DS coming downstairs on his own?

[chihuahualady]

Not really an aibu but interested in what other parents think.

DS 3 has been coming downstairs on his for the past two weeks and putting the tele on usually helps him self to a piece of fruit as well.He comes down about 6:30 me and OH and DD usually wake up around 8-:8:30.

I'm fine with it but just wondering what other parents do, would you wake up with him and go down? I'm just no good when I'm tired so that extra 2 hours is needed.

My 4yo DS has done this a few times on his own steam.

Twice recently after I'd sent DH in to keep him company after DS had woken early (I'm in bed with DS2 who struggles with his sleeping), snuck past snoring DH and gone downstairs to play on his iPad and grabbed a snack from the snack drawer. Usually apricots, a malt loaf or brioche.

I didn't feel comfortable with it, but DS was really happy and felt really independent. Our front door is locked at night and the keys are not left in the door so he can't get out and the back doors are too heavy for him.

@Mammaaof

You need the extra 2 hours sleep!? Well dont have 2 kids then!!! This is bordering on neglect! Why not just leave him on his own while you go shopping for 2 hours!? What's the difference!! Disgusting! You should be ashamed if I'm honest!

Which one should she put up for adoption?

Bonkers !

I think that’s too young. Most of us have been there with early risers and it’s just part and parcel of being a parent. You take turns/snooze on the sofa or bring him into bed and let him watch stuff on Tv/iPad. Lying in until 8.30 is pretty lazy when you’ve got a 3 year old on his own! How can you even sleep?! My 3 year old set fire to the microwave and I was only out of the room for 10 minutes!

One of you need to start getting up with him. Absolutely not ok. My son choked when he was sat right next to me eating and he was completely silent, dread to think what could have happened if I was upstairs asleep. (My son is fine).

My DD is 3.5 and I wouldn't ever do that - I couldn't sleep knowing she was awake with the run of the house.

I have been thinking about this recently as I used to do this every weekend at age 3-4 and I can't imagine doing it with my son. I would go downstairs 6am (sometimes earlier and would be annoyed it was still teletext time) then go get in with my parents at 9am when the cartoons ended. Never eating though as not allowed to help myself to anything in kitchen. I dont know how my parents could be so lax!

firstly some people are slightly overreacting!! I agree its' a little young, i think 6 is fine but the pp who doesn't even let their child downstairs at 8!! WTAF?

OP get out of bed, lie on the sofa with a blanket and doze with one eye open. Or let them come and get an ipad and go back to their room to watch so you can hear them.

Eating whilst you are asleep isn't a good idea though.

Wait until he seriously injures himself and see how your local child protection agencies view your neglect. It won’t go well.

I don't think it is an over -reaction.
Many of us have had toddlers that get up at silly o clock.
My youngest woke at 4.30am for several years.

Getting up with a little one to keep them safe is part of being a parent.

@unchienandalusia I do agree with the level of hysteria being a bit high. One op said they wouldn't allow their 10 year old to do that. My 10 year old functions in this house pretty much as an adult in many ways, she makes simple hot meals unsupervised, walks the dog, goes to the shop for groceries etc. I'd worry I'd failed as a parent if she couldn't go down stairs in a house and watch tv safely for a couple of hours.

You need some kind of stair gate or lock, baby fone so that you hear him. Then you get up and parent your child. Your toddler.

I certainly could not sleep if I knew I had a young child on its own downstairs. Sorry but this is part of being a parent and you need to get up.

not at 3 but at 5 we started doing it with dc.
left out a yoghurt and a banana for dc to eat and the tv pre-set to a child friendly programme.

There is quite a simple answer here. You say that you're sleeping badly at the moment and need the extra sleep so your husband will have to start getting up.

You cannot leave a 3 year old alone downstairs for 2.5 hours every morning, especially if he is eating. You've been really stupid; now it's time to sort it out.

I wouldn’t have been comfortable with this at 3. My two are 6 and 8 and only just going downstairs on own. They are old enough to not open the front door, but also old enough to know where the keys are to unlock door in an emergency (Their dad is diabetic). Plus they are together so if one choked they could come and get one of us!

Get out of bed and parent your child!

This is far too risky. You need to put up a stair gate at the very least so he's staying in his room. But really you should be getting up with him.

You don't get up till 8? Amazed that anyone gets up that late.Do you have a job? Maybe go to bed 2hours earlier?

@Happymum12345

If he’s happy and content, then I think it’s fine. I’m sure he would let you know if something was wrong -3 year olds do that! Only you know if your child is ok.

Your bubz your rulez

If the Op is asleep, how is she possibly supposed to know if her child is ok during those hours? And no, a three year old silently choking can absolutely not let you know they’re not ok!!

I’m sure the OP has got the message. Aside from this particular pearl of wisdom the thread seems largely unanimous which is unheard of when it comes to MN posters giving opinions on appropriate levels of independence in kids.

@carexfairex

I forget she's only 3, she's more of an adult than I am sometimes.

A 3 year old who is 'more of an adult' than an actual adult

I think it depends on the kid, you know what your kid is capable of.

There is a limitation on what a 3 year old can be capable of. Adulting is outwith that.

Oh for goodness sake it was a joke, I don't mean that she's paying the mortgage and shit like that, I just meant that she is very rule abiding and I am... Not 😂

I stand by the capability statement though. I'm fairly confident my 3 year old could be left to her own devices for an hour or two with adults in other rooms if the situation arose. My 3 year old nephew on the other hand can't be left for 30 seconds. Depends on the kid.

@Meatshake so your child has the physiological inability to choke? That’s quite something.

One method I have used quite successfully, is to have a small alarm clock in the child’s bedroom, set for a time when they can leave their room, and come to tell you it’s time to get up. Until their alarm goes off, at say 8am, they must stay in their room, and play/read etc. It gives them some control, and you too.

@SleepingStandingUp maybe she could actually get her lazy arse out of bed and parent her bloody child!!

Sounds like he's learnt to fend for himself.