To feel constantly on edge in my own garden

[mumofnoisykids1]

Since lockdown began and my kids have been off of school and pre school we have been spending lots of time in our garden thanks to the lovely weather. However, we live in a new build estate and on a row of 4 houses. We are on one end so only have neighbours on one side. The other 3 houses are all family's as well with kids of similar and older ages to mine (2 & 5)

My boys are so loud in the garden playing games with each other and on their climbing frame. If they start to argue I will take them inside as I know no one wants to listen to kids argue but that is rare. They are just running around shouting at each other as part of their games.

Recently I've noticed that my neighbours and the next door but 1 will go back into their houses and close the garden doors within 5 minutes of me letting my kids outside. Say after lunch or in the morning.

I'm starting to feel on edge in my garden and telling the kids to keep the noise down; taking them inside if they start playing too loudly. It could be a complete coincidence that they choose to go inside at that time but it doesn't feel like it.

So AIBU to feel on edge and tell the kids to be quiet or should I just ignore it and let my kids play how they want to

[GreyGardens88]

I feel sorry for the neighbours, some children's screams and shouts are louder than a jet engine. Obviously children can be loud but you should do more to stop the piercing screams

[Legoandloldolls]

I was a bit worried about my kids and noise but my neighbours both side have told me they love hearing them in the garden.

I do tell them.to keep the noise down but the can still be extremely loud. I dont let them out for more than 30-60 minutes at a time a few times a day. So there is plenty of peace for the neighbours as well as the noise

[RedRed9]

Where did it say they were being passive aggressive @UserFriendly14 ?

I would move inside if my neighbours kids were being too noisy for me to handle. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want them to have some time playing in the garden.

[Lynda07]

Your neighbours haven't complained and it could be a coincidence that they go indoors when your children are playing in the garden. It sounds as though you are doing your best, you remind them to keep noise down but children will call out and squeal when they are playing, it's natural. Most people realise that and accept it.

I don't know what else you can do, they need fresh air and to have some fun at this difficult time - which will not last forever.

[Boulshired]

My neighbour slams the door every time my disabled son goes outside. She seems to forget the 15 years of her children jumping on their trampoline and staring even as adults. The bbqs, the bonfires and the cutting the grass at 7oclock in the morning.

[CruCru]

It kind of depends on what the "loud" is. The OP describes the children playing games and being on their climbing frame. If it's loud chatter or laughter then it is probably okay. If it is screaming or screeching for the sake of it (I'm thinking of the sort of squealing that some children seem to do) then it's obnoxious. Only the OP can know which it is.

It may be that if the street is really quiet, the children's noise seems louder than it really is.

I have this conversation with my husband sometimes. He hates anyone being "loud" (me / the children). Being endlessly told to be quieter when you are just being normal ends up being quite oppressive. The reason people say to "use an inside voice" to children is because they are inside.

[Lynda07]

PS: I don't mind hearing children playing and I'm elderly. Mine used to make noise and nobody ever complained. My neighbours on either side no longer have young children but I've occasionally heard some from further away (my hearing is acute), and couldn't care less. We were all young once and nobody is deliberately causing a noise nuisance. You certainly aren't so don't worry.

[Fez148]

Have you spoken to your neighbours? Maybe it would help?
Otherwise, maybe take your kids to the park every other day?

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"My boys are so loud in the garden playing games with each other and on their climbing frame. If they start to argue I will take them inside as I know no one wants to listen to kids argue but that is rare. They are just running around shouting at each other as part of their games."

So you find them not just 'loud' but 'SO loud'. And if you can see your neighbours going back inside, there can't be much in the way of fences/hedges to contain the noise, can there?

You describe yourself as being 'on edge' - would you care to imagine how your neighbours are feeling, given they appear to feel unable to be in their gardens during this nice weather?

I think you already know you need to tell your kids to be quieter. So unless this is actually a reverse and you are the neighbour - be more considerate of your neighbours. Your children will be able to play without shouting the place down.

