To be furious with my sons teacher

[allthingsred]

My son been back at school since last week. He attends 3 days per week so matching with his sister. ( I'm a front line key worker with homeless do work late long hours but have them home when I can )

He was off yesterday missed a maths class. Today the class was doing more work on what they learnt yesterday.
My son (10) who already struggles but always tries his best with school missed 1 question and got the others wrong. The teacher turned to him in front of the wholemail class & said you've got nothing right I'm dissapointed & he has been so upset all evening since.

I know how much he struggles with his learning so as long as he tries (& he really does) I am happy
I am furious right now. The class is small (only 10 pupils) there is a teacher & teaching assistant aibu I'm thinking rather than telling my son & breaking his confidence she's disappointed. one of the adults in the room could have spent 10 min's helping him to understand the questions and you know teaching him?
I am so dissapointed with the school & their supposed home learning which we have been trying to do. I thought if a child didn't know something the teachers job was to teach them not make them feel humilated & crap.

These thread actually go like this-

1.OP- My DC came home from school crying, telling me this happened

1. Posters- oh here we go, another teacher bashing thread, your DC obviously misunderstood, couldn’t possibly be the teacher, over sensitive child, didn’t hear correctly, I’m a teacher/know a teacher.

3- other posters: actually this happened to me and has stayed with me for a long time 4- posters: now you are just projecting your childhood feelings.....couldn’t be the teacher at fault.....

There's always two sides to a story. Instead of second guessing, just phone the school up and speak to someone. It could be that your DS was messing about and not listening to the explanation, therefore got the remaining questions wrong. I doubt he'd tell you about that bit though.
On the other hand, if what he has said is the absolute truth, then the teacher needs to be spoken to by the Head.

for those of you calling a woman a 'bitch', the misogyny is hateful.

@AskingforaBaskin

I would honestly go to that school and ask for my child to be moved class. If that could not be done I would withdraw them from that school. I am not joking.

Have you not been listening to the info about children being in bubbles? If you came into my school demanding your child to be moved classes, you'd be told that you are more than welcome to remove him from school but he would not be able to move bubbles as it's against government rules.

doggodogington
So the fact that teachers, including me, have said it could be unpleasant doesn't count then?

People on here are very definitely projecting their experiences and doing so in a way that doesn't actually help the OP. It doesn't matter how reasonable an OP is (and this OP is not teacher bashing), there's always people trying to whip things up because they had a bad experience at school.

It's the same on loads of threads. There's usually a lot of people saying to have a chat with the teacher, explain what's happened, get a resolution, behave rationally and then a handful getting ready to make a mountain out of a molehill, which is quite selfish to be honest because they're more concerned with trying to win some ongoing battle from their past than helping the OP.

I've been on some threads,given OPs advice that includes going to formal complaints if needed and people with giant chips have accused me of saying children are lying. There's no reasoning with people who are hung up on their own past.

I'm waiting on a phone call to talk it through.
For context I have & do keep on top of home learning he submits as much as he is able ( no laptop/printer at home only tablets)
He isn't behind in that. On his days off he completes his home learning. Like I said before though his days are long when home learning as he will do what he can then if anything he can't understand he will wait til we are home to do which can be 9/10pm.
I have repeatedly asked for feedback on work submitted this way so I can make sure it's all goinv OK. but received none at all. This is my first real interaction with the school since lock down began. There is v v little communication. work is set but not commented on
He was in school Monday missed Tuesday ( did home learning).
Any parent seeing their 10 yo upset would be questioning what has happened and be upset to.

I've been reluctant to send the kids in at all. My dd suffers from an illness that can lead to complications & I've had to weigh up the risk of physical health their mental health & knowing that I am ill equipped to teach. (Barely scrapped my a levels)
Teachers are amazing.. I have 3 children & no control how they manage 30 in a class is awesome. This was never a teacher bashing thread.

