Horse rider and her 'request'

[Harmonyrays]

I need to know if im being unreasonable here in thinking that this lady was being deliberately awkward or something if its else. For contex, we are non white, they were white.

So My children (2 + 6) and I were having a great time exploring the woods when a horse box pulled in and two women unloaded their horses. Kids were naturally excited by this and wanted to get closer to see. I made sure we were a good distance away, at least 10 metres and we were up on the slope. The kids were watching the horses being unloaded for a few minutes. My son had a stick in his hands as he was ramble around and likes to do this. I made sure they were quite. The horses were quickly taken around the other side of the box to saddle up.

After a few minutes we decided to head down to the path and walk around the other side so they could see the horses more cleary and continue our walk. Again they were quite. We found a little bridge that was going the opposite way to where the horses were and my son wanted to explore that so we headed that way. We dissapeared from the womens view for around 5 mins and then i went back to bridge to wait for my son. At this point one of the women, in her 60's, walked over and said 'we are about to take the horses up here (a path that was no where near me and my chldren) can you just move on somewhere else. I said to her im sorry but we are here well away from you and your horses. She then said 'well cant you just move on because the sticks are scaring the horses'. Bear in mind there were no sticks in view at this point at all. As this was the second time she had said 'just move on' with a dismissive hand wave i was getting annoyed and said well were not doing anything to you or the horses. She then said 'well what ARE you doing here'. I said to her 'i dont need to tell you what im doing here, we are in the woods and free to go where we please'. She then looked like she was getting exasperated and huffed saying 'yes i know that but im asking you nicely if you can just move on until we move the horses up the road'.

Given that we were over a bridge and a good 20 metres away from the horses i think it had nothing to do with sticks. I feel she had an entitled attitude and like there was something else bothering her.

The irony is we have been around horses for many years so are aware of how to behave which is exactly why we kept our distance.

If i were alone this wouldnt have bothered me but my son heard and was then saying oh lets just go mum. I feel like she made him feel he shouldnt be there and that upset me.

So i need to know your thoughts, yes i am being unreasonable the lady was right in asking us to move on. No im not being unreasonable and she was out of line telling us to move on.

Thank you

In you opinion, it was an incident about a horse, her owner and a family out for a walk. If the colour is irrelevant why mention it in the first place?

It’s quite possible that the woman’s attitude and reactions were influenced by the OP’s skin colour. I don’t think she sounds like she would’ve been particularly pleasant to anyone and I think it did come from concern for her horse but did she feel more entitled to shoo the OP off because the OP’s skin colour? Did she view the OP as more of an outsider, a day-tripper or ‘not from round these parts’ and as having less right to be there because of the colour of her skin? It’s possible. Even if she didn’t have that intent, her reaction was obviously enough to make the OP feel like she had to defend her right to be there and think that it may have been a factor.

I completely take your point but as you say we don’t know.

People have given a number of entirely reasonable and plausible reasons why the woman with the horses might have wanted the OP and her children to move. But from the OP's description of events, she didn't give any such reasons. If the horses were young, inexperienced around people or had particular anxieties why not just say so? What's the saying....you catch more flies with honey than vinegar? Surely most people would respond quite differently to "I'm sorry to disturb you but we'd like to bring our horses through here and they are rather nervous. I wouldn't want anyone to get hurt so would you mind moving further away whilst we pass please?" to a dismissive wave of the hand and an order to "Move on"? On the other hand, its possible that the children were being a bit more intrusive or noisier than the OP realises. I think it is quite easy to become immune to noise when your children are young. Given the horse rider took the trouble to approach the OP she must have had some reason for concern. But demanding to know what the OP was doing there is definitely rude. Both parties had equal rights to be in a public place. There seem to be a lot of people struggling to share outdoor spaces at the moment, whether its cyclists, walkers, runners, horse riders, dog walkers, pram pushers or mobility scooter users. I am sure the majority of these confrontations could be avoided if people just spoke politely to each other.

