Ugly bride

[Ugliestbrideinthewholewideworl]

My wedding was a few years ago now but it still plays on my mind.

No-one told me I looked nice on my wedding day. Not my husband, not my mother (more concerned with her own appearance, and she did look wonderful), none of the guests.

Our make-up artist put pictures on her social media of my beautiful bridesmaids but not me. Our photographer didn't put up photos of us on social media, despite her doing it for every other wedding and despite us getting married at a lovely venue. I can only assume I spoiled the photos.

I know I sound so self-pitying, but AIBU to hope that maybe I'm not as ugly as I think I am? I'm trying so hard to be a positive role model for my daughters but I just cringe whenever I see myself and I think that my wedding was the start of everything going downhill.

Thanks very much

Op I’m not pretty at all, so I understand these anxieties.

I bet you will have looked lovely!

I remember at my wedding that an aunt called me over, I thought she was going to say something nice, instead she asked me if I would shut the door. I think we all want to be told we look beautiful on our wedding day. To be honest I know I looked lovely, but nobody said ' beautiful ' either.

I used to be a Marriage Registrar and whilst I have definitely Seen Things, I've never, ever seen an ugly bride. Not even the one that turned up nursing the worst hangover I've ever seen on a human still capable of speech and movement.

Seriously, I bet you looked lovely on your day, I'm sorry you're feeling so negative about yourself right now it might be worth seeing if you can access some counselling via your GP maybe? Big hugs and

Only my DM, DH and a longstanding close friend of the family told me I looked beautiful on my wedding day. No one else commented on my appearance. It irked me, not least after the huge effort.

Was looking back at some pictures recently and apart from some dubious sparkly make up I think I looked damn good!

IMO now some guests were trying not to say cliched things, some barely knew me so probably felt it impolite to comment on my looks, and others (most of my family) were just rude!

I'm sorry you feel so down about your appearance.

At my wedding not a soul commented on my appearance that I remember, but that's only in retrospect. I honestly didn't give it a thought - my SIL works for Clinique (and does makeovers all the time) and was going to do my makeup but (as usual, bless her) overslept and didn't arrive until 15 minutes before it started and my hairdresser was in an accident so was taken to A&E. I did my hair and makeup myself.

I felt happy and excited in myself, and I didn't look for external validation. Honestly, it's so liberating when you decide you aren't going to give a shite anymore.

I hope you had a womderful day anyway, and that you let go of any baggage that means you need to 'compete' with other brides or bridesmaids.

Wedding photographers posting pics of bridesmaids, settings or whatever but not posting any pics of the couple (assuming the couple gave permission) just make themselves look like poor photographers!

Thanks so much everyone. So many kind words.

I don't think I really do mind about appearance so much normally - I have friends and colleagues I admire, and some celebrities, and it's absolutely nothing to do with their appearance but their kindness, their intelligence, their achievements.

I suppose I am just aware that I find myself so unattractive that it can't but rub off on my daughters. And also that other people finding me unattractive is an extension of me being an unlikeable person.

For what it's worth though, I do feel better for having shared it here and heard your kind words. If never bother anyone in real life with it; it's far too self-indulgent!

When I was 10 my aunt told my sister how pretty she was, she then looked at me and said you'll never be pretty but your attractive and it will last you longer. As you can imagine I was deeply hurt but she was actually right. Fortunately for me I'm married to a man that constantly praises my figure and my looks although I definitely am not pretty.

You may or may not be pretty, I don't know but your dh should be making you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. However work on your self esteem because confidence is a very attractive quality.

I hate my wedding pictures. Nobody told me I looked nice either.
I'm no oil painting and in the 80s money was tight so it was all on a shoe string too.
We've been married over 30 years so that's what matters rather than the actual day.
I wished I was photogenic!
I'm sure you looked lovely op.

You will have looked gorgeous.

I’m firmly of the opinion that all brides are beautiful and every wedding I’ve attended I’ve told them so. It is hopefully one of the happiest days of their lives and that radiates from them.

In any case, it’s about how you felt on the day. I’ll never forget Nessa on Gavin and Stacey on her wedding day. Someone says she looks amazing, she replies ‘I know. I feels it.’

