MIL and her allergies

[Cryingmakesmecry]

MIL is moving in with us, she has severe allergies to the following:

Garlic
Chives
Celery
Salad onions/spring onions
Anything else from the garlic family
Penicillin

She doesn’t carry an epi pen, and doesn’t want to get one from the doctors.

Would you keep any of the above in the house? DH says it’s fine to keep but I’m scared of cross contamination even if I kept them separate from everything else.

I do most of the cooking and am very careful with her, I’ve also got a separate chopping board for when I’m preparing meals that include her. She moves in officially from next week so wondering if I need to do a cull of dried herbs etc before then.

Those who live with people with severe allergies, what do you do?

YABU: don’t get rid of anything just keep it separate

YANBU: get rid of everything and accept a life free of garlic bread

Thank you!

Op please let her do her own cooking. And don’t make a rod for you own back.
My elderly aunt moved in with us and she had dietary restrictions (not allergies) my poor mother was run ragged nearly had a breakdown over her passive aggressive behaviour.
The whole family had to bow down to her restriction. Weren’t allowed anything remotely spicy in the house. Even black pepper was taboo on the house.
If she can’t eat the food provided minus the things she can’t eat let her sort her stuff out their are ready meal companies ect that can.

Yeah, I do all of our meals as I bulk cook and then freeze.

Well then you need to wise up and make it a condition of her moving in that your DH takes 50% responsibility for her food and domestic needs and 100% responsibility for managing her condition.

Do you work?

OP you sound like you are being controlled by somebody and don't have a say in this. I strongly suggest you grow a backbone and speak up for yourself and get some ground rules agreed before she moves in. Epi pens and her refusal to be honest with you about them are just one issue, and a symptom of much bigger ones.

What is she going to do for spending money, if she can't afford even to rent a small studio flat for herself?

I would insist you MIL gets an epipen. As a pp has said, that doesn’t give cause for being more relaxed with the allergy itself but it is there in a worst case scenario. If it were me, I would not let someone with a severe allergy who gets anaphylaxis move in unless they had an epipen. I work with kids and if we take them on trips, anyone has who has anaphylaxis has to have an epipen, end of! I don’t see why you would apply the same logic to life in general.

I don't understand why she doesn't use the NHS? I got new epipens last month, I'm over 60, they were free. No problems with supply either.

...and yes, I think you need to have firm words. Tell her just how you would feel if she went into anaphylaxis and you were powerless to help her. Does she really want you/her son to face a life of guilt that you didn't have an epi-pen to hand?

Living with you carries responsibilities on her part.

I wonder how many times she's been to hospital with her allergic reactions? You'd expect a few, if she is seriously allergic.

I think you need to ask her for more information about her condition, its severity and her treatment plan. So, how far can she be from an A&E dept? What happens when she has a reaction?

You need to be prepared. e.g. would she always need an ambulance, or would being driven / taxi-ed to hospital allow enought time for treatment? That will have implications for whether your DH can drink - he might need to be 'on call' for a hospital run at all times.

There will be sites for people with allergies, with info on the various implications of different allergy severities. You can probably copy plans for avoidance and treatment for different levels of severity.

Looking into this will help you make it really clear to your DH and MIL how serious and inconvenient an issue this is. They both need to step up and take charge of her special plan, to make her stay with you possible.

OP. My mum was like your MIL. She ended up having a reaction to something unexpectedly and had to be resuscitated twice in an afternoon. She only just made it to the hospital on time. She's not been so blasé since and that was 10 years ago. Your MIL needs to give her head a wobble and I agree with others who say it should be a condition of her moving in. I wouldn't take responsibility for catering for someone with a history of anaphylaxis who didn't get a pen.

I wouldn't risk having those items in the house. I'd insist on her getting an epipen. It could save her life, not just in the house but when out and about (where she's probably more likely to come into contact with contaminated food items).

