To feel constantly on edge in my own garden

[mumofnoisykids1]

Since lockdown began and my kids have been off of school and pre school we have been spending lots of time in our garden thanks to the lovely weather. However, we live in a new build estate and on a row of 4 houses. We are on one end so only have neighbours on one side. The other 3 houses are all family's as well with kids of similar and older ages to mine (2 & 5)

My boys are so loud in the garden playing games with each other and on their climbing frame. If they start to argue I will take them inside as I know no one wants to listen to kids argue but that is rare. They are just running around shouting at each other as part of their games.

Recently I've noticed that my neighbours and the next door but 1 will go back into their houses and close the garden doors within 5 minutes of me letting my kids outside. Say after lunch or in the morning.

I'm starting to feel on edge in my garden and telling the kids to keep the noise down; taking them inside if they start playing too loudly. It could be a complete coincidence that they choose to go inside at that time but it doesn't feel like it.

So AIBU to feel on edge and tell the kids to be quiet or should I just ignore it and let my kids play how they want to

[Nomorewineever]

I’ve really had problems with neighbour noise in lockdown but I’m talking ‘out of hours’ stuff the majority of the time. Anyway....

I don’t mind child noise. Listening to kids giggling or playing a game or whatever is gentle and pleasant. I could have that in the background doing my weeding or reading a book. I’d take enjoyment from their enjoyment.

But having two kids tear around playing Star Wars or whatever, screaming ‘I’M GOING TO KILL YOU RAAAAAAAAH’ and ‘YOU’RE SO DEAD’ at literally the loudest volume they can, in unison, or just plain shrieking and squealing is noise which is un-ignorable is really grating. Maybe they are outside just trying to have half an hour with a book and listen to the birds, and if that was their aim then i too would just quietly come indoors.

[Marpan]

So what? Loads of people don’t want to listen to screaming kids.
They haven’t been rude or told you to be quiet so just forget about it.

[Chloemol]

If depends n how loud they are and for how long. If they constantly should and carry on I would be annoyed. Children can play in the gardens, having fun etc without shouting and screaming all the time

Don’t forget some maybe working from home at the moment. Also children need to learn to play without shouting and creating lots of noise all the time

[Nitpickpicnic]

Well I’d create as predictable a routine as possible. Set the expectations- for the kids and the neighbourhood.

Everyone can cope with a few hours of outside noise in the suburbs, if they can reasonably know when it’s likely to occur.

Create a routine, and stick to it. Even if it means the 5yo kid goes outside alone sometimes.

[Aliceinwanderland]

I would ignore it but also have times that the kids don't go out in the garden, so that the neighbours can also enjoy their space without noise at times.

[dontdisturbmenow]

Kids playing and enjoying themselves is good noise
Laughing: lovely. Kiddies conversation: endearing.

Kids screaming, shouting, screeching, singing the same tune over and over at the top of their lungs, crying whilst having tantrum: stressful.

[saraclara]

Your poor neighbours haven't even complained, are missing out on their own garden and YOU are the cone complaining about them? Seriously?

That. I would go in if it was really noisy. Not to make a point or be passive aggressive, but because I find screaming and yelling makes me tense and I'd rather be in my house where it's quieter.

And yes, you're "they're SO loud" is telling. The kids in the garden behind me play out, but it's not offensive because their noise is bearable. They're not screamers or fighters.
If yours are SO loud, it sounds as though there's room for you to get involved and get your kids to have some consideration.
There's middle ground to be had.

[heartsonacake]

YABU. Your neighbours don’t want to listen to your noisy kids in the garden so of course they’ll go back inside to get away from them.

You need to encourage them to play calmly and sensibly and with respect for others.

[EmeraldShamrock]

I would not worry about it as long as you are sharing the time.
If your DC were out from 9 to 9 it might be an issue. I let mine out at varied times, one neighbour has been building for 8 weeks, others are elderly or some have DC some prefer evening's with friends.
I don't let them out to early usually an hour at a time.

It is life on lockdown.

[HaveYouSeenMyBones]

Definitely ignore it. If they want to be passive aggressive, that says more about them.

I go in often, when my neighbours come out.

• on one side it's because her dog is reactive and barks at me. I don't mind but I understand it might be nice for her to let the dog out sometimes without it getting wound up
• on the other side when the kids play because I don't like the trampoline noise but not because I am upset, angry, grumpy or think they shouldn't play out

I am not passive aggressive and there is no reason to assume the neighbours in the OP's thread are too - without further detail.

[Kordelia]

Don't you take them for a walk or out on their bikes/scooters every day?

It would be good for them to have a change and give the neighbours a break as well.

[Pelleas]

I don't think your neighbour going inside should necessarily be taken as a criticism. In my case it would simply mean 'this is a normal and reasonable noise but I don't want to hear it at the moment'.

