DS coming downstairs on his own?

[chihuahualady]

Not really an aibu but interested in what other parents think.

DS 3 has been coming downstairs on his for the past two weeks and putting the tele on usually helps him self to a piece of fruit as well.He comes down about 6:30 me and OH and DD usually wake up around 8-:8:30.

I'm fine with it but just wondering what other parents do, would you wake up with him and go down? I'm just no good when I'm tired so that extra 2 hours is needed.

When mine were that age and I heard them get up, I'd go and find them and bring them in my bedroom and they would lie I'm bed / sir on the bed and play tablets. That way I could still lie in bed with a cup of tea, but also keep and eye on them :)

[quote Rainycloudyday]@Meatshake so your child has the physiological inability to choke? That’s quite something.[/quote]
Well so far so good 🤷

*lie in bed / sit on the bed

Not for that long, or with food. My nearly 4 yo it would be maybe 10 mins, no food. Usually her older sister with her.

OP you can get clocks for sleep training that might be useful. You set the time you want and over night the clock has one colour (usually blue), then when it's 'morning' it changes to yellow. Like this one (although I'm sure there are cheaper options): www.amazon.co.uk/Gro-Company-Gro-Clock-Sleep-Trainer/dp/B002APJCNE?th=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

You could encourage him to stay in his room until the sun wakes up on his clock. He then hopefully will either go back to sleep for a bit or just entertain himself with toys in his room. Much safer than him being downstairs alone for hours, and preferably won't have access to food as he's still so young!

What else do you let him do that isn't safe or sensible because he seems "content"..

You sound really intelligent with that sense of ‘humour’ @Meatshake

My 4 and 6 year olds do this. But never for long, because as soon as the 2 year old wakes up an adult is downstairs making them all breakfast. So they watch maybe 30-60mins of tv, or play, no food.

I realise there are a LOT of people saying this isn't on....But how exactly is she supposed to avoid this if he is simply getting up and taking himself downstairs without waking her?

Lock on the outside of his door? That's a fire risk.
Set an alarm for 5 a.m each morning and watch the door just in case he wakes up and heads downstairs? That's a bit excessive no?

Those who are frothing especially, What are your suggestions to help rather than just calling someone a shit Mum?

My seven year old does it and I don’t mind. My four year old tried to do the same and I said no, he had to wake mummy up if I was still sleeping when he woke up. He’s too young to be wandering the house alone.

How can you watch him on the camera when you are asleep and why not just be with him? Poor kid, being watched like a zoo exhibit by a sleeping parent .

@Sargass0

I though the same. A 3yo that takes himself downstairs and feeds himself, entertains himself, for 2.5hrz, without ever even trying to see its mother? Just sounds really sad to me.

Mine are 6 and 10 now and the 6yo wakes early but has a gro clock so he knows not to leave his room before a certain time. He can play quietly in his room if he is awake before then. When his sun comes up on the clock he always comes in to see us before anything else. Sometimes he stays for a snuggle bu less so as he gets older. When he’s had enough chit chat he goes downstairs to watch a bit of TV or play. He can get himself cereal and a drink. But once he’s up, we are awake, go down to make coffee and are ‘aware’.

When they were 3, as soon as they woke they came in with us. Never ever would I have left them to fend for themselves at that age, they wouldn’t have known how to get their own breakfast (and shouldn’t need to st that age in my opinion). They didn’t WANT to be alone they wanted to be with us.

Just sounds really sad to me that this 3yo doesn’t have the need or desire to have any contact with it’s mother for that length of time, and has learned (had to learn?) to get its own food (knows it won’t get any for hours otherwise?).

You could do all sorts of things to discourage it if you wanted to. First, tell him no - don’t think youve actually done that. Second, a stair gate at the top of the stairs. Third, take away access to the thing he’s going to which is the television. Fourth, give him an alternative - tablet in your top
With you while you dose?

