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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with my sons teacher

105 replies

allthingsred · 10/06/2020 22:23

My son been back at school since last week. He attends 3 days per week so matching with his sister. ( I'm a front line key worker with homeless do work late long hours but have them home when I can )

He was off yesterday missed a maths class. Today the class was doing more work on what they learnt yesterday.
My son (10) who already struggles but always tries his best with school missed 1 question and got the others wrong. The teacher turned to him in front of the wholemail class & said you've got nothing right I'm dissapointed & he has been so upset all evening since.

I know how much he struggles with his learning so as long as he tries (& he really does) I am happy
I am furious right now. The class is small (only 10 pupils) there is a teacher & teaching assistant aibu I'm thinking rather than telling my son & breaking his confidence she's disappointed. one of the adults in the room could have spent 10 min's helping him to understand the questions and you know teaching him?
I am so dissapointed with the school & their supposed home learning which we have been trying to do. I thought if a child didn't know something the teachers job was to teach them not make them feel humilated & crap.

OP posts:
Littlemeadow123 · 10/06/2020 23:12

To say that to a child when they have tried but just not understood is really bad. I would definitely have a word with that teacher. Maybe along the lines of;

"My child struggled with his work and needed your help, but you did nothing accept embarass him. I'm disappointed,".

canonlydoblue · 10/06/2020 23:13

Oh another teachers are crap thread, brilliant! I once had a parent come blazing in shouting how dare I tell her son off. Turns out her son had gone home and told her a pack of lies because he was cross he had lost his playtime, and knew mum would come in and have a go. I'm not saying your son's lying, but instead of being angry, why not send his teacher an email so you can clear up what's been said?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 10/06/2020 23:13

Not only is it cruel. If she said it infront of the other kids does it not also breach confidentiality.

Divebar · 10/06/2020 23:13

I would definitely agree that he was upset by a comment made but maybe that he has misunderstood or misconstrued what was said to him. The tone used makes a big difference to how a message is conveyed or received. That is not the same as calling a child a liar. If you know the teacher and haven’t had issues with them before then I’d approach them with an open mind to find out more.

Miriel · 10/06/2020 23:22

YANBU. As others have said, this stuff stays with you.

I remember the time I was shouted and screamed at in front of the class for ages for having a note from home explaining why I wasn't able to do all my homework the previous night. I was 13, and very shy and well-behaved. It terrified me. The next time my family circumstances meant I couldn't get my homework done, I skipped school the next day.

N0tfinished · 10/06/2020 23:27

Your poor boy, what a horrible day for him.

I'm with askingforabaskin- mystified why so many pp are hinting that your child misunderstood or that it may have happened differently. I did my normal span of education and can remember many instances of sarcastic unhelpful teachers.

I would (and have) go to speak with that teacher. If nothing else, teachers should be clear communicators. If your son did misunderstand, then she was at fault by not clarifying & reassuring him. It beggars belief that she couldn't cope with different learning styles & pace with only 10 students in the class.

If you do decide to go in, please wait till you can be very unemotional and calm. If you go in there upset or angry they'll just write you off as a hysterical parent.

Iggi999 · 10/06/2020 23:28

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

Not only is it cruel. If she said it infront of the other kids does it not also breach confidentiality.
No it doesn't. Do you think schools have sound proof booths to discuss feedback? Or should she have gone up close and whispered in his ear? The OP clearly needs ro talk to the school. I find it's always best to talk in an open minded way, to find out more about what happened and what was meant. You can then adjust your behaviour up or down accordingly. Going in demanding someone's scalp and you look pretty foolish if it turns out there was a misunderstanding.
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 10/06/2020 23:36

While I agree with the "make sure it happened the way he said it did" school of thought, I remember being humiliated at school. I told my parents who ignored me and said it didn't happen. My own daughter experienced it too and I kept tabs on it and ended up moving schools at her request which was the best thing I'd ever done for her.

My teacher caught me looking out of the window instead of silent reading and then made me stand in front of the class looking out of the window whilst telling me to read the book I was holding. The same teacher told me I sounded like a robot when I was practising a reading for a class assembly. Some teachers are crap. Don't let your child be affected by one teacher

redwinefine · 10/06/2020 23:44

Just check that things happened the way he said it did before you go in all guns blazing. Even the 'best' kids lie/ see things wrong

WeMarchOn · 10/06/2020 23:46

When we had English in secondary a few of us went to learning support instead, was told by friends the English teacher said we all just sit on bean bags and are thick. I will never forget that!!

solidaritea · 10/06/2020 23:52

@AskingforaBaskin

Is it? It happened to me. I had to stand up because I had the lowest score in the class. She told them. I hope that bitch suffered. This is the shit that stays with you. And I would never ever allow someone who did that to my child the chance to hurt them again.
Short of anything criminal, there really wouldn't be any way of achieving that. I'm not saying it's OK to humiliate a child in front of peers, but this is a serious overreaction.
AskingforaBaskin · 10/06/2020 23:55

I would honestly go to that school and ask for my child to be moved class. If that could not be done I would withdraw them from that school.
I am not joking.

