Am I lazy!

[Patriciathestripper1]

Small back story.... live very rural on a farm. Lots of animals. Husband workd away on events catering in the summer and I stay home and tend to animals and look after dd(13) with school and in holidays ect... we went through a bad patch financially and husband starts having a go at me saying I’m lazy ect.... snd why can’t I go out to work. Problem is his work is in another country and when it’s going well he isn’t here. He makes me feel worthless and knocks my confidence and belittles what I do at home eg: house is never clean enough, got no nice things to eat ( I shop on a strict budget) I have been offered jobs in the past. but when he is away there is no one else to do the animals and get daughter to school. I feel so low. Is he being unreasonable or am I?

Honestly. I think with a 13 year old and a hubby farm and give you're in financial difficulty , you should at least try and get a job.i can see his point. In a little while your 200 payment will stop as it is based on prsi contributions and after that is means tested and you'll be a further 200 down.
I can tell from your tone though that you have zero intention of seriously looking so not sure why you asked here.

I’d get a full time job and tell him 50% of the upkeep of the farm, housework and care of your DD is now up to him.

Sound a bit self indulgent OP

Go get a part time job

Look for a job in the town your DD goes to school. Look to start in September. Take some days off during school holidays. By next summer, she'll be 14, surely you won't have an issue with her staying alone for days by then?

It does come across that you just don't want a job. Whether it is because you are lazy or you just love your life as it is, who knows, but yes, I feel.sorry for your oh who has to cope with financial stress because his wife doesn't want to work.

A 13 year old doesn't need before and after school clubs.

As for the heavy bags that's ridiculous I used to carry heavy bags all the time to and from school.
Text books, note books, library books, PE kit, and any ingredients for cooking lessons!

You're just on here looking for a justification to be told you arent lazy .

Yes it's wrong how your partner has spoken to you but you've left the financial burden on him totally.

Even with this hobby of yours you could fit in a part time job. Truth is you clearly dont want to work and you haven't taken any of the advice on board from anyone who doesnt agree with your view point.

Single mum at my work is fulltime with twin 12 year old boys who she leaves at home.

I have 3 kids 2 of them in primary yet still manage to work full time.

You're being ridiculous and precious.

I'm a bit confused OP because you do work? Do you work on the rural social scheme (Ireland has a scheme to support income on struggling farms with work within the community)? If so, you will earn €200 per week as long as you continue to work on the farm and do your community work. If you give up your farm you will lose this. Places on this scheme are limited and hard got. You need to re-think your own value. You DO work and you are being paid in your right. An income of €200 per week that suits your lifestyle is not to be sniffed at.
If you are on an employment scheme that is a different spin on things.
Two things. Firstly are you receiving everything you are entitled to on the RSS? I would check this.
Secondly, I would advise getting professional advice on maximising the income on your farm. Are there particular local schemes you could participate in, such as environmental programmes? You need to look at your mix of animals: it can be nice to have different ones but not very viable.
Secondly it might be an option to look for part time work on top of your RSS. Check how much you could earn before impacting this.
Unfortunately roads in rural Ireland are very dangerous. As an adult, in bright sunshine I dont go walking on rural roads. I wouldn't risk it. Letting anyone walking 30 mins on rural roads is not an option. I imagine where you are living there are no clubs, library opening hours are very irregular etc. There certainly aren't where I grew up.
You mention your husband works during the summer. What does he do during the winter? Why can't he look for opportunities then? How profitable is his seasonal work? Is it the equivalent of a full time job? If not, can he not seek out full time work.
I'm a bit annoyed that he seems to be laying the blame at your feet. You are working, you are contributing. You both moved there and you both must realise that that move comes with limitations. Is it his default to blame you- in other things? You certainly are not lazy.

It's tough when one of you works away , look at it the other way .. your DH gets to go away work abroad , meet people etc without rushing home to taxi DD or do a food shop , feed animals etc etc . When he works he can do just that.. work without distraction or responsibilities to attend to and get the satisfaction of a job done well .. you get the humdrum , possibly nothing you do gets praised , no one comes in and says 'what a great job you've gone of growing those carrots/cleaning the house/dealing with the goats ' etc etc
You have the responsibility of juggling work with a teenager , you have to make the choice to work that extra shift that leaves her home alone that one time , everyday in the Summer holidays in a possibly isolated house with no neighbours/no way of socialising .. not him , because you have to find the work that fits around everything

Getting a part time job is tough , especially if you've been out of the market .. what part time school hour jobs do people think are waiting out there ?
Usually they're snapped up by experienced people , retail, cleaning and office work are usually your options and they want experience and flexibility -
Future options could be self employed pet sitter/dog walker and craft soaps seem to be on the rise as online businesses .. but they take time to grow
Personally I'd say yes I'll get a job , but you need to get a regular local job too so we can share the load on the farm and home
Good Luck OP it's a tough one !

I know I keep popping back to this one but, one more thing!

You had a bad patch financially, your OH got stressed and lashed out at you. What is your assessment of the ongoing financial situation? What I'm getting at is, was its badness short term / part of a longer term problem / partly a question of perception? Do you agree that there is a financial problem to solve? Or is your view that by continuing to live frugally, you'll get by for years to come?

It seems to me that your DH has identified a problem (presumably with his income stream, since that sounds varied, whereas yours sounds steady) which he needs to work out how solve (unless you play a key part in running his business, which you haven't mentioned).

The answer may be that, as a family, you need to diversify your income sources, or that you need to swap the smallholding for a higher income job. But it might also be that there are changes that can be made to his working pattern.

What isn't fair, is for him to identify that there's a problem, then expect you to solve it - by doing something that bears no relation to the problem's immediate cause, which must be to do with his work.

on the plus side, i expect most employers will be a lot more open to working from home and flexible hours in the future - presumably many will have existing staff to fill these roles initially though.

@frillyflamingo did you miss the bit where it’s not her husbands full time job? What you are describing is her situation (ie she is joke with kids and farm and he is in A full time job elsewhere) do you think you would manage if your husband also went out and worked as that is what op husband is proposing? YABU for failing to read the op posts

Your choices are making you poor. And dependent. Make different choices or you'll keep getting the same result.

And yes, you are being a little bit lazy.

I imagine you work harder with the amount of animals you listed than people here commenting that you’re lazy (and probably work a 9-5). Animal care is hugely time consuming and due to their welfare, isn’t as simple as ‘go and get a job and tell your often absent DH he has to do 50% of the animal care’.

I don’t think laziness is the issue. I think you need to have a chat with your DH about what you both want your lifestyle to look like and what needs to be done to get to that goal. I don’t think having a part time job and looking after that amount of animals is at all sustainable.