Horse rider and her 'request'

[Harmonyrays]

I need to know if im being unreasonable here in thinking that this lady was being deliberately awkward or something if its else. For contex, we are non white, they were white.

So My children (2 + 6) and I were having a great time exploring the woods when a horse box pulled in and two women unloaded their horses. Kids were naturally excited by this and wanted to get closer to see. I made sure we were a good distance away, at least 10 metres and we were up on the slope. The kids were watching the horses being unloaded for a few minutes. My son had a stick in his hands as he was ramble around and likes to do this. I made sure they were quite. The horses were quickly taken around the other side of the box to saddle up.

After a few minutes we decided to head down to the path and walk around the other side so they could see the horses more cleary and continue our walk. Again they were quite. We found a little bridge that was going the opposite way to where the horses were and my son wanted to explore that so we headed that way. We dissapeared from the womens view for around 5 mins and then i went back to bridge to wait for my son. At this point one of the women, in her 60's, walked over and said 'we are about to take the horses up here (a path that was no where near me and my chldren) can you just move on somewhere else. I said to her im sorry but we are here well away from you and your horses. She then said 'well cant you just move on because the sticks are scaring the horses'. Bear in mind there were no sticks in view at this point at all. As this was the second time she had said 'just move on' with a dismissive hand wave i was getting annoyed and said well were not doing anything to you or the horses. She then said 'well what ARE you doing here'. I said to her 'i dont need to tell you what im doing here, we are in the woods and free to go where we please'. She then looked like she was getting exasperated and huffed saying 'yes i know that but im asking you nicely if you can just move on until we move the horses up the road'.

Given that we were over a bridge and a good 20 metres away from the horses i think it had nothing to do with sticks. I feel she had an entitled attitude and like there was something else bothering her.

The irony is we have been around horses for many years so are aware of how to behave which is exactly why we kept our distance.

If i were alone this wouldnt have bothered me but my son heard and was then saying oh lets just go mum. I feel like she made him feel he shouldnt be there and that upset me.

So i need to know your thoughts, yes i am being unreasonable the lady was right in asking us to move on. No im not being unreasonable and she was out of line telling us to move on.

Thank you

Also the whips and sticks debate is irrelevant- horses that have never encountered one in their life could be spooked by a child waving a long one. The relevance of mine being racehorses we're that they were excitable coming off a wagon and in general especially in their early days not that they had a fear of being beaten (they didn't)

@midnightstar66

How do you think you get a horse used to a situation though if not taking them in to it (and hoping that further incidents like kids waving sticks don't happen and make it harder) as I said she was rude but with horses of mine who were racers off the track getting retrained in this situation they'd likely have been spooked initially by child with stick and in flight mode so getting them sorted and tacked up wouldn't have been hard and stressful. I'd likely have ended up with sore toes or fingers and been barged about a bit. Horse would have stayed on edge due to the circling. Then when I want to mount I know child with stick is in vicinity but don't know where so could potentially emerge at any time. Once horse was going in the woods they'd have been grand providing child with stick didn't pop out in the mean time. No I wouldn't have been rude but I'd have been inwardly cursing.

When we've had nervous horses (or riders) then we'd gradually accustom them to more and more open or unpredictable circumstances with a more experienced and bombproof other horse and an experienced rider. Horses will copy horses, so if you've got something (as we used to describe it) 'dead from the hooves up' it will give confidence to a jittery, younger animal.

I've never had anything so wound up that it couldn't even take people walking around at 20m though. I'd suggest that the lady may have been either very nervous herself, or she wasn't the most experienced rider and may have had to clamber on board via the lorry mudguard, ramp, and then a further ungainly scramble into the saddle and didn't want you to see!

eckhart I can pull him up with a few yards and last year I hacked out for well over 1000 miles just last year with no problems. I've ridden this horse for 12 years and taken him all over the country. We have been up mountains, through rivers, in the sea, through wind farms. I have crossed a dual carriageway several times from a friends farm. We've had an ambulance come haring round a corner with blues and twos on and low flying jets go low overhead with no problem. He has even witnessed a car crash and just stopped and stared. It's only black labs that are not on a lead and only after he was bitten. Perhaps we should just ban black labs.

David Cameron wouldn’t be stupid enough to put his kids at risk like that. Oh I don't know....he did leave one behind in a pub!😂

As a horse owner I can see why it's a problem for her but she needs to suck it up, she was being a knob. Lots of horse people are. I can't imagine it was too do with your skin colour though

YANBU the bridleways I ride on have been exceptionally busy since lockdown and it's a pain sometimes but everyone has a right to be there and most people apply common courtesy round here. Kids waving sticks can upset horses but it sounds like you were very sensible and kept the kids quiet.
Sometimes people will step off the tracks into the bushes to let us pass which freaks the horses out even more, but they mean well and still get a friendly thank you on the way past.

They sound like a couple of snobby hags tbh.

Why all the inaccurate and sensational language? children 'squealing', and 'waving' or even 'brandishing' sticks. The OP has said loads of times she kept them quiet and the stick was hardly ever in view, much less being 'brandished'.

is it public land Yes, the OP said that ages ago.

It's only black labs that are not on a lead and only after he was bitten. Perhaps we should just ban black labs.

You are so self absorbed I can't tell if your joking/trolling now.

Why not actually try to help your horse and densensitise it to black labs in a safe environment. Behavioural therapy for animals' phobias is quite possible. It says a lot that you've had the horse for 12 years and made no effort to actually help it feel safe and make other members of the public safer.

