To report this woman

[KangaFandanga]

My husband and I took our kids to a local car park for some practice cycling. car park was mostly empty and we were there around an hour, both practicing with one kid each.

I half noticed a car arrive and park up a little while after we arrived. Didn't see the owners- was with wobbly 4 year old. 5 mins later I noticed the car doors were all open, and there was a little boy in the car. I assumed someone else was in the car with him.

About 10 mins after that, the boy started making some noises- animal type fun noises. I remember thinking that his parent must be one of the people over on the other side of the car park chatting. But another ten minutes later those people left and I saw the boy sort of hanging out of the car door sort of smiling and checking out what our kids were up to.

Dh and I mentioned this to each other at that stage as we passed each other by with our dc, wondering if we just couldn't see the boys adults, if he was ok etc. Assumed we should just keep out of it.

Around 10 mins later as we were starting to get ready to go, two ladies go over to the car and I realise it's the lady who runs a nursery my daughter used to go to for a while a few years ago.

The boy in the car was her son, who I remembered has additional needs. She lives around the corner from the car park but wouldn't have been able to see him from their home.

We waved and they drove off.

My husband feels strongly we should report her. He feels that not only did she leave her son in danger, but also because she is in a position of huge responsibility taking care of other people's kids, and her judgement is obviously totally off. Her nursery is run from a forest, so it's even more important that she is on the ball and aware of danger.

I suppose I feel the same, but I'm finding it hard to say yes to reporting her. She's lovely, passionate about what she does, and on one level I just don't feel she deserves to be reported to social services for what may have been a momentary lapse.

AIBU to pause before reporting this lady?

[minielise]

If you think the child being left put him at an unnecessary risk of harm than report it.

If you don’t think there was a risk then don’t.

[NumbsMet]

There may be all sorts of circumstances around what she did, and if you report her it may get investigated and it may be discovered that she did nothing wrong and it was a misunderstanding.

Regardless, but particularly more important if that is the outcome, you waved at her before she left. If she gets in trouble and it turns out it's for no reason, I can only imagine how difficult things would be to maintain a relationship with her.

Obviously this fact wouldn't be important if she has 100% done something horrible and neglected her child. But if you feel a strong sense of doubt that you could have misinterpreted the situation, it might be better to ask her and discuss than to go to the authorities.

[Itisbetter]

He’s 9. He sat in the car waiting for his Mum. Totally unremarkable.

[Mumtolittletorchers]

So if you report her she will know it was you because you waved at her. However you are making alot of assumptions here. As others have said it could have been the other ladies son and someone else in the car. Unless you know for certain I would not be reporting anything. Was the child hurt or upset.

[MillicentMartha]

When my DS2 was 10 I was happy for him to walk home from school on his own, around 1/2 mile. He has SN but I judged him capable and he loved the small amount of independence. He did go to a MS school but had a 1:1 TA. I’m not suggesting you ignore it but without more facts I wouldn’t be reporting someone.

[SandieCheeks]

Why don’t you call the mum and ask her if you are worried? Rather than jump straight to reporting anything.

[redcarbluecar]

You don’t seem to know enough about the situation to report anything. It may be that in the mother’s judgement (whichever of them was the mum), the 9 year old was ok to be left alone for a bit, and perhaps this was a realistic judgement. I suppose if it really preys on your mind and you’re itching to tell someone you could phone whoever takes such ‘reports’ and ask for advice.

[Bluntness100]

This is written very badly op. It’s like you don’t even know what happened.

From what I can gather a child was left alone in the car. You’re unsure whose child. You think the child was eight or nine, and the parent went away for twenty mins and left them in the car with the doors open.

And your husband wishes to report one of them? Is this correct?

[SiaPR]

There was a woman near me who would leave her son (around 8) in the Tesco cafe with a comic while she did her shopping. I thought that was a genius move. Like others say it was probably better for him in the car.

[Lifeisconfusing]

Just go onto the council website and look up worried about a child. Txt the number with the details then they can decide what to do next.

You won’t regret reporting but you may regret not reporting, if you read in the local paper that this child has been harmed in some way. Go with your gut.

[bruffin]

Did you purposely miss out his age in your OP so that you would get posters on your side and cause a bit of froth? I assumed we were talking about an preschool or infants age.
Once left my teenager in the car when we went shopping, he had the keys but fell asleep and we couldnt wake him, the car park security was a bit hmm with us banging on the windows to wake him up, took a good 10 minutes, but we all laughed in the end

[bruffin]

Actually think i would be more judgy of a parent letting a 4 year old ride a bike in a car park!

[NotIncandescentWithRage]

When you say the doors were all open, do you mean physically open or just unlocked?

[Lifeisconfusing]

This reminds me. We where once driving to France. (Disney Paris) We stopped of at the services for coffees etc. I stayed in the car with my then 6 month old dd and my dh took our two sons. While in the car a family pulled up next to us (English) they had 3 children between 5/9 Yo would say, the woman was screaming at one of the little boys, she couldn’t see me as the back our windows had a dark tint. She was screaming shut the fuck up I fucking hate you!! Then she slapped him 4-5 times across the head. You could see the evil in her eyes!! it was absolutely horrendous I was shaking.

I could tell that her dh was a weak man and intimidated by her as she was yelling at him too and he let her. The poor children looked soo sad could have cried. When they got out the car to go to the services I felt the need to leave a Letter. I wrote a letter about what I had witnessed and told her she should be ashamed etc etc.

