Ugly bride

[Ugliestbrideinthewholewideworl]

My wedding was a few years ago now but it still plays on my mind.

No-one told me I looked nice on my wedding day. Not my husband, not my mother (more concerned with her own appearance, and she did look wonderful), none of the guests.

Our make-up artist put pictures on her social media of my beautiful bridesmaids but not me. Our photographer didn't put up photos of us on social media, despite her doing it for every other wedding and despite us getting married at a lovely venue. I can only assume I spoiled the photos.

I know I sound so self-pitying, but AIBU to hope that maybe I'm not as ugly as I think I am? I'm trying so hard to be a positive role model for my daughters but I just cringe whenever I see myself and I think that my wedding was the start of everything going downhill.

Thanks very much

I said YABU in the sense that I think you will have looked wonderful on your wedding day. The happiness and love will have shown in your face. Have you spoken to anyone about how you feel? Low self esteem is horrible. Sending hugs.

I could have written this myself. I look back at my photos and cry. Our wedding wasn't shown on our photographer or videographer pages and all of the spotlight was in my bridesmaids. Nobody even bought me a drink at my wedding, never mind a compliment!

Ignorant fuckers. Other people always behave appallingly at weddings, the idea that it's the bride's day makes me laugh hollowly when I remember how my family acted at my wedding.

However, there's part of me that thinks you either decide not to base how much value people have on their looks, or you don't. And that means not judging yourself. Would you have a look through your wedding photos alone or with a loved one and choose the ones you like best, associate with good memories - then put it up, or show your girls, or make it your screensaver for a week. Role modelling positive self regard is the best thing you can do for them.

Gosh I don't know if anybody can really answer the question in the way I think you're looking for. All the examples do together sound extremely hurtful.

I can tell you something else though. I used to work at high end weddings running the bar for a catering company. I saw hundreds of wedding receptions. There were beautiful brides in insanely stunning dresses (and guests too). However, whether the bride was actually traditionally beautiful or not had no bearing on anything. How happy and relaxed she was, was actually what made the event (or not).

What I'm saying is that the bride's level of beauty was completely irrelevant to anything at all.

I would say that anybody who sees a bride and doesn't complement them though is an absolute arse. So if people weren't saying nice things to you, it's not because of how you looked in the outside, it's because of how they feel in the inside.

It's trite, but don't let them get the upper hand here. Most of us don't look perfect. Some do. Some have less traditionally attractive physical features. But we all have a million other things about us that are more important then what a photo can capture in a millisecond.

do yourself a favor and book a photo shoot today, a lock down gift to yourself and begin to re frame your state of mind. everyone is beautiful in their own unique way.

There is nothing as ugly as a nasty mean personality and there is nothing as loveable as a really nice fun person. Maybe... OP... just maybe....you are really lovely? People can really fancy others who have all sorts like wonky noses, teeth problems etc. Perfect looking people can end up alone if they are unkind or selfish. Value your lovely self. People genuinely are beautiful and attractive for who they actually are.

Not sure love and happiness would be showing on my face if I was marrying someone who couldn't even say I looked nice. This is on them op not you. Self centered, thoughtless, rude bastards all of them, including the photographer and the make up artist.

During lockdown I have thought I looked uglier by the day. Then funnily enough I woke up yesterday and thought no, fuck it, I look bloody gorgeous!! I am shining. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. I think you are beautiful op.

“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

'A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.'

Roald Dhal

I think its a lot harder for a woman to look beautiful than what it is for a man!

If I want to look half alive I have to shower, wash my face and then use 3 products on my face after, wash my hair dry it and straighten it otherwise its just a bush!

If my eyebrows are not waxed I look ugly 😂 I look nice when I make an effort but 99% of the time I am ugly 😄👌🏻

I guess without looking at the pictures it's hard to say but I'm sure you looked amazing

Sorry to hear you feel like this OP. Every bride looks wonderful on her wedding day IMO, genuinely. Don’t over interpret what others did or didn’t say or do.

Sorry you feel this way. I have nothing to offer.. but I really feel you need to try to build your confidence a little. It’s made me so sad that you feel like this.

I got married in a navy blue dress that didn't particularly suit me. One of the few photographs I've got has a rather ugly garden shed in the background.

On the other hand I have been with my partner for twenty-five years. I've got two splendid stepchildren and together we have a lovely daughter.