My frustration is, its 1 lesson missed. She has been teaching him all year she knows he struggles. He may not be reaching all his targets but he is a kind well mannered boy who doesn't get into trouble.
She should understand that by approaching him this way in front of everyone it's horrible for him not helpful.
If he has fallen so far behind but had been submitting his home learning why hasn't it been picked up on before by her?
It's not like I haven't asked for feedback or communication before
& 2. It's a small class (10 pupils) she has a teaching assistant why can't they go through it with him instead of 'being disappointed '
I get front line working & understand restrictions (I'm front line) but we still have to do our jobs!

I hear you OP. It'll be good to have a thorough chat.

If it helps for your conversation, I'd be mindful of a couple of things. Teaching in many schools at the moment has to be done from the front as there is no way to safely go close to students so if it turns out it's a misunderstanding (as in truthfully saying a score is disappointing, and we've all be disappointed in how well we've done on something, rather than saying she is disappointed in him) then the distance is unavoidable. On feedback, class teachers will be probably following the school policy for feedback during lockdown. If whole school communication is poor then that's an issue to raise with someone more senior.

When you talk to the teacher, you could ask if it would be possible to have a weekly/fortnightly call about how DC is getting on.

Teachers are amazing.. I have 3 children & no control how they manage 30 in a class is awesome. This was never a teacher bashing thread.

Most OPs don't start threads intending them to be teacher bashing, they just mention something they're upset about, sometimes justified whilst at other times overreacting and venting, because no parent likes it when one of their DC is upset. But other posters pile in with their projections from childhood.

I did have a humiliating time in school as a child, but I've seen nothing to complain about in relation to how my DDs' teachers treat them, DD1 has SEN and they're both adopted, so they do struggle with their work sometimes, but I can honestly say that I have nothing but gratitude to their class teachers, and my DD1 in particular always gets attached to them.

It really isn't the same these days as it was when many of us were children in school, so projecting from our experiences isn't at all helpful.

In the OP's case, this can be resolved by emailing the teacher to present her concerns and ask her for her side of the story. Teachers are human beings and get frustrated sometimes. I get frustrated with my DDs myself sometimes.

Thank you @Lola I never thought to ask about the fortnightly calls I will definitely be doing that.

The thing is, while teachers do sometimes use a tone/words that could have been better, it is so easy for it to be misrepresented and as much as people have memories of teachers upsetting them teachers have examples of pupils/parents misrepresenting them. For example - I start all Parents’ Evening meetings be asking ‘Is there anything in particular you wanted to discuss?’ Always those words. Means if a parent does have an issue with the class/me/the curriculum we deal with it straight away. A parent who didn’t like what I had to say about his son’s level of motivation (low) wrote to my Head saying I began the meeting by saying ‘What have you come for?’ It was his interpretation of the words based on how he viewed the meeting.
If your son is worried about maths, he is more likely to get upset and interpret the teacher’s comments more critically than they were intended. His teacher may have said it was disappointing (for him) rather than that she was disappointed (in him).
It’s good you are going to discuss it, but please try to be open. Also bear in mind it’s really difficult to do individual feedback or support with a 2m Social distance in place.

This thread should be linked to the many threads titled 'Why isn't my child's teacher teaching lessons online?'

lillie07. What you wrote in the early hours today sounds lovely and caring, as a teacher.

However, I do wonder whether the manner in which we tie ourselves in knots protecting the self-esteem of our Y5 'sensitive little souls' is what has created so many young people who have zero coping mechanisms when faced with adversity?

I am a HCP and we see it practically every day, the inevitable 'anxiety', 'panic attack', tears- and god help us if an injection is involved! Almost invariably women aged 15-25. Practically always with mummy flapping around her.

Can we not teach a bit of resilience?

This thread should be linked to the many threads titled 'Why isn't my child's teacher teaching lessons online?
I think you've possibly got the wrong thread?

