To report this woman

[KangaFandanga]

My husband and I took our kids to a local car park for some practice cycling. car park was mostly empty and we were there around an hour, both practicing with one kid each.

I half noticed a car arrive and park up a little while after we arrived. Didn't see the owners- was with wobbly 4 year old. 5 mins later I noticed the car doors were all open, and there was a little boy in the car. I assumed someone else was in the car with him.

About 10 mins after that, the boy started making some noises- animal type fun noises. I remember thinking that his parent must be one of the people over on the other side of the car park chatting. But another ten minutes later those people left and I saw the boy sort of hanging out of the car door sort of smiling and checking out what our kids were up to.

Dh and I mentioned this to each other at that stage as we passed each other by with our dc, wondering if we just couldn't see the boys adults, if he was ok etc. Assumed we should just keep out of it.

Around 10 mins later as we were starting to get ready to go, two ladies go over to the car and I realise it's the lady who runs a nursery my daughter used to go to for a while a few years ago.

The boy in the car was her son, who I remembered has additional needs. She lives around the corner from the car park but wouldn't have been able to see him from their home.

We waved and they drove off.

My husband feels strongly we should report her. He feels that not only did she leave her son in danger, but also because she is in a position of huge responsibility taking care of other people's kids, and her judgement is obviously totally off. Her nursery is run from a forest, so it's even more important that she is on the ball and aware of danger.

I suppose I feel the same, but I'm finding it hard to say yes to reporting her. She's lovely, passionate about what she does, and on one level I just don't feel she deserves to be reported to social services for what may have been a momentary lapse.

AIBU to pause before reporting this lady?

I dont see any issue with a 9 year old waiting in the car while mum pops to the shop? I used to love staying in the car so I could read my book lol

Definitely don't report her, you don't know near enough to know she did anything wrong or enough detail about her son (if it even was her son) or his condition to cast aspersions.

Believe me, would much rather not interfere in someone else's life.

Also don't want to ignore something if it's unacceptable or putting a child in danger.

Why are you thinking she parked and went home? that’s really odd, more likely she was in a shop, personally I’d have put all the windows down rather than open doors.
He must be trusted not to get out the car.

Why don’t you ask her what happened?

Things are not always what they seem op. Our neighbour reported me to social services for leaving my baby twins asleep in the car outside our house. What she couldn't see is that I was sitting at the kitchen window having a coffee and could see both babies very clearly. It wasn't a hot or cold day and I had left all the windows slightly open. Not for a single minute were the babies out of my sight. People need to have all the facts clear before running off to report parents.

unfortunately you aren't being clear op... but I gather she left a 9yo child with additional needs in a car for 20 minutes, with all the doors open and no one to supervise him or keep him safe...

He could have left the car, he could have been approached by anyone or he could have fiddled inside the car and put himself at risk of harm e.g. released the hand brake, locked himself in etc

just as an aside... did he have anything to drink? its been cooking hot so that is an additional risk

she put him in a vulnerable risky position and failed to protect him..

I think you should discuss this with your local children's services... if he is as vulnerable as you imply, then he may even have a social worker anyway

I’d happily leave my 9 year old to wait in the car while I popped in to the shops. Especially at the moment when it’s not a good idea to take children into the shops.

I don't think op is certain the child was the child she remembers with additional needs.
At 9 surely it's fine to be in a car while mum is at the shop unless there are significant disabilities?
Also you didn't really see what happened.

A 9 year old NT child could easily choose stay in the car, how bad are his additional needs, even walking the shop with my DS is horrendous with sensory issues it is easier to wait on DP so I can go alone.
I would not report this, if you feel uneasy could you mention he was hanging out of the car, it could be dangerous if another car clipped it.

Given what you’ve said I would report.
I’ve been reported for far less 😡 about my child with SEN

It's not great but 8 or 9 isn't a huge deal. Perhaps he wanted to stay in the car while she went on an errand or went for s short walk.

Would you report 8 & 9 year olds playing in the park or street for 20 minutes?

I can’t see a nine year old being left alone for 20 mins being an issue unless the special needs means he has a lower mental age. Many nine year olds walk to school for an amount of time far greater than 20 mins that include crossing roads.

Definitely don’t report her for leaving a 8 or 9 year old! Goodness, they’re allowed to go to cinema, swimming etc alone at that age. I assumed it was a preschool age child from your description.

Lots of children with additional needs would be happier in the car and just as safe as another NT child. Some obvious it would be wrong to leave but you know who probably has a good idea of what her child can handle? His mum. It’s like a police state on mumsnet... I can’t believe people would think this way in real life.

If you were so concerned about the child why did you not go over and check he was okay ?

I would've leave my 8 and 10 year old but I suppose it depends on the child. It might have been the only way she could have got him out of the house. Strange having all the doors and windows open though?

Wouldn't!!

Thank you everyone.

You're absolutely right, there are too many unknowns here. I may think it was her son with quite severe additional needs, but it may have been her friends son. Or if it was her son, he may have less severe additional needs than I remember. Or the decision to leave him in the car could have actually been the safest one in their circumstances. I'll talk to dh about this and show him the responses.

Despite how it may have read (sorry, sleep deprived and not making much sense here obviously) dh is not someone who would want to interfere for any reason other than genuine concern, and I think a call to this lady would make more sense than a report if he still feels we should do something.

Nothing to report in my opinion. They may have kept him away because of C-19 or reducing chances of overstimulation. 🙄

@CoffeeCoffeeTea because we were running around after a cycling 6 and 4 year old, with a baby in tow too, and as I explained it was a process of realisation over half an hour, so there were only about 5 mins where we were sure what was happening. Once the kids were taking a break from careening around the car park the woman and her friend arrived pretty quickly; otherwise yes we would have asked the little boy if he was ok

@CyberNan I hate the assumption that if a child has additional needs they will have a social worker

@toinfinityandlockdown I suppose sometimes it's hard to find the right balance between live and let live, and turning a blind eye. Just trying to do the right thing, no sneering necessary.

I really don't know about leaving a 9yo unsupervised in a public place for 20 odd mins tbh. 'Animal noises' indicates special needs to me. I wouldn't personally but seems I'm in the minority!