DS coming downstairs on his own?

[chihuahualady]

Not really an aibu but interested in what other parents think.

DS 3 has been coming downstairs on his for the past two weeks and putting the tele on usually helps him self to a piece of fruit as well.He comes down about 6:30 me and OH and DD usually wake up around 8-:8:30.

I'm fine with it but just wondering what other parents do, would you wake up with him and go down? I'm just no good when I'm tired so that extra 2 hours is needed.

Pop tablet outside his bedroom door with a drink? Then he can stay in his room.

Sorry I wouldn't allow a 3 year old to be unsupervised ike this.

Just a thought, all those worried about choking, do you only let your children eat in front of you?

When they were 3, yes, of course.

I had the same experience growing up when mum and dad would want quiet before 7am so if we woke early we would be allowed downstairs to watch tv or play but had to be quiet.

We then used to go back upstairs at 7 to bundle them in bed

I'm fairly laid back but 3 is too young. My dc8 will come down and has done since last year and they're very sensible. I think you need to take it in turns with your OH having a lie in.

When I’m downstairs with him sometimes he chooses to go upstairs to play in his room. I wouldn’t stop him doing that on his own either

I am glad that he can play independently and without needing my constant attention

My 8 year old does this and I still always have an ear out. I can never fully relax and end up getting up eventually too. He's 8! 3 is still very very tiny to be left alone for that length of time.

My just turned 9 year old has started going out with his 12 year old cousin on walks/runs and if it wasn't for lockdown we'd be actively starting to encourage him to stay home alone for short periods (we did one test run and then lockdown...). I also make DS get his own snacks, have taught him to make me tea (bless him, he now keeps appearing with tea at weird times) and leave him to sort himself out with the shower etc. So I think you're being a little paranoid here. An 8 year old and a 3 year old are very different....

5.5 year old DD has just started doing similar but she comes in at 7am to ask for the IPad which she takes into her room and we live on one level so is just nect door. I only dose for another half an hour before I get up and make her breakfast- I wouldn't be comfortable with a 3 year old eating alone for the choking reason.

My DS choked on a banana right next to DH and I and it was terrifying. We managed to get it out but took several strong blows to the back to dislodge it.
He's 3 and always eats meals with one of us. He sometimes sits at his little table on his own with a snack but one of us is always around. I'll pop upstairs while DS is in the living room playing or watching TV but no way would I let him downstairs while in asleep

I had an equally self sufficient toddler. Could you put a tablet in his room that is locked until 7? Encourages him to sleep a little later and he can watch cbeebies or similar in bed. Maybe get a little cool bag and put a banana and juice in it?

I feel your pain, and having a sensible child I understand why you have allowed it to happen. Maybe try the above just for peace of mind.

don't even know how I could stop him he has learnt to do a lot of things by himself he is very self sufficient 🤣

You prevent him getting in the rooms downstairs. A little bolt should do it or hook and eye. The racket of him trying to burst in should wake you up.

You and bloke need to take it in turns getting up with him.

My DS started doing this at the age of about 5, but didn't have breakfast until we got up and our old house was tiny so we could listen out for him.

Maybe you could take it in turns getting up with him and just cuddle up on the couch while he watches tv? That way you can relax a bit and aren't completely up.

Mine did this at the same age, didn't even hear him getting up. Once he sat on kitchen floor and ate far too much yellow mustard, his face was so red, bless him He's 29 now and no lasting effects.

When he was four I started leaving his cereal on the table, a small plastic jug of milk in the fridge, bowl and spoon on table.
He helped himself, and then watched tv.
We were usually up shortly after though.

It's awful, I know OP. My kids used to do this. They would tiptoe downstairs at 4am (they knew they weren't allowed to go downstairs alone), but I slept like a cat and would hear them, go down, send them back to bed - and then lie awake for the next two hours, getting up and sending them back to bed at roughly twenty minute intervals.

It was bloody tough.

