To feel constantly on edge in my own garden

[mumofnoisykids1]

Since lockdown began and my kids have been off of school and pre school we have been spending lots of time in our garden thanks to the lovely weather. However, we live in a new build estate and on a row of 4 houses. We are on one end so only have neighbours on one side. The other 3 houses are all family's as well with kids of similar and older ages to mine (2 & 5)

My boys are so loud in the garden playing games with each other and on their climbing frame. If they start to argue I will take them inside as I know no one wants to listen to kids argue but that is rare. They are just running around shouting at each other as part of their games.

Recently I've noticed that my neighbours and the next door but 1 will go back into their houses and close the garden doors within 5 minutes of me letting my kids outside. Say after lunch or in the morning.

I'm starting to feel on edge in my garden and telling the kids to keep the noise down; taking them inside if they start playing too loudly. It could be a complete coincidence that they choose to go inside at that time but it doesn't feel like it.

So AIBU to feel on edge and tell the kids to be quiet or should I just ignore it and let my kids play how they want to

[Homemadeandfromscratch]

Walkingtohealth
Actually #bekind would be a decent concept to apply to respect your neighbours don't you think?

I am just reading the OP who states that the kids are loud, shouting, the neighbours haven't complain but escape the noise by going inside.

Anyone who is disturbing others with unreasonable noise is a neighbour from hell. Other adults and children have the right to enjoy their own garden.

I know we are not all living near a beach/moutain/fieds/forrest, but there are plenty of places to go in your local area, unless you do live on a very tiny island.

Indeed, some families have no options but to use their garden, so they don't need the racket from next door do they?

Being considerate doesn't hurt anyone, some people should try.

[Sugartitss]

Oh ignore it op.

I love to hear children laughing!

[Thisismytimetoshine]

So we wrote the parents a letter, explaining that we were shocked by the outburst
I think you were a little presumptuous to comment on the incident at all, really. Especially when you go on to "explain" that you actually have the same problem in a mealy mouthed sort of way.
How your neighbour responded to the noise nuisance was none of your business.

[CherrySpritz]

If the neighbours don’t like it who cares.

How lovely it must be to live next door to you. What an incredibly ignorant and selfish attitude.

[DarklyDreamingDexter]

You are doing absolutely the right thing in asking your children to be quieter when they are playing outside. My enjoyment of my garden has been totally spoiled my my neighbours feral kids screaming and kicking or bouncing a football monotonously for hours. I know kids make some noise, of course they do, but I never hear my neighbours asking their children to play more quietly or stop screeching at the top of their lungs. I blame the parents more than the kids to be honest as they should be more considerate. I’m getting to really despise them and pray for rain as a break from the constant noise every time the sun shines.

[Ohffs66]

I often go indoors or shut my doors/windows when my NDNs kids are in the garden. They make being in the garden quite unpleasant when they are being loud and screechy (as opposed to playing nicely at normal volume which they also do a lot of the time, no problem with that) so I'd rather not be out there or have to hear it when I have other options. If their parents see that as passive aggressive I couldn't care less tbh, I'm simply resolving the issue for myself without bothering anyone.

[Thisismytimetoshine]

@StarUtopia

My neighbour has sold his house due to the noise my kids are making. I kid you not. He even got full asking price (Madness!!!)

He first complained to our other neighbour - she rightly said, well where on earth would you like them to play?

He then told us he was moving because our kids playing and making noise were making him ill.

No music. No swearing. No anti-social behaviour. KIDS PLAYING.

You sound mind blowingly lacking in self awareness. I can totally see why someone would move house to get away from you. I wonder does the new owner have any notion of what awaits them?

[NeutrinoWrangler]

You say yourself the boys are noisy, but then are offended or hurt that the neighbours may be reacting to that fact by avoiding the noise... So I guess the only appropriate/kind response would be for them to stay out and "enjoy" the noise.

All they're doing is going back indoors. If it's consistently happening right after your two children go out to play (noisily), then yes, it probably is because they don't like the noise.

You can ignore the signs that the noise is too much or you could work on lowering the noise level, but it's unreasonable to be annoyed with someone for not subjecting themselves to noise.

You're lucky all they're doing is going inside. Some might complain, instead. All they've done is silently remove themselves from the situation.

[Timesdone]

I don't mind children or even barking dogs but what really winds me up is parents/adults screaming at children and dogs to "stop the bloody noise" instead of actually doing something about it.

[AlessandroVasectomi]

This is my time to shine - Since this family moved in, we and our NDN have complained to each other about the noise their children make and how their parents appear to do nothing to control it. We have discussed possible approaches to the parents to make them aware and NDN have raised the issue with them face to face more than once. We have lived next door to NDN for 32 years, they have watched our children grow up and so you could say we know them very well. Given how angry NDN became when the children began wandering around his garden, we thought it time for the parents to know that it is not just NDN who are sick of the same unreasonable noise levels every summer. NDN saw our letter before it was delivered and were grateful for a measure of back-up. Other neighbours (who we don't know so well) have mentioned their concerns about the noise levels to NDN, but have not, as far as we know, complained to the parents.

As for our mealy-mouthed approach (if I understand you correctly), that was an attempt to put our case politely and reasonably rather than bluntly and aggressively. It so happens that it achieved the desired result, so it clearly resonated with the recipients.

