Horse rider and her 'request'

[Harmonyrays]

I need to know if im being unreasonable here in thinking that this lady was being deliberately awkward or something if its else. For contex, we are non white, they were white.

So My children (2 + 6) and I were having a great time exploring the woods when a horse box pulled in and two women unloaded their horses. Kids were naturally excited by this and wanted to get closer to see. I made sure we were a good distance away, at least 10 metres and we were up on the slope. The kids were watching the horses being unloaded for a few minutes. My son had a stick in his hands as he was ramble around and likes to do this. I made sure they were quite. The horses were quickly taken around the other side of the box to saddle up.

After a few minutes we decided to head down to the path and walk around the other side so they could see the horses more cleary and continue our walk. Again they were quite. We found a little bridge that was going the opposite way to where the horses were and my son wanted to explore that so we headed that way. We dissapeared from the womens view for around 5 mins and then i went back to bridge to wait for my son. At this point one of the women, in her 60's, walked over and said 'we are about to take the horses up here (a path that was no where near me and my chldren) can you just move on somewhere else. I said to her im sorry but we are here well away from you and your horses. She then said 'well cant you just move on because the sticks are scaring the horses'. Bear in mind there were no sticks in view at this point at all. As this was the second time she had said 'just move on' with a dismissive hand wave i was getting annoyed and said well were not doing anything to you or the horses. She then said 'well what ARE you doing here'. I said to her 'i dont need to tell you what im doing here, we are in the woods and free to go where we please'. She then looked like she was getting exasperated and huffed saying 'yes i know that but im asking you nicely if you can just move on until we move the horses up the road'.

Given that we were over a bridge and a good 20 metres away from the horses i think it had nothing to do with sticks. I feel she had an entitled attitude and like there was something else bothering her.

The irony is we have been around horses for many years so are aware of how to behave which is exactly why we kept our distance.

If i were alone this wouldnt have bothered me but my son heard and was then saying oh lets just go mum. I feel like she made him feel he shouldnt be there and that upset me.

So i need to know your thoughts, yes i am being unreasonable the lady was right in asking us to move on. No im not being unreasonable and she was out of line telling us to move on.

Thank you

@Roussillon849 what race do you think the horse rider was? The OP didn't specify this, just the woman's age. Do you assume she's white? Why?

Op that lady was very rude to ask you what you were doing there. I completely understand why that could be interpreted as racist tbh, as it as though she thought you didn't have as much right to be out enjoying the countryside just as much as any other person! And she sounds as though she didn't explain herself well or with any manners or common courtesy.

As a rider, the only explanation I can think of is that unloading a young or nervous horse is something you don't necessarily always want an audience for, because you may be worried about how they are going to react to new surroundings, and an audience could make you feel a bit more stressed which transmits to the steed. (A bit like when your toddler is misbehaving in the supermarket and you don't want a big crowd gathering.) And the problem is, as a pp said, you can only practice these things and train for them so many times at home, before you eventually have to practice them for real ifyswim!

I'm sorry you had that experience. She should have behaved with much more courtesy towards you. Not all horse-riders are hard-faced and rude I promise!

She sounds a little unbalanced. If the horses can't be trusted to stay calm 20 metres away from pedestrians they should probably not be taken to a public park.

@SleepOhHowIMissYou the OP stated that the horse woman was white.

If anyone was hanging round gawping at me, for what ever reason, I'd ask them why they thought it was okay to do that. I wouldn't word it as politely as "why are you here?" either.

It's rude to stand around staring at people. Are you usually so oblivious to social norms? And to move off and then come back and stare some more? Seriously?

@RLABC I didn't see that. Will look again.

Your son's right to stare doesn't cancel the woman's (or to quote other posters old hag, bitch's) right to not be stared at.

Good she taught him some manners as you seem clueless frankly.

@SleepOhHowIMissYou

The OP’s son was interested in the lady’s horse. It’s nice that people admire your horses. If I’ve been riding something placid I would always let children stroke my horse and if it’s not a suitable horse I’d let them know politely. I’ve had many lovely encounters on horseback.

@SleepOhHowIMissYou

you seem clueless frankly

I think she was a cow to upset your son. YANBU.

@RaceDayCrumbs and if I'm interested in her children. Hang about 10 to 20 metres to stare at them. Move a bit closer to stare at them. Wander off and then come back to stare some more at her kids, you know, coz they're interesting. While holding my dog, but he's being quiet (or quite if you prefer, not sure quite what though). Is that a bit awkward and weird do you think?

@Eckhart well done. What a clever retort.

I wasn't being clever. You do.

@Eckhart why? Would you like to clarify? How did you come to this conclusion. Do you like being stared at when you're going about your personal business?

Horses are a privilege, sleep. It’s not at all unusual to comment on someone’s child as they pass. Yes more unusual to follow them but their vulnerabilities differ somewhat. When you have horses you become accustomed to people, in particular children getting excited and paying them attention. Provided they are respectful it’s a good opportunity to educate them on how to behave around horses and give them an opportunity to interact.

I have never, ever been made to feel vulnerable by a small child admiring my horse. I’ve been riding over 20 years!

@SleepOhHowIMissYou

No I don't. But a passive aggressive manner is a horrible way to get your point across. You seem to think it's good, along with insulting OP. Which is why I said you seemed clueless.

Kids like to look at horses.

You did nothing wrong.

You should have told her you have plenty of experience with horses thank you very much and to kindly move along.

Silly cow.

@RaceDayCrumbs my experience is different to yours. It starts with "can we look at your horse" (polite to ask, not just stand and stare), then "can we pat your horse", then "can he/she just sit on your horse". Huffing when told no. Perhaps I come across more cheeky fuckers than you. I once had one father plonk their toddler in the saddle while I was buying a drink from an ice cream van.

As you're such an expert on horses you'll understand how their peripheral vision works and that they are flight animals. Do you think they see a small animal with a stick circling them, disappearing and reappearing and think, "oh goody, a friend to play with".

@percheron67 entirely agree with you
Not enough people comply with the country code in general & yes how were the horse riders to know that OP & her children were familiar with horses.

@Eckhart and what's wrong with asking if it's okay to look at the horse? Is that not a polite and normal thing to do? Or strike up a conversation like I did yesterday with a man with a classic car.

What I didn't do is hoover and circle, disappear and then come back to watch him put his convertible hood up. That too would be weird, no?

I think you have underestimated horses intelligence if you think they’ll confuse a small child, looking at them in the distance, with a prey animal.

If you have a horse that is so flighty with their instincts so confused despite being domesticated and backed they should probably not be used as a hacking horse.

Hover, not hoover. The car was spotless, didn't need vacuuming.

I can see why some people think horse riders are self important assholes. It’s evident from this thread that many are.

Don't think skin colour anything to do with this, she is just a snob, I bought a pony when I started work, so not all horse owners are like this!
I think you were very nice as I would probably have started singing loudly and waved a stick around!! Bloody entitled snobs make you sick wonder if she hunts too. I hate that, the ones running the country are just as bad. Feel for you son, I hope you enjoy many more walks with him.

She was probably afraid of her horse reacting, some riders are afraid of their horse, they then want everyone to walk on eggshells around them. It's fine to stop at a safe distance and admire horses, horses are magnificent animals ;) (horse owner and rider myself).