Did affair partner look like/similar to you?

[Wer2Next]

As above. Just wondering what the reality of it is.

Some say its not about how the AP look but how they made the othet person feel.

Or is it purely about the physical aspect of the other person.

After my 14 year marriage ended in excruciatingly Jeremy Kylesque circumstances relatively out of the blue, my exH cycled through a few women...... I had erased him from SM and was following the being the bigger person mantra, so no stalking - not that I wanted to stalk him in fact wished I could erase him from existence entirely, but my DM kept an eye on him via FB..... one day she showed me his latest squeeze and it was like looking at my doppelganger. The very weird thing was that my new DP knew this woman and purchased some costume bits from her for his outfit for our handfasting without realising the connection. Fast forward a few months and the woman messaged me after their union collapsed saying she wishes she had never listened to all the stuff he spouted about "mental" me because before long she was getting the same treatment. I was polite and sympathetic but suffice to say we're not friends..... it was nearly ten years ago but the weirdness (which goes very much deeper) still gives me the chills.......

Complete opposite
Ex DH is now on wife number 3 and she looks like neither OW or me

No similar similar build frame dark hair tanned skin.
She did go blonde soon after, they recently split he cheated surprise surprise, unfortunately they've 2DC he is gone NC with them exactly the way he cut me off when he got caught with new woman.

@Wer2Next She may be an upgrade, but you know what, he hasn't aged well, so she got a downgrade.

In some ways I'm over it, because I've accepted what happened, in others, I will never ever forgive the 'friends' who said they wouldn't take sides and then sided with him. He cheated on me. FFS, if you were going to take sides, you should take sides with the injured party. Instead, they ghosted me for him and that was a million times more painful than being ditched for the OW.

No, not at all. I am 6ft 2 and had blonde hair and blue eyes. Both his affair partners were short, plump with brown eyes and glasses. He is now remarried to a petite woman with brown eyes and glasses. I was obviously not his type so no bloody idea why he married me.

My girlfriend cheated on me years ago and she looked nothing like me at all, the exact opposite really but it was her ex so I think that was the main factor

Oh yes, she's 15 years older but looks just like me, it's freaky. I often wonder what she thinks of it.

Complete opposites.
Im petite and dark, shes over weight and blonde, high maintenance looking.
Ow is more like his ex before me and im like the ex before that, guess he's got two types.
I think im prettier, definitely more intelligent and better morals so he downgraded, she's younger so there is that.
It doesn't matter now but made me feel better at the time.
He cheated in all of his previous relatonships so im sure she will find out what that feels like before long.
Can't see him upgrading, he looks awful now.

No complete opposite. I'm blonde, curvy and very 'British' looking, she was a slim brunette with an Oriental heritage. So couldn't be more different. Personality wise she was apparently more 'homely' than me so he wanted to settle down with her instead.

Yes, quite similar, and we’re both from ethnic minorities here (different cultures to each other tho).
Both short and brunette and curvier figures.
Chalk and cheese personalities though. I’m introvert and levelheaded, quite confident, not insecure, very different hobbies and interests, I’m much more independent and outdoorsy. Apparently she’s a bit of tomboy too but that’s where similarities end. He likes the drama and neediness, he likes to feel in power and in control. I’m not an ideal match like that! He’s a dick. She’ll learn. She’s young.

Been cheated on twice. Both OW were wildly different to me. I'm talking age, ethnicity, looks, personality, upbringing, education, career. Literally every single thing.

Not sure what that means!

No matter how you look at it, the AP is a l w a y s an upgrade. Because he chose someone else over you. And it doesn't matter for which reason.

I've been cheated on too many times in my past. It's horrible.

I did read that statistically the OW is always similar but at least 7years younger & usually has longer hair as that's associated with youth & sexual healrh/fertility. . My BFF was total opposite to the rake thin wife, years ago (great boobs, bum & long blonde hair). In similar vein, I found a photo album of my ex's first girlfriend who committed suicide. She was the image of me: looks, hair, dress sense etc .