Has nothing to do with skincolor. Has everything to do with her being a bitch to you

She was very rude and entitled the way she had went about it - she should have politely asked.

As horses, like all humans & animals, have very different personalities it’s possible that her horse was particularly nervous etc. I would have thought she Was erring on the side of caution and safety.

So just to clarify a couple more points. The 2 year old was in my arms the whole time as im very aware how unsafe it would be to leave her to wonder around in that situation. My son was also very aware and being considerate. At one point he was about walk in to a bunch of nettles as he was trying to give as much space as he could. At all times there was at least 10 to 20 metre gap although i appreciate now that with a very anxious alert horse they may well have still been eyeing us from that distance.

The kids were quiet, whispering. I may not have been clear earleir but went round to the other side initially to see the horses but as soon as theyd seen them it became about exploring more of the woods i.e the bridge and where that led to. We disappeared from view and the woman came to find me to speak to me. The horses looked calm and settled, but thats from a distance and i obviously dont know them and wouldnt have sensed their distress the same way an owner would. I had my eyes on my son at all times and like i say the two year old was being held.

I dont think they thought wed rob the van lol the loading doors were left completely wide open!

Im a reasonable person and would have had no objection to moving away immediately if i were causing distress to the rider or her animal. Or any other reasonable reason that was given. It was the harshness/dismissive tone and gestures that prickled me. Someone earlier posted phrasing that would have been a polite request id have complied with willingly. It was the under tones of 'you shouldnt be here now move along' that i object to. I felt i needed to respond assertively to that as my son was watching i want him to learn and understand how to handle situations where by other people think their rights superseed yours. And thats regardless of colour, its just basic human decency to be polite in your interactions.

@Saladmakesmesad

If its dangerous keep it away from public places

Horses aren't dangerous, but they have the capacity to be - that's why you take precautions (like asking randomly staring/stick waving families to please move along).

Same as cars aren't dangerous per se but have the capacity to be, in an entirely different way, and so you take different appropriate precautions when driving them.

Say the same about dogs - you don’t have the right to ask other people to move along when you arrive somewhere after them with your animal because your animal is not safe in public place - you go and find somewhere safe, somewhere else - you don’t tell everyone else to clear off!

@Glowcat

It’s quite possible that the woman’s attitude and reactions were influenced by the OP’s skin colour. I don’t think she sounds like she would’ve been particularly pleasant to anyone and I think it did come from concern for her horse but did she feel more entitled to shoo the OP off because the OP’s skin colour? Did she view the OP as more of an outsider, a day-tripper or ‘not from round these parts’ and as having less right to be there because of the colour of her skin? It’s possible. Even if she didn’t have that intent, her reaction was obviously enough to make the OP feel like she had to defend her right to be there and think that it may have been a factor.

Good post!

@Cherrysoup

Why mention your colour or hers? Or her age? For that alone, YABU. Ridiculous to mention either, both are irrelevant.

I also would have asked you to put down the sticks, my horse shits his pants at whips, the only way he stopped last time anyone used a stick on him was to run him into a solid wall. You say you’re experienced? You don’t sound it.

Agree, why mentioning your colour or hers and her age? If you have experience with horses you would have more consideration

You shouldn’t have moved your kids to look at the horses. You should have seen it as an opportunity to show them how to respect others, and move on when asked for everyone’s safety.

Not be stubborn just because you imagined something in her tone.

How is it appropriate to demand someone 'move on' when they're out in the open countryside? The OP did nothing wrong.

I'm not saying that. I'm saying that it was not racially motivated. If it was then the OP would have backed it up by now but she hasn't.

And yes, I have watched the news, to whoever asked me that. I don't agree with it.

@Hont1986

How can you lump all horse riders under the 'entitled' category? You haven't met all of us. But we are all entitled apparently.

