To think I might not have many friends soon?

[PikeletvsCrumpet]

I work full time and my dd is in reception. I've only ever been able to do three school pick ups. DD doesn't mind. My only worry is that I'm the only full time working mum in my dd's class and I feel so lonely.
Actually I don't feel lonely. I get to go to work and speak to people all day. What I feel is left out and so, as a result, my dd is also left out. I've tried to ignore it but the amount of school stuff that happens after pick up, after drop off, at 5pm when I'm collecting ds from nursery and dd from school and trying not to get chips (again!) on the way home.
Since Covid started I have felt particularly left out as I'm a key worker and the other parents have been sending constant images of days in the garden, extensive home school projects etc whilst I've been trying to convince my dd that it's completely normal to have school in a new class room with only three other kids that she's never met before and a different teacher. Now the other kids are allowed back I feel nothing has changed, my dd is still the only kid back and there doesn't seem to be any consideration for our situation on the group chats when they're discussing their plans to stay home till September.
Will it affect my dd and her socialising? I've messaged a few mums about meeting up but as soon as I say 'how about after 5pm or Saturday or Sunday?' they stop replying. Or the ever so helpful 'you can't take a day off?' No I can't take annual leave to meet you in a park next week. I'm going to need all my A/L to cover the summer holidays!
I know I'm not the first mum in the world who works, so maybe I picked the wrong school? Does anyone else feel like this?

My friends who I made during pregnancy are also dropping off, fed up that I don't reply or can't see them in the week. Tbh I get fed up that no one wants to meet me at weekends, which is dedicated husband time apparently. Just worried that everyone will drift and I'll have no one to talk to.

@ProsperTheBear

bit harsh SoloMummy

kids finish at 3pm here! It makes no difference if they are brought by a parent to their afternoon clubs or if they are joining one with the school.

I'd rather my kids having a blast doing sport and whatever hobby and club they like than going home with a parent and being plonked in front of the tv until tea at 5, bed at 6 because I need my "me time".

You can generalise both ways...

Or rather they leave school with the parent, walk along with their friends, go to the park, maybe play date, or go home and do their homework, playbabfamiky board game with their family or play in the paddling pool or garden or picnic with FAMILY. You know the people that supposedly wanted them in this world! Not some childminder who's charging the smallest amount or yet another club because that is convenient for the parent to avoid them collecting them so early, when they were already in breakfast club at 730!

SoloMummy

again, most kids do not leave school leisurely with their parents, they are rushing to go to sports/drama/scouts/music/insert your own... club.

You might be living in Walnut Grove and it sounds nice, but that's not the reality of anyone I know.

If you look at the actual road carnage around every school in the country, whoever is picking up children is driving for a start, not strolling to parks and playdates or doing boring board games when they should be enjoying a proper hobby.

OP could it be an option rather than a playdate involving the other partents (e.g. meeting at the park), you could have one of your DD's friends over to your house perhaps on a Saturday morning?

Parents may be more OK with that as it doesn't involve their time (except to drop off & pick up). Thoughts?

Oh so this thread has descended into Sahm vs working parents .

To be honest it is irrelevant . I work full time but as I am a cminder did collect my own child z the park after school is convenient - takes little effort or planning. Do tea at soft play again easy - people are making their lives easier.chance to chat whilst the kids play . Some people choose or need to work full time - some choose or are unable to work - they are not superior just different.

I go back to it’s an odd time - time people are missing family and friends not trying bro make more . At some point the parties will start again. I agree about finding clubs - she could join rainbows or beavers in a year or so .

Reception the friendships are very fluid they get stronger over time

Or rather they leave school with the parent, walk along with their friends, go to the park, maybe play date, or go home and do their homework, playbabfamiky board game with their family or play in the paddling pool or garden or picnic with FAMILY. You know the people that supposedly wanted them in this world! Not some childminder who's charging the smallest amount or yet another club because that is convenient for the parent to avoid them collecting them so early, when they were already in breakfast club at 730!

