to hate what my name has become

[tohatemyname]

I have a name which is ridiculed a lot in society and is frequently used as an insult. I already have low self esteem after years of abuse and depression and anxiety as a result. MN and other social media was my respite from all the emotional fallout of the abuse.
On MN now my name is used as an insult and thrown around casually like it doesn't matter.
It fucking does matter. My one safe place to escape my feelings has been pulled from under my feet.

I was expecting it to be Adolf.

White older men are the only demographic that I have ever seen making a privileged fuss and asking for the manager

And invariably their wives are standing behind them in an agony of embarrassment, looking as though they want the floor to open up and swallow them and being ignored when they say things like 'let's just leave it' and 'can we just go now, please'.

And invariably their wives are standing behind them in an agony of embarrassment, looking as though they want the floor to open up and swallow them and being ignored when they say things like 'let's just leave it' and 'can we just go now, please'

YES! I’ve seen this happen several times!!

@rawlikesushi

"Yes. A single word. Not a name."

Suggestions?

Inconsiderate Rude Opinionated Disagreeable

I’m sure the Karen thing is very annoying if it’s your name (and/or haircut).

But I reckon it will peak soon 🤷‍♀️

No one is saying you are a Karen. It was coined by black Americans to explain white women who try to control them generally around customer service. It doesn't mean your name being Karen makes you awful.
Ironically though a bunch of white women are trying to control the narrative now around "Karen". Do you see the news in states? Trust me there are a lot of Karen's that we have to deal with.

OP, if it makes you feel any better, in my country of origin the short version of my name is Fani (Fanny). I didn't know what that meant when I first came to the UK and my employer didn't bother to tell me until I asked why people laughed when I said my name... I actually found it funny and turned it into a joke myself!
You are Karen, not A Kate. Big difference!

*a Karen. FFS

No one is saying you are a Karen. It was coined by black Americans to explain white women who try to control them generally around customer service. It doesn't mean your name being Karen makes you awful.
Ironically though a bunch of white women are trying to control the narrative now around "Karen". Do you see the news in states? Trust me there are a lot of Karen's that we have to deal with.

I mainly see white men using it against women though, and have seen men explain the origins when women get upset over it, to kind switch the narrative that the women are being bad/racist to take issue. If men use it then it’s completely different to black women using it and does become sexist

The woman loudly complaining about NHS employees getting priority in the supermarket this morning, then saying covid was a made-up conspiracy, then saying it was down to 5G, then demanding to see a manager because her human rights was being impinged - that's the sort of opinionated, dim witted, strident middle-aged woman I was referring to.

Then just call her an ignorant, dimwitted twat (or your choice of pejorative). You don't have to give her a proper name. Especially a name that is 'tied' to a specific generation.

And the Karen-meme may well have started out that way (not that it makes it right), but here in the US it has rapidly turned into a basic 'shut yer trap' aimed at any woman between, oh, 40 to 'infinity' whenever she voices any opinion the 'insult hurler' disagrees with or when she expects to be treated in a fair manner over the objection of the person who is treating her unfairly.

I mainly see white men using it against women though
Also younger women using it against older women, unfortunately.

@NathanNathan

Oh, no!
Our governor started calling asymptomatic spreaders as "Covid Marys" (as opposed to Typhoid Marys). Guess what my first name is?

OP, I appreciate how you are feeling, but your reaction seems a bit extreme. Maybe you should reach out to a professional?

I mainly see white men using it against women though
Also younger women using it against older women, unfortunately

Yes and in UK it doesn’t have the racial dimension that it does in the US. As explained, Karen is not considered a privileged name here so it’s pointless viewing it through a different cultural lens because it doesn’t apply here. I don’t know why people are so determined not to admit it’s mysogynistic as hell.

I've had a quick look around google and it seems like it started on reddit in 2017 by a man who hated his ex-wife?

No one is saying you are a Karen

A PP said that being called Tim doesn't make you dim, being called Colin (I think) doesn't make you boring. Being called Karen doesn't force you to state your racist views. See the difference - it doesn't make you something in the case of Tim and Colin but in the case of Karen it doesn't force you to state views that you are assumed to hold.

That assumption is flawed and unacceptable.

[quote DamnYankee]**@NathanNathan

Oh, no!
Our governor started calling asymptomatic spreaders as "Covid Marys" (as opposed to Typhoid Marys). Guess what my first name is?

OP, I appreciate how you are feeling, but your reaction seems a bit extreme. Maybe you should reach out to a professional?[/quote]
Extreme to not like my name being used to silence women, to label them with particular characteristics.....that doesn't suggest I need to see a professional.

Any word or name has the potential to be used as an insult. It is stupid and mean to do so. If you can't ignore them, just think "dickhead" any time you read or hear it.

I've hated the Karen meme ever since I first read about it. What's wrong with just calling out bad behaviour when we see it without having to resort to labelling women in this way.

It's become a misogynistic insult whatever the original intent might have been. And the fact that there are a lot of middle-aged women called Karen meant that it was always likely to cause a lot of upset.

I'm sorry you've had to cope with this, OP. I understand what you mean about MN being a safe place; I have MH issues and I've shared things that I wouldn't want to share in RL.

Ironically though a bunch of white women are trying to control the narrative now around "Karen"

I don't think that women should be expected to accept narratives that are imposed on them by men.

Ironically though a bunch of white women are trying to control the narrative now around "Karen

Why do you assume we are all white? 😳

I know 3 Karens- one works in a shop, one is a nurse, one is a pharmacist. All lovely.

I know literally about 10 Susans!! At least.
Including 2 of my Aunties. Again mostly lovely.

The memes I have seen about Karen's & Susan's have mainly featured cats for some weird reason.

Susan cat meme.

I'm so sorry but I love that cats face!

On a more serious note I do get where you are coming from @tohatemyname, it's upsetting when you have MH problems & feel that part of you is being attacked.

My actual name is quite long, I've been asked multiple times if I'm foreign because it's unusual & my surname is also foreign sounding, plus on at least 3 occasions men have turned it into an offensive insult!!!
But actually it's quite a nice name!
Just annoying.

I’ve never even heard it’s a ‘thing’...must be living in a cave.