[thatsmyumbrellaellla]

It must be a mn thing because I've never known anyone in real life to complain about kids out playing in their own garden during the day! Kids should be out playing in the garden laughing having fun. I find it annoying that my ndn is constantly doing some kind of work in their garden so there is alway the noise of drilling etc but I would never even think to mention it to them because it's their garden and they can do what they like in it. OP let your kids play and don't stress or feel tense about it- as long as it's not starting too early or going on too late

[Homemadeandfromscratch]

would never even think to mention it to them because it's their garden and they can do what they like in it.
so swearing and listening to completely inappropriate material your children could hear would be ok for you, would it really?

[JorisBonson]

As someone who lives next door to a family where the children's hobbies include screaming and ringing a bike bell for what feels like years, I do feel for your neighbours.

However, given the circumstances I'm trying to be more tolerant than I usually am (and mostly succeeding), but there are times where I've just given up and sat indoors on a lovely day.

[chrislilleyswig]

I'm inside with windows closed

I can still hear screaming

I just have to live with it

[wintertimeblues]

There are two young children to the right of me who are probably both under 7 and they laugh and talk to each other and parents and play various games and yes I can clearly hear them but it all just becomes back ground noise for me when I'm outside weeding. Then there is the one child (guessing under age 10) that lives behind me and 2 down. This child has a loud foghorn type screech and it's only broken with his screaming and repeatedly what sounds like kicking a ball into a wall or fence. As soon as I hear he's outside I go inside. Horrible noise. Not all children are the same.

[wildchild554]

Honestly I think you are probably being a bit paranoid here and I wouldn't worry, if it bothered them they would have told you by now ;)

[ArchibaldsDaddy]

I’d just pop round and say hello - and ask (politely) if there are any issues.

You may find you’re worrying about nothing

[Shell4429]

I’ve noticed that children seem to be louder these days. My grandchildren are constantly shrieking whether inside or outside and my son (and I am pretty sure me too) has Aspergers. He finds it unbearable and I do too. I don’t remember my children shrieking or screaming like they seem to now.

[LaVieEstBelle159]

I think you’re being massively unreasonable to allow your children to go outside to scream, shout and argue. Just the same as it would be for anyone of us to do so. No-one minds the noise of children playing but when they scream incessantly without any control, it’s awful for everyone around. Our neighbours laugh every time their children scream and shout, the louder the better as far as they’re concerned and if the dog can join in, well it’s a happy chorus. But when we celebrated VE Day on our front lawns chatting with the (socially-distanced) neighbours, guess who sat by themselves. It’s rude and inconsiderate.

[bellocchild]

Our neighbours have occasionally-noisy children playing in the garden. It's not a problem and they are not out there all day. We can always go in. Our old neighbours put up with our boys when they played out so it's only fair. However, we do have reservations about kids on trampolines, especially squealing little girls...they are seriously noisy, not to say earsplitting!

[MindatWork]

@thatsmyumbrellaellla But the neighbours aren’t complaining? Or muttering under their breath, or having deliberately loud conversations between themselves about the noise (both of which I would consider passive aggressive).

They’re just...going inside. It could be for a million other reasons but even if it is because of the children’s noise I don't see how they are at fault here. Should they sit outside to make the OP feel better?

[Mirinska]

In terms of sharing the wider space maybe reduce the garden time so that others can enjoy the peace and sounds of nature some of the time, at least then everyone gets a turn to nurture their own well-being. Also if your neighbours are elderly or self isolating their garden is probably all they’ve got for access to the outside and fresh air. If they have to go indoors to avoid shouting then that’s probably quite depressing for them. Others may want to relax, mediate, work from home etc. Any noise that is emanating beyond your garden space may not be welcome in someone’s else’s so trying to educate children in consideration for others makes for a happier and more peaceful world. When my young granddaughter is in the garden she is very aware of neighbours. She laughs gently and chats at a low volume and wouldn’t dream of screaming or shouting. It’s not just children who lack awareness. Some lodgers next door sometimes argue loudly and intensely at an open window and one of them cries and entreaties,. It’s very stressful and upsetting to have to listen to and completely destroys the peace and joy that birdsong and nature bring,. Maybe take your children to the park and or bike rides or everyday after lessons where they can let off energy and steam. Overall try to supervise and keep noise levels down and within your own space. Just basic consideration which most children adhere to without difficulty at school.

[Tron1982]

We were all children once,people soon forget.

[AllOutOfNaiceHam]

Ignore it. Mine do the same thing.
Our NDNs have have 4 kids each, the 4 on one side never make a freaking noise and it's weird.
The ones on the other side are really noisy and their youngest is often crying, shrilly, for long stretches of time. Sometimes I go inside to avoid hearing it but that's only because it triggers APD issues for me, it's not a judgement of their parenting or their children.

[FelicisNox]

YABU.

If your ears are ringing by the end of the day and you're uncomfortable in your own garden it's because you KNOW they're too loud.

Your neighbours are doing nothing wrong and lockdown is not a green light for kids to do as they please and as others have said, it's your job to teach your kids what is and isn't acceptable in terms of noise level and behaviour.

You want us all to say it's fine and to just carry on and the answer is no.