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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To NOT offer to help NDN with lawns

151 replies

UserFriendly14 · 03/06/2020 21:56

NDN is in her 90’s and lives alone. She has Carers come in twice a day to make sure she’s eating etc. DC live away and have obviously not visited during lockdown. Both front and back gardens are overgrown and need tending to. Me and DH keep discussing whether or not to offer to help out with the gardens but with a young family ourselves, and DH working full time still, it’s hard enough to find the time to sort our own home/garden out. (Seriously he’s still out in our garden now after cleaning our windows).

The gardens are sizeable and would take a good day, if not more, to make right. The thing that sticks in DH’s throat is that 1- this has happened before when DC have gone a while without visiting, so they know well about it. 2- she has a window cleaner, who repeatedly and loudly told her [and half the street] that her DC would be paying her, so no need to worry about her paying. I’m not for a second saying how others should be spending their money, but DH has stated a gardener really wouldn’t be out of the question if it came to it. (As I said, sizeable gardens so a lot work round here and forever getting leaflets put through the door etc.)

Another point is, her memory is patchy at best, so would she remember that we’d said/agreed earlier in the day that he’d help out? (It really is painful to have a brief conversation with her).

Fully prepared to be flamed and told to go and be neighbourly.

OP posts:
squeekums · 06/06/2020 03:59

not everyone takes advantage, not everyone can afford a gardener. Dementia can make you wary of strangers, might just be nice if someone helped out. Not everything has to be a monetary arrangement

many do and dont see it as taking advantage cos the person offered once, they a nice kind soul, usually who cant say no or gives into the guilt of saying no

Well we talking the OP situation and its been made clear by the woman that she has money or access to it.

Peoples time is valuable, they should be compensated for it. Say the OP DH injured himself doing her lawn and couldnt work, you think the woman will help with medical bills?

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