Horse rider and her 'request'

[Harmonyrays]

I need to know if im being unreasonable here in thinking that this lady was being deliberately awkward or something if its else. For contex, we are non white, they were white.

So My children (2 + 6) and I were having a great time exploring the woods when a horse box pulled in and two women unloaded their horses. Kids were naturally excited by this and wanted to get closer to see. I made sure we were a good distance away, at least 10 metres and we were up on the slope. The kids were watching the horses being unloaded for a few minutes. My son had a stick in his hands as he was ramble around and likes to do this. I made sure they were quite. The horses were quickly taken around the other side of the box to saddle up.

After a few minutes we decided to head down to the path and walk around the other side so they could see the horses more cleary and continue our walk. Again they were quite. We found a little bridge that was going the opposite way to where the horses were and my son wanted to explore that so we headed that way. We dissapeared from the womens view for around 5 mins and then i went back to bridge to wait for my son. At this point one of the women, in her 60's, walked over and said 'we are about to take the horses up here (a path that was no where near me and my chldren) can you just move on somewhere else. I said to her im sorry but we are here well away from you and your horses. She then said 'well cant you just move on because the sticks are scaring the horses'. Bear in mind there were no sticks in view at this point at all. As this was the second time she had said 'just move on' with a dismissive hand wave i was getting annoyed and said well were not doing anything to you or the horses. She then said 'well what ARE you doing here'. I said to her 'i dont need to tell you what im doing here, we are in the woods and free to go where we please'. She then looked like she was getting exasperated and huffed saying 'yes i know that but im asking you nicely if you can just move on until we move the horses up the road'.

Given that we were over a bridge and a good 20 metres away from the horses i think it had nothing to do with sticks. I feel she had an entitled attitude and like there was something else bothering her.

The irony is we have been around horses for many years so are aware of how to behave which is exactly why we kept our distance.

If i were alone this wouldnt have bothered me but my son heard and was then saying oh lets just go mum. I feel like she made him feel he shouldnt be there and that upset me.

So i need to know your thoughts, yes i am being unreasonable the lady was right in asking us to move on. No im not being unreasonable and she was out of line telling us to move on.

Thank you

Don’t be so ridiculous. If she feels the safety of herself, her horse or unreliable kids is at stake—as she did here—she would speak to anyone like that.

What, she'd have told a Dave Cameron, out with his lovely young kids, to "move on", with a dismissive hand wave? Oh the fuck she would. 😂

Particularly so if they’re going to be stubborn and create an issue.

"Stubborn" and "create an issue. What, by being in a public space, at a distance? Refusing to leave? Perhaps like a birder in central park by any chance? 🤔 Horse lady was there last, if she isn't comfortable, she should leave.

Sex, race and age don’t come into it. Stop trying to make it into something it isn’t to fit your own agenda as it undermines genuine cases.

"Genuine cases", that's a dog whistle line right there. 🤔 We see you.

"No I'm too thick to realise that. Thanks for pointing it out. You're so virtuous. "

Well I did wonder

You said your DS was not with you when your returned, she may not have known where he was. Also, she asked you to move on until they'd moved the horses. A reasonable request.

What, she'd have told a Dave Cameron, out with his lovely young kids, to "move on", with a dismissive hand wave? Oh the fuck she would.

PicsInRed David Cameron wouldn’t be stupid enough to put his kids at risk like that.

What, by being in a public space, at a distance? Refusing to leave?

By staring at them, being in the way and creating an issue for the horses. Nobody knows what could have spooked those horses but the risers, so if OP actually wanted to take care of her kids instead of putting them at risk of being in the way of a horse spooked because of them, she would have moved.

She didn’t care, she wanted to be an arse. There was no reason she couldn’t have moved when asked just to let the horses by. This never need be an issue if OP hadn’t created one.

"Genuine cases", that's a dog whistle line right there. 🤔 We see you.

Yeah? And I see you. One of those trying to shoehorn sex/race/age into an issue and undermining and hurting whatever cause you’re purporting to support. You make a mockery of it and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Why did you mention that you are not white and that the woman was? I can't see why that is relevant.
Because the woman asked "what ARE you doing here". Meaning "you don't belong here".