....But how exactly is she supposed to avoid this if he is simply getting up and taking himself downstairs without waking her?

Something noisy on the stair gates and on his door maybe that jangles when opened

Some people must have very passive children who wouldn’t climb up / open the freezer / switch on the oven and open the door / turn on the gas / escape out of the front door (my two year can use a key to unlock the door) / climb up and take knives out of the drawers etc etc

Definitely not at 3. One of you needs to go downstairs, nap on the sofa if you have to while he is watching TV. But you can't let a 3 year old be unattended for 2 hours. I think your Health Visitor would take an extremely dim view of it if she knew.

@MovinOnUp

I realise there are a LOT of people saying this isn't on....But how exactly is she supposed to avoid this if he is simply getting up and taking himself downstairs without waking her?

Lock on the outside of his door? That's a fire risk.
Set an alarm for 5 a.m each morning and watch the door just in case he wakes up and heads downstairs? That's a bit excessive no?

Those who are frothing especially, What are your suggestions to help rather than just calling someone a shit Mum?

I think the responses would have been framed very differently if the OP had said this is happening, I know it’s unsafe, how can I make sure I wake up. But she asked if it was ok in a breezy tone that made it seem like she was really not bothered which is why so many posters are ‘frothing’. It really isn’t ok and everyone isn’t trying to make sure that message hits home, which it hopefully has.

In terms of prevention I would explain firstly to the child that it isn’t ok to go downstairs without parents. Assuming that isn’t reliable solution because he’s, you know, three (!) I would also install a stair gate and ensure that no tablet is accessible downstairs to reduce temptation. No food out or if possible even accessible (lock on fridge?) I would try a gro clock and say it’s ok to come and get me when it’s lit up and we’ll go downstairs together. Start early so it’s not expecting the child to wait ages, then try and push it forward a bit. But expect to start getting up at 6am.

*your room

I am. I have an IQ of 125.

Haven't read all of the posts so someone may have mentioned this angle already. When I was a child my mum had terrible depression. She would get me and my sister off to school fine in the week, but at weekends she didn't get up and my dad left early and came home around 12. We weren't early risers so we were alone for maximum 5 hours, twice a week. Mum was there, asleep, and we could talk to her in bed but she wouldn't get up.

This was maybe a year of my life aged 6-7, my sister aged 4-5. I don't want to make any parent feel bad, I know we're all doing our best, especially right now, and I have definitely had days where I've kipped on the sofa while the kids watch TV. But that period of my childhood has stayed with me and sometimes overshadows all of the good parts because I felt so lonely. I was self sufficient too. Made breakfast, took my mum a drink, entertained my sister. But we both remember that lonely, listless feeling with no adult being present. No direction for our day. And we absolutely got up to some terrible mischief, it's a miracle we didn't get badly hurt.

So, for me, and I know I'm projecting, it isn't just the safety aspect. It's their emotional wellbeing too. Even if they seem fine (like I did), they need you.

Absolutely no way... Especially for 2 hours. If he doesn't wake you how do you know he's up at 630? I'm sorry but a child of that age could open a cuttlery drawer and hurt themselves, shut their fingers in a door. God no I could never forgive myself. I'm working from home, teaching two kids, one with ASN and I get woken up my my son having night terrors multiple times through the night. I get up when they get up. Just part of being a parent. Each to their own. I just couldn't do it.

And the bell on his bedroom door idea is excellent.

No, far too young IMO. At weekends my kids (4 and 2 get in bed with me (on screens) while I doze for half an hour. If I’m poorly I doze on the sofa or kids are upstairs with me. This isn’t okay. I still don’t let my four year old eat things out of my eyeline because I worry about choking. My four year old is a really sensible rule following child and no way would I be comfortable with this.

@Rainycloudyday Doesn't she already have stair gates though and he can open them? (I may have misread that though)

This is actually quite scary when you think about it - what three year old understands the dangers of kettles, Toasters etc etc