To feel constantly on edge in my own garden

[mumofnoisykids1]

Since lockdown began and my kids have been off of school and pre school we have been spending lots of time in our garden thanks to the lovely weather. However, we live in a new build estate and on a row of 4 houses. We are on one end so only have neighbours on one side. The other 3 houses are all family's as well with kids of similar and older ages to mine (2 & 5)

My boys are so loud in the garden playing games with each other and on their climbing frame. If they start to argue I will take them inside as I know no one wants to listen to kids argue but that is rare. They are just running around shouting at each other as part of their games.

Recently I've noticed that my neighbours and the next door but 1 will go back into their houses and close the garden doors within 5 minutes of me letting my kids outside. Say after lunch or in the morning.

I'm starting to feel on edge in my garden and telling the kids to keep the noise down; taking them inside if they start playing too loudly. It could be a complete coincidence that they choose to go inside at that time but it doesn't feel like it.

So AIBU to feel on edge and tell the kids to be quiet or should I just ignore it and let my kids play how they want to

[Vodkacranberryplease]

I find my neighbours children screaming stressful, and used to go inside. But then I bought Bluetooth earphones and am blissfully oblivious now. The second they start I go and get them. I don't mind doing that. But that for me is now one in the bank
and if I decide to play music or have a post lockdown party, well, that's life. I'm not up early mowing lawns, so my impact on neighbours is pretty low (non existent unless you count looking at my messy garden).

But oh my god pre headphones. They scream at the top of their lungs. All. Day. One lot used to play a ball game and the boy would be constantly bossing and yelling at the others. There was one high pitched screamer (younger).
I used to wonder how if I was stressed by it how did the parents feel so much closer but then decided they probably either a) were able to tune it out or b) were indoors with the door closed and couldn't hear it.

Playing is one thing but screaming at the top of your lungs for hours on end another. I suppose we were all like that once. Thank god for soundcore earphones that's all I can say.

[Colom]

Gosh leave the kids to it! Like you say if they're fighting and screaming at each other intervene but otherwise let them be.

Children are restricted enough without being hushed all the time when they're doing what they're supposed to be doing - being children.

Ignore the neighbours. If they hate the sound of other people they should move to the countryside (like I did )

[Nofunkingworriesmate]

Just because they go back in doors when yours are out does not necessity mean anything negative just they want a quieter garden experience
Chat to them and let them know, you may be pleasantly surprised

[Localocal]

Let them play. Their need to run around and shout trumps your neighbours' judginess. I'm sure their kids make noise too. Don't let them get to you - it might be a coincidence that they go inside, but even if it's not don't let them make their problem your problem.

[WinniePig]

I sometimes go inside when neighbours come out. It’s not that they or their kids are particularly noisy, I just feel awkward and it’s hard to relax. We’re getting our garden done soon and top priority will be to create some privacy! I want to be able to sit in my garden without neighbours in my line of sight (otherwise you feel obliged to say hello and make small talk!)

[ItsLeviooosar]

Our next door neighbour has a toddler who cries all the fucking time. He cries because he wants to be in paddling pool, he cries because he's in the paddling pool, cries because he's wet, cries because he wants to be wet, cries because he can't have his iPad in the pool etc etc etc.. DH hates it, but it's not his fault. He's a toddler, and his parents are getting better at taking him in! It says one thing about how loud his cries are when you can't hear anything at all in their house no tv or anything but if he's on one you can hear the screams move around the house

[PerfidiousAlbion]

I moved into my house several years ago without knowing there were families with two children on either side of me. God it was loud. The four dogs didnt help either. I didnt mind the playing, the laughing, the singing or the shrieks but the shouting and yelling really got to me as its quite alarming. I must admit i used to go inside and shut the windows A LOT.

Theyre sullen teenagers now and never venture out of their bedrooms so its lovely and peaceful these days!

I think parents become deaf to the noise that children make after a while.

[Yeahnahmum]

Hearing kids play is great! And part of normal outside life. Hearing kids yell and scream all afternoon is madness. Have some consideration

[mylittlesandwich]

Children playing is not an issue. We only call it a day when the dance music, excessive drinking and swearing kicks in. The kids playing is practically melodic in comparison.

[Canuckduck]

Children can be noisy and get over excited. It sounds like you are monitoring them. If your neighbours want to go inside it’s their choice. I wouldn’t worry unless it’s directly addressed with you.

It’s a difficult time and as things ease up we will all be home much less. Children can be irritating but adults also do plenty of antisocial things in their gardens!

[Maggie90]

I actually enjoy the sound of children playing outside.

Neighbours choice to go inside, I think it’s a tad grumpy to be annoyed.

As long as they are not actually screaming I wouldn’t have a problem.

[Hont1986]

when did 'am I being unreasonable?' become 'am I legally obliged to?'

if you know the children are being loud, and you can tell it bothers the neighbours and stops them enjoying their garden, then yes, of course you are being unreasonable to let it continue.