Affair partner, no....she was very tall, very skinny and Polish. From what I gather now, she wasn't a very nice person. However my EXH new partner is lovely, and looks very similar to myself appearance wise. She is also a genuinely really nice person and adores our DS.

I don't think it's helpful to try and work out if the ow is 'better' like it's a competition. Being cheated on is bad enough without feeling like you're somehow less good than her in some way. Affairs happen for lots of reasons, none of them acceptable morally but assuming best case scenario the ow is just a better 'fit'. I do think we shouldn't bother with the 'forsaking all others' bit in vows since it seems to be entirely optional to actually do that. Maybe it should be 'I promise to be faithful until I don't want to anymore' 🙄.

Not affair partner, but my ex next "serious" gf -
So similar to me that several people asked if we were back together, or mistook photos on his SM as me.
Short, long hair with blonde ends, certain dress sense and overall look.
I'm not on social media, so I don't know if she ever saw a photograph of me and what she would make of it.
I know he was trying to replicate the relationship we had with others (he slept with several of my "friends" after breaking up to hurt me - it worked - and then started doing all the things we used to do with whoever he could get interested - walking, camping, outdoorsy stuff etc)
When he met her he went full in for the besotted bit and as far as I know they're still together, and she still looks the spitting image of me.

I would love her to see me just to realise she's not 'special' but this is only because hes so full of crap and meddled and hurt me so much after what was a very straightforward break up!

exh new girlfriend (I dont have proof she is OW but he moved in with her within 12 weeks of us splitting, so is suspect she was) did look similar to me.

She was incredibly insecure. Several times, she liked photos I posted on Instagram years ago. Clearly she was going through them. Whether she liked them by accident or on purpose, I dont know. Her profile photo was of them together so I suspect it was on purpose to make sure I knew she was with him.

I was very insecure, during the last oart of our marriage my confidence grew, he became more of a shit when he realised he couldn't control me. So its like he found someone like me, but a few years ago. I have no idea how old she is.

My dp is the exact opposite of exh. But then I spent time single deciding what I wanted. I didn't jump in with, the first person. I think, then I would have picked someone like him for familiarity.

My friend's DH left her and when we met the other woman by accident, I thought it was my friend. I saw them across the road together and shouted "Tim! Carol!" and they turned and I saw it was not my friend.

They were both about 5.8 and slim to skinny, both long dark hair and pale skin. The only difference was that the ow had two little children and my friend's kids with her husband had grown up. It was as if he wanted to recreate the early days of his family again.

They're always a downgrade. Even if they're 10 years younger and look like a movie star they're the kind of person who'll get involved with a married person so it stands to reason that they're a downgrade.
And the ex is trash they've kindly taken out for you.

No, she was a completely different ethnicity.

At the time I was 29, size 8, blonde hair and always done up. She was 44, size 14 and i cannot ever imagine her putting on makeup. In my eyes physically she was a downgrade but to him upgrade as in his mind she was plain enough looking that he could trust her not to cheat. He always assumed i would cheat on him because i got plenty of attention but he cheated on me. Irony.

After him i met a great guy and didnt know i was the OW as he got back with his ex while we were together. I was still a size 8 etc at the time but shes about a 12, really tall and again ten years older than me and not a makeup type person. Im single since him so might ditch the makeup myself and see if i can meet someone new

Not the OW or the few short relationships my ex had after we split - they were very different but his new wife is very like me looks wise but several years younger.

I think my ex has a type though as everyone mistook his mum for my older sister or my mum. The new wife's child from a previous relationship (my ex's step child) looks more like my daughter than my daughter's new half siblings.

I'm not sure personality wise if she is similar although initially I thought she was. Everyone supposedly finds her wonderful but she's been a bit sly and underhand with me. I don't know if she's just only horrible to me as I'm the ex.

Her and my ex seem to get on well and seem a better match.

Bump

My FIL is a serial philanderer on his third wife - they're all very different, but all have the same body type - long skinny legs can carry all their weight around the middle. They've also been steadily declining in attractiveness. My late-MIL was very pretty. His current wife looks about 15 years older than she is, and has a very hard face, looks like she's lived a rough life.