I feel for you because garlic is amazing, but you can still enjoy it in restaurants (eventually!)

No don't have them in the house. It's not worth the risk and cross contamination is so easy.

I’m not convinced that she is severely allergic to these items. These items generally cause indigestion in folk who are ‘ of a certain age!’ ( I know , as they disagree with me.)
However, it’s bizarre that she was diagnosed as needing an epipen in the past but can’t be bothered now... epipens are prescribe to save your life!
I think she’s leading you up the garden path.
Sorry.

I would ask her for some confirmation and advice from her doctor. If she's one of the very rare people who have an anaphylactic response to garlic, she needs an epipen. But I think it's unlikely that you bed to be changing your own diets at all.

www.anaphylaxis.org.uk/knowledgebase/onion-and-garlic-allergy/

Give her her own cupboard, knives, chopping board, Tupperware for the fridge and washing up cloths & tea towels.

If you batch cook and can separate out stuff eg pasta sauce, then she can have a safe version of what everyone’s having.

Failing that, she can make her own - or your DH can.

You are not the house elf.

I was also just about to post that an anaphylactic reaction to garlic and onions is in fact very rare.
She may have a food intolerance, but an actual severe allergy that means you can't even have garlic in the house is unlikely.
Considering she doesn't have an autoinjector either, I'd say it's even more unlikely that she has a diagnosed severe allergy.
You need to speak to her and get this sorted before she moves in.

Well if she’s really worried she can cook her own meals. I would if I had an allergy. I wouldn’t expect other people to do it for me

That would be most of my meals ruined! I can't imagine life without garlic and onions. It would be akin to making a meat eater go vegetarian.
I'm afraid I would have to continue using them, insisting on an epipen and requiring MIL to cater herself (if possible. If not I'd make separate meals)
Keeping separate cooking boards and such isn't a huge inconvenience. Well, not as much as an entire diet alteration.

I have a garlic allergy, I react very badly if I eat it and have an EpiPen but we do keep foods containing garlic in the house because my partner eats it. It depends on the severity of her allergy.

If she is severely allergic then she needs to sort EpiPen and can't move in until she does.

If she's not planning on accessing NHS care - have you agreed she will be paying for health care? Does she have sufficient funds for ailments associated with older age - heart problems, high blood pressure etc. private GP services, private hospitals and prescriptions will someone a fortune - who will be paying???? £200 for an epipen is small beer compared to what could be around the corner.

that will cost someone a fortune

@DPotter

If she's not planning on accessing NHS care - have you agreed she will be paying for health care? Does she have sufficient funds for ailments associated with older age - heart problems, high blood pressure etc. private GP services, private hospitals and prescriptions will someone a fortune - who will be paying???? £200 for an epipen is small beer compared to what could be around the corner.

Is she planning on refusing free emergency NHS care for anaphylaxis, then? 'No, go away, take your free defib, AAI and oxygen away, I'm waiting for the private ambulance my son is going to call me'?

I’d never give up garlic - I’d sooner give up the MIL.

You can tell from your tone that you’re not happy about her moving in. It just “feels” sad.

She definitely needs to secure herself an EP or two, if only to make you feel a bit better.

Why on earth would someone with severe allergies to a quite common food group refuse to carry an epipen? Are you sure she really is 'severely allergic' to them,or just intolerant? There is a big difference,and an intolerance isn't usually life threatening! My ex MIL used to tell people that she was 'severely allergic' to milk. Nope,she was intolerant to it. It gave her a mild stomach upset.

She sounds like a right royal pain in the arse. Being stubborn over a tenner for an epipen ffs. Don't let her move in, with or without the pen.

Well if she's moves in without an epi pen, then she'll have to take the consequences won't she?

I cannot believe I'm saying this, but if it all went horribly wrong, it won't go horribly wrong twice. Either she won't be around behind a nightmare, or it will frighten her into sorting out her issues.

This is the kind of MIL that gives others a bad name.