@sierra2020

Yes, my point was she had no more right than anybody else, and so if she wanted OP to move, her only option would be to ask politely and hope OP was ok with it.

Read posts properly before you start tagging and getting up in arms. You and I agree.

Because the woman asked "what ARE you doing here". Meaning "you don't belong here".

No, it didn't mean that at all. It meant "well what exactly are you doing then because you've been circling round us watching us like some sort of an attraction".

@heartsonacake

There was no reason she couldn’t have moved when asked just to let the horses by. This never need be an issue if OP hadn’t created one

OP has clearly stated that she would have moved out of the way willingly if asked politely, and the issue was they way in which she was told to move, and made to feel she ought not to be there. Missed the point, haven't you.

And the PP said 'a Dave Cameron', rather than David Cameron himself, so what you think he would have done is a) irrelevant and b) a guess. Unless you've asked him? No, I didn't think so.

You're quite good at missing the point and being irrelevent

However I would tell your son to not hold sticks around horses. Most won't be bothered, but mine was beaten with whips before I got him. He does get nervous about a whip being held around him if it's not me or someone he knows with it, and to him, a stick is a whip.

Lol so a 6 year old boy having fun needs to be responsible for the widespread abuse of horses by their owners and other adults employed to look after them. Campaign to ban using whips on horses not boys with sticks.

If it's dangerous for a young boy with a stick to come within 20m of a horse then that horse should not be in a public place. Its no different to people who own dangerous dogs and expect other people to modify their behaviour because of it.

She sounds rude but perhaps the hanging around with sticks initially and previous experience coloured her judgement and affected her reaction to the rest of the situation. Some people behave appallingly around horses and the results can be very serious.

PicsInRedDavid Cameron wouldn’t be stupid enough to put his kids at risk like that.

20m from a horse? I'm sure he's had the kids 20m from a horse. Look, I had my own horse growing up, been thrown off myself, and still live amongst them. I'm not some stereotypical horse person hating townie. With that in mind, if your horse can't do 20m from the public, it doesn't need to be in public. The answer isn't to haughtily order the public from public spaces.

At minimum, they should have either waited patiently for the OP to finish (her having been there first) or politiely explained the situation and asked very nicely for extra space. It's the sheer entitlement to order a another human being from a public space which makes clear what was in play there. Which the OP clearly sense herself, having mentioned it.

You make a mockery of it and you should be ashamed of yourself.

No, shan't.

floatyboat my horse has been attacked by dogs out hacking twice, proper attacked and bitten, both times it was black labradors. He is fine with all other dogs but is nervous of black lambs running loose. He is fine if the owner of a black lab puts it on a lead but otherwise he is likely to try and run away. Should I never ride out in case I meet a black lab with an irresponsible owner?

I think it is pretty much impossible for anyone reading this to know who was being unreasonable, without knowing if the horses were actually upset, and seeing the interaction between OP and the lady.

As a couple of others have mentioned there is a certain type of person, who has spent so much time ordering horses and children around, that they speak to everyone like that, and it seems likely that this lady was one of those types.

It is making me cringe however the number of people saying that the skin colour of the people involved isn't relevant. How can any of us say that. You would hope that race played no part in the interaction, but we all know lots of people are racist, so it is surely a possibility worth considering.

Two things come to mind, is it public land? I regularly walk through places with my dog that isn't public footpaths so strictly speaking I shouldn't be there (everyone does it), other thing is how noisy were you, that can spook horses. She may have had issues with a kid running up with a stick, 20m isn't very far away. She does sound grumpy, certainly assertive but without being there I can't say who is being unreasonable. I've been thrown by a horse due to it being spooked, very scary.

@countrygirl99

floatyboat my horse has been attacked by dogs out hacking twice, proper attacked and bitten, both times it was black labradors. He is fine with all other dogs but is nervous of black lambs running loose. He is fine if the owner of a black lab puts it on a lead but otherwise he is likely to try and run away. Should I never ride out in case I meet a black lab with an irresponsible owner?

