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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn’t Be offered a home visit

147 replies

Whythough64 · 09/06/2020 16:45

I’ve been engaging with the mh team over phone. I spoke to them on the phone today and they are proposing they do a home visit as they are concerned. Aibu to say no on the grounds it’s against the government guidelines?

OP posts:
canigooutyet · 09/06/2020 17:58

What reasons are the giving to be so adamant to come into your home?

Mine couldn’t explain why it had to be there. Couldn’t explain how this would help me when I don’t want them in my home. Other members of the house also have the right to have a say. Even chucked in the guidelines.

Two people came, I was outside waiting for them and they either could stand around or follow me as I started walking as we spoke.

I have support worker, crisis team, for son and myself. I have constant contact with school, gp, community nurse etc. If I let one in they would all have to come in and the only ones needed where for my physical health back in March.

AdalindMeisner · 09/06/2020 17:59

@2007Millie

Well clearly they feel they need to.

And it's safer for them to visit you than you to visit them

Quite simple really. Stop making a fuss.

Harsh much when someone is suffering from what is probably considerable MH issues.
TitianaTitsling · 09/06/2020 18:00

Did you call them asking for help or is it a scheduling call? Agree with above if you don't want input then say, waiting lists in my area are horrific.

PeterPomegranate · 09/06/2020 18:01

It really sounds like you have some particular concerns about them coming to your home and doing that as safely as possible. Can you be honest and share those with them? They will most likely be able to reassure you.

It’s a balance of risks and they think seeing you at home is important despite current social distancing. I would lean towards accepting their advice.

Take care xx

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 09/06/2020 18:02

I was offered a home visit about six weeks ago for mh reasons. We compromised on a video chat, would that be an option?

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 09/06/2020 18:03

Sorry but this does frustrate me. I was under the perinatal mental health team throughout pregnancy and once lockdown started they couldn't do the regular home visits anymore. In the lead up to giving birth I was crying out for more support and my mh nurse desperately wanted to come and visit but she couldn't. My daughter is 6 weeks old now and I'm feeling okay but through all of it I have only been able to seek help via the phone. Mental health teams are so stretched and yet you're refusing support when it's offered. I just don't get it.

OceanPotion · 09/06/2020 18:05

Fuck me. I would love a home visit from my MH team at the moment.

Take what you are offered and stop complaining please.

It's far riskier for you to travel there.

Thisismytimetoshine · 09/06/2020 18:05

If they didn't feel it was necessary I doubt they'd choose to enter your home either Confused

Gazelda · 09/06/2020 18:06

I like the suggestion upthread of a video call. Would that work for you OP?

If not, then it does rather come across as you being obstructive to support being offered. Is there a reason why you don't want them to visit? What could they do to reassure you?

Original poster
Whythough64 · 09/06/2020 18:06

It’s not just my house either my partner doesn’t want people visiting.
Some of the replies are quite harsh. I usually do everything they ask of me.

OP posts:
canigooutyet · 09/06/2020 18:07

Op has the right to question why people want to come into her home. She’s has a partner at home so not like she’s on her own.

IMHA’s are still available and if you get taken in the usual requests can still be made.

They still have to involve you and respect your wishes.

Have a look on rethink and make sure you know your mh rights.

OceanPotion · 09/06/2020 18:07

Why isn't your husband prioritising your wellbeing?

Is he normally that controlling of who visits your house?

Original poster
Whythough64 · 09/06/2020 18:08

Yes I get they have long waiting but lists but doesn’t mean they shouldn’t listen to a service users concern.

OP posts:
Thisismytimetoshine · 09/06/2020 18:09

Op has the right to question why people want to come into her home
The people in question are her mental health team. She presumably needs the help they're attempting to give?

OldLace · 09/06/2020 18:09

It may seem, indeed in your circs actually BE unfair - none of us on here can tell,
BUT
I'd accept that rather than have them decide they need to take further steps

carexfairex · 09/06/2020 18:09

Yes I get they have long waiting but lists but doesn’t mean they shouldn’t listen to a service users concern.

They are listening to the important part, that is you need help. Let them do that. It seems you are in denial here about your mental health and using covid as an excuse to hold the support at a distance. This won't help you. Please just let them come to see you.

Nameisthegame · 09/06/2020 18:10

When I was a kid my mum phoned the mental health team because my bi polar dad was standing on a chair with a noose around his neck, she passed him the phone so that he could speak to them he convinced them that he then convinced them that my mum was over reacting and they just called back another time to chat.

canigooutyet · 09/06/2020 18:11

Exactly you are engaging with them and it’s them demanding to come into your home. There is no logical reason why this has to be there.

Op lives with someone else and if it’s a dump it’s a dump. Just because they come in wouldn’t change that.

If they think op has injured herself, even on privacy she does not have to show them to anyone.

A chat can happened on a bench or the grass just as easily as the sofa.

Nameisthegame · 09/06/2020 18:11

Please let them visit I’m sure they will take precaution I’m sure you could tell them you would feel more comfortable talking in the garden.

Original poster
Whythough64 · 09/06/2020 18:12

Our house is clean and tidy I’m not concerned about that. I’m grateful for the help I get and am constantly thanking them.

OP posts:
Trevsadick · 09/06/2020 18:13

the mental health service providers don't want to be in your house either, if it can be avoided. There must be a reason that they are saying this.

Either they are concerned about your partner, your housing etc or want to see you in your home environment

But all the right PPE will be in place. Tbe risk will be minimal.

Either yoh or your partner must have left the house or had items coming into the house. Which is also a risk. But you weigh that against the need.

They feel this sitiation the need to see you in your home, outweighs the small risk.

Surely, your partner understands this and wants you to get better? Surely, he sees the risk vs medical care argument?

canigooutyet · 09/06/2020 18:14

I realise the people involved are her mh team.

Hence I asked if they had given her a reason for her reasonable request.

borntohula · 09/06/2020 18:14

Why don't you want them in your house?

Also, it's amazing how little patience some MNers have with those struggling with their mental health.

bringincrazyback · 09/06/2020 18:15

@2007Millie

Well clearly they feel they need to.

And it's safer for them to visit you than you to visit them

Quite simple really. Stop making a fuss.

FFS @2007Millie. OP is trying to manage her mental health. In what way do you consider 'Stop making a fuss' to be a constructive or helpful response?
FatBottomedGurl · 09/06/2020 18:15

Why did you ask for opinions if you're just going to ignore the concensus that you ABU? Sounds like you've decided what you are going to do and you are just looking for people to tell you that you're right - which would be a rare opinion as you are, in fact, wrong.

They aren't coming to your home because they want to be nosey. In their professional opinion, you need this level of assistance. They are experts on this, whereas you are in an unstable frame of mind. Listen to the professionals and take all the help they offer with open hands.

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