I couldn’t stop thinking about those children when we got to Paris I couldn’t believe it the same family where in front of me in the que, I will be judged by this but I listened to her name and I knew she was from godstone London. When I got home I reported her!! gave them her name area of where she lived her car reg and one of the children’s names that I had Hurd her call out in the hotel.

Some may say I should have minded my own business but if you see a child being abused in any way it’s our responsibility to report.

[Lifeisconfusing]

P. I looked her up on fb posting her picture perfect family in Disney all I could see was her fake evil smile fake fake fake!! Evil bitch

[CourtneyLurve]

I wouldn't fuck with someone's livelihood over that.

[KangaFandanga]

@Bluntness100 apologies yep clear as mud.

I'm more awake now so I'm a nutshell-

• We went to a car park we know which is isolated because it's over brow of hill but near some shops and flats (1 min walk) so kids could practice with bikes

• Noticed a car with all doors open a little while after arriving

• Realised there was a little boy in it and it dawned on us each separately over the next 10 minutes or so that he was alone

• Each thought perhaps some people on other side of Lot having a chat were his parents for a while, we were busy, so didn't watch the whole time and hadn't seen who he arrived with

• Little boy made some noises at one point which made me think possibly he had additional needs as he looked around 8 but was shouting like a much younger child. Husband mentioned he thought the same.

• I talked to husband after a while as we made our way around with the kids on their bikes and confirmed we both thought child was alone

• Another 10- 15 mins later I put two of the kids in the car with snacks ready to go while eldest practised a bit more

• The lady who runs a forest nursery we used to go to arrived at the car with a friend we have seen her with before. We waved hello at them, and they left.

• This lady has a dc around 8/9 with additional needs

• she lives around the corner in a flat and could not see the car park from her home

• I looked at the car this morning in a video we have of the kids cycling and it's definitely the lady's car, so I do think it was her child

• it didn't feel safe for the little boy- cars we're coming and going and he could easily have left the car or been approached.

The main concern, aside from her own child's safety, is that this lady is in a position where she needs to be aware of any safeguarding issues for the kids she cares for. The attitude felt very relaxed, and potentially dangerous for the child. And we worried about how a relaxed attitude like that might play out in an outdoor childcare setting,

But it sounds like AIBU because there are many unknowns here. I honestly didn't know which way this would go. Our kids are younger and I don't have direct experience of additional needs. Also I don't want to cause any trouble for this lady, who is a good person and runs a lovely nursery setting. But my husband feels she is a risk to the kids she cares for if she takes risks like that in her personal life.

I've spoken to him about calling her and having a chat rather than going down an official route.

[BellaCiaoBellaCiaoBellaCiao]

A call to this lady? What, does she answer to your DH or what?!

Leave her the fuck alone. She probably knows what she's doing far better than your busybody DH.

When I was 8 I was getting myself home from school, letting myself in, feeding myself, and waiting 2-3 hours for my mother to come home from work. As did the vast majority of my peers. The sky did not collapse.

[KangaFandanga]

Bruffin, Nope didn't leave out the age on purpose, but can see how that came across.

The car park was closed until recently but had just opened when we got there. Cars came and went but pretty quiet, and entrance and exit are on one side whilst we rode in the bit where you can see things coming a mile off. We left so soon because it started getting busier...

NotIncandescentWithRage all car doors opened up

CourtneyLurve no that's the problem- I don't think we should mess with this woman at all unless this is clear cut. Hence asking here.

[DidoLamenting]

OP I let my son out to play with friends where I couldn't see them from about 7 but it was always with a group of at least 4 of them.

I think leaving a child alone in a car with the door open is very different from that and very different from a child routinely walking home from school or putting a child in a Tesco café whilst you do your shopping.

Do you think she did it because she wanted to go out for a walk and the boy wouldn't/couldn't join in? I can't think why some one would do this.

I

[Hoggleludo]

Wait. How did the car get there? And how did you not see her get out and leave the car?

[BankofNook]

Don't call her and, based on what you've posted here, there is nothing there that will interest social services.

A child aged 8/9 is more than capable of being out of the sight of their parent(s) for varying periods of time, even a child with SN if their parent judges then to be capable. Children have to start building their independence at some point and things like waiting in the car help that.

Where I live children from year four (age 8/9) are expected to start walking to and from school themselves and by year five (age 9/10) it's assumed they go by themselves and parents aren't allowed into their yard so they're released at the end of the day without a teacher even checking if anyone is there to meet them.

[ItsSpittingEverybodyIn]

I'm not judging but can I just point out that someone may have noticed that you and your dh were busy with a 4 and 6 year old while you ran around an admittedly quite busy car park with them, while your baby was unattended. If they'd judged that you were being neglectful how would you feel? They don't know the full story about you, are you sure you do about this woman?

[KangaFandanga]

@BellaCiaoBellaCiaoBellaCiao
In my husbands mind what happened was extremely dangerous for the child. By not doing something he is worried he will read in the paper that something has happened to this boy, or to someone at the lady's nursery- hurt themselves badly/got lost in the forest- and he will feel he should have done something.

@DidoLamenting I don't know. They were chilled returning and happily waved, so it wasn't an emergency or a rushed errand.

It just felt so open to the world with all doors wide open and a boy inside for what felt like ages. Ad you say, it did feel different to walking back from school or the other things people have described.

[BankofNook]

The woman lives next to the car park so presuming she was in her house/flat rather than out for a walk or at the shops.