I normally hate photos of me but the only ones I love are my wedding photos I felt like a million dollars loved my dress and the simple church wedding, 10 family 15 friends only,

My cousin, who is objectively beautiful, had a similar experience on her big day. My jaw was on the floor when she mentioned it a few months down the line.

In her case I think it was a combination of factors. Her Mum didn't compliment her because they have a very complex relationship, and her mother finds it difficult to be affectionate in any form (ditto my uncle tbh). I also think the fact they had their two small children sharing their day detracted attention away from her as the bride and it was more about them as a family ("oh what a gorgeous family etc"). Also they'd already been through quite a lot as a couple (bereavement, redundancy etc), and from what I heard when she was mingling with guests people were gushing about them finally getting the special day they deserved, how excited everyone was about their future, how proud [deceased relative] would be etc. I guess how beautiful she undoubtedly looked just didn't make it to the top of the list of things people were bursting to share with her, but that's certainly no reflection of how she looked.

These factors may not relate to your experience necessarily, but it is possible that your situation might have been caused by a combination of factors that havent really occurred to you as you're looking at it through the lens of how attractive you feel.

Can always show a picture of what you looked like on your wedding day?

I’d forget about your focus on your wedding day and how you looked and put some focus into your self esteem. Maybe have a look into some things you can do to raise your self esteem such as positive affirmations etc.

The wedding day was ages ago....it’s passed...who cares what you looked like. It’s more an issue that your still thinking about it and repeating negative thoughts about yourself.

peopleherearerightcunts your username is epic and OP I am sure you are not ugly at all. As peopleherehas said some people can be right c*s

At a family wedding a few years ago my mother came out with a classic "oh your cousin looks so much prettier than you did on your wedding day" I didn't know what to say so just walked off.
I can still hear it know when I look in the mirror

Hi OP.
I just wanted to say that I'm absolutely positive that you would have looked beautiful on your wedding day and that you are not ugly in real life.

Unfortunately some people are dealt quite a hard time in life, and most of their family and immediate circle just aren't the kindest or most considerate people.

Then there's others who are lucky and have a great family and were lucky enough to meet wonderful friends or have some considerate people in their life or someone to spot when they might need a pick me up or so on.

It is not a reflection on you or your worth!

Aww OP I’m sure you were beautiful. Even those that don’t consider themselves typically beautiful, will be happy when they see themselves on their wedding day. The right make up does wonders for everyone.

Bet you were gorgeous

I know someone whose mum has v low self esteem. It hasn’t affected her at all. If anything, she is more confident becuase she saw at an early age how women are so much pressure lookswise that it gives people a false sense that they are ugly when they are actually just themselves, just not 100% whatever the current „fashion“ is.

I think you are actually doing really well in terms of self esteem, because you are genuinely thinking about it and trying to be positive, but just to reassure...

Have you considered renewing your vows - you could do it with just you, DH and your dc and none of the rude twats who upset you on your wedding day.

I also think you should talk to your husband about how you feel. He might well be someone who doesn't speak his feelings much, but he is married to someone who needs to hear them occasionally. I really think this is something which needs addressing.

I’m sure you looked truly beautiful. And you seem like a beautiful and sensitive soul on the inside too. It was your wedding day and you were marrying the man you love and f* the rest of them. Hold your head up high, look forward, remember you have your man by your side and a wonderful future ahead of you. That’s all that should matter xxx

My FIL said really loudly to his niece “ here is the most beautiful woman here”

But I think really that’s just another example of what a thoughtless tosser he can be. Unless he did it on purpose. Either way he he’s not on my top 20 favourite people list. It says more about them honestly.

I tell my kids all the time good things about themselves. So as long as you don’t fall into that trap of not being able to think about others feelings, it’s all fine.

my mother said - at my wedding - that it was the 1st one she'd been to where the groom outshone the bride.......

@Backintime4breakfast

I am in shock!!!!! How could she say something so nasty?!!

Sorry to hear you feel like this. None of us are perfect - but what is perfect? And beauty to one is different to another. But like a lot of these post say, it really it how you are on the inside. How many ‘beautiful’ people do you know who are ugly on the inside ... and that then shines out of them? Beauty comes from within :-)

“ My DH looks like a silverback gorilla with a squint. I still think he's handsome though”

That made me giggle.

I’m sure you looked beautiful and had a wonderful day.

The best phrase I have learnt from mumsnet is that ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’.