AIBU to ask how far away you live from yours parents? ..... Dilemma...

[Balinesemountain]

For reference - Myself and my DH are currently looking to buy a house between two areas..

a) My hometown where I have lived all my life and
b) a lovely picturesque town (one of mine and my partners favourite towns) approximately 15 miles away (40 mins drive) from my home town

For any locals who know the area.. my hometown option A is Sale, Trafford and option B is Knutsford in Cheshire.

I guess buying in my hometown would be beneficial in the fact that it is nearer to work and it is where both my parents live in the home where I grew up in. This is a huge pull for me to buy in my home town due to the fact that myself and DH would like to have children in a few years and my parents have previously kindly agreed that when we do have children they would like to care for them for a day or 2 during the week to help us out. My mother does not drive and would be relying on my father to come and visit us, there is no train or tram between both towns. To clarify; DHS parents currently live in France.

However; Knutsford is also being considered as an area that myself and my partner do love - although further away from work, we both have flexible jobs that allow us to travel outside of rush hour and I am able to WFH several days a week. The area is near to a large national trust park that you can walk in to, it is picturesque and it has a good community feel to it. If it wasn't for my parents living in the hometown, I think we would most likely chose option B (Knutsford).

I guess I was hoping for experiences from others; do you live near your parents? and if so; do you find that it has been useful to have their help with childcare etc. For those that don't live near their parents - if you had the choice, would you live closer to them? AIBU to consider a location based on where my parents live? (albeit; it would be closer to work too) How much weighting would you put on an area based on where your family live?

FYI: myself and DH are very close wih my family, we are currently renting nearby and invite each other over for tea several times a week! (before covid!)

Any advice/ experiences / stories welcome!!

Thank you in advance!

I walk 15 miles at the weekend and I wouldn't even say it was a particularly long walk...

How long does this take you?

100% Knutsford 😍

We've just (last week!) moved from being 350 miles away from my family to being within a couple of miles, our DD is almost 5 and it's been so tough having no family support.

DH's family were fairly close but older generation so never really offered/unable to offer that kind of support.

Although we can't see my family yet I already feel happier being close to them 😁😁

I live 450 miles away. It's the closest I've lived to them in over 20 years.

Didn't really notice the distance until I had kids and now it's a bit rubbish. The inlaws are a perfect distance away - 50 miles. Close enough to see them in a day but not close enough for them to pop in unannounced.

I'm very jealous that my sister (a) gets loads and loads of free childcare and (b) my parents are much closer to my niece and nephew. But moving closer isn't an option. I don't think that I would move away from my parents if I was living close to them when I had kids but I moved away years before that happened.

So I live about 7 miles from where I grew up. My parents are about 550 miles away, my only sibling is about 5000 miles away. To me 40 minutes away is practically next door but for childcare on a daily basis it's probably too far to be practical.

I didn't choose to live far from my family. They all moved away!

40 mins drive is nothing. My partner commutes around an hours drive for work and it's not that big of a deal. We live in the same town as in-laws which is around 45 miles (the same 1hr drive DP does for work)

15 miles is less than my daily commute to work!

We are 3h from one set of GPs, 11h from the other. No help with childcare obviously, but wouldn't want to be dependent. It's fine, you just throw money at the situation but you do get professionals caring for your child.

Other things to consider...

Are your parents working, or close to retirement?

Would they have it in mind themselves to move nearer to you - when you have children?

If one parent is a non-driver, it becomes a problem if the other driving parent becomes incapacitated.

These probably seem unhelpful comments - but are just things I have observed locally among friends.

I live around Manchester, used to live in Trafford. I wouldn’t hesitate to move a little further away from your parents in the circumstances you describe. It isn’t that far at all. My and my husband’s parents live 3+ hours away. We cope fine without them on the doorstep. A 40 minute drive is a lovely distance - it won’t take much, if any, pre-planning for a visit. I think you will regret not moving to knutsford if the only reason you’re hesitant is proximity to your parents. You will soon adapt.

Which has the better schools that you can afford a nice house in catchment in?

• That's what would sway my decision. I have 3 secondary school aged DC and it's the biggest factor for me.