Tunnockswafer · 10/06/2020 23:59

Class moved in a time of bubbles?
A bit of resilience wouldn't go amiss. There are horrendous stories from people's pasts but they are of their time (I was hit in school fgs) there are really not many things staff could say now without being reported! Times have changed, and thank goodness for that in some ways.

NoPointInWednesdays · 10/06/2020 23:59

I would definitely phone and ask about it OP. No not another teacher bashing thread it’s the fact not only has the teacher made her DS feel stupid but he will now probably be reluctant to ask for help in the future and as a teacher, would you say that they have done their job???? I certainly wouldn’t this will probably stay with OP’s son for life. I had something similar when I was in primary school and although all of my teachers were amazing bar that one, I will never and have never forgot what she did to me and it still makes my stomach churn all these years later.

AskingforaBaskin · 11/06/2020 00:00

but they are of their time
Jog on I'm not that old at all.

AskingforaBaskin · 11/06/2020 00:01

My sister also had a teacher remove an earring with a pair of pliers. That particular delight is still teaching. Of our time indeed.

And our school was lorded as the best in the area

ittakes2 · 11/06/2020 00:02

That is appalling. I have a memory from a teacher shaming me when I was 5 - I am 50 and can still remember the detail. You have ever right to be angry - I would tell the teacher your son was very upset.

Tunnockswafer · 11/06/2020 00:11

Apologies Baskin, you are a young thing Flowers
Anyone else have a story about a mean teacher?
And will these really help the OP to get to the bottom of this and support her son?

Original poster
allthingsred · 11/06/2020 00:18

I've asked to speak to the teacher tomorrow.
I have tried homeschooling my son but I'm failing miserably, with still working full time school work goes on late in the evening/night when I'm back to check on whats been done or read together. & it's been hard.
I thought going back part time is better than just me alone
But seeing his little face today has really upset me.
He feels awful he wouldn't lie & to me and Imo that is not teaching. If a pupil doesnt know something you should have the patience & explain.
We have had a family game night &
put the smile back on his face but I'm not happy with her &will be telling her what she has made him feel and will be asking why she felt that humiliation is a constructive teaching method.

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 11/06/2020 00:23

there are really not many things staff could say now without being reported! Times have changed, and thank goodness for that in some ways

Reported by who? children?? How many children go home not telling their parents what teachers have said for fear of getting in trouble?

I used to work in a school, I know most teachers are good but I've also seen the way some teachers speak to/about students

earthyfire · 11/06/2020 00:26

I'd be really annoyed and for what it is worth I would believe my child's version of events, some teachers are brilliant at manipulating the truth when it comes to telling their version of events.

NoPointInWednesdays · 11/06/2020 00:29

Glad to hear it @allthingsred definitely tell them how it’s made him feel and as for the comment “ of the times “ the teacher that did it to me is also still teaching( don’t know how as many complaints have been made about her Hmm )I’m sorry but your really in the wrong job if it makes you feel big and superior belittling a child when you have chosen to teach. Hope this will make the teacher think twice in future.

lillie07 · 11/06/2020 00:44

You're not overreacting OP, I'm so sorry that your son was treated this way and utterly disgusted in such a comment. I'm a primary teacher myself (year 5) and I WOULDN'T DREAM of saying anything like this to my pupils. Practice like this is unacceptable. I hate the 'teacher bashing' that goes on on this site sometimes but no, this is completely different. This is unacceptable and comments like that can really damage self esteem. Some teachers are very manipulative and sometimes just plain bullies. Basically, I don't know why some of them are in the job 🤷🏽‍♀️ complain to the school and monitor this individual teachers behaviour towards your son in future, she can't get away with public humiliation- it makes me so angry when I see this practice in classrooms. There's some amazing teachers out there (blowing my own trumpet 🎺 because I work bloody hard) and things like these gives us the worst rep... I hope your son is okay, remind him that we all have different strengths and weaknesses- never to feel ashamed of them x

lillie07 · 11/06/2020 00:49

Also just to add, if I make a mistake (which I do often, only human!) I will do my best to put it right, and will always own up to it. Teaching is hard and sometimes we get stressed and say things we don't mean or we get frustrated because you constantly feel like you're fighting a losing battle. But I still wouldn't ever make a child feel like that, any teacher that thinks it's okay, shouldn't be a teacher. Learning is hard, we take for granted how hard it is to learn, children get stressed and upset too. Speak it through with the school, I hope you get an apology and this never happens again- if not, you know what type of teacher this individual is.

*sorry for the rant, it's something that really gets me frustrated! I just think of one of my little year 5s, some of them are really sensitive souls and I couldn't bare the thought of any of them feeling like this 🥺

AtrociousCircumstance · 11/06/2020 00:50

Complain.