To report this woman

[KangaFandanga]

My husband and I took our kids to a local car park for some practice cycling. car park was mostly empty and we were there around an hour, both practicing with one kid each.

I half noticed a car arrive and park up a little while after we arrived. Didn't see the owners- was with wobbly 4 year old. 5 mins later I noticed the car doors were all open, and there was a little boy in the car. I assumed someone else was in the car with him.

About 10 mins after that, the boy started making some noises- animal type fun noises. I remember thinking that his parent must be one of the people over on the other side of the car park chatting. But another ten minutes later those people left and I saw the boy sort of hanging out of the car door sort of smiling and checking out what our kids were up to.

Dh and I mentioned this to each other at that stage as we passed each other by with our dc, wondering if we just couldn't see the boys adults, if he was ok etc. Assumed we should just keep out of it.

Around 10 mins later as we were starting to get ready to go, two ladies go over to the car and I realise it's the lady who runs a nursery my daughter used to go to for a while a few years ago.

The boy in the car was her son, who I remembered has additional needs. She lives around the corner from the car park but wouldn't have been able to see him from their home.

We waved and they drove off.

My husband feels strongly we should report her. He feels that not only did she leave her son in danger, but also because she is in a position of huge responsibility taking care of other people's kids, and her judgement is obviously totally off. Her nursery is run from a forest, so it's even more important that she is on the ball and aware of danger.

I suppose I feel the same, but I'm finding it hard to say yes to reporting her. She's lovely, passionate about what she does, and on one level I just don't feel she deserves to be reported to social services for what may have been a momentary lapse.

AIBU to pause before reporting this lady?

[Monkeynuts18]

Minding your own business and not coming forward is how the deaths of Baby P (Peter Connolly) and Victoria Climbie came about.

I don’t think it is, actually.

[lojoko]

Or what if he ate his trousers?

Or what if the sky fell down and snakes came out and ate EVERYONE?

What then?!!

[borntohula]

Lojoko I feel like you were trying to be witty but those things aren't really comparable to things that actually can and do happen. Whether it's ok to leave an 8/9yo child unsupervised and out of sight for 20mins is clearly debatable.

[lojoko]

No honestly it's fine.

[BankofNook]

Well all parenting guidance from organisations such as the NSPCC states that there is no set age in law at which it is acceptable to leave a child unsupervised and that this is entirely a parenting decision based on knowledge of how your child will cope.

This parent obviously trusted her child not to wander off and believed he could cope with sitting in the car for twenty minutes without her. What is this and what if that are irrelevant here.

[borntohula]

[SandieCheeks]

This parent obviously trusted her child not to wander off and believed he could cope with sitting in the car for twenty minutes without her. What is this and what if that are irrelevant here.
And it turned out she was completely right! How about that.

[borntohula]

Quick Google suggests that children under 12 shouldn't be left home alone so I don't see how that recommendation would be drastically different when applied to public places.

[BankofNook]

Children need Independence at some point, they need to be unsupervised at some point, and they need to learn to navigate the world for themselves at some point. Over supervising and over protecting is just as harmful as under and does them no favours in the long run.

Most parents, myself included, build up this independence in small steps including things like sitting in the car unsupervised, going on an errand to the corner shop, walking to school unsupervised or waiting in the yard unsupervised. Building managed opportunities for unsupervised independence is especially import for children with SN who may not be able to have independence in other areas due their particular profile of needs - for example I have one DC who does need higher levels of supervision and so I help him to be independent in other areas such as self-care.

[BankofNook]

And it turned out she was completely right! How about that.

I know, right? It's almost as if she knows her child best..?

[BankofNook]

Quick Google suggests that children under 12 shouldn't be left home alone so I don't see how that recommendation would be drastically different when applied to public places.

We're not talking about leaving children home alone but if we were there's actually no legal age a child can be left home alone as all children mature at different rates. The NSPCC states children under 12 shouldn't be left at home alone "for long" - i.e., short periods such as twenty minutes while you pop to the shop would he fine - and you should base your decision on how you think your child would cope.

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/home-alone/

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

I think a 9 year old in car for 20 minutes is fine as long as not on a hot day. It’s a bit odd doors were wide open (rather than windows) but I would not report on this basis.

[borntohula]

Bank, children do indeed mature at different rates. I wouldn't leave my 9yo DS alone for 20 mins so would notice if someone else did. I wouldn't personally report because I'd trust the parent's judgement but people do get it wrong!

[Mittens030869]

Regarding SEN, it really depends how severe they are. My DD1 (11) has adoption related attachment issues issues and SEN, but she had a good road sense at 9 (she did cycling proficiency at school at that age), so she would have been fine at that age.

Other children with SEN, who behave like a much younger child, couldn't be left alone in a car, really because they might be tempted to release the handbrake.

My only concern would be about the doors being left open, though. What if there had been an attempt to steal the car? Children have been driven away by car thieves. I've left my DDs in the car (not for longer than 10 minutes) but I've left the doors locked and windows open.

[Goatinthegarden]

Whilst I wouldn’t recommend leaving a 9 year old unattended in a car in a car park, it’s interesting that 50 years ago, much younger children would be left to their own devices for most of the day without anyone batting an eyelid.

Children are not less capable of being left alone, the adults are more cautious and more scared of what could happen. It is possible that a car thief could steal the car and child, it is likely that a nefarious person might try to steal the child and it is possible that the child might run off into the woods. All of these things are quite unlikely to happen though.

The average 9 year old is a lot more capable of looking out for themselves than most parents seem to give them credit for. I have a class of 7 year olds, including some with SEN, and I reckon all of them could cope if they had to be left in a similar situation.