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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with my sons teacher

105 replies

allthingsred · 10/06/2020 22:23

My son been back at school since last week. He attends 3 days per week so matching with his sister. ( I'm a front line key worker with homeless do work late long hours but have them home when I can )

He was off yesterday missed a maths class. Today the class was doing more work on what they learnt yesterday.
My son (10) who already struggles but always tries his best with school missed 1 question and got the others wrong. The teacher turned to him in front of the wholemail class & said you've got nothing right I'm dissapointed & he has been so upset all evening since.

I know how much he struggles with his learning so as long as he tries (& he really does) I am happy
I am furious right now. The class is small (only 10 pupils) there is a teacher & teaching assistant aibu I'm thinking rather than telling my son & breaking his confidence she's disappointed. one of the adults in the room could have spent 10 min's helping him to understand the questions and you know teaching him?
I am so dissapointed with the school & their supposed home learning which we have been trying to do. I thought if a child didn't know something the teachers job was to teach them not make them feel humilated & crap.

OP posts:
Original poster
allthingsred · 10/06/2020 22:24

Sorry about spelling mistakes. Auto correct & anger!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 10/06/2020 22:27

It’s hard to know without knowing how things where said.

However surely if your that concerned you should send him back full time or at least find out the topics he is missing and plug the gaps?

listsandbudgets · 10/06/2020 22:31

YADNBU. DS struggles with English and if it's obvious hes not managing they pop him and maybe one or two others in the side room with a TA who goes through it with in detail.... or at least that's what happened when he was allowed to go to school and i hope it will continue when he returns

cabinfever2 · 10/06/2020 22:32

Yanbu that's awful and humiliating and certainly should not have been dealt with that way

ShawshanksRedemption · 10/06/2020 22:32

I'm assuming this is what your son has told you? It would be worth contacting the school to talk about how your DS felt when he came home, how much his confidence has been dented. BUT also be open to the fact it may not have happened how he said it.

EmperorCovidula · 10/06/2020 22:33

That’s very cruel.

Original poster
allthingsred · 10/06/2020 22:35

We do plug in the gaps when he is off he does the home learning set. If he needs things explained at home we will Google or watch videos together if I don't know the answer.

As for going in everyday. I would rather them be at home all the time so I know their safe. I have now booked him in for all week although he is dreading going back in tomorrow.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 10/06/2020 22:35

It would be worth contacting the school to talk about how your DS felt when he came home, how much his confidence has been dented. BUT also be open to the fact it may not have happened how he said it.

THIS.

And also, you know, teachers are people and sometimes get things wrong. Just like parents do sometimes.

Griselda1 · 10/06/2020 22:36

Totally agree with the comment above, explain he was upset and ask for clarity on what happened. Remain calm and stress how upset he was.

BrexitBingoGenerator · 10/06/2020 22:36

When I was 10, my teacher told me that my maths homework looked 'as if my dog had done it...perhaps while it was watching neighbours'.

He thought he was hilarious but that comment has stayed with me for nearly 30 years! By all means complain to school but ultimately, people are horrible in life sometimes and we have to learn from things like this. Definitely have a chat with school about putting more support in place, but also use it as an opportunity to talk about how mistakes are an important part of learning and we all make them.

AskingforaBaskin · 10/06/2020 22:38

My Geography teacher did this to me as a child.
I was about 11/12 and o still remember it decades later.
I would absolutely go and want this thoroughly investigated. And if true I would ensure that bitch was never near my child again.

Original poster
allthingsred · 10/06/2020 22:39

@ShawshanksRedemption yes my son filled me in.
The school rang me earlier to say he was upset because he hadn't known a question. But failed to mention the whole 'dissapointed' remark.
Im just so annoyed but wanted to see if I was overreacting to it

OP posts:
Raaaa · 10/06/2020 22:39

I remember being humiliated at school and it's come into adulthood, I'm not affected by it anymore but remember the comments.

It doesn't sound nice or helpful at all and I wouldn't be happy if I was in your position either

slipperywhensparticus · 10/06/2020 22:41

I've had words with my sons school over him being asked why he was so slow and being told he should be working faster by now

He has a slow processing speed he took it to heart badly they put measures in place to ensure it didnt happen again he was making real progress then covid happened and we are set so far back we are in last year 😑

Atthebottomofthegarden · 10/06/2020 22:47

That’s unkind and unfair of the teacher, if it happened as he described.

I wonder if the teacher is frustrated with him not attending every day?

YardleyX · 10/06/2020 22:50

That teacher shouldn’t be teaching.

What a way to behave.

Like the way they tried to get in there first by phoning to tell you how upset he was, without mentioning why.

Obviously well aware of the damage they’d caused

LolaSmiles · 10/06/2020 22:50

It would be worth contacting the school to talk about how your DS felt when he came home, how much his confidence has been dented. BUT also be open to the fact it may not have happened how he said it
This.

It could have been disappointed as in 'I'm disappointed and surprised you didn't get any of this' (often recap work will include things from several lessons worth of work to account for any absences) or it could be a scathingly mean way to dismiss someone, or anything in between. Without being in the room none of us can tell.

As for staff sitting with him for 10 minutes if his school is set up anything like ours then teachers aren't allowed to go and sit with a student 1-1 to go through it. All questions and feedback are from the front to maintain a distance between everyone.

Sally872 · 10/06/2020 22:53

Children often remember how they feel rather than what was said.

The teacher may have said something and he has misunderstood.

"Aw that's a bit disappointing never mind you'll get it next time." For example.

Speak to teacher and confirm what happened just in case.

matchboxtwentyunwell · 10/06/2020 22:58

Contact the school. that's not on.

AskingforaBaskin · 10/06/2020 23:00

I always find it funny on MN that children must be believed if they say a man did or said something at home or somewhere else.
But if it's a teacher their a liar.

Original poster
allthingsred · 10/06/2020 23:01

@YardleyX yes I thought the same when he was telling me!

@Sally872
Possibly but he was so upset I can't imagine anything gentle in their voices to him.

@Atthebottomofthegarden she mentioned he missed yesterday but it is 1 maths lesson from this week that he attempted with online learning. If it's a struggle she should or TA should explain it again. Surely

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 10/06/2020 23:01

No one said the child was a liar.

eatsleepread · 10/06/2020 23:05

I would absolutely go and want this thoroughly investigated. And if true I would ensure that bitch was never near my child again.

Jesus Christ, an overreaction if ever I saw one.

AskingforaBaskin · 10/06/2020 23:08

Is it? It happened to me. I had to stand up because I had the lowest score in the class. She told them.
I hope that bitch suffered. This is the shit that stays with you.
And I would never ever allow someone who did that to my child the chance to hurt them again.

Tunnockswafer · 10/06/2020 23:09

It's all in the tone - and the exact phrasing. It is disappointing to get nothing right in the test (test?) but that's different to saying he had disappointed her
Today i told my own dc that he had got a couple of questions wrong (maths ones) and be was really sad about it and had to be really cheered up - I wasn't in the least annoyed with him though, he's a junior perfectionist!
I think this really is one you need to talk to the teacher about to get all the facts.

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