I will never be an aunt.

[Rubyred24]

I have two DD both planed. DB and DD both mid 30s and both married. Neither want children. To be honest all four baby understand why I would want them. They are quiet strict with mine and don't have a lot of patience but they all love them and have them stop over at theirs.

Growing up I didn't see my cousins so I know they aren't missing out however I am slightly envious when I see families meeting up or holidaying together. I only really socialise with family and I just feel a bit sad. There are multiple sets of sisters at my kids school who all share the school run and I'd assume it would bring them closer.

@GrumpyHoonMain

In my experience being an aunt is only fun when you have a sister who you are close to. It’s not the same with a brother’s kids - I mean you love them to pieces, but it’s your sil’s family (and siblings) who generally have priority for the fun bits.

I think that depends on individual families - it's certainly not the case with ours

I have a niece and a nephew that I never see, due to my brother's fuckwittery with their mother. I have tried and they don't live far away from me, but the kids clearly had never had it explained to them who I was and didn't actually know who their father was, as they had never met him. When ex-SIL did explain (I wasn't a party to what exactly she said), I was cut off completely. SIL and I were not natural friends and would never have met had it not been for my brother. I did a lot for her, but it clearly wasn't good enough. That is her right, of course, as the children's mother.

On the other hand, I am lucky to be close to my friends' children (all adults now) who want to be friends with me and who are also close to one of my DDs, so we see them pretty often. I am still 'Aunty Candle' to them.

I am very close to my sisters' DC.
I am very close to my sisters,see them all the time,several times a week, so am naturally very involved in the lives of their DC.

MY DC are close to their cousins, and as they get older are establishing their own relationships

Definitely not the same as the relationship with my DH's sisters' DC.
I am fond of them ,but we are just not as close.

Best way I can explain it is if the kids were doing exams or sitting their driving test or something I would be pleased if my DH's nephews and nieces did well,send a card etc ,but if it was one of my nieces or nephews I would be on the edge of my seat waiting to hear

I think it is understandable how you feel.

I'm 38 and still single and my sister doesn't want kids. I feel really guilty that my parents won't get grandchildren. And sad that I won't have any nephews or nieces

My DB and his wife can't have children so I will never be an aunt to them. DH's sisters, however, have five DCs between them and they're my nieces and nephews. There's no guarantee you'll be close to any nieces and nephews on your side of the family - things happen.

My DCs are close to their cousins which is nice but we had to stop all going on holiday together as there were too many different parenting styles which caused problems.

Growing up all my cousins lived overseas and I didn't get to meet them up until I was 18/19. I never felt I missed out - it was just how things were.

Yeah this makes me a bit sad too. My brother is a workaholic and seems happy with his own space so cant see him marrying or having a family really.

I have a lovely step-niece from DPs side but, she is only a couple of years younger than me so it's not really the same!

I have a loads of aunts, uncles and cousins, and while we aren't really close I like to know they are there when we do need each other.

only really socialise with family and I just feel a bit sad.

To me, that's the sad bit! That you don;t have friends outside your family. I can't think of anything WORSE than going on holiday with my sister and her kids, or with DH's brother and his.

Just because you share DNA with someone won't make you automatically friends.

I only really socialise with family and I just feel a bit sad.

This jumped out at me. I'm childfree and so is my sister so I will never be an aunt. However, my close friends have kids and I play the aunt role even though there is no biological connection. I take them out for the day, they stay over at mine, I spoil them rotten etc. Some of them are in their late teens now and I have been in their life since they were born.

You need to widen your circle OP.

In my experience being an aunt is only fun when you have a sister who you are close to. It’s not the same with a brother’s kids - I mean you love them to pieces, but it’s your sil’s family (and siblings) who generally have priority for the fun bits.

I don’t think this is universal - maybe just in your family. We have so much fun with and joy from my brother’s son.

Well each to their own
We have a group family holiday every year and it is always a great success and the highlight of the kids year

Ah that is a shame op...I can see why you're a bit sad about it.

