AIBU to make DS save his birthday money, and how would you handle this?

[parentofteen]

DS had his birthday this weekend. He's in his early teens.

He got £500 in cash and £200 of vouchers.

Historically I have always made him save part of his birthday and Christmas money in his bank account for when he's older. He has about £1k saved in that account at present - he can't access it.

He doesn't want to save any of the money this time. I've tried to compromise and say he needs to put away a minimum of £100. He is refusing.

AIBU? If I'm not being U, how would you handle his refusal to give me the money to save for him? He has hidden all the money at present.

You want him to have savings, crack on get saving.
Sounds like he has other ideas. Grand ones at that.

Other option is to say you are banking it for when he can spend it. Shops shut atm. What would happen if you took and banked it?

For full openness, I am speaking as someone who doesn't get have teenagers... However I wouldn't let my child fritter hundreds and hundreds of pounds away on extremely expensive designer clothes/shoes. I don't anticipate my views changing so drastically in the next few years that this will change. I feel its more about wasting the money than the need to save some of it. It would be different if he's had his heart absolutely set on an item for the past six months... But is this perhaps more about what is fasionable / socially acceptable to his friends? I'd say nope personally.

We have same rule as my parents had for me. Spend half and save half. I'm good with money. My dh parents let him have full access to all money, blew every penny he was given and had not financial sense and didnt learn.

I would never dream of controlling how my daughter spends her birthday money. When relatives and friends give her money they expect to hear how she has treated herself within a few weeks of her birthday. They don't expect to hear it's gone into her bank account.

If its his money given as a gift he should be able to spend it.
If you want him to have some savings it would be better if you asked the people giving him money to put it direct into his account. But as they haven't you should let him spend it.

I have asked dc to bank money too although they don't actually get Xmas money etc. But if the odd 20 has come their way I ask them to save half.

I try and instill in them how important it is to have a kitty. But really unless they run short one day they won't know.

It's also very subjective what one person deems worthy compared to someone else?

Eg we prefer holidays and travel with the dc above a new kitchen. I figure it will be nice to have a new kitchen when dc are older and don't want to go away with us anymore.

Clothes and image and fitting in are important to young people.

He usually does save you said so this time I'd probably only say.. It's your money, do what you like, I won't nag however... I would encourage you to open up an stocks and shares isa.. And buy just 150 with of an index fund or shares. That's all.

He does need to get this spend out of his system... I think... And make the mistake now.... On crap.

The lesson he will hopefully learn is worth far far more than 700??

More if you can convince him to buy some shares and start to become interested in investing.

We also have open conversations about their savings. We started the spend half save half as they were getting masses of presents and money. Huge family. So made no sense to buy more stuff on top of their presents they had already wanted.

French I agree and whoever said about the secondhand site.. Excellent idea, especially the selling on, many options to explore there!

My dc have quite a bit of money in two accounts from gp. I save a much more modest amount for them, which will be their learning, fritter... Spend save money... Before they get their hands on more...

money is a rubbish gift but I think money should be saved honestly unless its for something legitimate (say hes 18 and has found a car and has enough to buy, tax and insure it or maybe if hes had his eyes on a specific set of nice headphone for a while that will last him or has saved up for a switch etc...) but not just to buy a 100 items of £3-£5 tatt from primark for the sake of impulse or some fad that will be done in a few weeks.

all the adults I know with bad debt are the ones whose parents taught them to go out and blow all their birthday money on any old nonsense and I dont think thats a coincidence that they grew up to be adults with zero money sense and lots of impulse/lifestyle based debt.

You should be buying his clothes so firstly you pay for the clothes and he can save that

@FabbyChix

You should be buying his clothes so firstly you pay for the clothes and he can save that

We as parents have a duty to buy decent clothing but we don’t have to go and buy over priced branded clothing which is what the ds wants.

If he wants to waste £200 on a pair of trainers when a £50 pair will be suffice, then he his birthday money to pay for it

I can see both sides here; yes technically of course it's his money to do what he wants with, but also he could end up on a great footing when he's older by being coerced into saving now. I inherited £1000 when I was 17 and pissed it all away in a matter of weeks, I wish my Mum had been firmer with me about saving it for something I really wanted, or for the future (my first car a couple of years later was £1000 I then had to borrow).

A friend of mine had 50% of his Birthday and Christmas money put into savings for him every year until he was 18. At that point his parents advised him carefully and he kept the (not inconsiderable amount) until he bought his first flat in his early 20s.

I'd say it's important for a child in their early teens to learn the value of money.

If he wants to blow it all. Let him. It will teach him a lesson about spending money on silly things.

If he gets something great, good for him. He still learns the lesson.

I was going to say you are being U till I saw the amount. It is a lot of money for a child of that age to have. And presumably it will be the same or even more at Christmss. I think it would be more helpful if the people giving the money gave him part of it to spend as he liked and part to be saved.

Yabu if I gave someone some cash for their birthday. I would want them to spend it on something nice that they want. I'd be a bit miffed if I found out that their mum ordered the money to be put into a savings account.

This is what my mil does and it drives me bonkers. She ‘gives’ the kids birthday money but doesn’t actually ‘give’ it to them. She puts in an account for when they are ‘older’. The funny thing is she isn’t a saver herself and asks for cash for her birthday and Christmas present

It’s unfair and the kids really dislike it.

It really isn’t your money to control. And this is why he is hiding money from you.

I honestly can’t believe you would make him sell presents for cash to put in his savings. I think your gone to far and have ended up attracting the opposite effect of what you wanted.

When he starts work he is probably going so spend every last penny so he will feel he has control over his bank account and money.

If I was you I’d honestly surrender all of HIS money over to him - bank account included.

It is controlling

We have always encouraged our children to save half of their birthday and Christmas money. It has really added up. Now the eldest is 16 we will leave it up to her. I wanted to encourage the habit of saving.

If he doesn’t want to I don’t think you can force him though.