[mumofnoisykids1]

The games they are playing are mainly football or it will be my oldest calling out to my youngest 'come on DS name' if he wants youngest to join him on climbing frame. It seems so loud as we live on a quiet estate so it seems to echo all around. I sit out with them and constantly telling them to keep it down but also seems a bit mean. They are just trying to play.

We are only out there usually after lunch as go for a long walk in the morning. Also pre lockdown we never used the garden as were always busy doing different things on weekends and after school clubs so I'm not sure about the other kid's. Neighbours daughter is same age as my youngest but is very rarely out in the garden and if she is she can be loud too

The neighbours haven't said anything and we are all on friendly terms. Not sure if it's just lockdown getting to me

[LillianBland]

@Pleasenodont

I’m not sure why them going inside their house puts you on edge at all. My NDN’s do the same thing when we go into our garden but I’m really not bothered, they’re just miserable farts.

Why are they ‘miserable farts’? Do they have to sit out listening to your children, just so you can feel validated as a good parent?

[SionnachGlic]

I find normal interactions of play, laughing, giggling, chatting are fine....even at that higher excited & giddy volume & for long long periods of time. But shouting, screeching, roaring & fighting are not....of course you can't prevent it starting, but you can & should stop it continuing & teach children manners & consideration for others. Also, people may be wfh (in their gardens too) so this may explain why they may prefer if there was a little less noise.

Let them play away OP in their garden but if behaviour gets unruly & very loud for more than a few minutes, you need to have a word. Even young children should be taught it is not ok to screech & scream all the time! Otherwise, let them out to enjpy the good weather.

[Alittleodd]

I'm a "passive aggressive" door slammer, generally when my neighbours are listening to loud music (one side plays classic rock or pop depending on whether mum or the kids control Alexa which is sort of ok, the other side plays house music which makes me want to forcably remove my own eardrums with its awfulness) or either set of kids is outside shrieking and/or fighting. I go inside because I don't like noise and I shut the door because I also don't want to listen to it in my kitchen. I don't say anything because it's not unreasonable for them to be making noise in their garden and that's what I have to put up with for living mid terrace in a built up area. One day I will have my detached house somewhere isolated and I will have my silence. I find that people with my view on the noise issue tend to apply it to themselves too - the thought of neighbours hearing my music makes me cringe inside out and I'm a dragon with my poor son because if I can hear his fighting sound effects and lengthy monologues outside so can my neighbours and if I, his devoted and loving mother, don't want to listen to it then you can be absolutely certain that they don't.

But not everyone agrees with me, and unless it's unreasonably late I'm not going to complain. I am going to text my friends and whinge about it and bitterly grumble to my husband asking why we can't live on a mountain somewhere but that's my right.

[EmeraldShamrock]

Is there a green area near by. I don't allow football in the back garden. I do have a trampoline.

[AwkwardPaws27]

Definitely ignore it. If they want to be passive aggressive, that says more about them

Going inside isn't passive aggressive. If I want to read a book and relax, and my neighbours are making noise, I move somewhere quiet.

[LoveSummerNotIcecream]

If you are constantly telling them to be quiet and they are not doing this, then what is the point of saying it? They are just learning to to take notice of what you say. If they are too loud and you want them to be quiet, tell them to be quieter, if they don’t do this give them one last chance and then if they’re still not quiet, take them inside. If you do this enough times they’ll learn to play quietly.

[LoveSummerNotIcecream]

• to NOT take notice of what you say.

[mumofnoisykids1]

@EmeraldShamrock yes we go over to the fields for around a 2 hour walk every morning but they still seem to have so much energy after

[mrsBtheparker]

When we, retired couple, moved into an end terrace house the lads next door would come round for their football quite often and their parents came round to apologise, we told them not to be so daft, they weren't a problem. Apparently the other side, a very young couple with a couple of toddlers had complained about the footballs. Now, 10 years later the toddlers are now kicking balls around the garden and guess what.....................?

[dontdisturbmenow]

Why don't you just ask them next time you cross their path?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I like hearing the sounds of happy children playing in nearby gardens - but I wouldn't like a lot of shouting and screaming, @mumofnoisykids1.

I don't think it is unreasonable to expect you to teach your children to play a bit more quietly than they do at the moment. I don't think anyone expects children to play in silence, or never to go out of doors - but it isn't just a choice of silence or shouting and screaming - there is a whole spectrum in between.

You could set up a star chart or reward system for your boys - they get a star if they remember not to be too loud when playing outside, and if they are so loud that you have to call them in, they lose a star - then they get a treat for getting a certain number of stars.

[justasking111]

Two gardens below us have children playing outside, personally I like to hear it, our neighbours on the left with ride on tractors, petrol strimmers, hedge cutters, are far more annoying.

There is a primary school near us. I love to hear the noise they make at playtime and miss it. Should be my grand children amongst that lot.