My dsis has a dd and another on the way...and I have two dc. We are all really close and see each other often. Lots of cousins on my dhs side who we don't see as often but enjoy when we do.

I thought the title of your post was ridiculous but then I realised that I felt sad occasionally that my mum only had one grandson (my DS), which is the same thing really!

I have loads of cousins internationally. We don't see them often but I've always loved having them in my life.

I don't get on with my sibling and they haven't done aunt-type things with my DS, and don't have kids.

We have friends kids that are a bit like cousins, we all go on holiday together most years and that's lovely.

I guess I have done this to my brother and his family. He will never be an uncle and my niece will never have a cousin. I am a bit sorry for my niece as she is an only child and a cousin probably would have been nice for her, but not sorry enough that I would have a child to make her or my brother happy! In fact, it has never occurred to me that they should have any say in the matter.

I find the posts about someone else’s life choices being “a shame” and “a loss” just weird. Sorry. I think this whole concept is self absorbed and strange

I agree.

Why can’t someone be happy for their siblings choices without making it about their own life and how their family will suffer as a result.

I don’t have children. My sibling has two. I couldn’t care less about their desire to have cousins. It’s not about them.

I find that a shame.

Some of these comments are harsh.

I'm not self absorbed. I do not want either couple to have children as to be honest they don't like them. They will not have children. It would have been nice for my kids to grow up with cousins. Our family would have been larger. What's wrong with that?

As I said earlier they wouldn't go to the same school anyway plus mine are about to leave Primary.

Regarding the socialising I have complex anxiety and autism so I do prefer being with people I can rely on.

I have several nieces and a nephew but we live too far away for shared school runs! My niece is an only child and has a saying that friends are the family you choose. Also you can create the family party memories with your kids with friends. I have lots of memories of happy gatherings as a child but they were mostly with neighbours' kids.

DH has millions of cousins and he can't even remember how many and struggles to remember their names. He's close to none of them despite his mum having many siblings. Nothing is guaranteed even if you do have the blood relatives you desire!

I find the posts about someone else’s life choices being “a shame” and “a loss” just weird. Sorry. I think this whole concept is self absorbed and strange

Agree. It’s even worse if the sibling can’t have children. It’s their loss not yours.

@SockYarn We wouldn't holiday together. All 3 couples ideas of going abroad are totally different. They wouldn't go to an all inclusive for a start. I know this. It's just something that popped into my head last night when I read another post that's all. I don't think about it much.

I'm childfree and have thought it's sad my sister won't be an aunt, but then I'm not a huge fan of being one myself.

I am My mother's only child and so won't be an aunt. But I am very close to my cousin and his dp and have their little boy stay with me in the holidays and such. Is that a possibility?

Most of my friendship group live in our city away from their original family. Therefore their friends kids do school runs/ holidays together. It's a shame you don't have friends for holidaying etc.

I grew up with lots of cousins, none are close to me now. We played together just because we were all there. Not because we got on well with each other and had something in common.

I'm an only child, I've always hated it, now i'm older there's a whole new dimension - I'll never be an aunt either.

Could be if you marry someone who has brothers/sisters and they have children
You're an aunt by marriage, but still an aunt.

I am an only child, no children of my own, so will never be a mother, grandmother, aunt or whatever else, and do you know what, I am glad! I was never one for all the family get togethers, fake hugging, and oneupmanship. I have 3 cousins who I maybe see once every 2/3 years and an elderly aunt who I see once a fortnight. All suits me fine!

Their DH's siblings children aren't proper nieces/nephews? Is that a thing?

Seems to be a sudden thing with my family - so possibly in the zeitgeist.

I don't see much of my neice and nephew duw to distance in all ways.

I miss for my kids nearer DGP - one who want to go to school events or can help out when there a sudden limit of two children on a child event. Now the kids are older it matter much less.

I think it was less of an issue when they were very young as most parents were in same situation family some distanace away and people helped each other out more but last two locations we've lived everyone else seems to have loads of family around.