@SoloMummy has presumably chosen her name to indicate that she stands permanently alone in the corner of the playground because the rest of the parents, working and SAHPs, have got tired of this embittered and frankly insane diatribe.

You know the people that supposedly wanted them in this world! Not some childminder who's charging the smallest amount or yet another club because that is convenient for the parent to avoid them collecting them so early, when they were already in breakfast club at 730!

You silly person, you think that because I work outside the home I don't actually want my dc in this world? How daft are you?!

My youngest child loves his childminder. I don't mean he likes her and enjoys her company, he loves her. She is part of his family as far as he is concerned. He has missed her so much during lockdown; the other week he brought me to tears as we went past a shop and he said "I have been there with X.... I miss X, I love her so much". His relationship with her is a wonderful addition to his life. It's so sad that you assume all childcare must be harmful to dc- look outside your box a bit and you might be surprised by what you find.

I really don't think debating the merits of being a SAHM or working full or part time is helpful here.

Maybe we should keep them home from school and never out of our sight until 18?

@SoloMummy, it must be dreadful to be so insecure about your own life choices that you desperately need to bolster your self-esteem by denigrating other people's equally valid decisions.

I could counter your hysterical, ill-founded accusations of WOHMs (fathers seem curiously absent in your worldview) not loving their children by throwing around equally ill-founded and poisonous accusations that SAHMs are lazy, workshy airheads who completely abrogate financial provision for their children onto someone else -- except (a) this bears no resemblance to reality and (b) frankly, I'm neither that poisonous or that insecure about my choices to need to insult women and men who've made different choices.

@Neap

(fathers seem curiously absent in your worldview)

You only have to see the username to suspect why fathers are absent from her worldview ....

I hear you OP. I never do any pick ups apart from once in a blue moon if I have a day off work. When we go to birthday parties all the mums sit with their backs to me. They get on really well with ds’ dad who does 3 pick ups a week.

Ds does have friends and we have done a few play dates. One of his little friends has a very nice house and spent most of the play date asking me why our house is so small and has no garden. I did spend quite a lot of money taking them to a big play/trampoline place and for lunch. Unfortunately the boy’s parents didn’t invite ds back.

I try to organise as much stuff for ds as I can. I just accept I won’t personally make friends. I’m not very well liked anyway. I have two good friends who each live a distance away, while I’d say they’re my best friends, I understand that I’m not theirs. I think, perhaps, I’m quite boring. I try to be nice, I’m reasonably intelligent and family members and DP say I have a good sense of humour. But I just don’t make friends. If I do, they soon drop me. It does make me sad and I am lonely, but DS is fine and, I’m told by school, very popular! So hopefully my weirdoness doesn’t run off on him.

If your child is happy to go to someone’s house I don’t understand why she can’t have a play date instead of after school club. I wouldn’t expect the parents to come to a play date the point is for the children to play.

In fact if I thought that the mum wanted to come I’d be disinclined to organise

@OfTheNight Perhaps you just haven't met your people yet, that doesn't mean you won't.

well I definitely feel I'd have more to talk about with you than the other mums at your school. dd is in y1 and as both of us have been WFH she's stayed home til now but I bit schools hand off to send her in today (1 day a week is all they are offering non-keyworker kids). if I want to keep my job long term I can't stop working. she loved it BTW. 4 kids to 1 teacher!

Do you want to be friends with these people?

I found there was a split (in a nice way) between working and non working parents. We saw each other picking up from afterschool they saw each other at pick up time.

You cannot be the only working parent in the whole class.

Thank you @Cam2020, that’s a very kind thing to say.

That is shit OP.
I hope your little girl gels with a close friend. I took DD's best friend for loads of play dates her DM worked FT she reciprocated when she could but it was no hassle she was company for DD too.
The parents should know better than to exclude.