it's rude to persist in behaviour that is clearly causing discomfort to others because you believe your child's or your own rights are paramount? They moved the horses away for pity's sake.

But most normal horse owners would not found that behaviour uncomfortable. Its only you and this woman that find it "uncomfortable". Most would understand a child would be interested and therefore don't mind.

My kids like looking at the bin lorry very intently. The bin men don't come over and tell them to go away. They smile and wave.

I don't deny anything. This is a bit like being in court.

If somebody is doing something legal on public land that you don't like, you either politely ask them to stop, or you go elsewhere. Neither of those things happened, and instead, OP was instructed to move and made to feel that she and her kids ought not be there, which was unreasonable.

That's my final word, because I can't continue to argue with stupid.

She sounds rude but I'm not sure what relevance you not being white and her age has to anything

@Floatyboat but unlike the binmen, this woman didn't smile and wave. In fact she made the effort to move away, so unless you have a rather inflated sense of entitlement, surely you get the message and leave them alone.

She had no duty towards the OP's children. She even explained that the horses were scared. Seriously, get a clue.