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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lose my rag with an 8 week old yearold..

162 replies

bumbly · 21/09/2007 14:43

at end of my tether and am wondering if others like me have sometimes raised their voice to their LO?

i am just fed up of constant crying and having to hold LO

and to add to matters today LO didnt even want to be held and was simply crying so we are back to snack feeding to try to calm him

please tell me others get mad and cant help themselves getting mad with a newborn!

OP posts:
LIZS · 21/09/2007 20:59

I hope not too MBP but having "met" Bumbly on other threads from just a few days afetr her ds was born, it seems she is more likely to see the negative than the positive and feel readily damned

Lorayn · 21/09/2007 20:59

Can I just ask how many people here have shaken their babies???
How many have hit them??
I know someone (the girl i spoke about earlier) who threw her young baby down on the mattress of a double bed, cos she just couldnt cope, if maybe she had had some advice then she wouldnt have been at that point, needless to say, she had myself and, once I had witnessed this, her mother and sisters rallying round.
She would happily come here and tell you all just how close she was to hurting her baby (if she wasnt so dead against the internet for reasons beyond my reach!) and btw, she started off by shouting.
Losing your rag with a baby is too easy when you are in a bad state of mind.
I am not for one moment suggesting that the OP is going to hurt her baby, and I think it is great of her to be able to post this topic and ask for help, it suggests she wont be pushed any further, but instead of jump on the one person that dared say 'it's not right, try and get help' surely we should just be supporting the OP??

lucyellensmum · 21/09/2007 21:01

regarding the walking away, it is clearly the thing to do if you get to the stage where you feel that you are completely at the end of your rope. I dont believe that bumbly posts read this way, just that she is tired and stressed as lots of other mummy's are. I would however advocate the walking away if you do feel uptight, because to be brutally honest, if you are stressed it will pass through to baby and it makes it worse. Its a bit of a tough one, as i have never found walking away to help but to be fair i have a very contented child in comparison to lots i have seen. Maybe a few minutes distraction is a good idea though, but not just standing in another room listening to the crying, feeling like shit cos you've left him, go and scrub the sink, make a cuppa, anything. It then gives you a fresh start. Hang in there bumbly, your doing ok.

lulumama · 21/09/2007 21:01

have never shaken nor hit my babies

plenty of people have offered good advice, and ways to get help

Vbacqueen was not hte only one posting that..

however her stance was quite dramatic and insensitive, so perhaps that is why it has then been picked up on.

no-one is saying that it is right and she should carry on shouting, but under the circumstances it is understandable, and therefore she should not be vilified or scared into thinking she is going to damage or kill her child.

elderlylady · 21/09/2007 21:02

I'm coming to the aid of vbacqueen - I don't think she warrants some of the harsh remarks made about her post. She just said she thinks it wrong to shout at a tiny baby. (Not necessarily 'raise voice' as Bumbly did and most of us have done at some point). That doesn't mean she is not sympathetic to Bumbly's predicament. At least she's not repeating what everyone else has already said.

lulumama · 21/09/2007 21:03

no-one has an issue with that bit, it was the presumption it is one step away from infanticide that was a bit much

this is getting like groundhog day

vbacqueen1 · 21/09/2007 21:03

No I'm not! I'm actually laughing incredulously now. I merely pointed out that shouting/losing your temper is to be avoided because of what it can lead to. You all seem to be intelligent women and I'm absolutely sure that you can see my point, you're just choosing to make me the bad guy for not being tactful enough to a hormonal new mum.
Thankyou for the welcome lucyellensmum - your words of advice shall be taken to heart, you sound very sensible (and a lot more tactful than I'll probably ever be too)

TheApprentice · 21/09/2007 21:04

But I think that shouting might actually help to RELEASE the tension, and therefore make you LESS likely to do anything else. (Well, it works for me...!)

Bumbly, I promise you it WILL get better, those first few weeks are so hard, and don't worry about any shouting you have done, it wont have done your baby any lasting damage imho.

lololola · 21/09/2007 21:04

vbacqueen1, mumsnet not "closing ranks" i have had so much advice and support on here, (more than i would get anywhere else) noboby knows me, i can ask advice on anything with out feeling the embarrasment i might feel talking to my friends. this is exactly what bumply has done. very sensitive subject that she may feel she cant talk about elsewhere. bumbly, of course its ok to feel this way. some babies need so much attention its exhausting! it will get better. ps. have a word with your health visitor if you are really concerned, they really are great, and have seen and heard it all before. so please dont feel like your not copeing , its the strong mums who admit they need a bit of help.

LIZS · 21/09/2007 21:05

The OP is one who was anxious when she, or might have been her dh, hadn't supported her baby's head well enough, her thinking it had caused brain damage or Shaken Baby Syndrome. Perhaps that puts a slightly different perspective on what now equating her frustration with causing actual physical damage might do to her already low morale

StrawberryMartini · 21/09/2007 21:06

I think it would scare me if I'd ever shouted at ds as a baby - I would have been worried that I would have done something else to him.

lulumama · 21/09/2007 21:06

how do you avoid losing your temper when you are overtired, hormonal , and feeling low?????

your point came across as losing your temper

am sorry that you find this laughable,

lulumama · 21/09/2007 21:09

sorry, my post got a bit jumbled up there

vbacqueen1 · 21/09/2007 21:10

lulumama - I don't find the subject laughable at all - quite the opposite which is why my opinion is so strong. I was only "laughing incredulously" at what a witch hunt this has turned out to be.
And LIZS, I now understand why there was such an audible intake of breath from the regulars near the start of this thread now after I'd posted my initial reply.

lulumama · 21/09/2007 21:10

withchunt?

i thought that this was a debate...

you posted something quite stark and hardhitting, so surely you should expect a response and a debate

lulumama · 21/09/2007 21:11

withchunt?

i thought that this was a debate...

you posted something quite stark and hardhitting, so surely you should expect a response and a debate

lulumama · 21/09/2007 21:13

and on that note, am off to bed

hope Bumbly is ok, and finding some way to get through this difficult time x

jangly · 21/09/2007 21:14

Bumbly, sorry if I'm stating the obvious here but have you spoken to your health visitor, or even your doctor about how you are feeling? I wonder if you have a bit of postnatal depression. If you have, the doctor can help you.

vbacqueen1 · 21/09/2007 21:17

I hope she's ok too. I may be outspoken but I'm not completely uncaring. Quite the opposite in fact, as I'm sure you'll find out as you get to know me better

lucykate · 21/09/2007 21:17

does anyone know how bumbly is doing?, i noticed that since this thread changed direction she hasn't posted since, is she ok?

jangly · 21/09/2007 21:19

I don't think anybody who posts on mumsnet is uncaring. We've just got different ways of putting things.

Meglet · 21/09/2007 21:22

Jangly has a point. When my DS was crying a lot I spoke to my HV and the nursery nurse came round to see me. She was lovely and gave me some ideas for toys to distract DS and a treasure basket, although this is probably better for older babies. She also wondered if it might be relux. Bumbly, have you had your DS checked for that, TBH I don't know that much about it but theres a slight chance there might be a medical reason behind this?

Difers · 21/09/2007 21:23

I found that repeating the words George Aligaiah (sic) [the newsreader] over and over again stopped me from losing my temper during the dark days of colic. Thank you George for your lovely name.

Meglet · 21/09/2007 21:32

..... reads and re-reads Difers thread.... wonders what she's on

Can I have some?

FluffyMummy123 · 21/09/2007 21:32

Message withdrawn

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