I will never be an aunt.

[Rubyred24]

I have two DD both planed. DB and DD both mid 30s and both married. Neither want children. To be honest all four baby understand why I would want them. They are quiet strict with mine and don't have a lot of patience but they all love them and have them stop over at theirs.

Growing up I didn't see my cousins so I know they aren't missing out however I am slightly envious when I see families meeting up or holidaying together. I only really socialise with family and I just feel a bit sad. There are multiple sets of sisters at my kids school who all share the school run and I'd assume it would bring them closer.

Neither will I. I’ve never even thought about it and it certainly doesn’t bother me.

I have a niece I love very much but now don’t see as I am not “useful” now as she doesn’t need taking to school or babysitting. It was amazing how much I saw her when SIL needed the help. If I was busy DD was asked to babysit, she no longer hears from SIL or DN either. At least you won’t have that heartache and feeling of being used

[quote Rubyred24]@MinesAPintOfTea If DH had a relationship with them and asked then maybe yes. I'd only met them once and I had a baby 2 weeks before they were born. [/quote]
And you could have considered taking in the 2 in care or visited them regularly to give them a stable anchor in life once your baby was older. Perhaps age one for example. Then you talk about surrogacy ffs. Your post is so self absorbed. You have n&ns you choose not to see. I cannot see mine as I have had to go nc with my brother for my own physical protection.

My brother is eternally single in his late 40's so it's unlikely he'll have children. One Bil lives in USA, the other in Australia, both have children similar age to ours. They all visited last summer for the first time we were all together at once, Pil hired a massive cottage and it was fantastic, my Dd in particular loved time with her cousins, as we don't have a huge social circle with children outside of the friends she has at school so weekends she's usually just at home with us (I'm working on improving that) It made me feel really sad to know what we were missing out on.

I have 32 first cousins.

I have no idea where any of them live. Didn't even know all their names when I was growing up even though they all lived within 5 miles of my house.

Absence of cousins does not leave a cousin shaped hole in your life.

Similarly not being a twin or not having a sister does not leave a hole.

You are over thinking this OP.

To be honest things like sharing the school run and having playmates only really works if they live nearby and are a similar age. If your siblings had dc now it would be you doing the school run for them 'because your dc are older and I need to stay home with the baby' etc. Also it would be your dc occupying a younger child 'because they play with them so well'. I am not saying that there aren't rewards but it sounds as if you have fairly fixed ideas of what you are missing but the reality might not match them.

I have lots of neices and rarely see them as none live locally. My children wouldnt recognise them outside of a family get together, I would struggle to pick most of my cousins out of a line up too though and I went on family holidays with them as a child.

My daughter will never have cousins and it makes me sad.

My DBro is disabled so won’t have children due to that. My Ex-SIL hates children even DD so won’t have any of her own. It’s sad but one of those things

I have one sister who doesn’t have children. My DH’s brother has a son but we aren’t close to the family and barely see them. DH’s brother is a bit of a dick and unfortunately his son is a bit like him. My kids don’t see their one cousin much, only Christmas.

I’ve actually never thought about id as something I’m missing out on. It doesn’t worry me in the slightest not to be an aunt or for my kids not to have cousins 🤷🏼‍♀️

Only child of two only children here.
DH has sisters who live abroad, one with children. I met one of her children 20 years ago and he was so badly behaved with so few boundaries, I avoided the next visit when she had 3. My DC still talk about the unruly mob who stood on tube seats and banged cars without reprimand.

DH is not close to his cousins. Of 13, 4 send a Christmas card. Nobody on his side were close.

You don't miss what you've never had I suppose and I couldn't bear to live in otger people's pockets.

DH adorable sister and her family reinforced that you can chose your friends but not your family.

Don't agree with the comment that if it's your brothers kids it's different as my brother has 2 boys and we are really close.

In my experience being an aunt is only fun when you have a sister who you are close to. It’s not the same with a brother’s kids - I mean you love them to pieces, but it’s your sil’s family (and siblings) who generally have priority for the fun bits.

