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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I shouldn’t Be offered a home visit

147 replies

Whythough64 · 09/06/2020 16:45

I’ve been engaging with the mh team over phone. I spoke to them on the phone today and they are proposing they do a home visit as they are concerned. Aibu to say no on the grounds it’s against the government guidelines?

OP posts:

underneaththeash · 09/06/2020 19:51

They would not be visiting you unless really necessary.

OceanPotion · 09/06/2020 19:53

They cannot have a discussion about confidential aspects of your mental health in your garden. It is simply not an option. Can you imagine how angry you would be if confidential details were overheard by neighbours or passers by?

They are bound by professional conduct.

LagunaBubbles · 09/06/2020 19:53

I’ve been engaging with them via phone. They aren’t going to gain anything more from seeing me in person

I'm a mental health nurse, trust me speaking to soneone on the phone is better than nothing but cannot be compared to meeting up in person.

heartsonacake · 09/06/2020 19:54

YABVU. They clearly feel this is important and they are the experts; you need to listen to them.

Your partner should be supporting your mental health team, not trying to bar them entry.

With respect, you are possibly not in the best place to be the judge of whether this is necessary or not. They are.

LonginesPrime · 09/06/2020 19:57

They are saying they won’t go in my garden

I wouldn't want to discuss my private health issues in the garden anyway, but I guess it depends on your setup.

Have you explained your concerns about the virus to them, OP?

Are you worried about your vulnerability to or about breaking the lockdown rules? This wouldn't be a breach anyway.

If they think your issues are escalating and you don't, I think you should definitely let them visit.

My DF is shielding and for the one appointment he has to have in person (medical, not MH) atm, they visit him as the first one of the day so they haven't been in lots of houses before they see him. DM also lets them in through the garage and they meet in the utility room which she bleaches afterwards, but she's v anxious about DF's health (and the virus generally).

ExhaustedFlamingo · 09/06/2020 20:11

I don't think you have to be grateful for whatever treatment they deem to give you, as some have suggested on this thread.

It's actually quite demeaning to suggest that if you have MH issues, you should just be grateful to be receiving treatment and that you must waive your personal rights and feelings.

Having said that, I do agree it would be a really good idea to let them come round. I'm extremely cautious too and I wouldn't be keen - but I recognise that's more to do with an irrational level of discomfort about people in my home than any practical and logical concerns.

If you're being honest with yourself OP - is it really about the coronavirus? Would you have been happy to have them in your home before? Or is it that you just don't want outsiders in what you feel is your safe space?

Do you think this is something you could overcome or is it a hard no?

CodenameVillanelle · 09/06/2020 20:12

@Whythough64

I would be willing to go to their base but don’t feel people should be entering others homes unless they absolutely need to.

This is one of the times that they need to

saleorbouy · 09/06/2020 20:13

I'm sure they will be conducting the visit with PPE protection and use sanitiser etc. as required. The appointment will be for your benefit so you should allow them in, it would be a good step to getting a good assessment as phone conversations cannot always portray your true self. Wishing you the best recovery.

Mulhollandmagoo · 09/06/2020 20:18

Have they said why they're so keen to see you in your home? There is a possibility that because you're so avidly against them coming that they now feel they need to come even more if that makes sense? They must have processes in place for home visits now, so explain you're worried about infection control and what is in place to prevent this in your home.

You do need to engage with them though, because if you don't they are liable to remove all support you're getting which won't be good for your MH issues. Chances are it'll be a quick in and out and will be nothing to worry about. I'm also a tad worried at how vehemently against them visiting your partner is, are you sure his opinion isn't clouding your judgement? Because if he loves and cares for you he will see this is what's best for you hope you're ok

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 09/06/2020 20:21

It's actually quite demeaning to suggest that if you have MH issues, you should just be grateful to be receiving treatment and that you must waive your personal rights and feelings.

I've managed to disengage even though I still have a lot of issues because reaching out in lockdown turned out to be a massive mistake. Threatened with being sectioned, attempted to be pushed into taking antipsychotics (not because I was psychotic but to help me sleep), home visits even though I hate strangers in the house/masks. Not all interventions are helpful.

lancaster · 09/06/2020 20:50

I would absolutely insist on going to them, this is safest for you and the mental health team.

Incrediblytired · 09/06/2020 20:56

@lancaster I work in a mental health team and I’m not sure the basis for your statement that it’s safer for OP to attend the team office. There will be lots of people there and the risk of infection is far higher. At home the staff will wear PPE and OP will see only one or two staff. In the office they will encounter lots of staff and have no way of knowing how many people have been there prior to this.

canigooutyet · 09/06/2020 20:57

It still makes no sense because the op has suggested going to them just like others under the same are.

Outside there is no need to wear clothes so why the need for PPE.

They are concerned about her because she is declining. And it’s not any surprise when they won’t have a middle ground.

These loads of open spaces that are very quiet cos well you know. It’s not like they have clothing that tells everyone who they are.

Instead of trying to work with @Whythough64 to alleviate her concerns they are trying to push themselves.

Is there anyone other than your partner who fully understands your mental health who can act as your advocate? Someone who you know has your interests are heart and knows the legalities? If you do please get them to help you.

Mind, Relate etc are available still. You need to be open and honest with them and they will advice you correctly.

Although it might not seem like it to some, but you are engaging with mh team. Only now it’s trying to make your pov to them that they are making things worse. I know how difficult this can be because it’s hard to explain. Hence if you have someone to help you to get the help you need it will be easier for you.

canigooutyet · 09/06/2020 21:04

When social workers visit they tell you why when you’ve been under them for more than the initial visit.
If you prefer some weeks to meet in a coffee shop it can happen.

So why all the secrecy about the intentions of mh people?

You can see why when we are mentally distressed why some would be concerned.

Look at the sectioning criteria and compare with the government guidelines. They should be reassuring her that it’s fine.

Instead here she is getting told just do. It’s like being told to snap out of it.

canigooutyet · 09/06/2020 21:10

I’m sorry if I’d don’t fit into the just shit and do it mantra because well I have mh myself.

Now I’m though my issues I could quite easily be op peer advice worker etc offering her help and support with this. For all any of you know I have experience from both sides.

This is what annoys me about mh. When we try to speak out we get told what to do. We have independent advocates to ensure our voices are heard. If our voices were heard they wouldn’t be needed. And this thread emphasises this lots of telling what to do, stressing her out more, and little in the way to get independent support/advice.

2007Millie · 09/06/2020 21:17

@bringincrazyback

She is making a fuss. And some people do benefit from being told that outright.

It really is simple; either accept the help of the MH team and work with them, or lose the support. You cannot have your cake and eat it.

Someone with MH issues to the point where they require a home visit you can assume is not in a fit state to determine what is best for them.

Delbelleber · 09/06/2020 21:29

They would wear ppe

Inkpaperstars · 09/06/2020 21:58

Hope you are ok Whythough64

covidco · 09/06/2020 22:00

@lancaster please read my post at the very bottom of page 5. It explains why a home visit is absolutely the safest option.

Wolfiefan · 09/06/2020 22:14

Covidco’s Earlier post is clear and a great explanation. These people aren’t trying to make your life harder. They are trying to help. They really are.

thaegumathteth · 09/06/2020 22:22

They're trying to help you - you go to them because they are the experts and not you. So trust them. It's irrelevant what other people have done or where they've seen people - they are dealing with you and your circumstances. Let them help you, be cooperative.

Aridane · 10/06/2020 06:08

YABU and I suspect your concerns here are Indicative not just of concern about coronavirus / specific preferences but also of your mental health

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