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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL and her allergies

102 replies

Cryingmakesmecry · 10/06/2020 13:44

MIL is moving in with us, she has severe allergies to the following:

Garlic
Chives
Celery
Salad onions/spring onions
Anything else from the garlic family
Penicillin

She doesn’t carry an epi pen, and doesn’t want to get one from the doctors.

Would you keep any of the above in the house? DH says it’s fine to keep but I’m scared of cross contamination even if I kept them separate from everything else.

I do most of the cooking and am very careful with her, I’ve also got a separate chopping board for when I’m preparing meals that include her. She moves in officially from next week so wondering if I need to do a cull of dried herbs etc before then.

Those who live with people with severe allergies, what do you do?

YABU: don’t get rid of anything just keep it separate

YANBU: get rid of everything and accept a life free of garlic bread

Thank you!

OP posts:

HoldMyLobster · 10/06/2020 14:46

My DD is severely allergic to peanuts. We keep peanuts and peanut butter in the house but treat it as if it's a poison. It's on a separate shelf away from the rest of the food, everything that touched it is immediately washed, etc.

DD has to live with peanuts and peanut butter being around her in the rest of her life, so it seemed more important to teach her to stay safe with them around than to remove all traces of them from the house.

She's never eaten the peanut products we keep in the house but she has been exposed to peanuts in food consumed outside the house.

She has an epipen, and we have used it.

tiredanddangerous · 10/06/2020 14:47

DH needs to have serious words with her about epi pens I think. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for feeding someone who could have a life threatening reaction.

theyoungandtherestless · 10/06/2020 14:47

Having an EpiPen doesn't negate the need to be very careful as they are not always effective. In the nicest way, would you "get distracted and mix stuff up" if it was your toddler with the severe allergies? If you can't be sure to make her safe food you shouldn't be cooking for her. Can she cook her own meals?

HoldMyLobster · 10/06/2020 14:47

Oh - I would insist she has an epipen OP.

namechangenumber2 · 10/06/2020 14:53

DS1 has a severe nut allergy, we never ever have nut products in the house.

I'm shocked she's not got an Epipen!!

MitziK · 10/06/2020 14:54

@Cryingmakesmecry

Definitely Anaphylactic afaik! She used to have epi pens but they went out of date and she never got a new prescription. She seems to think she has to pay for them (?)

Have never encountered her having any kind of attack but as I say I’m very careful, when we eat out she has completely bland food to avoid any risks.

I said the same thing to DH that it’s unfair she doesn’t carry a pen because it’s putting a lot of pressure on everyone around her to monitor things. I always double check but I have a toddler so it would be very easy to get suddenly distracted and mix stuff up if that makes sense!

She’s moving in full time, not just for lockdown. I know I know!!!

£9.15 doesn't seem that expensive to me in exchange for not, you know, dying horribly whilst waiting for the ambulance to arrive.

Could you just chuck her a tenner and say 'don't be daft'?

InspectorCludo · 10/06/2020 14:56

I have a child with severe allergies. We have no nut containing products in the house. This is because they have experienced airborne reactions.
The other allergens we do have in the house but not in raw form (baked into products). They may react to touch but that wouldn’t (or hasn’t) caused anaphylaxis.

I’d be guided by her as she knows what she can and can’t tolerate. I would get her epi pens renewed. It’s a complete PITA as they expire every six months but at least if you get some now they’ll be better then nothing (and they are available on prescription so she’d just have to pay the prescription charge).

DPotter · 10/06/2020 14:58

If you have to give up garlic -it's the least she can do to get a couple of epipens. Also if she's over 60 all prescriptions are free.

I personally couldn't give up garlic.......

Purpleartichoke · 10/06/2020 15:00

Is it airborne? Can you still cook garlic and onions? I’ve known people with that allergy who could be in a home where the ingredients were cooked and those who could not. I’d she can’t be around while they are cooking, then there is little point in having them in the house.

We still have my Several of my allergens in the house because there really isn’t any risk to me if I don’t actually ingest them. At most I might get a rash from physical or airborne contact . The allergens that are airborne we don’t keep in the house.

Ifartglitterybaubles · 10/06/2020 15:02

Ds1 has a severe peanut allergy, we always have Epi -pens with us and we don't have peanuts in the house, your MIL needs to get her Epi-pen prescription sorted.

Gitfeatures · 10/06/2020 15:11

She doesn't move in until she sorts out an epipen. It really is very little to ask, given how much of an impact her moving in will have on you both.

Screenburn · 10/06/2020 15:17

She doesn’t have severe allergies if she won’t get an EpiPen. If she is so broke she can’t afford a tenner, I’d be worried, and if you’re so broke you can’t afford to sub her the tenner she shouldn’t be moving in!

Or, she does have severe allergies, but she actively wants to die.

I’d be asking her which one it is.

Quarantimespringclean · 10/06/2020 15:17

If she is genuinely allergic to those things (rather than intolerant of them) I find it hard to believe she could eat out anywhere and survive.

