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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants to visit parents abroad at end of August

37 replies

fibrecruncher · 31/05/2020 23:20

Hi All,

Just seeing if I am being overly cautious or not. DH parents live in France, we live in UK. DH wants to book a Eurostar to go visit them at the end of August for me, him and DS(7). They are in their 70s, but fit and well. I told him that I understand it's hard for him and DS not seeing them for quite a few months, but I said I didn't think now was the time to be making those sorts of plans. I just don't feel comfortable yet travelling and especially with our DS. My DH looked quite crestfallen when I said no, and that we should wait and see how the lockdown easing goes for the next couple of weeks. AIBU?

OP posts:
highmarkingsnowbile · 31/05/2020 23:21

End of August? Jesus wept, people are really being ridiculous. That's FIVE bloody months after lockdown started. So stay locked up in fear forever.

lydia7986 · 31/05/2020 23:27

YANBU. Under current regulations, the three of you would have to quarantine for two weeks upon arriving in France - that’s two weeks in which you cannot have any contact with your dh’s parents. So presuming you’d want in order to spend a week with them, you’d need to allow 3 weeks in France.

There’s no way of knowing whether that rule will be lifted by August. It’s highly unlikely it will be, in my opinion, because Macron won’t lift it unless we lift the two week quarantine for arrivals from France (which there’s no way the UK govt will do)

Speaking of which, you’ll have to quarantine for two weeks when you get back to the UK, which could prohibit your son from returning to school on time in September.

Original poster
fibrecruncher · 31/05/2020 23:36

21highmarkingsnowbile - thanks for your reply. I am aware of the timeframe. I am not worried about being in France it's more the risk of exposure posed by extended periods in confined spaces whilst travelling.

27lydia7986 - that's a good point, I hadn't even considered the quarantine time on entry to France. Don't think my DH has thought of this either.

OP posts:
unicornflakegirl · 31/05/2020 23:44

Why not book flexible tickets so you can change the dates if conditions mean it's not advisable to travel then?

I'm not in the UK but family have booked flights to visit in August and one sibling is considering coming in July.
I expect any quarantine imposed will be at a nominated address.
Quarantine on return to the UK is at your own address according to what I've read so far although it could change.

Have you seen / will you see your parents or other family members or would you be content with waiting even beyond the end of August? Everyone weighs up risk differently but even if you don't want to go YWBU to stop DH from seeing his parents (and DS his grandparents) if it is permitted to do so.

unicornflakegirl · 31/05/2020 23:47

Just saw your update OP re the confined travelling space.
Would it be possible to go by car and would you feel more comfortable that way?

ludothedog · 31/05/2020 23:49

I would go, or at least not write off the idea. It's another 2 months from now, a lot can change between now and then

MissEliza · 31/05/2020 23:54

Your dh definitely should go and see his dps. It's bloody hard living far away from your family in the current climate. As pp have said, your dh is talking about a date five months from the start of lockdown. People can't put their lives on hold forever.

Original poster
fibrecruncher · 31/05/2020 23:54

44unicornflakegirl - yes flexible tickets is a great idea. I think it was partly as he approached the conversation with no thought to any implications/risk etc. I said he could definitely go by himself as we probably have access to somewhere he could stay if he need to quarantine on return, but was ready yet to commit to me and DS joining. And yes the car is also a really good idea. It would be a long drive but I hadn't thought of that.

OP posts:
Original poster
fibrecruncher · 31/05/2020 23:58

not yet ready to commit sorry typo

No definitely haven't ruled it out at all. But I wanted to wait and see how the lockdown easing went. I suppose my concern is about a 2nd wave. I agree he needs to see his folks as I told him. I lived abroad for a decade I know what it's like to miss family.

OP posts:
unicornflakegirl · 01/06/2020 00:09

DH here has also been known to "proclaim" things that in fairness should start with a discussion!

He will need to weigh up risk, as I doubt there will be a vaccine by then, and a plan is needed whatever mode of transport.
Will you need, masks, hand gel, a thermometer?
I was already using antibacterial wipes on my tray table on planes and trains before this happened so I'm not just dismissing risks, just saying there are things to mitigate them if you do go by train.
If you go in the car you'll need to stop at service stations so again think what would make you feel safer. Would you need to stop at a hotel en route or is the drive doable in one day? Would you prefer to take food from home for the journey?
Remember to take your EHIC cards too!