@chihuahualady is he going to bed too early?
Other end of the scale here, my 6yr old son goes to bed (later during lockdown) and falls asleep naturally around 11-11:30pm !!! we let him have all the sleep he needs for his age though, and he's completing his home schooling subjects (4 a day) every day - he is currently waking naturally around 9/9:30am.
He's always been a late sleeper, a good sleeper - can you make his bedtime later to adjust his waking times?

3 is far to young. my 5 year old isn't allowed downstairs alone, if it's before 6 he gets sent back to bed if its after we get up. Tell him to come get you when he wakes up and not to just go downstairs, chances are he's getting up just to do this and will stay in bed longer if you stop it.

Just a thought, all those worried about choking, do you only let your children eat in front of you?

Of course! Why would you not?

I have worked in a childcare setting and a little one choking can get very serious, very quickly. And entirely possible even with ‘soft’ foods like bananas, mash etc.

3 is far too young to be left unsupervised for any amount of time.

I still get edgy about my 7 year old playing on her own upstairs and check regularly, often putting the camera monitor on if she will be up there for a while and I’m busy. My 8 year old uncle hung himself in his room, messing around playing. The story grandma told me once of finding him blue in the face with his tongue stuck out has stuck with me for life.

It depends on what end of 3 he is. Just 3, maybe not. But almost 4, then yes, probably fine, maybe not for 2 hours. At that age, mine had a cup of milk and watched her tablet for an hour or two on the weekends but in her bedroom. Dh or I would get the milk and the tablet for her. She woke at like 5-6am, and I was not getting up at that hour every single day.

I'm worried about this with my 2 year old. At the moment she is in her cot/our bed, in our room, so I know when she wakes up and I get up with her. She's due to go in her own bed and room soon but I'm very worried about her coming downstairs when I'm asleep and letting herself out of the house! She's super capable and has worked out how to undo gates and locks and is quite curious and adventurous. She's let herself out when I've been downstairs awake and got round the front of the house! It freaks me out just thinking about it. . It's new to me because my other 2 at that age would've never done that. Ds wouldn't have been dexterous enough to manage it and dd1 was too clingy to go too far from me. I feel like I've got to constantly watch dd2 because anything is possible and she's so quick!

Someone said put a gate upstairs but if he's anything like my dd, I'm sure your ds would work that out. You'll have to set an alarm to make sure you get up before him, or maybe put him to bed later so he's not up so early? (I know that doesn't always work). My 2 yo goes to bed about 8/9 pm at the moment because I have older dcs anyway and gets up about 8 am, which suits us at the moment as no one except dp has to be anywhere in the morning. If I put her to bed hours earlier, I'd constantly be asking the older ones to keep the noise down, and I'd be up with her for hours before anyone else gets up which would make me more exhausted!

We have the camera downstairs so I would be alerted by any loud noises.

If something obstructs your trachea you are completely silent. You can’t make a sound.

I’d insist he plays in his room and I’d put a stair gate at the top of the stairs to stop him going down them.

@AlphaJura You have to put stiff bolts on high up on the doors.

Many is the time I'd find DD1 sitting outside in her nightie in the hen run...

(She couldn't get out of the garden fortunately. If she could have, she would have).

I’m fairly lax in terms of parenting but mine only started doing this around 6/7 and they weren’t allowed to eat anything in case.

You are leaving a 3 year old unsupervised for over two hours. That's totally not on, although I can see how its happened. The risks are comparable to you being out of the house if you are asleep.

Eek, 2.5 hours is a long time to be wandering about on his own at that age. Can you not set your alarm for 6 to make sure you are awake when he is, until he can learn that he should come into you rather than downstairs? Or maybe get an alarm to put on his door so you can hear it when he opens it?

It is too long. I have suffered from insomnia and to some extent you just have to accept that the time you have to be up is the time you have to be up no matter what the previous night has been.

If you are used to about 6 hours sleep and you get up at 6 every day you will get a shift in you pattern allowing you to get that sleep in but it takes longer for you to adjust than ‘normal’ people.

Unfortunately because you will adjust slower it is probably not a good idea to have a lie in on alternate days as you should force yourself up at the same time everyday including weekends. It’s crap.

Make sure you are practicing good sleep hygiene with screens and having the same routine at night.