To be furious with my sons teacher

[allthingsred]

My son been back at school since last week. He attends 3 days per week so matching with his sister. ( I'm a front line key worker with homeless do work late long hours but have them home when I can )

He was off yesterday missed a maths class. Today the class was doing more work on what they learnt yesterday.
My son (10) who already struggles but always tries his best with school missed 1 question and got the others wrong. The teacher turned to him in front of the wholemail class & said you've got nothing right I'm dissapointed & he has been so upset all evening since.

I know how much he struggles with his learning so as long as he tries (& he really does) I am happy
I am furious right now. The class is small (only 10 pupils) there is a teacher & teaching assistant aibu I'm thinking rather than telling my son & breaking his confidence she's disappointed. one of the adults in the room could have spent 10 min's helping him to understand the questions and you know teaching him?
I am so dissapointed with the school & their supposed home learning which we have been trying to do. I thought if a child didn't know something the teachers job was to teach them not make them feel humilated & crap.

last post!!

Also please do not worry about homeschooling, you're doing your best. Encourage reading, practicing life skills but most of all just enjoy the time off together. (Good) Teachers will get your child back on track when things return to normal, it's what we do. Please don't worry, you're doing your very best x

Very unpleasant for your son and totally unhelpful.

The teacher should apologize to your son for being rude and she should make an effort to teach him.

It's tough for teachers and child, and us all, but really that's just not on.

Your son is going into senior school shortly and will face bigger obstacles than this OP, to be 'furious' is rather ott. The more hysteria you create the more anxious your son will get.

OP
Nobody is calling your son a liar. They are saying he is human and humans can misunderstand things, focus on certain bits and dwelling on that miss out the whole picture.

For example, as a form tutor I've had my fair share of calls from parents raising concerns. Some are totally justifiable and the version is accurate, some are totally justified based on what they've heard from their child but there's been a misunderstanding, some are blowing a small issue out of proportion, some are always furious based on their child deliberately spinning half truths or lies.

It's not wrong for people to say this.

I'd have a proper chat with the teacher, talk about what your son has said, how he's feeling and you'll probably get a resolution. Unfortunately there's something about school threads on here where some posters decide anything other than storming in furious, demanding to move your child or the teacher being made to pay is somehow rolling over and it doesn't really help posters who are sincerely looking for advice.

I once had a child tell his parents that I said “I don’t care about you”. Apparently he was upset all night, scared to come in the next day and that I hated him. Parents sent a bruising email to the Head and the Chair of Govs which pretty much called for my head.

What I actually said was “I don’t care how much noise you make” whilst trying to persuade him to do one exercise before going out for a break.

Do talk to the teacher.

So some form of normal has descended on MN.

Dear god, reading some of the threads on here you'd think that teachers were the devil incarnate!
I was a very sensitive child, and I can well remember the humiliation of being told off at school for not understanding the work.
Rather than seeing teachers as the evil enemy, these people are trying hard to help your children. They have stresses and worries of their own and to see parents wanting to rip them to shreds over saying they are disappointed in a child is rather extreme.

There is nothing wrong in letting a child know that you are disappointed in their behaviour or lack of effort, because its, you know, teaching them something. If your son didn't understand then he should say so. Gong in all guns blazing is letting your son see that teachers are not to be respected or worked with, a quiet discussion to explain he was upset is a different matter.
I wouldn't be a teacher in a month of Sundays ooking at the crap they haveto put up with from parents, kids and the government.

I think that a multiprong approach is what is needed here. I would let the teacher know that your DS struggles and was upset, but also ask her to have him come home with work to do from home for the days that he misses.

On your end, I would make sure he covers the missed materials on the days he is at home and supplement them with freely available materials like Khan academy videos which would cover the missed work from a potentially different angle. Additionally, if he has a history of struggling academically, he probably will continue these struggles in the future so teaching him some resilience would be beneficial (not saying that his feeling upset is not justifiable, just to help prevent any future callous remarks from hurting so badly).

My teacher told me I "should be shot" for failing a math test! I was about 10 and like others it has stayed with me since. Definitely have a word with her. Her job is to build him up and help him to learn not put him down and wreck his confidence.

Oh another teachers are crap thread, brilliant!

OP hasn't said teachers are crap at all. She has an issue with one particular teacher. Is that not allowed? Some teachers are crap. Just like some people in every profession are crap.

People are projecting feelings from their childhood and it makes them emotional. The vast majority of teachers now are much more considerate in the way that they treat a child’s emotions when learning.

The teacher may well have been unkind, or your child might be upset and not have the full story. Go and calmly talk to the teacher, with your son and find out.

The comments from askinforabaskin about flying off the handle, calling the teacher a bitch and demanding a move are over the top. Even if your child had been treated unfairly, you’re hardly showing them how to deal with adversity in a resilient and appropriate manner.

As someone who was dragged to the front of the classroom at the age of 6, screamed at for being a “stupid girl” and made to feel like a piece of crap, I can say with confidence that it’s not something you ever forget. Do your son a favour and have a calm discussion with the teacher because she’s bang out of order.