Do your in-laws have a good patisserie nearby? The promise of that would probably be enough to make me contemplate the journey to France! Spanish desserts aren't great.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 01/06/2020 00:23

My parents are also from another country and I know my mum will be on the first flight over to see us. Don't think I get a say in it. Smile
Your DH just wants something to look forward to. I don't know how easy it is to get eurostar tickets on short notice but like someone said, either get flexible tickets or agree that you will book tickets as soon as it's ok to do so. (Also, employers may or may not approve holiday requests when people start going back again.)

BritWifeinUSA · 01/06/2020 00:33

Definitely I would go! We are talking a few months away. The quarantine will likely be over by then when the governments realise that implementing quarantine at this stage is like starting the Pill when you’re 2 months pregnant.

Babs1937 · 01/06/2020 09:37

I would wait until nearer the time and go on the eurotunnel with the car and drive down. We use it regularly and only book the week before and to be honest the prices are not a lot different to booking early. Maybe £20 more but would be worth it as the flexi tickets are quite expensive, maybe pick a week in July and watch the prices to give you an idea.
The other thing to think about is that travel insurance would not cover you for Covid whilst away, but that wouldn't stop me going.

irregularegular · 01/06/2020 09:41

I think it is highly likely you still won't be allowed to travel to France on non-essential business, without quarantine, in August. I wouldn't be especially concerned about the risks of travel for a healthy young family per se, but I would bear in mind that it just might not be possible. Book by all means, but make sure you will be able to change your booking if need be. Have to stay Eurostar would quite efficient about giving us vouchers to use when we cancelled our Easter trip.

NumbsMet · 01/06/2020 09:46

Forgive me if I'm just being dense, but given the quarantine time restrictions in France which could possibly make things difficult for DS to go back to school, can PIL not come to visit you? If it's a matter of money, DH could pay with what he would have used for you all to travel? But again sorry if I'm just missing something and being silly.

vanillandhoney · 01/06/2020 09:56

I wouldn't book anything yet, but I also wouldn't rule it out. I would wait until July or so and see how things were going before making a final decision.

You have no idea how things will be in August, so I think saying no now without even considering it is a bit short-sighted.

Nottherealslimshady · 01/06/2020 10:26

If you can then you should but theres no point booking anything yet as you dont know if you'll be able to and you wont get your money back for booking a trip during covid and not being able to go due to covid.

Jeremyironsnothing · 01/06/2020 10:32

What's with all the snarky "it's five months from the start of lockdown"?

If it's still not safe, it's still not safe. The government is currently easing lockdown for economic reasons - not because it's safe.

Wait and see op or book flexible tickets.

GalesThisMorning · 01/06/2020 10:37

I wouldn't plan on a holiday abroad this summer. Not because I'm a demented fear mongerer before I get jumped on, but because of the chance of having to quarantine either end.

GalesThisMorning · 01/06/2020 10:38

I also have family abroad that I was meant to see in August and I get it's more than just a holiday, but it might not be possible this year

cologne4711 · 01/06/2020 10:39

Eurostar will be fine, you say you are particularly worried about your son, does he have underlying conditions? If not, it's fine. If he does, then I would wait.

The quarantine would be the deal-breaker for me not the travel part.

newtb · 01/06/2020 10:56

There's still a 100km travel limit in place in France. So, unless the pil are within 100km of the Channel it would be against the law.

thefuriousfuggler · 01/06/2020 11:01

I think it is highly likely you still won't be allowed to travel to France on non-essential business, without quarantine, in August.

Do you live in France?
Why do you think this?

Bars and restaurants here can open from tomorrow. A lot of the tourist attractions are starting to re-open. Most of the mainland European countries are planning to open up borders in the middle of this month.

At the moment they are still saying that UK visitors will need to voluntarily quarantine, but things are changing all the time and it will very much depend on what happens with UK quarantine rules.

LakieLady · 01/06/2020 11:14

I wouldn't book anything till much nearer the time.

If the easing of lockdown leads to a second wave, who knows what travel restrictions might apply in future.

AlternativePerspective · 01/06/2020 11:24

OP there is obviously a difference between just waiting to see what happens and saying an outright no.

August is a long way away still, pretty much as long as we’ve been in this position now so a lot can change. So I would just be inclined to say that of course you should go but to not book the tickets yet.

As for PP’s saying about it being safe, lockdown has never been about eradicating the virus, only slowing its progress. It’s not realistic to expect people to put their lives on hold until there is a vaccine because A, there may never be one, and B, if there is it will take years to fully develop, and chances are it won’t be immediately available to all as certain groups will be given priority first.

Always plan for the future, there is nothing to be gained by putting your entire life on hold and saying no to everything “just in case”
You could do that for so many things and before you know it you’ve never done the things you wanted because of being over cautious.