Did affair partner look like/similar to you?

[Wer2Next]

As above. Just wondering what the reality of it is.

Some say its not about how the AP look but how they made the othet person feel.

Or is it purely about the physical aspect of the other person.

I’m 10 years my ex’s junior but he still went younger than me. Both (well the 2 I know about) of the women were pretty slim and simpering types. I think it was the young and simpering that did it for my ex. In fact I know it was that. He told me that I had forced him to cheat because I didn’t hang on his every word and wait on him hand and foot- something they apparently did. More fool them. I was raising our children one of whom has additional needs and was really challenging at the time. I still wouldn’t have been his ideal woman mind you as I’m not that type. Oh well. I’m glad I left him (abuse not infidelity) before he did it again.

Looks wise, me and OW couldn’t be more different. However, we both have the same first name. Ex MIL used to call us Name1 and Name2.

No but she looks like my step gran

No
I'm better looking, prettier face, better body, better skin, better hair.

But she's weak willed and has no social life. Which is probably what he wants, so he can feel superior and central to her life

Yes. Very similar; although is prettier but fatter.
I’m honest, she’s a duplicitous cow.

Very like me but prettier. She used to be a model apparently.

No. But sh'e since dyed her hair blonde and buys all the same clothes as me (from stalking me on insta, I get most of my clothes from a not very well known french brand) which amuses me no end

OW was an emotional affair, afaik. I am curvy, auburn hair - his type apparently. I have a look that is quite 'feminine' and classic.

Although I think I am prettier, she has a rock chick look, lots of well applied make up, tattoos, regularly dyes her hair extreme colours. She was slightly bigger but appears way more sexually confident and flaunts her looks. He was a rocker in his youth so maybe that was part of it. He says she was just a distraction made him feel good when he was going through other pain.

4 years on and lots of therapy we are still together. But it took me only to last year to start to lose the anger. My friend helped me understand though something I didn't.... I considered myself better then her - as a partner, intellectually, as a parent, career wise, looks, morals, energy, funnier.... everything. So a part of the pain I could not let go off was my ego being battered. Once I understood that, I weirdly felt better.

She was 20 years older, shorter thank me and twice the size. Also very very plain looking. She told me she was intimidated by me... and also he shit the bed from being fucked up the first night they got together.

I find it interesting that everyone is so disparaging about the OW and think they are the better looking one except the ex's clearly didn't think so. Maybe looks aren't everything.

She doesn't look like me but I guess is a lot like I was when I was her age. 12 years ago. Personality and attitude-wise as well as body shape, height etc. I'm convinced that had I not been worn down by PND and sleep deprivation and had he been a bit more of a capable parent we wouldn't have split up. But having kids changed me (for the better, I feel) and he still wanted someone without the emotional baggage and who wanted to go out drinking and stay up late and that isn't me now.

When I first met DH I was very dependent on him, I didn't drive and had a difficult relationship with my parents........fast forward 16 years and I was much more confident and capable, nothing like the woman he married.
The OW was very meek and dependent, didn't drive and very needy.
She was welcome to him!!!!

Obviously looks aren't everything.
I find it interesting how many are saying they started off with low self esteem, gained confidence and the husband left for someone younger, meek, hangs on his every word.
That was definitely the case with my ex, he needs someone on the less intelligent side that doesnt ask too many questions.
I mean you have to be abit daft with low morals to buy the bullshit that goes into starting an affair with a married man with kids in the first place.
Good luck to her, he probably thinks shes prettier, no doubt she makes him happier than i ever could.
But I've got my morals, intelligence and dont have to live with a compulsive liar.
and im prettier

Absolute polar opposites in our case (I was the OW).

I am curvy, blonde and pale, she is of Oriental heritage and much more exotic looking. I am also 10 years older than her.

Personality wise we were also very different too

This resonates with me, well with my DSIS, her ex had an affiar which she discovered when he was supposedly on holiday "alone" . My DSIS discovered he wasnt alone and was with the OW, she went round to her house and when the OW opened the door she said it was like looking in the mirror, both my DSIS and the OW not only looked similar, they are both career woman and 5 years older than him. My DSIS was 5 years older than him and the OW was 8. She said when she saw the OW she suddenly felt very sorry for her, as it was clear she had been told their relationship was over, and had no clue he had strung my DSIS a line they were on a 'break'. He is married to OW now but on the eve of the wedding night, begged my DSIS to take him back, she refused and is also happily married and has been for the last 18 years to a lovely man. But going back to what the topic on here is, it was like he was replicating their relationship with this OW (also his boss) that he had with my DSIS. He is still unhappy now, I used to sit next to him at the school plays (our DC were in the same school) and he always said, he wished he had never cheated and it was the worst thing he ever did. (probably just words as he thinks I would want to hear that, but i think whoever he was with he would cheat)

Also weirdly I quite like the OW, and she attended my DMs funeral although my DSIS Ex didnt go just the OW, she also gets on well with my DSIS now, weird how things turn out

She looks like his Nanna. Looks significantly older than both of us and is a really unpleasant individual. There have been very many comments from friends and family alike as to what on Earth he sees in her money. I've lost count of the amount of "her left you for that" remarks I've had. I haven't let it dent my confidence or self esteem. It's not me, it's him and he is no loss 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think it's important to remember also that many leave for ow because regardless of what she looks like, she's not the one asking him to do the shopping or put the bins out or 'stopping him' doing a hobby all weekend so he can do some parenting. She's the one he has restaurant meals with, hotel stays, thinks his hobby is cool and unfurtunstely, it stays that way because men like my ex choose EOW contact with their kids or less, so they get to live as a child free adult most of the time, having 80 odd % of their salary to spend all on themselves (assuming they even do pay cms minimum). It's not just the actual ow that's so attractive it's the freedom they perceive.

Oh gosh no. Younger, thinner and lots prettier. The only thing we have similar is we both have dark hair. She’s very cool.

No, but she looks like his mum when she was younger. He has history of going for women who look like his mum.

I look nothing like her, but I asked him out at the beginning of our relationship so that's the reason he went against type for me.

I find it interesting that everyone is so disparaging about the OW and think they are the better looking one except the ex's clearly didn't think so. Maybe looks aren't everything.

I find it interesting that you read “everyone” when the majority of the posts actually either say she was prettier or merely describe the OW, without any ranking.
In addition, posters that state the OW wasn’t as attractive, all give reasons why they think their ex chose her.
Everyone appears very objective.

Are you an OW ( or male) by any chance?

No, she was a very pretty and quite small blond lady. I’m a six foot asian man.

The woman my now ex dh left me for was a girlfriend he’d had before me he’d reconnected with on Facebook. She looked completely different to me but we were quite similar personality wise. She was like a younger, more left wing, activist type version of myself - the type of person I was before I had dc and got bogged down with the hamster wheel of life. Being honest I don’t think he liked family life, he was far too selfish and just wanted to do whatever he liked- it was like he traded family life for a “single” version of me! I’ve never heard from him since he left (neither has dd who was 5 when he left) and the last thing I heard (this was years ago now!) he was backpacking round Russia with her!

@BeingKindIsFree being kind is free.

Complete opposite to me. She’s tiny, pretty, long glossy hair and a body builder. She’s also 15 years younger than him. I’m tall-ish, curvy, short hair, can look sort of pretty with a bit of make up on.

Bizarrely when I started using weights in my gym routine, he told me he was worried I’d get ‘too bulky’ and he didn’t like muscles on a girl, but he’s now with a body builder?

On the flip side he now looks old and tired. I imagine she’ll leave him soon.