*before anyone tries saying that’s how things were back then, this was in the mid 90’s. Thing ms most definitely weren’t “like that” back then

I really hope you've got your facts straight... A parent interrupted my lesson at the end of the day - stood in front of my class whilst I was trying to read a story - and told me what a disgusting teacher I was. Apparently I'd done something similar to what your son has reported but I'd encouraged the rest of the class to point and laugh as well... As I already knew, the child then admitted to making it up for no reason whatsoever!!! I'm not saying your son is lying but please make sure this gets investigated by the head rather than brandish it all over social media first. My parent did that and I had about twenty parents all agreeing with how I should be sacked. This was during my nqt year and absolutely ruined my self esteem (before I be came more hardened towards parents in general) I hope it gets sorted.

That should have said - speak to the teacher first - sorry!

Ring the school and speak to his teacher - ask what can be done to support him both in school and at home. If school (I assume his class teacher) rang you at home to say he was upset then the school must be concerned about him. Like a pp said- this is actually quite a small

Oof that sounds awful alphabetsoup that must have made you feel awful and you were a grown woman. Imagine if you were a child, it could really leave lasting damage.
I always remember a young lad being called to the front of the class for not listening, the teacher really ripped into him. He was a big boy and his family didn’t have much money so he wore his dads shirts to school. He had enough going on in his life. He just stood there crying. Sometimes, just sometimes, there is a shit teacher. I think we should be allowed to come on MN and vent without being accused of teacher bashing or being told that the child is confused or making it up.

She said she was disappointed. That's hardly abuse.

If the teacher really said what your ds told you, it's horrible. But if you know he struggles with maths, if he missed the school day, can't you make sure he revise what he has learned? If not, isn't it better to send him to school full time if possible?

Oh another teachers are crap thread, brilliant!

She never said that. FFS, people ARE allowed to express their unhappiness with aspects of teaching without being told to STFU.

Not all teachers are saints, just like not all doctors are saints. There are bad and incompetent people in every profession.

If you do have a chat with teacher please don't go in all guns blazing. It might not have happened exactly as he described. Our perceptions of things are always different. There's a saying, there are three "truths": "my" truth; "your" truth and "the" truth.

I remember my first year of teaching, a mother came in screaming blue murder at me and the head teacher. She said her reception child came home and said "the teacher" put him out into the corridor. He didn't say Miss Almalm put him out in the corridor. There were lots of teachers and teaching assistants taking care of my class at that school - the school didn't like one teacher getting "too close" to their class!!
I do not know to this day whether it was another teacher who put him out into the corridor or whether the boy had said this because on that day I had had to move him from his place on the carpet to sit closer to me because he had been kicking another child.
The mother held it against me all year and wouldn't accept the explanation about moving him on the carpet and nor could I get an answer from any of the other staff who had worked with him as to whether they had put him in the corridor.
It's horrible when someone doesn't believe what you say.

Talk to the teacher. Say he was upset. Ask for her version of what happened. Accept that her truth might not be the same as your child's truth and neither might be the actual truth. Do not get angry. Go at it from the point of view of how can we help him further.

She said she was disappointed
She might have had a reason to rightly feel that way
Calm down and stop making a fuss

Maybe disappointed he didn't ask for help, when he didn't know what he was doing.

Sometimes you need the full story and both sides.

I'm a teacher and once told a Y13 student that his coursework was likely to fail, it wasn't very good and I was cross/disappointed that he'd made no effort despite all the offers of help/support I'd given him. This was during a lesson with other students and yes I was quite harsh.

Next day his 'bat crazy' mother comes into school shouting at me, saying I had humiliated her 18 year old son in front of the class, demanding I apologise and calling for me to be sacked instantly.

I had to point out/defend myself by saying that he had failed to turn up to 5 one to one sessions before/after school or at lunchtime, that this was my only chance to have a conversation with him about his coursework which was 20% of his A Level grade and I had already emailed home twice about how far behind he was. He had 2 weeks to turn it around and if I hadn't had the conversation then another week would pass before the next lesson etc. Yes, I was harsh and I apologised for my tone but I was so frustrated about the hours and hours of help I'd given him finding books, articles etc and I was actually not sorry for highlighting what he needed to do at the only opportunity I had.

Anyway - he did turn it around, got a B for his coursework and a B Grade overall. He hadn't told his mother all of the background about being lazy, not turning up to meetings and that he was about to fail the 20% component of his A-Level.

I probably could have handled it better and he might carry the humiliation for life but he'll also have that B grade for life too.

People are projecting feelings from their childhood and it makes them emotional.
It's always the same on these threads.

1. An OP seeks advice, even if their initial post is a bit over the top bring raging/furious.
2. People advise speaking to the school sensibly and rationally, bring aware that it could be that the teacher was out of order, or it could be a misunderstanding, or (not relevant for this situation) that their DC is spinning them a line.
3. A handful of posters with their own chips from school start with the whole evil teachers, your DC's teacher is a nasty bully, they only called to cover their backs because they hate children, I'd call Ofsted, demand the teacher is sacked, withdraw your DC from school.