I'm sorry OP this encounter spoiled your walk temporarily. But maybe she was nervous. I don't think she had the right to ask you what you were doing at all, it was public land and you had every right to be there as she did. Forget it and move on. You weren't abusive to her in response, you handled it very well in front of the children and taught them a strong response without the need to become aggressive. Lessons like this are valuable; little people remember them.

@countrygirl99 My car's lights are unreliable. Sometimes I don't even realise they're not on, for miles. I've driven 1000s of miles and not actually had an accident yet, though, so I guess there's no need to fix the problem?

If you think I should pull the car off the road and see to the problem, what's the difference between my situation and yours?

If you don't think I should pull my car off the road, you don't understand risk. I'd recommend learning about it. You and your horse are endangering yourself and others.

@eckhart

Exactly. Low frequency high severity events never happen...until they do.

Why do you need to add in skin colour “for context”? It wasn’t mentioned at all. Were you hoping we would cry racist?

I would suspect her horses were easily spooked and they had gone somewhere quiet. You had been appearing and disappearing so I’m her eyes, possibly nervous about her horse, she saw you and your kids as unpredictable stick wavers so overreacted- so in that way unreasonable.

@Floatyboat

You didn't read what else I said did you?

I said that I would ask politely for them to put it down and explain why. Not demand that they take all the blame for what some twat did to my horse. If they refused, fine, I could still get my horse past them, it would just be more difficult and it would make him nervous. I like to prevent that happening to my animals.

The chances of stopping animal abuse are basically none unless we start monitoring people daily which isn't possible. Can campaign all I want, it won't stop it happening. I can only try and fix the issues my horse has to the best of my ability.

@truthpact

I don't think I replied to you. So a bit confused.

But if sticks startle your horse wouldn't they startle straight away before you have a chance to explain?

@AndromedaM31

I'm sorry OP this encounter spoiled your walk temporarily. But maybe she was nervous. I don't think she had the right to ask you what you were doing at all, it was public land and you had every right to be there as she did. Forget it and move on. You weren't abusive to her in response, you handled it very well in front of the children and taught them a strong response without the need to become aggressive. Lessons like this are valuable; little people remember them.

Absolutely this. Grace in the face of twattery is a key life lesson for the littles.

Absolutely no idea what skin colour has to do with this to be honest.

The woman was rude you didn't move which you well within your right not to. She'd of treated anyone else the same way it's not because your not white, she's just a cheeky cow

The woman was rude you didn't move which you well within your right not to. She'd of treated anyone else the same way it's not because your not white, she's just a cheeky cow

I don't think you know this. Its a single incident. It may or may not have been racist.

@Floatyboat

You quoted what I said a page or so back from what I said on the first page about my horse being afraid of whips or anything like it.

He doesn't bolt, he's better trained than that, but he gets very tense, he throws his head up in the air and generally looks quite intimidating to a non horsey person because of his size. I don't want him scaring people and I don't want him scaring himself as then next time I try lunging him or even have a whip near him he panics and that's not fair on him. Easier if we can just avoid the whole situation and stop him panicking. Once he knows they are no threat to him he is fine.

@Truthpact

You sounded reasonable enough until you said you use a whip near your horse who's afraid of whips. Surely that is something that is within your control you can do to make him feel safer. You clearly prioritise the pleasure of riding a horse and the convenience of whip over the well being of your animal.

he throws his head up in the air and generally looks quite intimidating to a non horsey person because of his size. I don't want him scaring people

Are you ok with people who have dogs that growl/bark at kids then? Do you think the kids should be responsible for controlling this sort of behaviour in the dog, or its owner?

@Floatyboat

Again if you'd read the whole of my reply, you'd see that I said I worked with him for 3 years to get him better with them, and yes it took that long. He used to bolt if someone even tried to hand me one when I was on him, or bolt when lunging. Lots of work went in to get him used to it, and he's fine now with people he knows. But a stranger in a wood waving a stick around would make him nervous again and I'd have to redo the work I've done to help him. He'd be wary of me holding a whip near him after that until he knows he's safe again. Once he'd knows he's safe, he doesn't give a damn. But he doesn't know if the stranger is going to hit him or not. Doubtful they would, but I've seen worse behaviour on videos so you never know. Can't blame him for being wary.

@Eckhart

As long as the dog is kept on a lead, then it's safe and isn't going to harm the child or person. My horse isn't going to harm someone, but he's a big horse and people might think he would. He wants away from the situation though, not to stay and fight. The owner needs to work on it, like I have, but animals aren't robots. Some of them are unlikely to fully get over the traumas of their past. If I had a dog that didn't like kids and growled at them, I'd keep it on a leash at all times when out and not let kids run up to it. Kids need to learn the word no, they can't always be told yes do what you want. They need to be respectful to of different situations. I learnt that at a young age, some animals don't react well to people and there's very little you can do about it some times. You leave them alone.

Kids need to learn the word no, they can't always be told yes do what you want. They need to be respectful to of different situations. I learnt that at a young age, some animals don't react well to people and there's very little you can do about it some times. You leave them alone

You are talking about the kids being responsible then. For a traumatised horse that they've never even seen before.

I wasn't talking about a biting dog, I was talking about a growling one. Since animals that only seem scary are ok to be out in public, I guess my dog that growls at children is ok to be off lead? He'd never hurt a fly.

Kids need to learn the word no, they can't always be told yes do what you want
This kid was kept quiet and at a distance.

Uggh what a Neanderthal your are pastrychief. I have reported your comment, and assuming you can read, this is for you:
www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/jan/16/playing-the-race-card-racism-black-experience