Horse rider and her 'request'

[Harmonyrays]

I need to know if im being unreasonable here in thinking that this lady was being deliberately awkward or something if its else. For contex, we are non white, they were white.

So My children (2 + 6) and I were having a great time exploring the woods when a horse box pulled in and two women unloaded their horses. Kids were naturally excited by this and wanted to get closer to see. I made sure we were a good distance away, at least 10 metres and we were up on the slope. The kids were watching the horses being unloaded for a few minutes. My son had a stick in his hands as he was ramble around and likes to do this. I made sure they were quite. The horses were quickly taken around the other side of the box to saddle up.

After a few minutes we decided to head down to the path and walk around the other side so they could see the horses more cleary and continue our walk. Again they were quite. We found a little bridge that was going the opposite way to where the horses were and my son wanted to explore that so we headed that way. We dissapeared from the womens view for around 5 mins and then i went back to bridge to wait for my son. At this point one of the women, in her 60's, walked over and said 'we are about to take the horses up here (a path that was no where near me and my chldren) can you just move on somewhere else. I said to her im sorry but we are here well away from you and your horses. She then said 'well cant you just move on because the sticks are scaring the horses'. Bear in mind there were no sticks in view at this point at all. As this was the second time she had said 'just move on' with a dismissive hand wave i was getting annoyed and said well were not doing anything to you or the horses. She then said 'well what ARE you doing here'. I said to her 'i dont need to tell you what im doing here, we are in the woods and free to go where we please'. She then looked like she was getting exasperated and huffed saying 'yes i know that but im asking you nicely if you can just move on until we move the horses up the road'.

Given that we were over a bridge and a good 20 metres away from the horses i think it had nothing to do with sticks. I feel she had an entitled attitude and like there was something else bothering her.

The irony is we have been around horses for many years so are aware of how to behave which is exactly why we kept our distance.

If i were alone this wouldnt have bothered me but my son heard and was then saying oh lets just go mum. I feel like she made him feel he shouldnt be there and that upset me.

So i need to know your thoughts, yes i am being unreasonable the lady was right in asking us to move on. No im not being unreasonable and she was out of line telling us to move on.

Thank you

I think a small family looking at someone with horses from a distance is not weird. One adult staring directly at another adult and their car is weird.

With horses, the sensible thing to do is to keep a distance and not make loads of noise, which is what OP and her kids did. Shouting 'DO YOU MIND IF WE LOOK AT YOUR HORSES FROM HERE?' would not have been the best idea, and probably would have been counterproductive, particularly if the horse is nervous.

@RaceDayCrumbs mine let's toddlers sit on him at ice cream vans when my back is turned. The greyhound stands under him when it's raining to keep dry. Flicka he ain't.

I don’t think you being non white has much to do with it . You’ve encountered and entitled there around and come in many forms across society unfortunately . Short of laying down in front of her and her friend and letting them trample all over you with their horses they won’t have been satisfied . !! You see the thing was you dared to breath air in their space when reall you should have just merged into the undergrowth . Of course you weren’t the unreasonable one she should have waited until you had passed.

Then your horse would have absolutely no issue with this scenario and you wouldn’t have to be rude like the woman in the OP.

So your objection is just that you’d feel intimidated by a small child looking at you.

How do you leave the house?

Also unlike cattle, horses will do their very very best not to trample and will try to jump over obstacles in their way , or go around. That is unless they have some bully police person on top of them and horses should NOT be used as weapons or means of control, they are innocent animals and should not be involved in human strife, or have fireworks, bikes or anything else thrown at them.

A wood near me has footpaths and one bridleway. If you were on the bridleway, you would've been in their way and in danger of being hurt...

@Eckhart it wasn't just a passing interest was it? It started with staring, no words spoken. Then circling and trying to get closer. Then coming back once the horses were tacked up. How long do you think it takes to unload a horse, remove travel boots and knee guards and tack up? That's quite a long time to be stared at.

Also, some horses are bomb proof (mine included) but don't box well.

You're quick to judge this woman (as are others - stuck up cow, bitch, old hag, bet she hunts) but you have no idea of her circumstances.

It is so not irrelevant. She was treated like shit and she is a woman of colour, with her family. It is so relevant and if you don’t see that you have the problem

@SleepOhHowIMissYou

Perhaps she didn't like being gawped at and felt that she and her horse weren't there for your entertainment. People have the right to go about their business without it being a spectator sport.

What if someone really is interested in kids and saw you getting your kids out of a car so hung about, circled your kids and changed position to get a better view. Would that be okay with you?

My personal experience is that kids with sticks and horses are not a good mix.

If you take a magnificent animal such as a horse out for a ride and get annoyed that people are admiring your animal you’re an idiot

Sleep ok then.

@RaceDayCrumbs I tend not to have adults and their children staring at me when I leave the house, so I do okay. Thanks for your concern though.

But to be clear small children make you feel vulnerable

@SleepOhHowIMissYou

You admit that you find a 6 year old non white boy and his mum looking at you intimidating? You sound like you really don't go out much. But you need to.

@foodiefil at 25 years old, trust me he's no magnificent. However, he is gorgeous and I'm happy for people to look at him and pat him when they ask.

I would not be happy to be stared at, circled and crept up on by small kids with sticks. We are not a side show.

I think you might be underestimating yourself. You sound a lot like a side show.

circled and crept up on by small kids with sticks

None of which happened in OP's case, either.