I've seen a few people on here say that they always have issues with horse riders, never met a nice one. Maybe, just maybe, it's your attitude thats wrong? I mean, I've yet to have a bad experience on a road thankfully although I try and avoid them as much as possible because I don't trust the majority of people in cars, but if I meet a bad person who tries to kill me simply for being on a horse, am I right in saying all drivers are entitled and rude? No. Only some are jackasses. Most are polite and slow down until we can move out of the way.

The amount of reports and videos going round on social media though of drivers deliberately revving at horse riders, driving at them, screaming at them, telling them they have no right to be on the road, it's disgusting. It's horrible that someone can be that cruel that they don't care if they injure an innocent animal, possibly killing it, and also potentially injuring and killing a person. That will get you time in jail. Is it worth it, running your life for not getting somewhere a few seconds faster, or for losing your temper? Makes you seem so right then.

Do all you drivers who think horse riders are 'entitled' realise that horses were on the road long, long before cars. And I'm not even a horse owner.

Why were you hanging around them? That would have unnerved me too

A sort of weird stalking. Move along. Yes I agree with the riders, small kids are unpredictable and hanging around deliberately is just an unnecessary risk.

Their wording/tone wasn’t great but honestly, these people and their horses don’t owe you your “entertainment”

So you are basically suggesting that the OP is trolling. You know there are rules about that?

@Dreamondreamer

You know what, thinking about this thread I don't even think it happened. At least not the way it's put across, I think OP and her children happened across some horses and maybe they were asked to stand still or stop waving sticks around as they'd startled one of the horses and they took exception to that because of the stereotype most people hold about horse people being white, upper class and snobs and decided to embellish and post here to whip up a bit of a frenzy by insinuating it was racism at the heart of it. It was almost guaranteed to get people frothing, the hatred people have for those that have horses, or indeed anything to do with them regardless of who they actually are, is plain to see from the posts on this thread alone. Posting something like this on here at the moment was always going to get these responses. The richer and more privileged the 'other side' appear the better for a real good old slagging off.

So, in summary, OP is not a good judge of what happened and whether there was a racial element because she isn't an objective witness but you, who were not there to be a witness of any sort, can explain exactly what did and didn't happen because it's all part of a wider class war/ raging conspiracy against horses. Ok then.

There is zero chance she would have spoken to a white middle class dad, out with his kids, like that. Zero.

@PicsInRed

There is zero chance she would have spoken to a white middle class dad, out with his kids, like that. Zero.

Don’t be so ridiculous. If she feels the safety of herself, her horse or unreliable kids is at stake—as she did here—she would speak to anyone like that. Particularly so if they’re going to be stubborn and create an issue.

Sex, race and age don’t come into it. Stop trying to make it into something it isn’t to fit your own agenda as it undermines genuine cases.

So you are basically suggesting that the OP is trolling. You know there are rules about that?

No I'm too thick to realise that. Thanks for pointing it out. You're so virtuous.

So, in summary, OP is not a good judge of what happened and whether there was a racial element because she isn't an objective witness but you, who were not there to be a witness of any sort, can explain exactly what did and didn't happen because it's all part of a wider class war/ raging conspiracy against horses. Ok then

No in summary I don't think it happened. I think it is click bait guaranteed to get an argument going and horsey people are in most people's eyes the epitome of white privilege.

There is zero chance she would have spoken to a white middle class dad, out with his kids, like that. Zero

Absolute nonsense.

I'm a bit tickled by all the people who say the horse rider should have just gone somewhere else. I don't know what part of the country this was but even where I live, which has a very extensive bridleway network, I can only think of 1 place where you can park a horsebox and that's a 30 minute drive from me.
As in all these things we only have 1 side of the story. The lady might have been a racist and or a snob, or the OP might not be a good judge of distance and been closer than she said with a PFB squealing and waving his stick. What we can see clear as daylight is the prejudices and ignorance displayed by some posters.

And that is on both sides

Did you see the runaway police horse on the news the other day? Horses can do a great deal of damage if they are spooked. The rider knows her horse. I'd have just moved away until they were gone. Trying to bring skin colour into it is a cheap shot.