Allthingsred happy to help. It also means that you're in a better position to help support DC in maths if you and the teacher have an ongoing dialogue.
I used to call some parents weekly for a mix of behaviour, pastoral and academic issues and we found it really beneficial.
School is a three way partnership between school, parent and child.

I'm not saying your son's lying, but instead of being angry, why not send his teacher an email so you can clear up what's been said?

Because it's easier to rant on MN rather than do the adult thing.

Teachers are amazing.. I have 3 children & no control how they manage 30 in a class is awesome. This was never a teacher bashing thread.

When you're failing to control your own 3 children do you never say something you later regret?

Because it's easier to rant on MN rather than do the adult thing
The OP has had her rant, sought advice and is waiting for a call back from school.

There have been several angry posts on this thread, but the OP has been really reasonable and open to advice.

@Miljea I think that what's happened is that we've gone to the other extreme. A lot of us went through difficult childhoods and what we want more than anything else is to protect our DC from going through the same.

My DDs are adopted, as I said, and that in itself is traumatic, so there's a tendency for us to want to cover them in cotton wool and worry about every little thing.

But it really does them no favours. I've realised that with the lockdown, where they're reacting so strongly to very little things and complaining that 'it's not fair' if they can't play roblox, I can see that they do need to learn some resilience.

I also think the 2m social distancing rules will be making it very difficult for teachers to connect with the children in their class and will be making misunderstandings very likely to happen.

Nah teachers have no right to stand over a pupil and say such things, how unprofessional.
I'd contact the teacher and ask why this happend.
If a students having difficulty then this is throwing them further off
Talk to the teacher, it's everyone's job to help the child.
Brexotgamecenerator; people maybe cruel or mean in life but not a bloody teacher..safe learning space and all that.
Don't forget to tell the principal or head?
Email and you can not forget your complaint.

Ah the phrase 'teacher bashing' has been thrown around after having a quick skim of the thread shouldn't have been suprised really

The teacher turned to him in front of the wholemail class & said you've got nothing right I'm dissapointed

I'm just amazed that anyone who has children would believe that was what literally happened. Surely every parent has experienced the way children sometimes exagerate every slight and wildly misinterpret things?

Def worth speaking to school to also get their side .
When my son was in reception a very very shy child who barely spoke to teachers in whole school assembley a boy next to him spoke , my son never replied and teacher made him stand up in front of whole school for talking he was devastated and 4 years old
He never even told me a friends older son told me what happened as he said he was close to tears , sometimes they need to consider the child and how they may respond when they do or say certain things
Put my son back another few months I'm settling in

@Doggodogington

These thread actually go like this-

1.OP- My DC came home from school crying, telling me this happened

1. Posters- oh here we go, another teacher bashing thread, your DC obviously misunderstood, couldn’t possibly be the teacher, over sensitive child, didn’t hear correctly, I’m a teacher/know a teacher.

3- other posters: actually this happened to me and has stayed with me for a long time 4- posters: now you are just projecting your childhood feelings.....couldn’t be the teacher at fault.....

You missed out

posters say talk to the school
Other posters say So you calling the child a liar

Etc. etc.

@Doggodogington but its apparently ok to post your brand of bullshit.

OP another vote for talk to the teacher.

@LolaSmiles
You're not wrong there! Complete misunderstanding

ElizabethMainwaring easily done

It also doesn't have to be teacher bashing because some have had a bad experience with a teacher
Through my two going to school with prob 50 teachers between them I've had an issue with 2 with how they have dealt with situations , but can't say all teachers are perfect either I'm sure some of you have worked with colleagues and maybe cringed at times by something they have said or done as we are all human so none of us are perfect . But if someone has had a bad experience it doesn't mean it's automatically not true but always worth listening to both sides and anyone else's before making final decision

@FrippEnos your brand of bullshit

I have no idea what you are on about, I copied another posters style of post and changed the words yet you pick on mine? Jog on. Brand of bullshit indeed wtf is a brand of bullshit?