I would say you could very nicely explain and ask them to put the dogs on lead just whilst you're passing - but that making demands and ordering them from the park would be a tad excessive.

@countrygirl

Well from what you say going somewhere with a reasonable chance of a black lab being off a lead, startling your horse and your horse injuring your self or someone else would be irresponsible.

In fact, understanding that risk as you do but not acting to mitigate that risk, you would be liable to civil action from the victim.

Clearly if the dog bit your horse then it's the dog owners fault. But there is nothing automatically wrong about a dog being off a lead and running around.

Horses (nor dogs) are a special class of property which gives you the right to demand others change their otherwise reasonable behaviour.

Last sentence should read "neither horses..."

As a horse owner, if one of ours was a nervy horse that was likely to spook at something in the distance it would certainly not be going into an open wooded area. That horse either needs further training within a confined (fenced) area or a more-skilled rider to be able to bring it around and cope.

Exactly this. I get that horses are by nature a bit jumpy and liable to spook; but most of them, with proper handling, can manage a trip like this one. And if an owner has one that really can't, then they shouldn't try to take it to public woods.

And, even if the OP and her kids WERE 'circling', looking 'threatening' etc, and the horses WERE spooked, the horse owner just needed to explain politely and ask equally politely if they could move further away. Her attitude is the real issue here.

You say that you have been around horses and know how to behave but how was the rider to know you had that experience.? She may have had experiences with individuals who do not know how to behave around animals, horses especially

Does that give her reason to be rude?

How do you think you get a horse used to a situation though if not taking them in to it (and hoping that further incidents like kids waving sticks don't happen and make it harder) as I said she was rude but with horses of mine who were racers off the track getting retrained in this situation they'd likely have been spooked initially by child with stick and in flight mode so getting them sorted and tacked up wouldn't have been hard and stressful. I'd likely have ended up with sore toes or fingers and been barged about a bit. Horse would have stayed on edge due to the circling. Then when I want to mount I know child with stick is in vicinity but don't know where so could potentially emerge at any time. Once horse was going in the woods they'd have been grand providing child with stick didn't pop out in the mean time. No I wouldn't have been rude but I'd have been inwardly cursing.

@countrygirl99 No, you shouldn't ride out. An irresponsible dog owner is only one of the ways your horse in which may be triggered. But if your horse spotted the dog before you, things could get out of control before even the most responsible dog owner had chance to comply with your request. Especially if your communication with them is hindered by being 50 yards away, and shouting from a horse that's in the middle of throwing you off.

You shouldn't be out with a dangerous animal you can't control.

Once horse was going in the woods they'd have been grand providing child with stick didn't pop out in the mean time

But children do play with sticks in the woods. Its what they do. Why take them somewhere that is likely to happen and therefore be dangerous.

Maybe campaign against the use of whips on horses rather than children playing with sticks?!

What a bitch! I hope she did t ruin your walk with your children. You weren’t doing anything wrong. I’m a horse owner.

And as I said once going and settled which wound only take a minute or so and they saw it first from a distance they'd be fine but the first bit coming off a lorry which is a high adrenaline moment anyway, and kids waving sticks at the same time then one potentially popping out from under a bridge lot whatever when still in that heightened state would have probably not ended well. I'm not defending her being rude but just that I can understand her annoyance especially if similar had happened before

floatyboat and picsinred you can't go anywhere in this country without a risk of seeing a black lab, they are extremely common and every dog owner should put there dog on a lead around horses. I would always explain politely why my horse is nervous of black labs and have only once had a person not out their dog on a lead - she didn't even have one with her!
Most people out in the countryside be it on foot, horse or bike, with or without a dog or children are aware that it needs give and take and you should show consideration for others. In this situation someone didn't but without hearing both sides we can't tell who. As I and a couple of others have pointed we only have one persons side of the story, maybe the other lady would give a very different tale, maybe she wouldn't. Anyone giving a totally categorical response like colour isn't relevant or she must be a snob or the child must have been annoying is merely displaying their own prejudices.