DH wants to visit parents abroad at end of August

[fibrecruncher]

Hi All,

Just seeing if I am being overly cautious or not. DH parents live in France, we live in UK. DH wants to book a Eurostar to go visit them at the end of August for me, him and DS(7). They are in their 70s, but fit and well. I told him that I understand it's hard for him and DS not seeing them for quite a few months, but I said I didn't think now was the time to be making those sorts of plans. I just don't feel comfortable yet travelling and especially with our DS. My DH looked quite crestfallen when I said no, and that we should wait and see how the lockdown easing goes for the next couple of weeks. AIBU?

Talk to your husband and maybe come up with a number of options. Things have changed significantly every few weeks and we cannot predict what will happen in the next three months.

We live abroad and have done for a long time and while you say you understand what it's like to miss family, I can say from my perspective that i feel differently now under this global pandemic than I have ever felt.

You say that you are concerned about the risk of infection during travel, maybe there are other options, the Shuttle and driving rather than Eurostar for example or your husband and your son travelling on their own. The risks to your son remain low.

Maybe gently explore how your husband feels. My parents are in their 70's and I do fear that if I don't see them this summer during the holidays that if there is a second wave in the autumn we might not get to see them at all, not just for a short time but never again. I also know elderly people who would rather see their children and grandchildren and take their chances than living with the fear they will never see them again.

For now, we are still holding our breaths but hope to find a way to see our families this summer under terms that are acceptable to all parties. We are not booking anything and know that we may have to pay a premium to book things closer to the time and are OK with that. We have also lost out on trips that we had planned but didn't take just before lockdown which we mourn slightly but I don't stress about the money we have lost that was not covered by insurance because either way that money would have been spent, we just didn't get to have the experiences we had planned but we have made peace with the money side (and of course the missed experiences.. of which there are many and they continue..)

So.. instead of saying a flat No.. try to come up with some options which would depend on how things pan out between now and then and take into account your husband's feelings. Maybe if he and his parents are willing to take the risk and to follow the quarantine rules that are in place at the time, then maybe that would be OK.

09unicornflakegirl DH here has also been known to "proclaim" things that in fairness should start with a discussion! you have my sympathies!! I think DH sometimes has these fleeting ideas but doesn't think them completely through. For example: last summer he wanted to take his dada and our DS (6) in a 4 seater plane with a friend of ours that whilst he has a licence doesn't fly very often. That I had to say an absolute no to taking our DS but said he and DFIL were very welcome to

It's a long drive they are in the South of France. And yes lots of nearby patisserie. Our immediate standard of living would be immediatly greatly increased between the blue skies/pool and DMILs wonderful cooking.

46NumbsMet yes with all the current quarantine restrictions it would make it difficult with school and work but I know things could change from now till then. Yes PIL could potentially come here... but they never want to visit the UK in the Summer I will aee if they've discussed this as an option.

56newt There's still a 100km travel limit in place in France. So, unless the pil are within 100km of the Channel it would be against the law

mmm... not sure on this one. There's usually a Eurostar that runs in the Summer all the way down to the South. Didn't kjow about the 100km restriction, I will look into it

We are going to see my in laws in southern Europe in late July. Unless the flights are cancelled we're going. Very important to see MIL who's been isolated alone for many months in her flat.

100km limit lifts tomorrow

I would cautiously plan for it, keeping an eye on how things progress.

If it was just for a holiday, I would say why bother, just wait a year... but seeing family is different.

There's still a 100km travel limit in place in France.

Not from today there isn't.

Ooops - losing track of the days.

The 100km limit is lifted from tomorrow.

41ChateauMargaux 24AlternativePerspective

We've had a good discussion about it in which we've managed so far not to shut out the other's feelings.

I haven't said an outright no, just a not right now for booking anything and asked DH to take a more cautious wait and see approach for the next couple of weeks. We just had another chat about where and when the idea came from, DPIL have a neighbour who has a son that happens to live very close to us that has a trip planned to France from the UK in 3 weeks time.

I thought you couldn't go to France unless it was your primary residence? DH and I are dual nationality French and English and we looked at it but as it isn't our main residence we can't go.

@DreamingofSunshine

I thought you couldn't go to France unless it was your primary residence? DH and I are dual nationality French and English and we looked at it but as it isn't our main residence we can't go.

That is the case at the moment

OP is talking about a trip in August.

Most European borders are very likely to be opening up in a couple of weeks.

Visitors from the UK may have to quarantine, but that could change.