Then I'd pick where I wanted to live second. Happy Mum & Dad = happy kids.

Life's too short not to live where you've always wanted to. And this is the time you can afford to stretch a little , before you get bogged down with extra costs of DCs (which isn't just childcare)

15 miles is nothing, that'd take half an hour at 30mph, so 40mins sounds a nice drive and as you work over that way anyway, you can take bubs over for childcare. Picks up from school is a longer way away, since you haven't even had any DC yet! And it's only for 6 years (yes R to 5) as most DCs walk themselves to and from school by year 6

It is nice if your parents live a walking distance away but sometimes you can live too close where they pop by all the time without notice each day. I.e. When you're knackered and not up for visitors and don't want to be caught in your pjs, not showered all day and the house is a tip, as parenthood of babies & toddlers can be, you might regret it!

The world is so civilised before you have DCs. Once you have them, be prepared to have lowered your standards at times 😬🤣🤣 (and not to want to be caught sans makeup and brushed hair!)

15 min drive

Mine used to live a couple of hundred miles away. 2 years ago they started making noises about being bored and wanting to move nearer. We welcomed it (even DH - he gets on with them) and now they live a 5 minute walk away. It's bloody fantastic. We didn't sack off the childminder but my parents do the school run if I want to stay late on my usual early finish nights, it's been so relaxing. They babysit and then go home, we don't have to disrupt the entire weekend. If they need is, we are there.
I've not lived within 100 miles of my parents since childhood, but it's great! Go for it!

I'd live in your home town. You can be nearer your parents and work. You can travel to the place you love at weekends etc and save loads of travel time in the week. What does your DH think though? Is he pleased to be near your parents or is it less of a draw for him?

I would say it depends on the schooling and investigate the schooling in Knutsford. It is a beautiful place though and I would favour it over Sale purely for that. I am 3.5hours away from my family and dh 20 minutes from his. In laws have helped with childcare in the past but since my fil passed I am reluctant to ask for help. I would love to move closer to my parents not just for childcare reasons but to selfishly see them more often. If your only motivation towards being closer to your parents is childcare reasons then I would choose Knutsford. A lot could happen between then and now and your parents might not be able to help with childcare and instead may need to rely on you, would you be ok with that? It is a tough decision.

@purbal
Just looked on google... 3 hours 40 mins to walk from sale to knutsford.. I would say that was far!

I am impressed with your walking though, I try and do 5 or 6 miles a day, i would be chuffed if i managed 15!

From the area of sale we live in it's more 18-20 miles but that's besides the point! 🙈

my mother in law lives with us and my parents live on a street of ours

we are moving in August though, 20 mins away :(

Regarding schools... it is a very good point and something I havent really considered but should have!

I will have a look in to it

If anyone so happens to know what the schools are like (primary and secondary!) I would be grateful if you could let me know your thoughts!

About 7,500 miles.

4 hour plane ride away from all family.

It's different if you don't want your parents to be involved in childcare.

We live 2.5 hours drive and 3 hours drive away from our parents and honestly I have very rarely wished we lived closer! I suppose being close enough to drive there and back in a day is ideal - maybe 1 to 1.5 hours drive away.

It's not that we don't love them, but we are pretty independent and always have been. We don't want our parents involved in every aspect of our lives.

knutsford every time, great schools, great area

15 miles isnt that far so live where ever you feel happiest. I live about 60 miles from my family but we both live 2-3 miles of motorway so I can be there in about 50 mins. DH mum lives 300 miles away, his dad lived abroad and his brother and sister 2 hours away so we've never had family round the corner.
The only time it was a nuisance was ( selfishly!) for baby sitting purposes. atm of having my dc both sets of parents were still working so childcare so when i was at work was never going to happen no matter where we lived. if you have dc and family are willing to help with childcare when you are at work live as close as possible, if childcare isn't an issue or they cant help then living 15 miles/ 40 mins away probably wont impact very much at all.

Did OP change username? She's no longer green, or is it another PP?

I'm befuddled

Oh Knutsford is lovely!

We live hours and hours away from both sets.

250 miles away. It's absolutely bliss.