[Hidingtonothing]

We have screamers next door so I have some sympathy with your neighbours, having said that it's their garden and they're as entitled to use it as I am mine so I just stick headphones on and ignore it. Ultimately, unless we can afford to buy an isolated cottage, we all have to manage to live side by side don't we and I've no doubt some stuff we do gets on the neighbours nerves so it's horses for courses. I'd put it out of your head unless you get actual complaints OP.

[Cocobean30]

Try not to take it too personally. Your neighbours are just removing themselves from the noise as they have a right to, they’re not trying to be passive aggressive. As long as your kids aren’t screaming outside for 8 hours a day and your neighbours still get quiet time I wouldn’t worry.

[Cosmos45]

I don't think it's passive aggressive to go inside when the next door neighbours kids come out and start screaming, shrieking, squealing, shouting and yelling at the top of their lungs. I do it all the time, not because I am being passive aggressive but I can't bear it and have to stop myself from committing some sort of offence.

[Mikethenight2good]

Blanktimes
Thank you for the parenting advice. I would never thought to do that.

Last I checked we were stuck at home trying to hold down our jobs and survive. So right now my perfect parenting is not on par. Will try harder in future.

[Boulshired]

Where I am I do think part of the problem is that gardens use to back off the kitchen, now all of my neighbours have living room or open plan extensions with large bifold or patio doors. There is always a competing noise between children playing and tv.

[Cosmos45]

@Hidingtonothing sadly i have a pretty isolated cottage in a rural location with 1/2 acre garden. I have a neighbour who obviously thinks they are literally in the middle of nowhere and I spent all of last summer in the house because of the level of noise their kids made. I was doing the same as OP's neighbours, literally the minute they set foot into the garden and started yelling I had to head into the house. It nearly made me sell my dream "forever" home to be honest.

[dontdisturbmenow]

What games are they playing? Are they just letting them lose to do whatever or are you involving them in structured play?

I think the problem is parents who let their kids loose in the garden to do whatever whilst they get some peace and quiet in the house.

It's not hard to plan games outside and mention rules before. Beating up, not allowed, screaming, not allowed, crying in tantrum, not allowed.

If kids just wants to scream and be let lose, take them to a park, or open spaces where you are now allowed to go.

Kids are very capable of learning not to scream and shout if they are told and they are consequences when they do.

[HesterShaw1]

I love hearing the neighbourhood children playing in the garden. I live alone and lockdown is lonely. This helps.

This exactly. Kids playing and enjoying themselves is good noise. It's much better than adults getting drunk and shouting.

[mencken]

no-one expects kids to play silently. But assuming yours are not going to live on a desert island, they need to learn some consideration.

your neighbours are telling you that they are loud and annoying. Your job is to teach them to be less of both.

[Wife2b]

Sorry OP you are being massively unreasonable. Your kids need to learn to play quietly, they’re not at the playground or in the park so they need to learn to be respectful of those around them. Playing does not equate to shouting and screaming.

[PinkMonkeyBird]

You are over thinking it! I don't have small kids anymore and only have one young adult at home. I live in a row of terraced houses, there's a few families with young ones and I honestly have no problem with the kids playing out and making noises. In fact it doesn't even register on my radar. What's more likely to piss me off is rowdy adults.

[Stingeray]

No need to be on edge. Just tell your children to stop shouting and talk at a normal volume. Yes you will have to remind them constantly at first but they will soon get into the habit

[BigSandyBalls2015]

Hearing kids playing is just part of living in close proximity to others. As long as they aren't screaming then let them get on with it.

Ours are late teens and thankfully most of our neighbours have DCs the same age. Our problem now is being woken by teens falling out of ubers, or loudly saying goodbye to mates in the early hours

[AwkwardPaws27]

Our neighbours have their children (around 5 & 7?) playing in the garden most of the day. Unfortunately the younger one is prone to screaming and crying. I'm used to it now, although it can be grating, but at first I thought she'd fallen off the trampoline or something and been injured. It worries me a bit, as if she did hurt herself then I doubt anyone would come running to help as she screams so much anyway. They've got their hands full with a new baby so don't really feel I can say anything, hopefully she'll grow out of it soon.

[Pleasenodont]

I’m not sure why them going inside their house puts you on edge at all. My NDN’s do the same thing when we go into our garden but I’m really not bothered, they’re just miserable farts.