@Floatyboat @RaceDayCrumbs I would expect a 6 year old to know it's rude to stare, yes. I would expect their parent to teach them that if they didn't know.

We're not talking about my elderly gentleman and his impeccable manners. All horses are different, as are all kids.

If someone lurked about watching me while I was doing something (unboxing, tacking up). I would ask them what they wanted, yes.

If I gave non-verbal clues that I didn't like being stared at and they were ignored because a parent felt that their child's right to stare trumped my right to privacy, then I would not be polite in my request for it to stop.

It's rude to stare.

You have no rights to privacy in a public place. If you expect such a right you are going to find public places difficult.

Children playing in forests with sticks don't lurk. Such dramatic language here for some kids looking at a horse.

"Kids were naturally excited by this and wanted to get closer to see. I made sure we were a good distance away, at least 10 metres and we were up on the slope. The kids were watching the horses being unloaded for a few minutes. My son had a stick in his hands as he was ramble around and likes to do this. I made sure they were quite. The horses were quickly taken around the other side of the box to saddle up.

After a few minutes we decided to head down to the path and walk around the other side so they could see the horses more cleary and continue our walk. Again they were quite. We found a little bridge that was going the opposite way to where the horses were and my son wanted to explore that so we headed that way. We dissapeared from the womens view for around 5 mins and then i went back to bridge to wait for my son. At this point one of the women, in her 60's, walked over and said 'we are about to take the horses up here (a path that was no where near me and my chldren) can you just move on somewhere else. I said to her im sorry but we are here well away from you and your horses. She then said 'well cant you just move on because the sticks are scaring the horses'."

There is no way that saying "what are you doing here?" in a public place to another member of the public is anything other than rude regardless of skin colour, and I can see that maybe other woman was just being an arse and OP's skin colour was irrelevant she isjust rude to all and sundry, on the other hand I can see easily that it could be perceived as being racist as she could have being using white priviledge or maybe she was just assuming as OP is BAME that she is a city dweller and therefore clueless in rural areas so was using country versus town prejudice to shout at her and so was being indirectly racist for assuming BAME =Townie = countryside clueless so I'll shout at them, rather than BAME means I can be rude because I don't like BAME people

Secondly when you are in an area where pedestrians are legally entitled to be you need to take care, whether you are driving a car, motorcycle bicylce skateboard have a dog or a horse, it is your responsibility not to hurt another human if you can possibly help it if people are crossing a road you can't drive at them blowing your horn you have to stop even if they are crossing with red man showing etc etc and if they haven't finished crossing when the lights go green you have to wait, if your dog knocks over young children or jumps up people or worries sheep it is your responsibility and if anything goes wrong it is your responsibility and you are liable even if the toddler acted like prey running away and your dog thought it was a game likewise if you are running fast and the person in front of you doesn't hear you or even just doesn't want to move you can't push them in the road whether they are deaf, female, old or whatever you need to stop running and slow down or run round them and if it spoils your pace, time etc well its tough but walkers don't have to let runners through they might but often people especially the elderly don't hear people shouting behind them. The same applies to cyclists and skateboarders you can't scream move and expect people to move or assume they have even heard you
So if you have a horse in a public place it is your responsibility to make sure it behaves not the toddler with the stick, if your horse is likely to be spooked by an innocent child playing in a childish way you need to keep your horse away from kids in public not scream or shout at weither parent or kid you need to control your horse and if you can't you should practise or train in a field until you can control your horse if your horse hurts someone it is no defence that the person or their parent should know how to behave around horses
A bridle path means you have a right to take your horse down that path I think that practically all bridle paths are also publoc footpaths so it is a shared place like a road, and like roads pedestrians have priority you can't gallop or even trot down them expecting public to leap into nettles or brambles when you pass if the path is 3 foot wide you need to be able to take your horse safely past people coming in the opposite direction or stop your horse at a wider place to allow them to pass the same if their is a group of walkers ahead you need to slow until you can safely pass not shout get in the hedge get in the hedge or move on move on or take your hats off in case you scare my horse it will be no defence that my horse doesn't like hats and the silly man didn't hear me shout take your hat off
Small kids in woodland areas and paths with a stick is normal collecting them for a den or to play pooh sticks with or using them in fun as a walking stick is just fun and if your horse goes there it needs to cope if your horse can't cope with average human behaviour in a public path then it shouldn't be there.
on the other hand if your horse is in a field it shouldn't be bothered by people

@teacup

You're totally correct. Its depressing how many people don't get this. They think their own circumstances makes them deserving of being accommodated by others.

"As this was the second time she had said 'just move on' with a dismissive hand wave i was getting annoyed and said well were not doing anything to you or the horses. She then said 'well what ARE you doing here'. I said to her 'i dont need to tell you what im doing here, we are in the woods and free to go where we please'. She then looked like she was getting exasperated and huffed saying 'yes i know that but im asking you nicely if you can just move on until we move the horses up the road'. "

So OP got angry first, then 'old hag, bitch, cow, fox murderer' got exasperated.

They moved to the other side of the box to tack up. Told OP that the sticks scared the horses.

Lesson to be learned. Not everyone loves kids, especially other people's kids, and they have no obligation to oblige or entertain them.

Yes I agree teacup.

No obligation to oblige or entertain but in a public place they have no option other than to tolerate them or stay home themselves. Unless you’re suggesting the child was behaving in a criminal manner?