What mattered to me about the day is that - rather unexpectedly as we only really did it to legalise aspects of our relationship - is that it felt moving and important to exchange promises surrounded by family and friends. And that my partner and I, despite all sorts of difficulties, have continued to try to keep those promises.

I can't believe that your husband and your mother didn't tell you that you were beautiful on your wedding day. I'm sure you were lovely.

OP I hear you. I got married two years ago and I look back at my photos and cringe. No one said I looked lovely or nice or anything. I got told my ‘dress was very me’.

My sister got married the year before and all of her comments on FB and the like we’re that she was the most beautiful bride they had ever seen.

I too am not on the photographers gallery page. I must have looked fucking awful.

I think it’s horrible to feel overlooked. I honestly think it’s unlikely you looked ugly! I think it’s very likely you know some thoughtless people:( Perhaps they were used to you putting up with their ignorant behaviour- I hope they aren’t anymore:)

Ugly is an awful word. I'm sure you're not ugly. I never see anyone ugly....most of us are fairly average in terms of attractiveness.

Your dm sounds quite self obsessed and your dhs behaviour sounds hurtful...some men aren't great at compliments though.

People are shocking!

I also never got bought one drink. I ended up asking dh to get my purse from our room so I could buy myself one! Everyone assumed it had already been bought. Dh got heaps, however.

My brother is a wedding photographer

He’s photographed tons of brides, some literally models, some very normal looking, big small and all in between

The best wedding he’s been to was one he talks about a lot where the bride and groom were not traditionally ‘attractive’ or glam or anything like that, but they had massive grins on their faces all day, there was no drama or stress, the guests all had an amazing time and people danced til they dropped. He always features that wedding on his social media because he says it was just the best banter etc and it shines through

I’m so sorry that you feel this way OP. You don’t say how old your daughters are but they will always think you are beautiful. Difficult to know what happened with the makeup artist or the photographer but could just be coincidence. What DID your husband say to you on the day? Did he give you another compliment, private or public? Perhaps he thought that commenting on your appearance was shallow compared to the other things that he loves about you?

Also, is it possible you just don’t remember anyone complimenting your appearance on the day? The reason I ask is that people usually tell brides that they look beautiful regardless of how they actually look, it’s a standard thing to say and doesn’t usually have anything to do with what the speaker actually thinks.

I've always thought I was fairly average looking so am aware that I am not going to suddenly look stunningly pretty on my wedding day. I'd aim for me looking nice and happy. I'd not expect to be featured by vendors particularly either.

I would expect guests and parents and hubby to say I looked nice/scrubbed up well but I'd not expect then to suddenly think I looked pretty just due to me being a bride particularly. But we're practical folk!

I can honestly assure you I looked pug-ugly on my wedding day. I didn’t want to get married (I loved (and love) my partner but didn’t want to be married — we had to for a pressing practical reason), was very pregnant and just threw on whatever I was wearing the day before because I was running late. I don’t think there are any photos, but if there were, I would have been rolling my eyes and saying ‘Can we get a move on?’ to the registrar because I wanted to get back to work.

And I’m not remotely bothered. My marriage is happy. The book I was working on won a major award. DS is great. I can’t work up any energy to mind whether I looked like a bad-tempered Weeble on my wedding day or not.

I’m the same. I hate my wedding!
I had a shocking makeup - I had makeup artist but she did a such shit job that I looked apparently as corpse as someone said on FB.
I had brown eyeshadow which I would never use and orange face. I looked so bad!
My dress was a cheap H&M collaboration with Victor and Rolf and I looked absolutely hideous in it.
The car who took me to the town hall was a old Skoda octavia- a family member kindly offered to give me a lift.
I just honestly can not believe I had a wedding like that. I feel sick when I think of it.
Shit day anyway. I could not eat as felt sick with nerves, almost choked on meat and I vomited in a front of everyone one the piece of food I choked on!
Also I broke a horseshoe when people congratulated me.
Fucking day!

It was absolutely shit.

Ha, yes I looked a bit of a state on my wedding day!
My bridesmaids look stunning ( they actually are beautiful anyway). In fact I sort of chose them thinking that the Halo Effect would kick in ; people see everyone in the group as more attractive .
Nope. I look a bit raddled and they look perfect.
It’s a bit shit your husband didn’t say anything. But honestly if it was a good day out for you and your guests it doesn’t natter.
All weddings date. However beautiful the photos 15 years on you’ll be looking at the dated styles everyone is wearing ,the funny 2015 nskeup or weird shoes styles.Just hang in there.