I sympathise OP. My DH is onion intolerant, not an allergy but the texture makes him vomit. This makes cooking for him and eating out with him very restrictive.

paap1975 · 10/06/2020 15:18

I have a friend with the same allergy (anything in the onion family) and she's a nightmare to cook for. Beware of hidden onion in stock cubes and spice mixes. I'm not sure I'd be prepared to give up all those things indefinitely. It's tough. Good luck!
And yes, she must have an EpiPen in the house. She's nuts not to!

Fink · 10/06/2020 15:19

It really depends on her individual allergy, and if she's said she can't have them around then she can't. I'm allergic to peanuts, which give off an oil when raw but it's sort of soaked up when cooked. So I could be in the presence of roasted peanuts, and products with peanuts in (e.g. peanut butter) without a problem, as long as I don't eat them, but I can't have raw peanuts in the house. Other people's allergies are different. If she can't be around them at all, then you need to get rid of them.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 10/06/2020 15:20

Is she genuinely allergic to all of those things? It's not that she is allergic to penicillin and intolerant of the others? It's unusual to be allergic to garlic, celery etc., a food intolerance to them is much more common (which could be unpleasant for her, but wouldn't be life threatening).

If she is truly allergic to them then personally I would avoid having them in the house, as I know I wouldn't be careful enough to avoid cross-contamination, I would rather not have garlic than worry about having garlic.

However if she has said it's ok to have them in the house I don't think it's wrong for you to do so - she is an adult who can make a risk assessment. It's odd that this wasn't discussed earlier though!

A friend has a child with a severe peanut allergy and has been told to feed the young siblings peanuts regularly to reduce their chance of developing allergy - she manages it, and the older one has never had a reaction to the peanuts in the home, so it is possible.

SimonJT · 10/06/2020 15:22

I have a very severe kiwi allergy and more mild latex/strawberry allergy. I don’t have any of those in my flat and I wouldn’t allow kiwi in at all.

My son has a severe cows milk allergy, again, I don’t allow milk in.

He knows he has an allergy, knows how to use his injector etc. But if I allowed milk or kiwi into our flat we would be losing our only safe allergy freezone. Obviously our injectors are still handy, but we know we’re safe at home so we can actually relax and enjoy what we are eating.

Justaboy · 10/06/2020 15:25

Is anyone here Allergic to Garlic?

No Zombies or other Vampire tendencies??

Slighty protuding sharp front teeth perhaps:??

drspouse · 10/06/2020 15:27

Garlic paste in a jar is, you know, in a jar. Very good way to keep garlic as it keeps fresh, no peeling, and safe for MIL.

Nanny0gg · 10/06/2020 15:28

How old is she? She may not have to pay for the prescription anyway!

TatianaBis · 10/06/2020 15:28

Has DH really thought this through? If he thinks you can have those foods in the house it doesn’t sound like it.

Will he be doing his fair share of the allergen free cooking?

IAmReportingYouForBBQing · 10/06/2020 15:33

It sounds like oral allergy syndrome, my son had it and is allergic to all nuts, all raw veg and fruit. It's not a true allergy, there is a protein in the stuff mentioned above that is almost identical to a protein that is in birch pollen and that is what causes the reaction. My son can eat all these gigs providing they are cooked as the cooking process breaks the protein down. However some people do still have mild reactions.

Eppipens- there was a shortage last year. I couldn't get any on the nhs and had to buy 2 for home and 2 for school at a a cost of £99 each and they expire after 6 months. I have no idea if they are now available in the nhs again as we are doing the same and not stocking them. We live next to a and e and he hasn't had a reaction in 15 months so feeling quite positive. We don't have any mud in the house at all. Raw fruit and veg is in the fridge and he isn't allowed into the fridge. When I'm meal prepping or cooking he stays out of the room unless it's cheese toasties and tinned soup or he is making pizza sauce ( his go to specialty) from Passata and tinned purée. He doesn't react to dried herbs but does to fresh.

Ellie56 · 10/06/2020 15:34

Eek! Not sure what I'm most horrified by. MIL moving in permanently or MIL is at risk of Anaphylaxis and refuses to have an Epipen.

I've seen someone in the midst of an anaphylactic reaction and it is very scary.

Don't let her move in without two epipens OP.

Better still don't let her move in at all.

oohnicevase · 10/06/2020 15:35

Have you got a big house or an annexe ? The thought of my mil or mum for that matter moving in is enough to give me an anaphylactic shock!! 🙈

Nottherealslimshady · 10/06/2020 15:38

If she has anaphylactic reactions then she needs to keep an EpiPen on her and in the house.

My MIL has "allergies" to onion but nothing else from the same family, eats spring onion etc. And ketchup that contains onion. It's more of an intolerance if anything so I just serve her food without onion but I eat it and prep it around her. Just use a clean knife and board for her bland stuff.
I couldn't not eat it tbh, I always make a separate meal with onion and garlic and spice (doesn't like) because I wont go without.

I might feel differently if it was a life threatening allergy though.

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