I only have a brother. I'm very close to my niece and nephew, usually look after them once a week, regular overnights since they were babies.
I'm close to my SIL too though

I have over 20 cousins, only one speaks to me, she is the only biological family member who speaks to me.

My son is an only at the moment, I would really like to have another, but it’s unlikely. He has uncles and aunts, he’s unlikely to go on to have cousins as I very much doubt any of them will have children. Family doesn’t have to be people you share DNA with, I don’t share any with the person I call mum, my son doesn’t share any with his grandma, his three uncles or his two aunts.

You may see these sisters doing the school run together but I would say that it’s not the norm. Often even if you have siblings, what are the chances they choose to live in the same area? Let alone school zone? And people have children at such different ages..some early twenties , some early forties- I have nieces and nephews but no family in the same country- it’s made me work at forming connections with other people in the same situation. Maybe you should try to do this? Kids don’t care if they’re ‘ blood’ - it’s the closeness of the relationships that counts.

I kind of get what you mean but I think your painting the whole experience with rose tinted glasses of what it should be like with siblings and nieces/nephews.

I’ve got loads of cousins on my dads side but we don’t bother with that side of the family because some live abroad and some don’t get on. On paper it looks great in the real world it doesn’t work.

I am much closer to my parents friends and their kids who we used to holiday with, spends Christmases with. If it’s that sort of relationship you are looking for there are other ways.

I’m an aunty to a niece and nephew. They are my DB’s kids. I live hundreds of miles away. My SIL’s sister lives 10 mins away. She and her son have a great relationship with my niece and nephew.

I love my niece and nephew to bits but I’m just a remote Aunty and my dc who are much older (10+ yrs) than their other cousin, also adore them but it’s a very different relationship to cousins the same age.

So whilst I love having a niece and nephew, I am actually quite jealous of SIL’s sister’s relationship with them. Doesn’t help that SIL and DB have only visited us once since niece and nephew were born. I go up to them (and my parents) most school holidays .

Anyway, it’s not all fun and school runs. It can bring a bit of wistful sadness too.

I won’t either, as my only brother is dead and SIL is infertile.

Wow. How incredibly self absorbed of you. You basically want someone who doesn't want to have children, to have children to improve your child's life. Can you not see how very odd that is?

My brother and his wife have a daughter who’s a year younger than my child. So she’s 3, I’ve probably seen her about 10 times in 3 years, they make little to no effort to see us, He sends a few photos to me via WhatsApp about once every 3/4 months. I doubt she has a clue who I am. I think the kids have only really met a few times. Likewise my son has no idea who uncle x is. Just because your an aunt/uncle doesn’t mean you have an automatic relationship with the niece/nephew. Also there is no guarantee your children would even get on.

I have loads of cousins but none near by. We used to visit some of them when DPs would drive up when we were younger but we never developed a close bond and by the time I was a teen and we were all doing our own things I stopped seeing them.

Just because you have cousins doesn’t mean you’ll instantly have a pool of best mates to hang around with.

I forgot to add that none of my three siblings want kids either so my kids have no cousins but we live in a lovely neighbourhood full of kids so it’s fine.

Also a few of my DCs friends have cousins but again they live so far away that their local friendships are stronger.

I have 5 cousins and DS has 5 cousins. I wouldn’t say that those relationships have been particularly significant to either of us. I haven’t seen any of my cousins for decades. DS enjoys his cousins’company but only sees them a couple of times a year.

Things are what they are. I doubt I will have grandchildren. Took me a while to get used to it, but now I'd rather not tbh, because I'm pretty sure my children are not cut out to be parents.

I have no children, but I have plenty of nephews, nieces and even great nieces. As none of them live close I rarely see them. To be honest I am much closer to the daughter of a friend who died prematurely, and she jokingly refers to me as 'aunty'. Just because someone is a blood relative doesn't automatically mean you want or need a relationship with them.

Like @MissDollyMix I too am an only child so same no nephews nieces and it leaves a hole.