We're in a lockdown, people have to stay in their homes. Be neighbourly and tell the children to play quietly.

[BluePheasant]

It depends what the noise is like. Normal laughing and chatter, anyone but the most killjoy of neighbours would be fine with. Constant screeching and shouting gets very wearing and spoils other people's enjoyment of their own gardens. I don't think lockdown is a reason to not teach children to be considerate to others (not saying this is you OP, just have seen on quite a few threads that people think lockdown means people just have to put up with excessive noise).

We have a family near us and their children just scream and shout the whole time they are outside. Even my elderly neighbour has mentioned the noise and she's half deaf!

[skippink]

@mumofnoisykids1 I would try to not let it bother you too much,like you say it could be a coincidence that the neighbours have gone in. Maybe if your feeling conscious of it but the garden is a space for kids to run around and play and have fun. To all the people saying you should teach your children not to shout and be considerate...well it’s ridiculous because kids are noisy whether that’s from having disagreements with each other or there noisy because there having fun and are maybe excited. This is called being a child and if you can’t have fun and get carried away then when can you!!
When my 3 are out there’s plenty of noise but also lots of laughter,if the neighbours don’t like it then there welcome to go inside there own home. Thankfully we’ve got lovely neighbours and plenty of other noisy(having fun) kids around us. If things have got out of hand with arguing or unacceptable behaviour then they would be sent inside just as if something happened inside the home then they would be sent on the step or into there bedroom.
Let them be kids and try not to worry!

[CherrySpritz]

@Tron1982

We were all children once,people soon forget.

True. But some of us had parents who brought us up to be respectful and considerate of others.

[mumoid]

I’m happy to hear children playing in the gardens around me, even if that includes the inevitable noise. It’s so much better than a sad silence.

[Sally2791]

Children need to run and scream and shout . I’m sure some people don’t like it and it impinges on the pleasure they get from being in their garden. Both views equally valid. How about talking to the neighbours then depending on their views, work out a plan which suits most of you most of the time.

[Barney60]

I agree with earlier posts. this is not acceptable, take them to a park to run and shout. when back in their own garden teach them to be respectful of neighbours, and how to keep it down a little.
In my opinion you are not managing them if they are shouting.

[MrsBadcrumble123]

screaming, shouting kids is no different from screaming shouting adults and is not 'play'. Have some consideration for the fact that everyone is stuck at home. Im sure if your adult neighbours were screaming and shouting you wouldn't like it why is it any different if the noise is coming from children? If its low level noise then I can't see a problem but I do feel some people feel entitled to let their little darlings make a ridiculous amount of noise and stuff everyone else

[FelicisNox]

YABU.

If your ears are ringing by the end of the day and you're uncomfortable in your own garden it's because you KNOW they're too loud.

Your neighbours are doing nothing wrong and lockdown is not a green light for kids to do as they please and as others have said, it's your job to teach your kids what is and isn't acceptable in terms of noise level and behaviour.

You want us all to say it's fine and to just carry on and the answer is no.

[AllOutOfNaiceHam]

Ignore it. Mine do the same thing.
Our NDNs have have 4 kids each, the 4 on one side never make a freaking noise and it's weird.
The ones on the other side are really noisy and their youngest is often crying, shrilly, for long stretches of time. Sometimes I go inside to avoid hearing it but that's only because it triggers APD issues for me, it's not a judgement of their parenting or their children.

[Tron1982]

We were all children once,people soon forget.

[Mirinska]

In terms of sharing the wider space maybe reduce the garden time so that others can enjoy the peace and sounds of nature some of the time, at least then everyone gets a turn to nurture their own well-being. Also if your neighbours are elderly or self isolating their garden is probably all they’ve got for access to the outside and fresh air. If they have to go indoors to avoid shouting then that’s probably quite depressing for them. Others may want to relax, mediate, work from home etc. Any noise that is emanating beyond your garden space may not be welcome in someone’s else’s so trying to educate children in consideration for others makes for a happier and more peaceful world. When my young granddaughter is in the garden she is very aware of neighbours. She laughs gently and chats at a low volume and wouldn’t dream of screaming or shouting. It’s not just children who lack awareness. Some lodgers next door sometimes argue loudly and intensely at an open window and one of them cries and entreaties,. It’s very stressful and upsetting to have to listen to and completely destroys the peace and joy that birdsong and nature bring,. Maybe take your children to the park and or bike rides or everyday after lessons where they can let off energy and steam. Overall try to supervise and keep noise levels down and within your own space. Just basic consideration which most children adhere to without difficulty at school.

[MindatWork]

@thatsmyumbrellaellla But the neighbours aren’t complaining? Or muttering under their breath, or having deliberately loud conversations between themselves about the noise (both of which I would consider passive aggressive).

They’re just...going inside. It could be for a million other reasons but even if it is because of the children’s noise I don't see how they are at fault here. Should they sit outside to make the OP feel better?